by Lisa Shea
Lucia smiled in relief. Her weeks of longing and patience had at last paid off. Her absence for the mourning period had allowed the family to get through their grief and enabled them to accept her back in their lives once again.
Michael came and sat on Lucia’s other side, and between Lord Edmund and Michael she learned many of the details about the day’s battle. Stephen was on Lord Edmund’s other side, and she could hear that he was also answering numerous questions about the battle. The food was excellent, the early summer harvest providing flavors and colors that had been long missed. Even so, Lucia scarcely noticed the aromatic dishes in her anticipation of the announcement.
Finally, the moment came. When Stephen stood to speak, her whole body tensed. She turned to look at him, and he smiled over at her fondly before addressing the hall.
“Friends and countrymen, we have triumphed against a common evil. Our victory over the Grays today was nearly total. The Grays have now been driven from your country, and soon we will end their rampage with an assault on their sole remaining fortification. The land will soon be safe for peace and prosperity once again!”
Cheers echoed through the hall, and Stephen waited for the room to quiet.
Lucia looked out at the room - the proud banners fluttered in the light breeze, the tables were brimming with food and surrounded by happy warriors and ladies. Dogs, full on a meal of scraps, lounged in the center of the hall. A new spirit had come over the castle - the taste of victory. She would always remember this day.
“Now,” announced Stephen into the quieted room, “I have an announcement I would like to make.” Lucia took a deep breath, and tried to calm her shaking hands. “Her presence is so warm, we could not think of being without her for long. I am glad to announce that Anna, with her parents’ permission, will be following us to Keilder in a few weeks, as soon as the final victories are assured.”
Lucia looked up in surprise to see that Michael had joined Stephen, and was standing on Anna’s other side.
“Yes,” Michael added, taking Anna’s hand, “and we hope she decides to stay for a long time.”
The hall filled with shouts, and Anna beamed her pleasure at the group of revelers.
The fires crackled, but suddenly Lucia was intensely cold. The sounds rang out, hurting her ears with their sharpness. The lights of the torches and candles flared against her eyes. Lucia was hollow, as if no emotions could reside within the thin, crackling shell of her body. The voices bouncing off of the cavernous ceilings might as well be reverberating inside her empty heart.
Then, suddenly, Lucia was swathed in a ball of wool. Sounds were muffled. The room seemed to dim, with only shifting shadows surrounding her. Her chest constricted inwards and she could barely breathe.
She saw Stephen’s smile echoed on Michael’s face. She remembered quietly congratulating Anna, who was glowing with pleasure. Somehow she made it out of the crush of people, and found her way up the stairs. Soon she was back in her room, curled up in the window seat. Her mind was a jumbled whirl which refused to settle down into coherent thought.
Lucia groaned in distracted agony as she traced the window pane with her finger. Her thoughts seemed like shards of glass, scattered into a million pieces, reflecting each other, not making any sense.
Tears streamed down her face, but she made no motion to wipe them away. Her sense of loss was too complete to negate it.
Stephen wanted Anna by his side.
She chuckled wryly to herself, struggling to remain strong. Michael’s warmth about the relationship made perfect sense. After all, when had she ever talked with Michael about her love for Stephen? In the past she had shared everything with her twin, every slight thought, but she had never mentioned Stephen, not once. For all Michael knew, Stephen was merely a bodyguard who had accompanied her on her trip.
And Stephen …
Lucia forced herself to think about the past few weeks with a logical mind. Stephen’s distance could simply have been a sign of his growing re-attachment to Anna. She had found the two together numerous times. All the pieces began to fit neatly into place.
Lucia reached into the bag at her side, withdrawing the ring, turning it slowly in her fingers.
The ring was a parting gift.
Her heart sank into a shadowy morass. It was a final thank-you for their time together before he went off to start his glorious new life with Anna by his side. With the Grays defeated, he could give her all she wanted – a safe home, a secure land to raise their children.
The luminous full moon was just rising over the forest, illuminating the fields in a silvery glow. Summer planting was fully underway, and the young crops shimmered in the gentle light. The city walls, fortified in her absence, loomed strong and protective beyond, and a few cows slept in their shadow. Such a peaceful scene, and yet she felt so alone and desolate.
She gazed out at the moon. So many important turning points had occurred under that large moon. Maybe this was a sign that a new fork in the path lay before her.
She shook off the feeling of hopelessness. The problem was not with the situation. The problem was with her endless vacillations and assumptions. She had allowed herself to get wrapped up in this delusion, and was surprised when the bubble burst.
It was time for her to sort through her options in a cold, logical manner.
She sat up, thinking carefully.
Clearly, Penrith would be an uncomfortable place to remain. Her growing size would be a constant reminder to the folk here of all they had lost.
Keilder was not yet retaken. It would be too dangerous to head north.
She could hardly ride the long distance south to her uncle’s keep alone. And no soldiers could be spared during this critical juncture.
That only left being on her own.
She nodded in fierce resolution, her hand dropping to her abdomen. She could do it. She had to do it.
Just as she had avoided making waves for the past few weeks, she would find somewhere to remain hidden during these critical days ahead while Keilder was made safe. When the conflict was finally over, there would be ample time to determine her future path.
Lucia stood up and gathered her clothes, packing the ones she would need into a large leather bag. She left the dresses - they would be of little use - but packed the loose shirts and pants. Her belongings easily fit into the bag.
She arranged the room properly, stopping to look at each item in it. It had almost grown to be a home, this room of white. Despite the one night of pain it had held, she would miss it.
She came to the golden oil lamp resting on the table at the side of her bed. Her resolve nearly failed her as she ran a hand along its bossed surface. Stephen had meant so much to her. His sturdy hand had kept her safe when death had advanced against her. His steadfast concern had watched over her. She loved him with every fiber of her being; with every last breath in her body.
She dropped her eyes, looking away. Sometimes life simply did not give a person what they desired most.
She moved back toward the door, then hesitated. She wanted Michael to know she left willingly. There was no use in him mounting a search party for her when she did not want to be found. She fingered the Keilder brooch on her shoulder, and unclasped it. She laid it in the middle of her bed. There, she had finished this chapter of her life. She was leaving this past behind her, and setting out on her own. She was choosing a new path - one that was best for her and her child. Nothing else mattered.
Lucia again fingered the ring in her pocket. Stephen had given that to her, and not to Anna. It was a token of their time together. She would keep it for the child.
Lucia found, to her surprise, that it was easy enough to get out of the keep without questions. As a leader of the victorious archers, she was congratulated and hailed instead of being stopped. Soon she was through the main gate and heading north on the road she had traveled so often when she had first arrived at Penrith.
She doubted she would ever return to that
town, and turned for a moment as Troy rode along. She watched as the walls slowly faded from sight.
Sighing, she resolutely fixed her eyes on the trail ahead and did not look back again.
Chapter 25
Michael stretched back in his chair as the enthusiastic babble of the hall washed over him, and smiled tenderly at Anna. He was overjoyed she was going to join them in Keilder when the fighting was over. With any luck, she would agree to stay there with him. They had only known each other for a few weeks, but the connection between them had been immediate. Time would tell if their fondness grew into something stronger.
Shawn and Marcus had joined Stephen, and the three were exchanging tales with increasing laughter. Michael turned to talk to Lucia, but was surprised when he found her seat vacant. He looked around - how long had she been gone? It was unlike her to leave a party so soon, especially when she had seemed so excited earlier. Had she been wounded, and not told the others? He stood, waving Stephen to stay seated when he also began to rise. Turning, he walked across the hall and headed up the stairs.
‘It would be just like her not to get her wounds treated,’ he thought wryly as he took the stairs two at a time. He realized with a pang he had hardly spoken with her since their arrival at Penrith. All of the preparations and planning had taken precedence, and she had seemed so desirous of solitude. He and the others had assumed that it was hard on her to live in the place that brought her such bad memories, so they had given her the space to be alone.
Michael knocked softly on her door, and got no response. Waiting a moment, he heard soft sobbing coming from within. He opened the door gently and looked inside. “Lucia,” he called with concern, “are you all right?”
Ellie was spread out on the bed, holding something, and crying. In a moment Michael was at her side. “What is it,” he demanded. “What has happened?”
Ellie sniffed and sat up. Michael saw that she held Lucia’s brooch, and took it from her. “She is gone,” blurted out Ellie. “She took her clothing, and her things, and Troy, and she has gone. I have asked everywhere. She was seen heading north. Look at this room, she does not intend on returning. I know she was going to be gone tomorrow anyway, but for her to run off in the night ...” She bit her lip and buried her face in her hands as her breath came in long sobs.
Michael stood, confused, and strode to the window. Why had she left a night early? Why hadn’t she told anyone that she was leaving? Did she want to scout out some route before the main force headed out? He had no worry for her safety, and the weather was certainly fine. Her motivations simply didn’t make any sense, though.
Michael thought back to the last time he’d seen her. She was at the dinner ... and then the speech ...
Michael turned to Ellie, baffled. “Do you have any idea what made her go now, without letting us know?” he asked, bewildered. “She seemed fine before the announcement; she was sitting right beside me. Was it the news about Anna coming to join us? Does she not like Anna? I thought they were great friends.”
“Oh, they are,” replied Ellie shakily, sitting up and frowning in concentration. She thought for a while, tapping a finger on her lip. “I did not see her before dinner, so I do not know what kind of a mood she was in. Nobody remembers seeing her with anybody else between dinner and her leaving, so I do not think she was harassed by someone here.” She sighed and shook her head.
Ellie ran a distracted hand through her hair. “It does not make any sense. She had already been here for three weeks. Staying one more night should not have been a problem, if her intention had been to leave with your forces in the morning. So I wonder if she does not plan on going with you - and had no desire to remain behind ...” She shook her head again and wiped her eyes on her sleeve.
Michael swore and headed back toward the hall. Ellie was right. Obviously she wouldn’t have wanted to stay at Penrith, and her actions seemed to indicate that she did not want to stay with the forces either. Where was she going, then? It was almost midnight, and the forces had to be on the move at daybreak to maintain their advantage. There was just no time to figure this out or to find Lucia to ask her.
Michael had worked with his sister in just about every combat situation he could imagine. She had always been there. He just couldn’t imagine Lucia leaving halfway through their a fight against the Grays, especially as they moved to clear their own homelands.
It all seemed to hinge on Stephen and his announcement. Could it be Stephen had said something to upset her, and she had left in order to stay clear of him?
His face set, he turned to the stairs.
* * *
Stephen leant back in his chair, relaxation finally easing his shoulders. The few remaining partygoers were stumbling to their quarters while servants moved from table to table, cleaning up dishes and throwing scraps to the few dogs still awake. Marcus and Shawn talked quietly amongst themselves to one side.
Strong footsteps rang out, and he looked up in surprise. Michael was striding toward him, with Ellie scurrying along behind. Her face was streaked with tears.
Cold fear stabbed through Stephen’s heart, and he leapt to his feet. “What is it?”
Michael’s voice growled with anger. “Lucia has gone, and for good, it seems,” he snapped. “She left after the announcement at dinner. Is there anything you would like to tell me?”
Stephen’s face paled with concern and shock. “I have stayed away from her these past three weeks, you know that,” he answered quickly. “Lucia asked repeatedly to be left on her own while we were here, and I respected her wishes. I knew, once we left these walls, that we would be free of all constraints from the past.”
He shook his head, his throat going tight. “I even gave her my ring, before the battle began. We were one day away from being together. One day.”
Michael’s voice grew louder in frustration. “If she was happy after the battle, and happy before the announcement, then what made her leave? Ellie says that nobody else spoke with Lucia after the announcement. She simply got up and left.”
Stephen froze. His mind suddenly focused on that announcement, on Lucia’s dazed look. A thought dawned on him, and he let out a soft groan. When he looked up at Michael, his face was haggard.
“Perhaps she thought that announcement meant I wanted Anna for myself again. I was the one who made the statement; I was the one giving her such praise.”
Michael’s face showed his disbelief. “That is preposterous,” he snapped. “How in the world would she get that idea? Anyone who had seen us together for the past three weeks would know that I was actively courting her. You have been busy talking with Lord Edmund and your own troops. You have hardly been near Anna.”
Shawn stood up at this, a bit unsteady from wine, holding his drink in one hand. He stepped in to distract his two friends. “Come now, gentlemen,” he put in appeasingly, “it is pretty easy to see how she could have gotten a little confused. Heck, you know how women are in that condition. Their emotions run wild! Furious one minute, tender the next, and then -”
Stephen and Michael turned as one to stare at Shawn. Marcus stood quickly and stepped in front of Shawn, hushing his friend with a sharp sound. “I am afraid Shawn has had too much to drink,” he interjected hastily. “He does not know what he is saying.”
Michael’s voice was cool and steely, and his eyes flashed. “Oh, I think he does. Explain yourself, Shawn,” he ordered.
Shawn and Marcus loyally kept their mouths closed. The silence stretched on. Stephen stepped in, his voice tense but holding a more placating tone. “I know you want to protect Lucia,” he reassured them. “Remember, we are in the middle of a war here, and she is now out on her own. We need to know the situation.”
Marcus finally nodded and sat back on the table’s edge. “It was the nausea, her other symptoms, and then her tunic alterations that we noticed,” he explained. “She is apparently with child, maybe three months now, given when the symptoms began.” He glanced involuntarily at the seat
that Ian had usually occupied, and then back at the men before him. “Considering the circumstances, it would have been awkward for her to remain here.”
He paused for a long moment, then continued in a quieter tone. “I did not wish to say anything about the battle, but she was distracted; more so than I have ever seen her before. She was wracked with guilt over her lapse. She probably felt that, because of her emotions, she should avoid the upcoming fighting. So, between wanting to leave here, but not wanting to join our forces, I imagine that left her little choice, in her own mind at least.”
Michael slammed his hand into his fist. “She is carrying the child of the person she hates. No wonder she ran, afraid to stay here in Ian’s home, or to go with us into battle. To think this whole time I left her alone, figuring she would appreciate the quiet.” He sat heavily, his face brooding. “I figured she would be thrilled to have Anna with her, but she had other things on her mind. Ian’s child...”
Stephen looked up, and took a deep breath. “It could be my child,” he admitted quietly. “The night before Ian’s assault, we were together.”
The others glanced around in surprise, but Stephen barely registered it. His face shadowed with pain as he thought of Lucia facing this issue alone.
Regret laced through him. “If I had known she was pregnant, there is no question I would have spent time with her, no matter her concerns for Anna or Lord Edmund’s feelings.” He groaned. “To think she has been shouldering this alone …”
Michael shook his head, running a hand through his hair. “My poor sister, not knowing whether to rejoice or despair at the news.”
Ellie blushed deep crimson, then spoke up hesitantly. “Actually, it could not have been Ian’s child.”
Four pairs of eyes swiveled to look at her in surprise. Stephen’s voice was hoarse. “What do you mean?” he grated out. “You saw the room … saw her …”
