The Star of All Valleys

by Vicki H. Cutler

  Chapter 24

  Willy woke up next morning with a wonderful, light feeling. She smiled at herself in the mirror and even felt pleased at what she saw there. Here she was, a beautiful woman with curly golden hair and dark-fringed eyes. The beginnings of laugh lines accentuated her good looks. She dressed in her favorite nice slacks and sweater. She wanted to look special today. She felt as if a weight had been lifted off her shoulders.

  Her heart was light as she woke the kids and fixed breakfast. She sang at the sink and kissed the soft cheeks of her wondering children. They were used to a mother who wasn't exactly grouchy in the morning but was quiet and sleepy. This was a new attitude they hadn't seen many times before. Her mood affected them all and there were no clashes this morning. Allison went happily off to school and Jeffy got ready for pre-school in record time.

  Willy dropped him off at the house down the street and drove in the direction of the cemetery. She decided to stop on the way and splurge on a bouquet of silk flowers to brighten up the headstone. She was amazed that there was no squeezing pain in her chest today. Always before when she had gone to the cemetery, it had been an ordeal to overcome her grief.

  Today, she felt so light-hearted and happy. She pulled her coat tightly around her against the brisk wind and walked down the rows of headstones to the one engraved RYAN FISK MILTON, Beloved Husband and Father.  Willy walked with a feeling of reverence to the gravestone and placed the flowers in the vase on top. Running her fingers over the cold granite, she traced the words written there.

  "Ryan," she began soberly. "I have come to say goodbye today. I know that where you are is a wonderful place and that you are happy there. I'm so glad that we were able to be married and have children and spend some happy years together. I love you and I love our children. It's taken me a long time to learn that it is okay for me to be happy, too. You loved me so much while you were alive and you wouldn't want me to make myself unhappy for the rest of my life."

  Willy stooped down to clear away some dead grass and dirt from the base of the headstone. She swept it clean with her gloved hands.

  "I have met someone who has all your good features, Ryan," she said. "He is so strong and capable. He works hard and he loves the outdoors. Best of all, he loves me, and he loves Allison and Jeffy. He is so good with them and gives them the attention and affection they need. I know that I could be happy with him the rest of my life. I love him and I want him in our lives. I know you would understand and want us to be happy. Thank you for our years together and for being a good husband and father."

  Willy paused and looked all around her. The view from the cemetery was beautiful. She could see the city and the mountains covered with forests. This was a lovely final resting place. Now she could leave him here in peace.  "Goodbye, Ryan," she whispered. "I love you! Goodbye!"

  She almost skipped down to the car. She would always miss Ryan and remember the many happy times they had together. She would not let his memory be lost from the lives of her children, and she would tell them the stories about their father as sweet pieces of their heritage. She would not feel guilt anymore when they didn't talk about him every day.

  Willy did some shopping and returned home in time to pick up Jeffy from the neighbor's house. She got lunch ready and kept busy the rest of the day. Her light spirits continued and the kids were happily surprised when she announced that they were going out for dinner to their favorite fast food place. She even let them have the kid's meal with the accompanying toy that they always coveted but rarely got.

  After an unusually peaceful and happy evening together, Allison and Jeffy went off to bed and to sleep with no fuss or nagging. Willy searched through her drawer and found the card with Max’s phone number and address. She went to the phone and, feeling shy and a little nervous, dialed his number. It rang and rang and then she heard his voice. Her heart flew up with joy at the sound until she realized that it was an answering machine and not him at all. When the beep sounded, Willy was caught off guard and stammered, "Hello, Max. This is Willy Milton. I just wanted to say hello. You'll be getting your survey back in a couple of days. It was fun to do. Well.. uh.. goodbye."

  She hung up the phone, feeling foolish. She didn't like answering machines. She always got flustered trying to talk to them. She was disappointed that she had screwed up her courage for nothing. To calm her pounding heart, she sat and watched some silly TV show for a while before she went to bed.

  It was about ten o'clock the next night when the phone rang. She was brushing her teeth and was tempted to let it go on ringing. Then she remembered her message of the night before and dropped her toothbrush. "Maybe it's Max calling back," she thought. Hurriedly rinsing her mouth, she ran to the phone, her heart starting its throbbing again. She grabbed the receiver. "Hello?" she cried.

  "Willy, is that you? You sound like you are out of breath. Have you been exercising at night again? You know that's not good for you. You need to do it in the morning so you can get the benefit of your raised metabolism."

  Willy listened to the droning of her neighbor until she paused for breath. "Hello, Candace. How are you?" she asked in a much different tone of voice.

  Her friend had called to tell about what a bad day she had had and that she had called and called in the morning to talk and Willy hadn't been home. Where had she been? What had she been doing?

  When Candace was told that Willy had been to the cemetery, she went into a tut-tutting spiel about how Willy shouldn't still be pining for her lost husband but should be going out and getting a life. "I have a cousin up in Seattle that you need to meet," she told Willy. She went on and on about his many fine points and his big income and his previous two wives. Willy had a hard time convincing her that she was definitely not interested in going out to dinner with him.

  "Please don't fix me up with anyone," she begged. "I will do just fine on my own." When Candace heard her resistance, she had quickly turned back to her own affairs. She told about her newest aches and pains and the bad kids at school that were being mean to her little ones and how her kids drove her crazy and on and on.

  Finally, Willy told her it was getting late and that she had to hang up. She shook her head when she got off the phone. It was after eleven. Max would never call this late. She remembered that he was an hour later than she was anyway so she couldn't call him either.

  "Oh, well, I'll try again tomorrow night," she decided.

  The next day was a flurry of activity. Willy spent the morning baking cookies and working on an article that had an upcoming deadline. The kindergarten program was after lunch. She took Jeffy with her and they enjoyed watching Allison and her friends perform. The afternoon went quickly with the usual chores and work.

  After supper, Willy bundled the kids off to a neighbor's while she went to her class on photography. She had enrolled when she decided that she needed to be able to develop her own pictures and learn how to crop and enhance them in order to present them better with her articles. She had learned a great deal and enjoyed having a night out every week.

  After the kids were in bed later that night, Willy settled down to do her homework. It was so interesting to learn new things. She was interrupted by the phone and answered it absently, her mind on developing chemicals.

  "Willy?" Max's voice broke into her thoughts.

  "Max!" Willy caught her breath at his deep voice.

  "I got your message on my machine. Is there anything wrong? I was out of town and just got back."

  "No, nothing is wrong. I just had an urge to call you. I guess I just wanted to hear your voice. How are you?" Willy was embarrassed by her babbling but now that he was on the phone, she couldn't think of anything to say to him.

  "I'm fine. I've been visiting my folks in Arizona for a few days. I have to take my vacations in the winter when there isn't much going on here."

  "How are they doing?" Willy asked, on firmer ground now.

  "They're fine. They asked if I had
heard from you. They kind of liked you," Max told her.

  "Did you get your questionnaire back yet? I sent it a few days ago," Willy asked.

  "Hold on a second and I'll check through my mail. I just came in the door, dropped my suitcase and listened to the messages. I haven't looked at the mail yet. Just a minute," Willy could hear him put down the telephone and shuffle through some papers. "It's here," he said, in a pleased tone of voice.

  "You don't need to open it now," she said. "I don't want to run up your phone bill. Read it later when you have time."

  "Did you really mean it when you said you wanted to hear my voice?" he asked.

  "Well, it was so much fun to answer all those questions and I just missed you." Willy hesitated a little then went on. "I've been thinking a lot about you lately. I thought I would just forget you when I left, but you have a way of sticking in my mind. I miss you more, the longer I'm away from you." She couldn’t believe what was coming out of her mouth. She felt daring letting out that much information about her feelings. It was hard saying what she felt over the phone. She wished he could be in the same room. When there was a prolonged silence on the other end, she thought maybe the connection had been broken. "Max?" she asked.

  "I'm listening."

  "I wish I could see you again." There, it was out. She held her breath while she waited for his reply.

  "I can be there the day after tomorrow," he answered, his voice husky. "Do you really mean it?"

  "I guess I really do," she said. "But there isn't any hurry. I can't ask you to drop everything and go on another trip when you've just walked in the door. It's just wishful thinking."

  "You know how long I've been wishing for the same thing, don't you?" he asked. "I would love to come and see you. Why don't you give me a couple of days to get caught up on things here and then I'll drive out to see you. I still have some vacation time left."

  "You'd really come to see us?" Willy was surprised at her joy. "The kids will go crazy when I tell them!"

  "Hey, why don't we keep it a secret and I'll surprise them," Max suggested. "I could just pop up when they least expect it and catch them off guard. They'd love it."

  Willy laughed delightedly at his playfulness. "Yes, they would. I can hear them squealing already," she said.

  "I'll put your secret gift in the mail tomorrow, too, Willy," Max told her.

  "What gift?" Willy had temporarily forgotten the questionnaire.

  "Your gift for filling out the survey, of course. Did you forget that all respondents get a free gift?" he asked her, laughing.

  "All respondents?" she asked. "How many people did you send it to, anyway?" Willy wondered.

  "Oh, hundreds," he said, his voice mocking. "Yours is the first one back, however, so you get the prize for quickest response."

  "How lovely," she said primly. "I will watch for the mail every day."

  They listened to each other breathe for a minute while each one reflected on the outcome of their conversation. Willy could only imagine the feelings that were in Max's heart right now, but hers was bursting. She could hardly wait to get off the phone so she could shout for joy.

  "Willy? You're awfully quiet all of a sudden. Are you still there?"

  "I'm here."

  "I love you, Willy. You've made me happier than you can know. I'm so glad you called."

  Not wanting to burst into tears on the phone, Willy tried to lighten the mood. "Well, actually, you called me, don't you remember?"

  "I love you, Willy," he replied.

  "Hang up the phone, Max," she answered, laughing.

  "I love you, Willy."

  "Goodbye, Max. Goodnight!" As she hung up the phone, she could hear him repeat those words once again. She wondered if he would go on saying them all night.

  "Why didn't I tell him I love him, too?" she asked herself. "I'll tell him when he gets here. Oh, I hope he comes soon!"

  Willy was too keyed up to go back to her homework so she got up and danced around the room for a while. Then she went to the refrigerator and ate a piece of cake and was heading for the cookie jar when she brought herself up short. "If love makes you hungry, you'd better tape your mouth shut, sweetie!" she told herself. "Now calm down, have some hot milk and get your mind off him. You've got a lot of preparing to do before he comes."

  She forced her hands to perform the simple tasks of warming milk, putting away her books, picking up the clutter of toys and papers around the house. She made a list of things she wanted to get done before he came and finally she was calm enough by bedtime to drift off to sleep and pleasant dreams.