by Lisa Shea
The change in Stephen’s voice could not have been more striking. Where before it had been quiet, almost placating, it was now tight with controlled fury. “I have told you at dinner more than once,” he responded shortly, “I refuse to have anything that has to do with Ian. I do not want any reminder of him around me. I ask you to respect that.”
It sounded to Lucia like he might storm out of the room, so she quickly left her listening post and darted down the front stairs. She didn’t look back as she headed out to the archery fields and her own troops.
Lucia wondered about the conversation all day. What was it that Stephen had wanted of Anna? What offer was she considering? She turned idea after idea over in her head as the men practiced their aim. When the sun finally descended below the horizon, she found herself almost heading into the hall when dinnertime came. However, once again she saw the groups of courtiers, Lord Edmund at the table, along with Stephen, Michael, and Anna. The group looked happy as they laughed together.
Lucia felt as if she was gazing at a picture, one she was no longer a part of. She turned quietly and went up to her room. Once there, she moved to stare out the window.
It was time to put aside thoughts of talking to Anna and Stephen for now. Her presence would only cause them pain and remind them of their recent loss. She would wait until after the fight, no matter how lonely she became.
* * *
Another week passed with Lucia diligently remaining focused on her routine and training. She threw herself into every activity; she wore herself to exhaustion to fend off the longings and the sadness.
She was putting on her boots for the morning exercises when a pounding came on her door. Ellie ran to it and was almost mowed down by Michael, who stormed angrily into the room. He strode over to Lucia and began without any preamble. “You have been skipping dinners on purpose?” he cried out in anger. “Here I thought you and your troops were out on evening exercises this entire time, and that you were eating with them. I have just found out that you have been coming to your room and avoiding all of us.”
Lucia sighed and nodded. She wondered why her brother was so upset by this news. “Can you really wonder why?” she asked, looking him in the eye. “Everyone there still blames me for Ian’s death. Maybe it will be different after we get through this conflict, when my archers and I have done our part in saving Penrith. Right now I do not want to stir up any bad feelings. It just seemed easier this way.”
Michael shook his head and sat heavily on the bed. After a few minutes he looked up. “What about Anna and Stephen?” he asked. “They are your friends, and they miss you. Heck, I miss you. I had not seen you in months, and now you have vanished on me again.”
Lucia sat down beside him and gave him a hug. “The battle will be over soon enough. Once it is, there will be plenty of time for us to talk on the road back home. In the meantime, give the people here time to heal, to accept their loss.”
She turned to look out the window for a long moment, then met her brother’s eyes. “The attack is sure to come soon. Let us not argue about how much I socialize in these few weeks. There are so many more important things to focus on.”
Michael, concerned, looked into Lucia’s eyes. “If you are sure ...” At her nod, he took her hand and gave it a squeeze. “We would be happy to eat up here with you, you know,” he added as he gave the situation some thought.
Lucia spoke up quickly. “No, I suspect that would make things even worse,” she pointed out. “You three need to support Lord Edmund and to keep the spirits up. It is best this way, really.” She saw Michael still considering ideas and leapt in. “No coming up after dinner, either,” she added preemptively. “I need lots of sleep to optimize my energy and focus. Please - just give me my time for now.”
“As you wish,” acquiesced Michael, still seeming a bit unsure. “Well then, I am off,” he added. “Stephen’s already been out with his crew for two full hours. He is quite the early riser.” Michael smiled fondly at his sister, then turned and left.
Lucia watched him go, a pang of loneliness sweeping over her. She did worry about Anna, and her longings for Stephen had become a constant ache.
She hardened her heart. A heated battle was fast approaching. That conflict demanded all of her attention. There would be plenty of time once the attack was over to renew those bonds.
Lucia did find that an extra-large meal was waiting for her in her room that evening, with a few flowers on the tray. She wondered if those had come from Michael or Stephen, and decided that it didn’t matter. She gorged herself on the delicious food, and fell into a contented sleep.
* * *
The next morning, Lucia found that she was paying the price for her previous evening’s feast. Her pants, a close-fitting style that she had grown accustomed to wearing around the castle, were now rather snug on her. She adjusted the belt to no avail, and shook her head in disbelief. This was just too much. She’d noticed that they’d been growing tighter, but today they simply would not close. Had she gained that much weight while she went to fetch her brother?
She shook out the pants to see if the laundry had made a mistake. The clothes certainly seemed like her standard wear. She hadn’t eaten lavish meals while on the road, and, in fact, she remembered being nauseous much of the time.
A thought hit her suddenly, and she sank onto the cushion on the sill. It was almost three months since the night of the party. Almost three months since Ian had raped her. She thought back. She had missed her monthly flow, true, but that happened sometimes with the heavy level of activity, never mind the stress she had been under. She hadn’t given it a second thought.
Could she be with child?
Lucia cut the tight waistband with her knife and pulled on her clothes. She went back into her room and sat on the edge of her bed. No matter how she thought about it, she came back to that same conclusion. Summer was coming on in full force - she could hear the birds singing outside. It was a glorious morning. With everything else she had to deal with, she was most likely expecting.
A new thought staggered her.
It might not be Ian’s.
The night before the party, she had gone to the pool, and Stephen had been there. She laughed wryly at the thought that for a woman who went so long without even one male to be close to, she now had two to name as the potential father of her child.
Could she tell Stephen about the child, knowing it might not be his?
Could she keep the information from him, knowing it might?
She rubbed her stomach gently and was suddenly overwhelmed with the amazing idea of life within her. A new child. A little boy or girl whom she could sing songs to, teach dances to, and pass along her hopes and dreams.
Lucia patted her abdomen, considering how within those walls a small child innocently grew. She smiled and sighed. It did not matter who the father was. The child was her child. Regardless of the identity of the child’s father, she would love her baby and care for it.
Her thoughts turned to Stephen, and she considered her situation. She would never pressure Stephen to honor his offer to marry her. Not after what had happened. She wanted him to stay with her because he loved her, not because he felt he had to. There had to be enough time available to properly rekindle their love before introducing the complexity of a child who might or might not be his.
Lucia stood up and walked back to the window. She could modify the rest of her clothes easily enough - the shirts were already loose, while the pants needed little work. The ones she had worn during the trip must have been stretched slowly, and she doubted she was showing much at all anyway. Tomorrow she would go talk to the leatherworker. He was making a tunic for her with her current measurements, so she would simply ask him to leave the sides loose. She would gain the same protection, but it would last her a while.
She leaned against the side of the window, and stroked the soft, white curtain which was tied back against the side. A child - her child. She would stay to clear this a
rea, then when Penrith was safe, she would accompany the troops north to liberate her own lands. If all went well, Lucia’s homelands should be swept free of trouble within two months, and she would still be able to hide her condition. That should give Stephen plenty of time to reveal his true feelings.
If he had not shown her by then that he wanted to stay with her, then she would withdraw her attentions and not cause trouble for him. She knew how to take care of herself. She would stay with her brother in their keep. Keilder was a fair distance from Stephen’s lands, and their paths would not have to cross again.
Chapter 24
The next week went by quickly as each day brought the tension of imminent attack to a higher level. Lucia saw little of Stephen, Michael, or Anna. Where before she had considered this absence to be a blessing, now she worried about the growing chasm during every waking hour. She needed to spend time with Stephen, if only in casual conversation. She needed to hear his voice, to look into his eyes, and to sense how he felt.
Her mind settled, the next morning Lucia awoke much earlier than usual, determined to catch Stephen before he left for the day. She dressed quickly, buoyed up by the thought of spending time with him, even if only for a short while.
She had barely entered the crowded main hall when a trio of scouts raced into the packed room, calling for attention. The room went quiet in an instant, all eyes turning as one.
“The Grays are on our borders!” called out the taller scout, breathing in hard. In an instant the room became a hive of activity, and Lucia stood on a table, calling out for her archers to attend to her.
Hurried activity swept around her as she laid out her orders. Her men immediately ran to gather up their supplies. As they returned Lucia made sure to talk personally with each man, ensuring he knew his place in the battle and was prepared. Around her, servants labored at a myriad of tasks and soldiers ferried weapons and armor.
Finally she went up to her own room to make final preparations to head out. She sat down on the bed to remove and reseat her boots, her pack ready on the bed beside her. She paused for a moment, one boot in her hand, and took a deep breath. It seemed since she realized she was pregnant that tasks had become more difficult to do. It was probably her mind playing tricks on her. She was only a few months along at the most - did babies grow that fast? She was doing her best to eat well...
She shook her head and put the other boot on. She was probably just imagining things. She wished that somehow there had been time for her to talk with Stephen, if only briefly. She would feel better if she knew what his feelings were. Had they cooled since their time together on the road? Was he just distracted by the preparations for defense?
Lucia stood and put the pack over one shoulder. She reached to where her sword stood next to the fireplace, and ran her hand over the runes engraved on the blade. Her mind felt as if it was a raging river, reflecting the noise and shouting that sounded around her from the castle’s household.
How did Stephen feel? She would like to believe he loved her as deeply as she loved him; that for some reason he was holding back. It seemed strange to her that he had not found some time to spend with her - to stop by in the morning, to visit in the evening. But was that fair? She realized that she herself had been avoiding doing these things. She certainly had not gone by his room, or made the effort to walk into the dining hall. Could she blame him when she was just as guilty? Perhaps he felt as awkward as she did at publicly displaying a relationship so soon after Ian’s death and his breakup with Anna.
Her emotions see-sawed from hope to despair. She couldn’t wager something as important as her child’s life on a flickering dream. Stephen could have his reasons for staying away, true, but she couldn’t wait a lifetime for him to reveal them to her.
She gave her blade a sweep through the air, her face set in determination. More than likely he had decided, now that he was back in court and with nobility, that she wasn’t right for him. It didn’t matter if it was her past, her personality, or the things she had done. All that mattered was that her child should not grow up with anything less than full love and acceptance.
She slid the blade firmly into the scabbard and took one last look around the room. Deliberately, she forced her tumbling emotions to calm, to soothe the wild feelings which swept around her. Now was not the time for snap decisions. Stephen still had plenty of time to make his feelings known. She wanted to find some ember of that love, some hint that he would want to stay with her and the child, not out of honor, but because he truly wanted to. She was willing to fan any spark into a fire. Barely a few months along - she had plenty of time. They were in the middle of a battle, with far more important things to worry about.
Decided, she strode from the room and headed down to the main gallery.
The hall downstairs was jammed full of soldiers receiving last minute instructions. She moved quickly to join her group of archers, looking over the men with pride. They had proven themselves to be some of the best in the land, and their teamwork had become exemplary.
Lord Edmund stood at attention at the head table, and all eyes turned to him, the room settling into quiet. He cleared his voice, then spoke in ringing tones.
“My friends, the time has come. We all know the plan. Stephen and his scouts will be stationed closest to our enemy’s approach. Hopefully the enemy will move right past them without realizing it. The Grays will then continue forward into Michael’s soldiers.
“I will be on the castle walls, monitoring the Grays’ approach. Once they reach the point of no return, Stephen will close in from the back. Our remaining keep forces will prevent the Grays from pressing into the city. Hector here will rain fury in from either side.”
His eyes looked out over the sea of faces, connecting with Lucia’s. He nodded quietly at her. “Finally, Lucia’s archers will line the forest escape. This guarantees that any remnants of the army cannot reform to harm us again.
“My fellow soldiers, I wish you all luck. To victory!”
The cheers rang out, filling the hall with their noise and thunder. Then the groups began to break up, moving out at a fast pace toward their destinations.
Lucia’s heart leapt, and she looked around quickly through the throng. She pushed her way through the crowd to Michael, and embraced him strongly. Michael returned the hug, kissing her on the forehead. In spite of their determination, battle plans could always go awry, and the Grays could somehow overrun their forces. Michael smiled down at her, then clasped her firmly on the shoulder. “Good luck, Lucia,” he wished her gently, then turned sharply and headed out the door with his officers. Hector and his forces were the next to leave, to take their positions.
Lucia looked over the emptying hall. Only her own archers and Stephen’s forest men remained. She realized that Stephen was staring at her from across the room, and she moved through the crowd to get to him. As she approached him, powerful feelings washed completely through her, almost overwhelming her.
She loved him. By God, she loved him completely. He was everything that she wanted in a partner. She knew it as a certainty; she wanted to be with him forever.
Lucia took a deep breath, and wished with all her heart that he would return her feelings.
Stephen’s eyes softened for a moment, then were somber. He took her hand in his, drawing her into a more quiet corner of the room. As he did, a scout ran into the room, heading right for Stephen. The scout was out of breath, but gasped, “They are almost here, Stephen. The Grays are moving more quickly than we anticipated. We have got to get out there.”
Stephen swore softly, but nodded to the scout. He then turned to Lucia, and touched her face gently. “There is not time,” he murmured half to himself. He slipped something in her hand. “I would like you to have this ring,” he offered, folding it into her fingers. He hesitated for a moment, then with a final look he called out to his men. Immediately the group ran out the archway toward their waiting horses.
Lucia stood still for a moment,
watching the room empty. What was the importance of the ring? What would he have said, if the scout hadn’t sounded the alert? She looked at the ring he’d pressed into her hand. It seemed a simple design, with a blue stone in its center. Was this a ring he had made for her, as a gift? Was it one of his own rings? She seemed to recall a similar one he had worn, but she couldn’t be sure.
Lucia shook her head. She would know well enough after the conflict, when she finally had some time to talk with him. She turned to address her group.
“You know well what is expected of you. We are the element of surprise - men in battle will take risks expecting you to cover them. You are the best, and our side will win. To battle!”
The cry was taken up by the others, and they went out at a run to their waiting steeds.
* * *
Stephen soon caught up with Michael’s group, and pulled his horse alongside Michael’s at a canter, their troops temporarily mingling. “They are about twenty minutes out,” called out Stephen, his voice low and urgent. “You need to get yourself in place so that the Grays do not stop too soon. We need them all to enter into the ambush zone in order for this to work.”
“I will be there,” vowed Michael with conviction. “You can count on our forces to hold the line, no matter what the cost.”
“We must draw our net tightly,” insisted Stephen, his eyes worried. “Every man that gets past us …”
“… goes in Lucia’s direction,” finished Michael, nodding in agreement. “It will be done.”
Stephen turned to pull his horse away, but Michael reached out a hand. “Wait,” he called out, and Stephen edged his horse closer in, the two still riding at high speed down the lane.
