by Brent, Cora
“So what’s on the menu for lunch today?” Chris asked, rubbing his hands together.
Julianne consulted the tablet in her arms. “Looks like today it’s a choice between a chicken sandwich and a veggie burger. And either one comes with a side of chocolate pudding.”
“None of which you’re supposed to eat yet,” Lisa sternly told her husband.
He shrugged. “I was thinking of you.”
Julianne had to move on to the next room but promised she’d check on Chris again later. Chris and Lisa seemed eager to have my company so I stayed and chatted with them for a little while longer. They talked about their daughter a lot. Her name was Becca. For over a year she’d been begging for a dog and her parents had finally decided to give in as soon as Chris was out of the hospital.
Eventually another nurse arrived to take Chris’s vitals and escort him to a different part of the hospital for some tests. Lisa hugged me again and made me promise to keep in touch. Chris thanked me for stopping by and told me to say hello to Derek when I saw him. I had no idea when I’d see Derek again but I promised I would.
I was waiting for the elevator when I heard my name.
“I was hoping to catch you,” Julianne said, hurrying over. “I’m taking a break now if you’re interested in grabbing some lunch down at the cafeteria.”
I didn’t hesitate. “That sounds great.”
The choices in the hospital cafeteria were better than I expected. I paid for pastrami on rye and a soft drink before joining Julianne at one of the colorful tables.
In between bites of a cheeseburger Julianne exhibited excessive friendliness, which balanced nicely with my introverted tendencies. She was twenty-five and had been an aide at the hospital for three years. She loved taking care of people and hoped to return to school someday to finish her nursing degree. As far as how she’d come to be the guardian of her little nephew, the story was a sad one.
Julianne’s older sister, Beth, suffered a ruptured brain aneurysm six months ago. The boy’s father was a deadbeat who couldn’t even be bothered to pay child support and neither of Julianne’s divorced parents had any interest in raising their grandson. Beth had created a will when Noah was born, naming her only sister as the guardian of her little boy.
“It’s been an adjustment,” Julianne admitted. “Sometimes I’m so exhausted I have to wonder if I’m doing right by Noah. And while my boyfriend was supportive at first he’s kind of changing his tune lately. But I love that little boy with all my heart and I’m determined to be there for him. And it’s what Beth wanted.”
“Being there is everything,” I assured her, my heart hurting with the question over why there had to be so many sad stories in the world.
Julianne’s eyes had grown watery but she smiled at me. “Listen to me carrying on and hardly letting you say a word.”
“I tend to be a girl of few words most of the time anyway,” I said with a breezy wave of my hand.
And then I froze.
He was standing ten feet away, his back to us as he looked over the contents of a vending machine.
“Candy.”
My pulse instantly began racing and the room became hazy. I wasn’t having a pleasant lunch in the hospital cafeteria any longer. I was on the floor at Super Q facing a maniac with a bloody knife.
“Paige?”
Julianne’s voice reached me and I realized she’d said my name several times.
The man bent down to retrieve his purchase from the bottom of the vending machine.
A scream prepared to rip out of my throat.
He turned and exposed his full profile.
“It’s not him,” I said, the relief sharp enough to generate nausea.
“What?” Julianne turned to see what I was so fixated on.
The man’s placid expression landed on us for a split second and then he moved past our table to deal with whatever business had brought him to the hospital today.
“From the back he kind of looked like the attacker,” I told Julianne. “The dark clothing, the stringy hair. I don’t know, maybe it’s just my eyes playing tricks on me.” I tried to force out a laugh but Julianne looked concerned.
“Are you all right?” she asked.
“Of course. It’s not like I got stabbed or anything.”
“Paige, I don’t mean to get all bossy but it’s completely normal to feel some stress after dealing with a traumatic incident. There are groups that meet to discuss how to deal with the anxiety that comes from surviving a situation like the one you went through.”
“Do you keep thinking about it?” I wanted to know. “Does the memory just hit you out of nowhere, even when you’re safe and it’s broad daylight?”
Her green eyes were kind. “I try not to think about it. But it might not have been as terrifying for me. After all, it seemed like he was targeting you. Anyway, everyone handles stress differently.”
I knew all about handling stress differently. More to the point, I knew about handling stress self destructively. I needed to stop traveling that road. There was nothing at the end except empty ruin.
“I know.” I thought of last night’s conversation with Derek. “I’m doing the best I can.”
“Of course you are,” she soothed. “But please know there are resources out there if you need them.”
Just as I promised Julianne I’d keep the suggestion in mind her phone buzzed. She glanced at it and sighed.
“Lunch breaks are too short.” She rose and pushed her chair in, gathering up the lunch debris. “I feel like I hogged the entire conversation so you’ll have to promise to meet for coffee sometime. My treat.”
I smiled. “I promise.” I liked Julianne. She was easy to hang out with and I could imagine us becoming friends.
We made tentative plans to meet up sometime next week and then she dashed back to work.
My pastrami sandwich was nearly gone. I nibbled the last bites of the crust and tossed the trash in a nearby bin before searching out a rest room.
All the stalls were open and I closed myself into the nearest one, carefully hanging my purse on the hook before dropping down on my knees. I could feel my lunch sitting in my belly like a bomb whose fuse was about to be lit. I shoved my hair aside with one hand and stared down at the empty bowl, remembering another time I was confronted by a knife.
It was my first day of kindergarten and I was supposed to be at school already but she said she just needed to do something first and it would only take a minute.
We were at a place I’d never been to before. Everything was dirty and there was ugly writing all over the walls. The man who answered the door was also ugly and he wasn’t happy to see my mother had brought me with her but he let us inside a room that had orange carpet and smelled bad.
“Just this last time,” my mother was saying. “I swear I’m good for the cash.”
“The fuck you are.” Another man had appeared and he was even uglier than the first one. He was angry and my mother was afraid, pushing me behind her.
“Dell, I’m still trying to get my hands on what I owe you. I just need to get my head right and then I promise I’ll get it.” Her voice was now high and shaky.
The man named Dell started cleaning his fingernails with a small silver knife. He was thinking. “I’ll take care of you, Sara. But you’ve gotta start settling some of that debt with your ass.” He pointed to another room. “Now get in there. I’m taking a test drive.”
My mother glanced down at me, her eyes shifting around like the baby rabbit who’d been trapped in Grandma’s tomato garden. “What about my daughter?”
Dell crouched down to my level. His dark eyes were red-rimmed and made me think of the hot coals Grandpa told me to never touch in the barbecue grill. He held his knife up and touched the blade to my nose. He smiled and it was awful, all rotten teeth and smelly breath. “The kid can wait out here. And I hope for her sake you’ve got a few tricks up your sleeve.”
My mother went in the other room
with the man named Dell. The first man hadn’t said a word but now he looked at me as if he felt bad. He told me to sit on the couch and cover my ears but I still heard a lot of noise coming from the room where my mother was.
A long time passed before my mother finally came out of the room and we left. Tears fell down her cheeks and she said nothing until we pulled into a parking lot. She told me I wasn’t allowed to say anything to anyone about seeing her friends today. Then she bought me a hamburger and fries but I wasn’t hungry because she kept crying at the table.
And that night my grandmother was all upset when she found out I’d missed the whole first day of kindergarten.
A spasm in my throat produced a loud gag but I clamped my mouth closed and swallowed the sour taste. I didn’t want to do this. I thought of Derek roaming around the dark rooms of my house last night while trying to fend off the urge to have a drink. And he did it. He’d have to fight the same battle today but last night he’d won that one. I could win this one.
But sometimes it was hard to stop something that had already been set in motion. I was nauseous now and with another self-induced gag, part of my lunch spilled into the toilet. I grabbed a wad of toilet paper to wipe my mouth, then flushed the toilet and climbed to my feet. Someone else was in the bathroom, a hospital worker whose badge identified her as a member of the kitchen staff. She was smoothing her black hair back into her hairnet and she glanced at me as I washed my hands in the sink. I met her smile with one of my own and popped a piece of gum into my mouth on my way out the door.
The afternoon stretched ahead with no plans so I visited the mall and ended up trying on a sleek black dress that wasn’t my usual style. I stared at my reflection in the dressing room mirror and realized I looked pretty decent in the short, low cut dress. I also realized I was thinking of Derek, wondering what he would think if he saw me wearing it. It was a crazy thought because when would I wear something like this for Derek? I bought the dress.
Melanie called when I was wandering around with the shopping bag in my hand, sipping a banana strawberry smoothie and watching people walk by. Melanie had learned everything from her husband and she wanted to know if I needed anything. I thanked her for calling and asked if I could come back to work the day after tomorrow, since tomorrow was my regular day off. Melanie assured me whatever I wanted to do was fine with her and Dominic.
On the way home I took an indirect route, passing a place I’d seen many times before never thought much about. Derek had said he worked for his uncles here at the Brothers Gentry garage. For half a second I thought about stopping in to say hello but that would seem weird. Clingy. Needy. None of the things I wanted to be.
I turned on some of the lights at home before snuggling on the couch with a blanket, a variety of snacks and one of the tattered romance novels I’d plucked from my grandmother’s old book collection. I hadn’t read this one before but devoured the story of Princess Eleanor being saved from the clutches of a villainous enemy prince by a pirate named Roscoe the Rowdy. Of course Roscoe was everything a nice princess like Eleanor was not supposed to want but that didn’t stop her from climbing into his bed and begging to be taken. Roscoe cooperated by ‘plunging his engorged maleness into her moist maidenhood’ and that was that. They lived happily ever after on Roscoe’s pirate ship and had cute little pirate sons. It sounded nice.
By the time I looked up from the book, night had fallen. I turned on the rest of the lights to banish the shadows and tried to settle down with another book but I couldn’t get into it. The buzzing of my phone was a welcome sound and I figured Sam and Ric were checking up on me again.
It wasn’t Sam and Ric.
“Hello?” My heart started beating rapidly. In a good way.
“Hey,” said Derek’s deep voice. “Just wanted to check in with you, see how you’re doing.”
“I had a busy day.” I told him about going to the hospital and seeing Chris and his wife, about having lunch with Julianne.
“Chris said to tell you hello,” I said. “I think you’ve got a lifetime fan there.”
“His wife answered the phone when I called his room earlier,” Derek said. “They seem like good people.”
“Yes.” I swallowed. I had no reason to feel nervous. This was just Derek, my new friend.
Derek, who was hotter than Roscoe the Rowdy.
Derek, who I’d also technically slept with last night.
“So what did you do today?” I asked him.
“Worked. Had lunch at Esposito’s.”
I was surprised. “Really?”
“Yeah. I looked for you.”
My face was hot. I had to be blushing. “I wasn’t there.”
“I figured that out.”
“I hope the pizza was worth the trip anyway.”
“It was,” Derek said. “So what are you doing right now?”
“Nothing. Sitting on the couch and reading my grandmother’s old romance novels. Lots of rowdy pirates and disobedient dukes.”
There was a long pause.
“You want some company?” he asked.
My smile was instantaneous. So was my answer. “Yes.”
Chapter Twelve
Derek
“You going somewhere?” Kellan asked, shifting his eyes from his video game to watch me as I hunted for my keys.
I kept my voice casual. “I was just going to cruise by Paige’s house real quick.”
He dropped the controller. “Paige’s house?” he sputtered. “Real quick?”
I finally located my keys on the counter. “You got wax in your ears, bro?”
He didn’t laugh. “Derek,” he said, pausing with a sigh before continuing. “Paige seems like a real sweetheart.”
“I agree.”
But he was frowning now. “She also strikes me as the fragile type.”
“And you think I’m going to break her or something?”
“No.” He shook his head and there was another long hesitation. “At least not intentionally.”
I didn’t know whether to be offended or not. My brother knew me better than anyone on earth. I took a seat on the couch beside him.
“I like her, Kel,” I said softly.
He was quiet. He appeared to be thinking, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees. I cared what his thoughts were but if he figured he could talk me out of going to see Paige he was wasting his time.
Eventually my brother raised his head and fixed me with a frank stare. “You know, I was trying to remember the last time I heard you say that about any girl.”
I didn’t know what he was getting at. “And?”
He shrugged. “And I can’t.”
“So what does that tell you?”
Kellan grinned at me. “It tells me that you should go have a good time and tell Paige her favorite Gentry brother said hi.”
It meant more than that. It meant he understood what was going through my head. He trusted that this time I wasn’t just chasing a party.
I stood up. “I swear I’ll behave myself.”
He snorted and picked up his game controller. “Like hell.”
While driving to Paige’s house I had a chance to think for a few minutes. There was no plan for tonight. I doubted I’d end up using any of the condoms I kept stuffed in my wallet. Paige hadn’t so much as hinted that she wanted me to touch her last night so that was never an option. And tonight she might just stiffly shake my hand when I showed up at her house. I didn’t know where this thing between us was going. All I knew for sure was that I’d found someone I liked being around, someone who understood my fucked up history and didn’t judge me for it.
Paige was freaking adorable when she answered the door. Her khaki shorts were cut high enough to give me a nice view of her legs and her loose flannel shirt was unbuttoned, showing off a black tank top underneath. Her soft brown hair was hanging loose, tucked behind her ears while a slight blush colored her cheeks as she appeared to waver between giving me a hug or not.
>
She didn’t offer a hug after all. She held the door open and took a step back, waiting for me to walk in. I wondered if she knew how sexy she managed to be without even trying.
“You look nice,” she said and then bit her lip as if wishing she could suck the words back in. It was true I’d made an effort. After sweating at the garage all day I smelled like ass so I showered and changed to something clean before heading over here. I’d even gone to the trouble of shaving.
“You look nice too,” I told her, my eyes landing on the waistband of her shorts and thinking about how much fun it would be to slide my hand inside there.
Once the initial awkwardness passed we ended up sitting on the couch and having an ordinary conversation. Paige tucked her legs underneath her and stayed on the far side of the furniture, which was fine. I didn’t expect her come crawling into my lap. Although I wouldn’t have complained if she had.
She was still concerned about my arm, although I promised her it was healing just fine. I even peeled back the bandage to show her but the sight of the line of stitches made her shudder.
“I told you about visiting the hospital,” she said. “But I didn’t mention I had kind of a bad moment.”
I smoothed the bandage tape back on my arm. “What do you mean? What sort of bad moment?”
“It was when I was having lunch with Julianne.”
She’d already talked about running into Julianne, the nurse with the kid who’d been at the Super Q. “What happened?”
“Nothing really. I just saw some guy who looked like him, like Candy Man.”
“Candy Man?”
“Yeah. That’s the nickname I gave him because he kept babbling about candy before he started slicing people up.”
“It wasn’t him,” I assured her. “Candy Man’s in jail, looking forward to a nice long prison sentence.”
She nodded. “I know. But I had a minor panic attack and ran into the bathroom.”
“I’m sorry to hear that,” I said.
Page shifted, drawing her knees up closer and pulling on her flannel shirt while I waited to hear what else she had to say. She blinked and I saw her eyes were bright with a hint of tears.
