Prairie Home Companion, A (movie tie-in)

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Prairie Home Companion, A (movie tie-in) Page 12

by Keillor, Garrison


  He was her man, but he was a jerk.

  LOLA keeps a smile for the audience, but she has forgotten the lyrics. She is making it up as she goes.

  LOLA (SINGS)

  He was in a hotel with Nelly Bly,

  and the gun went rooty-toot-toot

  Shot the bastard in the heart

  And ruined his nice suit.

  He was her man but he was no damn good.

  CUT TO:

  72 INT. BACKSTAGE—SAME TIME

  The STAGE MANAGER’s desk.

  STAGE MANAGER

  Is that how this song goes?

  GK

  Sort of, yeah.

  RHONDA

  She always was creative, you know.

  YOLANDA

  Should I run out there with the lyrics?

  RHONDA

  Are you kidding? I like it better this way.

  CUT TO:

  73 INT. FITZGERALD THEATER—SAME TIME

  LOLA (SINGS)

  They took him up to the graveyard,

  And stuck him in the dirt

  Which was very sad

  And the waste of a nice clean shirt.

  He was her man but he was doing her wrong.

  LOLA turns to the BAND as they play a turnaround.

  LOLA

  What’s the next line?

  BANDLEADER

  No idea.

  She turns back to the microphone.

  LOLA

  He had no idea what happened,

  He was waving hello to God.

  He died from eating squirrels,

  And they laid him in the sod.

  He was her man, and he was doing her wrong.

  LOLA turns as the BAND plays a turnaround, and MOLLY sidles up next to her.

  MOLLY Cool song. Wind it up.

  GK moseys out to the announcer’s podium.

  LOLA (SINGS)

  That was Frankie and Johnny

  And that’s the end of my song.

  She put a hose in his tailpipe

  Cause he had done her wrong

  He was her man, and that’s all she wrote.

  LOLA howls the repeated last line of the song, in the style of YOLANDA and RHONDA in “Go Tell Aunt Gladys,” as the audience erupts in applause.

  GK

  There’s a young woman who’s going

  places—Miss Lola Johnson! And we’re going

  places, too. We’re out of here!

  The BAND strikes up “Red River Valley” under him.

  GK

  Remember to keep your feet on the ground,

  your hopes up high, pray for rain, keep the

  humor dry, and eat those Powdermilk

  Biscuits.

  LOLA is joined onstage by JEARLYN, DUSTY, LEFTY, and other performers.

  74 INT. LOBBY OF THEATER—SAME TIME

  The DANGEROUS WOMAN walks slowly along the inner lobby toward the door to the sound booth. She opens the door and steps in. The AXEMAN doesn’t turn to look. She stands behind him and to the side. Through the big glass window we see GK and LOLA onstage.

  DANGEROUS WOMAN

  Show’s over.

  AXEMAN

  You’re right about that. Nice perfume. Who

  you with? The show?

  DANGEROUS WOMAN

  I used to listen to this show every week.

  AXEMAN

  Hey, it was great at one time. But—time’s up.

  Life moves on.

  DANGEROUS WOMAN

  It does. So be careful driving tonight.

  AXEMAN

  You need a lift somewhere?

  DANGEROUS WOMAN

  There’s a shortcut to the airport. A steep hill

  and a series of sharp curves and a large oak

  tree.

  AXEMAN

  What’s your name?

  DANGEROUS WOMAN

  Asphodel.

  AXEMAN

  Beautiful name.

  DANGEROUS WOMAN

  I listened to them on the radio, they were all

  like friends of mine.

  AXEMAN

  How about me? When do I get my chance?

  DANGEROUS WOMAN

  Soon.

  AXEMAN

  How do I find you?

  DANGEROUS WOMAN

  I’ll be right there.

  CUT TO:

  75 INT. BACKSTAGE—MOMENTS LATER

  STAGE MANAGER and MOLLY at the backstage desk.

  STAGE MANAGER

  Two minutes and you and I can go out and

  look for new jobs.

  MOLLY

  Something in the field of adult corrections,

  maybe.

  CUT TO:

  76 INT. STAGE—CONTINUOUS

  GK (SINGS)

  From this valley they say you are going;

  We will miss your bright eyes and sweet smile,

  For they say you are taking the sunshine,

  Which has brightened our pathway awhile.

  ALL (SING)

  Come and sit by my side if you love me,

  Do not hasten to bid me adieu,

  But remember the Red River Valley

  And the one who has loved you so true.

  LOLA (SINGS)

  Won’t you think of the valley you’re leaving?

  Oh how lonely, how sad it will be,

  Oh think of the fond heart you’re breaking,

  And the grief you are causing to me.

  CUT TO:

  77 EXT. FITZGERALD THEATER—NIGHT

  The black car sits at the curb. The AXEMAN stands by the open rear door, beckoning, smiling.

  The DANGEROUS WOMAN, standing in the doorway of the theater, smiles, and waves to the off-camera AXEMAN, declining his offer.

  ALL (SING O.C.)

  Come and sit by my side if you love me,

  Do not hasten to bid me adieu,

  But remember the Red River Valley

  And the one who has loved you so true.

  GUY NOIR (V.O.)

  And that was the end of it. Everybody took a

  big bow and the curtain came down. And the

  Johnson Girls came out for a bow. And that

  was it. So long and good-bye.

  CUT TO:

  77A FITZGERALD THEATER—SAME TIME

  Curtain descends the last few inches. Band is playing “Red River Valley.” YOLANDA and RHONDA slip out through the curtain into the spotlight and smile in the applause and bow and then retreat.

  GUY NOIR (V.O.) (CONT’D)

  Except that Lola, who had just made her

  debut by murdering Frankie and Johnny,

  decided to do an encore.

  CUT TO:

  78 INT. FITZGERALD STAGE—SAME TIME

  LOLA and JEARLYN onstage. They dance, lightly, in position, in tempo, as the gospel piano strikes up “In the Sweet Bye and Bye,” a slow jazz beat.

  LOLA & JEARLYN

  In the sweet

  Bye and bye

  We shall meet on that beautiful shore.

  In the sweet

  Bye and bye

  We shall meet on that beautiful shore.

  There’s a land that is fairer than day

  And by faith we can see it afar

  For the Father waits over the way

  To prepare us a dwelling place there.

  CUT TO:

  79 EXT. FRONT OF FITZGERALD—SAME TIME

  The black car waits at the curb. The AXEMAN looks toward the off-camera theater, then leans down to talk through the open rear door to the driver.

  AXEMAN

  How long is the ride to the airport?

  CHAUFFEUR (O.C.)

  Twenty minutes.

  AXEMAN

  She said there’s a shortcut.

  CHAUFFEUR (O.C.)

  Yes, sir—

  AXEMAN

  I want to get out of here tonight.

  The AXEMAN turns back toward the theater and then climbs in. The black car pulls away, the near rear
window rolled down, the DANGEROUS WOMAN in the backseat.

  CUT TO:

  80 EXT. ST. PAUL STREET—NIGHT

  Traffic passes. The old white limestone Assumption church on 7th Street. A few pedestrians pass.

  LOLA & JEARLYN (SING O.C.)

  To our bountiful Father above

  We will offer a tribute of praise

  For the glorious gift of his love

  And the blessings that hallow our days.

  The camera swings slowly around to Mickey’s Diner.

  LOLA & JEARLYN (SING)

  In the sweet

  Bye and bye

  We shall meet on that beautiful shore

  In the sweet

  Bye and bye

  We shall meet on that beautiful shore.

  GUY NOIR (V.O.)

  That was the last we saw of him. The car hit

  the tree and blew up. Good-bye, Axeman.

  81 INT. FITZGERALD THEATER STAGE—LATER

  GUY NOIR sits at the piano, playing, a cigarette in an ashtray beside the keyboard, smoke curling up. The piano lid is down and the head of F. Scott Fitzgerald stands on it, facing GUY NOIR. Stagehands are moving the Prairie Home set to the side and taking it apart. Most of the rest of the stage has been cleared, but stagehands are still clearing away the drum kit and monitors and other gear.

  GUY NOIR

  But it didn’t change a thing. They sang

  “Sweet Bye and Bye” and the audience filed

  out and everybody packed up and left and

  fifteen minutes later the demolition guys

  were drilling holes for the explosives.

  It’s just like you learned in eighth-grade

  English. . . .

  (HE SINGS)

  So gather rosebuds, while ye may,

  For time is still a-flying,

  And this same flower that smiles today

  Tomorrow will be dying.

  A STAGEHAND stands beside him. GUY NOIR looks up. The STAGEHAND puts his hand on the piano. Two other STAGEHANDS stand at the other end. GUY NOIR nods, stands, picks up Fitzgerald, cradles him in his arm . . .

  GUY NOIR (TO STATUE)

  Come on, pal. Let me buy you a drink.

  . . . and walks away, as the STAGEHANDS move the piano in

  the opposite direction.

  CUT TO:

  82 INT. MICKEY’S DINER—NIGHT, A FEW YEARS LATER

  A young couple sits at the counter, and an old man a few stools away. Behind the counter, the COUNTERMAN, his back to the camera, pours butter on the grill and tosses on a handful of raw hash browns, and cracks four eggs. He turns to face us. It is the STAGE MANAGER. He looks down the counter toward the waitress who is standing at the cash register, writing in her pad of checks. She is DONNA, the makeup lady.

  DONNA

  Two scrambled with O’Brien and two to the side with a strip. Double down.

  STAGE MANAGER

  Two scrambled? I thought you said two up.

  DONNA

  Scrambled. And two to the side with a strip.

  He sighs and turns back to the grill and slaps down a couple strips of bacon and cracks two eggs into a mixing bowl to stir it up.

  The door opens and GK, YOLANDA, RHONDA, and GUY NOIR enter, folding an umbrella. The women take off their scarves and fluff out their hair, the men hang up their coats.

  GUY NOIR (TO DONNA)

  Hey, how’s it going? You’re looking good.

  DONNA

  How come you never told me that back when

  I looked good?

  She nods toward a rear booth. They file past her. GUY NOIR and GK sit side by side on one side, YOLANDA and RHONDA on the other. DONNA passes out cups and saucers and pours four cups of coffee.

  YOLANDA

  So we’re talking about doing a Farewell Tour.

  GUY NOIR

  Who?

  RHONDA

  The old gang from the radio show.

  GK

  Why? The show’s over. Been over for years.

  GUY NOIR

  Who cares?

  YOLANDA

  I always wanted to do a Farewell Tour. I

  loved that last show. I want to do one last

  show after another until I’m in a wheelchair

  and then keep doing them. As long as I can

  still remember the words.

  RHONDA

  All sorts of towns we never played—

  Gooseberry Falls, Lake Winnebigoshish.

  There are people in Lake Winnebigoshish

  waiting to see us.

  GUY NOIR

  Well, don’t count on me. I got a lot of stuff

  going on.

  RHONDA

  What?

  GUY NOIR

  Things in the works. Different deals I’m

  working out. I’m going to be in and out of

  town a lot. The big boys got me jumping.

  RHONDA

  Doing what?

  GUY NOIR

  I can’t go into all the details.

  YOLANDA JOHNSON (TO GK)

  How about you?

  GK

  Fine. I’m just working at the parking ramp.

  Free anytime you want me.

  RHONDA

  The parking ramp??

  GK

  It’s not bad. You get to read a lot.

  DONNA approaches.

  DONNA

  What can I get you?

  They look up at her and beyond at the menu on the wall.

  CUT TO:

  83 EXT. OUTSIDE MICKEY’S DINER—SAME NIGHT

  DUSTY and LEFTY cross the street and pass the DANGEROUS WOMAN, who is standing on the corner. She turns to watch them walking away.

  DUSTY

  Did she say something to me?

  LEFTY

  You??!!! She was looking at me.

  DUSTY

  Why would she look at you and say my

  name?

  LEFTY

  She was saying, Damn but that is one good-looking

  man.

  DUSTY

  Let’s get some grub.

  DUSTY heads into Mickey’s Diner. LEFTY looks over his shoulder at the DANGEROUS WOMAN and follows him into the diner.

  CUT TO:

  84 INT. MICKEY’S DINER—SAME TIME

  DUSTY enters, removes his wet coat and hat, then LEFTY does likewise.

  DUSTY

  Hey. Long time no see.

  RHONDA, YOLANDA, GUY NOIR, and GK all turn to look at DUSTY as he walks up, then LEFTY.

  GUY NOIR

  Well, look who came in off the lone prairie. I

  thought you left town ahead of the sheriff.

  DUSTY

  The woman decided not to press charges.

  RHONDA

  What was the crime? Snoring?

  DUSTY

  Breach of promise.

  LEFTY

  We just got back to town from playing

  casinos in South Dakota.

  RHONDA

  Playing what? Pinochle?

  LEFTY

  Playing our music.

  DUSTY

  We heard you were getting up a tour.

  LEFTY

  We’ve added rope tricks to the repertoire.

  DUSTY

  Flaming lariats.

  LEFTY

  It’s called Rings of Fire.

  YOLANDA

  We’ve got a bus with bunk beds and we’re

  going back to playing schools and churches.

  The STAGE MANAGER/COUNTERMAN walks over, towel in hand.

  STAGE MANAGER

  Lola’s coming.

  He turns.

  CUT TO:

  85 EXT. MICKEY’S DINER

  LOLA climbing the steps to the front door. She is dressed in a corporate-style suit and carries a briefcase. She pauses on the top step and turns. She is talking on a cell phone.

  CUT TO:

  86 INT. MICKEY’S DINER—SAME TIME

>   LOLA enters, still talking on the cell phone.

  LOLA

  I’ll get back to you on it. The question is

  distribution. I don’t want distribution. Let

  them worry about that. I just want to get our

 

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