by Tara Brown
My insides feel like they’re churning and twisting, and somehow in the end I feel hollow, regardless of how much it all twists and burns.
Goodbyes?
How do I say goodbye to my sister and Angie after everything I’ve done to them? Now I’m going back to England and leaving them here alone?
The idea of it rots me.
I slip back into the doorway, avoiding the crowd of people who are sitting and laughing. It’s as if they’re suddenly free to be themselves now that the evil monster called me is gone. Em catches my head peeking around the corner and gets up, tapping Angie. I wave a hand and they come.
Angie is still laughing at whatever the guy next to her said as they walk over. They smile right up until they’re around the corner and face to face with me. Em swallows hard, not meeting my gaze.
“What?” I have to ask.
Angie’s bold enough to meet my eyes and just tell me the truth. “Everyone says you are a type of monster that has never been created before. They say you’re dangerous.”
It stings a little but I know it’s not true. “No different from any other monster in the room, I’m afraid. I’m still just me. Yesterday I made a peanut butter sandwich and ate it in a closet where no one could see me.”
Em flinches and looks down.
Leaving them is getting easier. I’m tired of feeling guilty and now adding to that the feelings of abnormality amongst the freaks makes me think I’m going to explode. “I’m leaving. I’m being assigned to England and was asked to work as a Rose there.”
Angie’s eyes burn and Em finally lifts her head to meet my face. “You’re leaving?”
I nod.
“But we just got here. We’re still learning how to be—this.” Em points at herself.
I nod again.
Angie leaps at me, wrapping herself around me. “Stay safe, Lorelei. Don't let none of them tell you you’re anything you don't think you are. I’ve known you since we were four years old and I’ve never seen nothing dangerous.”
I hug her back, taking in gulps of her scent so I won’t forget it.
She pulls me back and nods. “I forgive you and I know why you did what you did. I woulda chosen to save you too. I’m lucky to have a friend like you. I always was.”
I shake my head. “It’s me who’s lucky, it’s always been me. I shoulda listened to you when you told me about Martin. I’ll always regret that. Had I just told my daddy no, and told Whit to suck eggs, we wouldn't be here.”
She swallows whatever she’s about to say, hugging me once more before Em jumps into the embrace, clinging to me. “Don't leave me.”
“Never. I swear, I’ll never leave you. This isn’t me leaving, it’s me ending what I let happen once and for all, but I’ll come back. I want Whit and his brothers and his father to pay for what they’ve done.” I shake my head. It’s a lie. I am leaving her, and if I’m working in England I don't know when I’ll see her again.
She sobs. “I’m sorry, Lorelei. I’m sorry I didn't believe you and I’m sorry I was so mad.”
“You had every right, you both did. I’m just glad you see the predicament I was in. I’m still in.”
Em looks up, nodding at me. “We do. We know now. This place is crazy. An institution for training warriors to fight for God against evil? Who would have ever thought this existed? Nothing you’ve said has been more fantastical than this.”
I roll my eyes. “I don't even want to get into fantastical. Trust me, there is a whole mess of shit we don't even know yet.” I can’t help but wonder if we really are sisters, me and Em—if whatever made me, made her too.
I kiss them both and point behind me. “I’m gonna take the sneaky hallway back to the room to get Gwen. I don't want to see everyone in there.”
They nod, almost like they’re grateful I don't want to.
I hug them once more, holding my tears and words back, before I turn away and let it all loose. I round the corner, blinded by tears and the agony of being different.
And I’m not even sure I fixed a single thing. In the other life, Em was a frozen ghost, forever sixteen. In this life, she’s stuck there again. Only now she feeds off death. And Angie was stuck in a horrid life with a monster, and now she’s surrounded by them, never able to have the babies and grandbabies she had last time.
I just wish things could be different in a normal way. I just wish they had all been left to live happily ever after, and I was the one who was killed instead of Ramón.
When I get to the room, Gwen is sitting on the bed with a glum face. She doesn't lift her eyes to meet mine when she speaks, “So home we go then?”
“Yeah. We get to deal with Whit and the others. Nothing quite like being forced to deal with your own loved ones.”
She looks pale, even for a vampire. “I had the chance so many times to kill them. I could have ended them and the bad things they did, but I would have been alone in the world. I didn't want that. So I let them live on, doing what they did.” She lifts her face, nodding at her own painful conclusion. “Now I have to fix it.”
Chapter Seven
I glance out at the still farm, smiling at the peaceful night. In the dark it’s almost like being back in the bayou. The smell in the air of things growing is near enough, but combining it with the humidity of the English countryside, and it’s quite similar. If I close my eyes I can hear the wind toying with the long, wispy branches and rustling the lilac bushes. I miss that smell, that warm smell that cloaks you in the South. You don't even need perfume there. Us Southerners are baptized in the sweaty air of the lilacs and magnolias.
Here the smell is bitterer but it cloaks you nonetheless.
Gwen ambles over to where I am; her soft steps give her away. “Bit of a raw deal this. London my arse!”
It makes me smile. We had been told London. What they meant was it would be a stopover on the way to the actual destination—this farm in the middle of nowhere. I had been told we were also going to Romania, which scares me. It’s silly, and I know it is, but Romania actually makes me worry. We came here for a few days to meet the other Roses, before we were to leave for Romania.
“Landry says my brothers have split up. My father was caught. He’s being held in a place for people like us in Romania. That's why we’re going there. But first, they want me to see if I can smell my brothers out in a rural part of Northern England. Landry is coming in a few moments to collect us.”
“When do we leave for Romania?”
“The moment we are done in the North.”
My stomach aches when I think about either event occurring. Finding Whit will be tragic as will going to Romania.
A second later Landry, the next in line to run the English Roses, steps in front of me with his ‘winking eye flashing’ movement that they all do. He grins, not moving from directly in front of my face. “How are you this evening?”
“Tired of you staring at me like that. I didn't ask to be in charge, I don't even know what I’m doing.”
He nods. “At least we both agree on that.” He grabs my hand and Gwen’s and suddenly the air is cold and the smell is wrong. It’s evil, tainted, and filled with death. It makes my mouth water, tasting the vileness in the air. “Where are we?”
“North Manchester.”
“It smells like evil.” Gwen sniffs the air.
“One of the most dangerous places in the United Kingdom. We assumed your brothers would hide out somewhere that the stench of the town would overwhelm their own evil taint.” Landry gives her a genuine smile. He’s always nice to her.
He walks ahead to an old building, nodding at the dark eyes watching us approach.
Great.
Dorian gives me a look, sort of like he’s letting me know I’m on borrowed time as far as he’s concerned. I know he thinks I should have been put to sleep, as Lorri so eloquently put it. He nods at Landry, “Take Gwen here on a tour of the town. See if she can grab their smell.” Landry and Gwen vanish, leaving Dorian and me alone.
I haven’t seen him since he kissed me with the kiss of death and agony.
“Miss me?” he asks sardonically.
My instant response to being treated like garbage is to roll my eyes and walk away. But the moment I turn my back, he’s there, right in front of my face, swirling the wind around us. The black of his eyes holds me hostage. He looks down on me through his long inky lashes as his hands lift tentatively hovering near my arms, as his fingers softly trail my arms. It’s like he’s testing the water. His eyes trap me in their stare as his lips slowly lower to mine.
Sounds leave my lips as his caress them delicately. He’s a type of food I could live off of. I could love him without even knowing him and he calls ME dangerous. My hands lift into his dark hair, gripping his face to mine, desperate to kiss until I die. And what a way to go.
He does his moving thing and we are suddenly in a room. I can feel the warmth of the room and the staleness of the air. My legs wrap around his waist as his hands lift me into him. He massages my ass cheeks, pulling at my slacks. I lean back, gasping my air and pulling my shirt off.
He growls, staring at my breasts in their bra. I think he’s about to bite but he doesn't. He delicately plants soft kisses along the swell of my breasts, pushing his lips into the softness of them. He inhales me with every kiss, drinking me in the same way I am him.
He throws me back on the bed behind us, pulling his sweater off. I don't know what to expect but the perfection that is there, is not it. His body is chiseled and hard. Just the way an angel should be.
I stand up on my knees as he comes closer, tilting his head to the side and lowering it into my nape, as I run my hands up and down the soft, smooth skin.
I lift my eyes, moaning in pleasure as he flips my bra down and takes one of my nipples into his warm mouth. On the wall behind him I catch a glimpse of my reflection.
My eyes are silver and glowing, molten like. And my cheeks are flushed with color and passion. My reflection smiles, though I don't feel a smile upon my lips. She winks at me and I realize what’s happening. I’m not being myself. I’m succumbing to the attraction naturally there amongst us immortals. It’s not normal. It’s forced like my love of Whit.
I shove him off of me.
“Bloody hell. You want to play rough?” he asks smugly.
I cover my bare chest as my reflection laughs silently from behind the glass. “No. I don't want to do this.”
He walks to me slowly, grinning with fire. “We role playing? I’m not big on it but I guess I can try.” His accent is thicker with the passion and charm.
“Please, don't do this.” My reflection is crying she’s laughing so hard. Her molten eyes are still aflame, but now it’s humor and mockery she is bursting with.
“You’re supposed to say it more convincingly.” He raises his voice, “Please, sir, no. I’m a virgin. Please don't hurt me!” He chuckles, grabbing my wrists roughly.
I blast him backward, shaking my head and trembling from the use of my power.
He winks before he slams into the wall and suddenly his warmth is pressed against me, grinding his erection into my butt. He leans in, muttering into my ear, “Do you like having your hair pulled or do you want me to decide for you?” He kisses my neck, biting ever so delicately. I moan, leaning back into him. The incense scent in the air and the heady taste of him puts my head in a fog.
“LORELEI!” Someone calls from outside of the room. I realize we’re inside of the old building we were just standing outside of.
Dorian cups my breasts, grinding himself into me, ignoring the sounds coming from outside. He rolls my nipples, pinching in a rhythm and licking my neck. His hot breath tickles and I don't even care what it takes, I want him inside of me.
“LORELEI!”
I crack an eyelid to see my reflection again. Dorian isn’t in the mirror. His hand slides down my torso, sliding into my pants. His fingers dip into my underwear. My reflection winks at me as he touches my clit, pressing on it lightly before rubbing in a circle.
My lips part to moan but a scream rips from them. My reflection flickers and vanishes as the mirror cracks. In the broken glass I see something I don't expect.
I turn to see Whit instead of Dorian. He grins and I realize it’s Rydal. My lips part to scream again. As the shrill sound rips from my lips I blink and realize I’m still standing on the road, fully dressed and completely turned on but confused.
Dorian cocks an eyebrow at me, still wearing all his clothes and standing on the road.
I look down, one of my hands is cupping my breasts, pinching my own nipple and the other one is in my pants. I rip it out my pants and drop them to my sides, shaking my head. “What’d you do?”
When I look back at Dorian his face couldn't be more amused. “Which part?”
I’m trembling still. I feel like crying, and yet, I sort of still want sex but I’m lost in it all. I look up at the amusement on his face, snapping, “WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME?”
He doesn't move beyond smiling wider. “You did that to yourself. I was talking about Romania and suddenly you started moaning about and then you were miming being scared and playing hard to get for yourself. I had no idea you were this entertaining. It was like a strip club combined with interpretive dance.”
“No. No. It wasn't me. There was a mirror and she was me but she wasn't and then there was a face. Rydal.”
His eyes narrow.
I point at the building. “I was in there, that room, I could hear y’all yelling for me. Wait. You were there and then you became Rydal.”
He sighs. “Trust me, if I was there, you’d know it.” He walks past me. “I have a rule about messing with things like you. I don't. I like my penis being right where it is, thank you very much.”
I’m humiliated and disturbed.
I’ve touched myself and had a sex dream about him while I was awake, in front of him. “There has to be a reason. I don't do stuff like that.”
He turns. “I’m certain you don't. Someone is messing with you. They have to be close by to do it.” He vanishes, appearing behind me, touches my arm, and we are suddenly inside of the building. We are in exactly the room I was just in.
“This is it.”
He grips my hand, pulling me through the rooms. I stop him, seeing the mirror on the wall. “That's the mirror. I could see myself but she wasn't me.”
He pulls the old brass framed mirror off the wall and looks at it. It’s nothing. He smashes it on the floor, making me jump back. Black smoke puffs out from underneath it. He looks at me. “They were here.”
“They can’t be far—they can’t do the winky thing.”
“They are likely not alone, firstly, and secondly we don't call it that. It’s just traveling.” He rolls his eyes.
“What do we do now?”
He chuckles. “You’re in charge.”
I gulp, closing my eyes and praying an answer will come to me.
Nothing happens but the sex scene relives in my mind.
When I open them I swallow hard again. The vampire side of me really doesn't think much about casual sex. Not like the Southern girl side of me. She’s nearly having a stroke about Whit and Rydal.
Dorian gives me a look. “What do think about the black smoke?”
“A spell.”
He nods. “They have a witch.”
That makes me shudder. His brow knits together. “What was that face for?”
“They’re disturbing and sick when they have witches. The things they do are just—it’s not right.”
He sighs. And walks down the hallway to the back of the building. “Could there be a protective spell on the place?”
I close my eyes, sensing as hard as I can for magic. I can feel a stain of magic; the witch is long gone. “This is a trap. It’s a decoy. They were here only to set it and leave. They didn't stay.”
“How do know that?”
I sniff the air. “I can only smell Rydal, so he was alone with the witch. H
e would have come here because y’all would have thought it. He’s five hundred years old, this ain’t his first rodeo.”
When I open my eyes, Dorian is giving me a disturbed look. “Rodeo?”
“You know what I mean. He’s been avoiding you with magic for five hundred years. This isn’t the first time he’s outsmarted you and the others.”
“But how do you know that?”
I shrug. “I don’t know how. I just do.”
His gaze narrows as his lips play with a grin, either fighting it or trying to hide it. “You had sex with him!”
My lips part, desperate for a lie to absolve myself of the lies, but they remain there, behind my eyes.
He nods. “That's how he’s able to toy with your brain. You let him in already once.”
My gaze lowers to the old wooden floor. I don't actually have a defense for the act. I was desperately trying to save the witches and free myself. Using sex seemed like a great idea, until it was over. Now it seems whorish.
“So he and the witch came here, set traps for us to walk into, and now he’s moved on to the next place to set more? Hoping we will get caught up in a trail of bullshit and nonsense?”
I nod.
“Then where is the last place he would go?”
“Home.”
Dorian’s eyes light up. “Bloody hell, you’re right. He’ll have us all knackered from running about when he’s sitting at home preparing for the eventual assault on the place.” He grabs my hand and suddenly we’re outside. I shudder as he takes off again. We land and wink away three times until we find Gwen and Landry, making out against a wall. He thrusts into her and I realize they aren’t making out. I cover Dorian’s eyes and drag him backward. We stay behind the wall of the building next to us. He pulls my hands down from his eyes. “I take it they found a trap?”
“Or they just decided to have sex. I think he likes her a lot.” I shrug.
His dark eyes glisten in the moonlight. “What’s not to like? She’s beautiful, sweet, and she can’t murder you with her vagina.”
