by Amy Lillard
“The doctor will be by in a few minutes to tell you everything. Just rest until then,” Helen said.
He was about to protest, start unhooking all the machines and making his way to the door. He needed to see Nadine. He needed to check on her. He was fine, but why wasn’t she there? He only wanted to see her.
But before he could make his move, a young doctor came into the room carrying a clipboard.
“Hello again, Mr. Fisher,” the man said. Boy, really. Amos was fairly certain he had socks older than this pup. But he had doctor stitched on the white coat he wore, so Amos supposed he owned it to him to listen to what he had to say. He could sort through the rest later.
“The good news is you did not have a heart attack.”
“Thank you, Jesus,” Helen murmured. But she was nothing if not a consummate bishop’s wife, and Amos was pretty certain he was the only one who heard her words.
“I had a heart attack?” He had never even known that was on the table.
“No, Mr. Fisher, that’s what I just said. You didn’t have a heart attack. Good news, remember?”
And where there was good news, bad news usually followed.
“What’s the bad news?”
“You’re going to have to lay off chili dogs for a while.”
“I don’t understand.”
“What everyone around you thought might have been a heart attack was actually an acute attack of indigestion coupled with an acute anxiety attack.”
So many attacks. How was he supposed to know which one was worse?
“Chili dogs?” he murmured.
“Yep,” the doctor said. “Unfortunately, you’re not as young as you used to be.”
* * *
Amos was discharged with a prescription for anti-anxiety medication, along with a bottle of antacids and something for the pain in his head.
“Not as young as he used to be,” he grumbled to himself as he made his way up the porch steps to his waiting house.
He had hit his head when he’d fallen, scratched his cheek, and just about concussed himself, but all in all, he had come through older and a little wiser.
He waved at Dan, who had brought him home from the hospital. Helen and Mabel had stayed until the doctor had given him the all-clear. Then they had called Bruce Brown, one of their regular Englisch drivers, to take them back to Wells Landing. They had promised to wait for Amos, but he had told them to go ahead. He wasn’t sure he wanted to ride all the way from Tulsa to Wells Landing in the same car with them. He was afraid the questions would start coming, questions he didn’t have the answers to, like what he was going to do now. And why Nadine had left the minute she could.
He rubbed his chest where his heart beat. The skin outside itched from the monitor sticker things they had placed on him and the inside ached with ... the unknown.
He needed to talk to Nadine, but he had been warned against driving for a couple of days. So he was at the mercy of his own house and his own thoughts until he was well enough not to take the headache pills.
So, for now, he let himself inside his house with a sigh. Ace met him, with wagging tail and short little barks of welcome.
“Hey, buddy. I missed you too.” He rubbed him around the ears, scratched his spotted belly, then gave him a couple of treats from the bag he’d stashed by the sofa.
Here he was. Home from the hospital. The worst had not become a reality. This time. But next time ... the next time, it really could be a heart attack. Did he have what he wanted to show for his life?
No. He’d never thought he would say it, but he wanted a wife. When he went, he wanted a grieving widow to wear black and cry daintily at his funeral. Maybe he had been reading too many of those paperback Westerns lately. The point of the matter was—as it had been for quite some time—he wanted Nadine. And, once again, he was at her mercy. He had to wait for her to come to him.
* * *
He hoped that she would come to see him tomorrow. He prayed for it like he had never prayed before in his life. But tomorrow was a church Sunday. He would see her then.
And he did, but only briefly. Just a flash of her and then she was gone. He wanted to drive out to her house and see her, but he told himself after everything—including the fact that she hadn’t been there at the hospital when he’d come to—she meant she was done. She was over him, tired of trying to make a relationship out of their mismatched ideas of what they wanted for their lives. But he wasn’t sure it would do any good.
So he stayed at church a little longer, took the good-natured ribbing about eating too many chili dogs and ending up in the hospital, and then drove home to spend the rest of the evening with his dog.
Then it was Monday and no Nadine.
He skipped the Monday night seniors’ meeting. He’d taken enough teasing after church. But he was sure it would really kick in with the group of seniors when he and Nadine didn’t show up together, as had become their custom. He doubted she had gone at all. She had never really wanted to go to begin with. Her absence would make it all that much worse.
He had been scheduled to work at the bakery on Tuesday, but Esther had sent word to him after church that she had given him the day off “in light of the circumstances.” He had tried to tell Jodie that he didn’t need the time off. He hadn’t had a heart attack—he had simply eaten too many chili dogs before getting in a public argument with Nadine. How embarrassing. No wonder he’d had an anxiety attack.
But Jodie assured him that she had his shift covered and he could rest.
Which gave him another day to wait, hope, and pray, but still no Nadine.
Wednesday was puzzle night, and the only thing he could think of worse than Nadine telling him that she never wanted to see him again was Nadine telling him that she never wanted to see him again in front of all their friends and family.
On Thursday, he had to work at the bakery and he embraced the task. He needed something to do other than rub his dog’s ears and mope over Nadine.
At least on Thursday he was baking cookies, ringing up customers, and moping over Nadine. It was a good change of pace. But since he had to work, he wasn’t able to go to her house. And that afternoon he went home and rubbed Ace’s ears some more.
By Friday, he couldn’t avoid the truth any longer: He was making up excuses not to see her, to not confront the problem.
So he showered and changed, combed his beard, and headed over to her house.
His heart started pounding as he pulled into her drive. He took a deep breath like the doctor had showed him would help calm his nerves. But Amos knew the real culprit that day had been the near lethal combination of love and chili dogs.
He pulled his tractor to a stop and hopped down. His hands were shaking. His knees were weak. He tugged on his suspenders and started for the porch.
Just as he got to the first step, Nadine came out. She shut the door behind her and calmly turned to face him. Her expression was passive and easy. And suddenly he wished she was angry, with a face full of thunder. He could handle her being mad at him. He had reasons and excuses for that, but her indifference? He wasn’t sure that was something he could overcome.
* * *
Nadine took another deep breath and crossed her arms so he wouldn’t see how badly her hands were trembling. This would never work if he knew how much he affected her, and that she had gone and done the stupidest thing in the world. She had fallen in love with him.
As if falling in love wasn’t bad enough, she had almost lost him there at the festival, and that was something she couldn’t bear. She had lost Sam. She had lost Jason. She didn’t think she could stand to lose Amos too.
“Nadine.” He stopped when he saw her, his expression lighting up with ... recognition. She wouldn’t let herself believe that it was love. He had told her so many times that he loved her, but love wasn’t the issue today. It was pain, heartbreak, and loss.
“What do you want, Amos?”
He scratched his head just under his hat
brim, pushing it a bit askew. He didn’t bother fixing it as he studied her. “Jah, I made it home from the hospital just fine. So blessed that it wasn’t anything more serious than indigestion. Am I right?”
She hadn’t wanted to talk about it. She had been hoping that he wouldn’t bring it up. How foolish of her to believe she could get out of this without a little pain. Though she was afraid that pain was going to grow and her heart would feel as if it were bleeding and her soul would feel bruised.
“I waited there until they said you were going to be okay. They did one of those heart tests, EKG or something like that. They said you hadn’t had a heart attack or a stroke and that you would be fine in a day or so.”
“I was okay, so you left.” His expression wrinkled into a confused frown. “I would have thought my healthy prognosis would have made you happy.”
She sighed and felt as if all the air had been let out of her. Her arms fell to her sides, her shoulders slumped. “I almost lost you.”
“It was the chili dogs,” he countered.
“But it was real enough at the time. You clutched at your heart and fell to the ground.” Tears stung her eyes, and she dashed them away before they could fall. But he had seen them.
He placed a foot on the first step.
She started to back away, but the closed front door was behind her.
He stopped. “Are you afraid of me?”
Truth time. She had been hiding for so long. She didn’t think she could do it any longer. “Jah.”
“Why?” He took another step up. Only one more and he would be on the porch with her. How could she fight him then?
“I don’t think I can live if I lose you too.” There. She said it. “I’m not that strong.”
“But you are,” he said. “You are one of the strongest people I know.”
“I almost died myself when I saw you fall there in the street.”
“Who called for help?”
“An Englischer. I told them to call 9-1-1. They sent an ambulance. I gave you CPR until they got there.”
“You saved my life.”
She let out a barking laugh. There was no humor in it. “You didn’t need CPR for heartburn.”
“Technically, I believe it was indigestion.”
“Amos.”
“I’m sorry, but you did everything you could to help me. And I appreciate that. I couldn’t ask for more.”
“You’re welcome.” She needed to get back into the house, but she couldn’t find a reason to leave. Maybe she just didn’t want to.
He took another step up onto the porch. He was only feet from her now. Two big steps and she could touch the softness of his beard. She wanted to. How she wanted to. But she needed to make a clean break of this.
“What are you thinking?” he asked.
“I think it’s time for you to go.”
He seemed about to say something. Then he stopped. “You are afraid because you love me too.”
She shook her head as the tears started once again. “Haven’t you been listening, Amos Fisher? So what if I love you? I’m not willing to run the risk of losing you. Love doesn’t matter.”
“You silly old woman. Love is all that matters.”
“ No.”
“Jah.” He moved forward, his stride eating up one of those steps between them. “By denying our love, aren’t you losing me then?”
He was right. She hated it, but he was right. Once you fell in love, it was too late. And she was in love with Amos Fisher. How long she had loved him, she wasn’t sure. Just, one day, the thought had crept up on her like a shadow—not there, then suddenly there, covering everything.
“I can’t lose you,” she said.
“Then marry me.” He shook his head. “This isn’t how I imagined my proposal,” he said.
“You’ve thought about this moment?”
“Every day since the day I first met you.”
“Amos.”
“It’s true. I have loved you from the start. God told me that He brought us together. Are you really going to go against God?”
“I suppose not.” But, even to her own ears, her decision sounded weak.
He took another step toward her. She could retreat no farther, but if she wanted to touch his face, his soft white beard, all she had to do was reach out a hand and he was there.
“Then marry me, and I’ll be yours for the rest of my life.”
“I’m afraid,” she admitted.
“That makes two of us. But if love were easy it wouldn’t be so special.”
Her heart melted right then and there, and she knew that she was useless to fight against him and God and love. In fact, she didn’t want to fight anymore. It was burning up precious energy she could use to make them both happy. Why hadn’t she seen all this before?
To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven. The verse from Ecclesiastes was so clear in her head. She knew without a doubt their time was now.
She took the last step between them. Now she was close enough that she could wrap her arms around him. She might have, had she been a little younger. But as it was—
As it was, why not? She wasn’t getting any younger, and like he always said, they weren’t as young as they used to be. Maybe now was the time to take those chances she had never allowed herself to take.
But he beat her to it. He wrapped his arms around her and held her close. From inside the house, she heard Charlotte clapping.
“Marry me,” Amos said, his face buried in the crook of her neck.
“Jah,” she whispered in return. “Nothing on earth would make me happier.”
Epilogue
“Amos is here,” Charlotte called up the stairs.
Nadine took one last look in the mirror and made her way to the door of her bedroom. She didn’t need to study herself in the mirror and worry about getting old. She supposed love could do that to a person. Why she hadn’t realized it way before now was anyone’s guess. But as the Bible told them, everything would happen in its own time. Love was no exception.
She practically skipped down the steps, then slowed her movements so as not to over-concern Charlotte. Her daughter-in-law had become something of a worrywart these last couple of days. Ever since Nadine and Amos had declared their love for each other and started talking about getting married. Now Charlotte was worried that the joy in her steps was going to cause her injury. Nadine figured if harm was to come from the lightness in her heart and feet, then so be it. She loved Amos and he loved her, and she was ready for anything.
“Hi.” Amos was waiting for her at the foot of the stairs.
“Hi.” Times like this, she felt just like she was twenty again. It was a wondrous feeling.
“Before we go, I wanted to show you these.” He held up an unfamiliar envelope.
“What’s that?”
“The pictures we took at Honor Heights Park.”
“Oh, the azaleas.” She had almost forgotten that they had taken pictures on those little disposable cameras while they were there. “Where’s Charlotte? She might want to see these.”
Amos flicked a hand toward the front door. “She said she had to check the phone shanty to see if the handyman had called back.”
Nadine nodded. “The barn.”
“You’re really going to have it painted? I told you that I know some guys.”
Nadine shook her head. “Charlotte feels responsible since it was her dog that ruined the outside paint.”
“Fine.” He sighed. “But if she can’t get anyone out here like she wants, let me know and I can make some arrangements.”
That was her Amos, so sweet and thoughtful.
“Now do you want to see these or not?” He held up the envelope of pictures.
“Jah, please.”
He led her over to the couch, and they sat down, side by side.
“Are you sure we have time to do this now?” she asked. “When does the meeting start?”
“Seve
n,” he replied. “And jah, we have plenty of time.” He opened the envelope and took out the stack of pictures.
One by one, he handed them to her, all the wonderful pictures they had taken. The beautiful flowers, the many trails, the ducks in the pond. Then there was the picture he had snapped of her without her being aware.
“That’s terrible.” She took it away from him and started to tear it in half.
He snatched it back. “Don’t you dare.”
“Amos Fisher, aside from being against the Ordnung, that is a terrible picture of me.”
“I don’t care. It’s not, and I love it.”
She sighed. His unwavering positive attitude was one of the many reasons she had fallen in love with him.
Jah, she could say it now. She could admit it to herself. Now the words fit like a well-worn shoe, comfortable and roomy in all the right places.
“Look at this.” He handed her the next picture, his eyes alight with the sparkle of caring and commitment.
She took the photograph from him. “I had forgotten about this one.” Amos had promised her, after he had snapped the one covert picture he had taken, that the rest would be used on flowers and nature, but one time ... one time, they couldn’t resist. An Englischer had asked them if they wanted her to take a picture of the two of them together. Amos had said yes, and before Nadine could protest, she had found herself posing in front of a beautiful bush of pink azaleas. Nadine hadn’t realized that the lady had taken more than the one, but she had snapped a candid picture of the two of them. Nadine was half facing Amos, and he was looking straight at the camera.
There was just something special about the photo, something that spoke of more than the physical subjects it depicted. There was love. She could see it on her face, see it in the tilt of her head and the angle of her chin. Everything about her shouted that she loved the man she was with. And that man was Amos Fisher.
Nadine couldn’t stop looking at the image. Even then, it had been so evident that she was in love. So why had she fought so hard even after that?
