Judging from Alan’s super-lean frame, his caloric intake wasn’t keeping up with the demand. Travis took a bite of his sandwich. Stuffed full of alfalfa sprouts and topped with a few slivers of avocado and a tiny bit of cream cheese, if this was the sort of thing Alan normally had for lunch, it was no wonder he couldn’t maintain his weight. “You look like you could use a sack of cheeseburgers.”
“I feel great,” Alan insisted. “And I don’t need cheeseburgers—although I have developed an insatiable craving for chocolate ice cream. I’ve been hitting that ice cream parlor across the street at least once a week.”
“It’s a wonder you don’t freeze your nuts off eating that stuff this time of year.”
“Might be a good thing if I did,” Alan said. “Might help me keep my dick under control.”
Travis arched a brow. “I doubt it. I’ve seen the cute girls scooping out the ice cream in that store. I’m surprised they don’t bar the door whenever they see you coming.”
“Contrary to popular belief, I can control myself in public.” Alan paused, frowning. “Usually.”
“Uh huh.” Travis couldn’t help being skeptical. A wide counter may have separated the employees from the patrons, but, being a very popular place, the customers were often lined up together for extended periods while they waited for their sundaes. A woman stuck in line with Alan might never want ice cream again.
“How’s Stuart taking all of this?” Alan asked.
“I don’t know. He seems happy for me, but he’s still kinda shell-shocked from his divorce. No matter what I say, I can’t convince him that women don’t hate him.”
“Yeah, well, maybe we’ve all lost our marbles. You falling for a married woman shocked the shit out of me.”
“Miranda isn’t married.”
“Yes, but you thought she was, which amounts to the same thing.”
Travis couldn’t argue with that logic, because he’d berated himself with it more than once. “I’d like to take her home to meet the family. Not sure what Dad will say when he spots her wedding ring.”
“She’s still wearing it?”
Travis blew out a breath. “Yeah. I’m not sure I have the right to ask her not to. Not yet, anyway.”
“Might be best to let her decide that on her own.”
Something else I can’t argue with. “You know, for a self-described sex maniac, you possess a surprising amount of wisdom.”
Alan shrugged. “I do my best to understand the feminine point of view. Hasn’t done me any good so far, but it hasn’t hurt, either.”
“So you’re saying you can understand why women don’t necessarily want sex every hour of every day, you just can’t use that information to help you stifle your, um, urges?”
Alan actually smiled—this time with a touch of genuine amusement. “Something like that.”
“Like I said, you might find the right girl someday. Don’t give up yet.”
“I haven’t. This is an exercise in self-discipline, not a permanent lifestyle.”
Travis suspected that sooner or later Alan’s control would snap. And when it did, the lady on the receiving end would be in for the surprise of her life. “In the meantime, the harem idea has merit. I’ll keep my eyes peeled for volunteers.”
“You do that.”
* * * *
Despite the phone call to check up on her, Miranda had the strangest feeling that she’d seen the last of Travis, and she was at a loss to explain why. He’d given her no reason to suspect that he was unhappy with their current arrangement, but that niggling little doubt persisted.
Maybe I’m just bored. With Travis around, she’d certainly never had that problem. She needed something to keep her mind off him—and the contents of her refrigerator. Having decided that he might notice if she ran the vacuum, she took a shower, did a Web search on the length of time required for broken ribs to heal (three to six weeks), and posted her status on Facebook. Ribs still sore and crunchy. Headache gone. Not hearing the animals talk to me…much—which drew a phone call from Tracy.
“Hey, Sis. Saw your status update. What’s all that about? Are you hurt again?”
Miranda hadn’t bothered to inform her family about her accident, mainly because she knew they’d needle her incessantly. After the first few trips to the ER, she’d decided that only life-threatening emergencies needed to be reported. “A little.”
“A little? Animals are talking to you and that’s all you can say?”
“Okay, but please don’t tell Mom and Dad. You know how they are.”
“I’ll grant you that, but you could’ve at least told me. What happened?”
Preparing for a lengthy conversation, Miranda sat down at the kitchen table and gave her sister a quick rundown of recent events, concluding with, “Travis has been looking after me ever since.”
“Oh, ho! So that’s why you didn’t bother to call me. You already had a nurse—and a hot one, at that.”
Miranda sighed. “He is totally hot, and you wouldn’t believe how sweet he is to me. I really don’t deserve him.”
“You deserve a sweet guy and then some, so don’t give me any crap about being undeserving,” Tracy snapped. “I take it you’ve finally owned up to your attraction to him.”
“Sort of. I’m still not sure I can admit it to myself, but he’s bound to have picked up on the idea.”
“You aren’t telling me a whole helluva lot.” Miranda could almost hear her sister’s tapping foot.
“I don’t know a whole helluva lot. I keep feeling like I’ll wake up and find all of this is another hallucination.”
“No, it isn’t. It’s something that should’ve happened a long time ago—and probably would have if you hadn’t been so damn stubborn. Travis is a nice guy. Don’t run him off.”
Miranda rolled her eyes. “That’s what Kira told me.” She thought Jade might have said something similar, but she wasn’t clear on that. Then again, it could have been Lola or Denise…
“At least your horse has some sense, even if you don’t. Has he met Levi yet?”
“No, but I’m hoping that’ll happen this weekend. I’m not sure what I’ll do if Levi doesn’t like him. You know how blunt he can be.”
Tracy snickered. “No shit. I’ll never forget the time he told me I had a big butt.”
“Me, neither.” Her son’s tendency to say exactly what was on his mind could be embarrassing at times. Simply because she couldn’t find any flaws in Travis didn’t necessarily mean that Levi wouldn’t. “Thank God Travis isn’t a smoker. I’d never hear the end of it.”
“Score two points for Travis,” Tracy said. “Don’t worry so much about what Levi thinks. This is your love life we’re talking about, not his.”
“True—although that may change. Evidently, he’s taken a liking to one of the girls he works with. I don’t mind telling you I’m a little nervous about the idea.”
“Of course you are—and it would be wonderful if he found someone—but don’t let yourself get so wrapped up in his romance that you forget yours.”
Miranda couldn’t help chuckling. “Damn, Tracy. Who are you? My sister or something?”
“Yes, I am, so don’t think you can kid me. I know how your mind works, and I know how hard it was for you to take the plunge. Do you love Travis—or at least think you can love him?”
“I should,” she said with a rueful laugh. “In fact, I should be counting my lucky stars that he’s here with me at all. He’s sweet, sexy, adorable, and fun. He takes excellent care of me and everything else, all of my animals seem to like him—hell, I even spotted one of my skittish little barn cats rubbing on his leg while he was filling up the birdfeeder.”
“But…”
Miranda blew out a breath. “For some reason it isn’t enough and it’s bugging the hell out of me—more so when I’m alone than when I’m with him. When he’s here, everything seems terrific. But after he left for work this morning, I started having doubts. I mean, why is he intere
sted in me, anyway?”
Tracy actually growled. “Should I make a list of your stellar attributes? Or would a swollen head make your concussion worse?”
“Don’t bother. And don’t scream at me when I say this, but something’s missing. I just can’t seem to put my finger on it.”
“I can tell you exactly what’s missing. Your sanity.”
“I know! He’s such a great guy—he’s even going to fix the windows in the barn. He did ask me if he could, so I can’t accuse him of trying to take over—”
“Oh, my God. Don’t start with that.”
“Tracy, you of all people should be able to identify with that feeling—that loss of control.”
“No shit, but I can also relate to wanting someone in my life to share the load and have fun with. You’ve been working your ass off your whole life. Even the things you like to do could be seen as work. ”
Miranda knew she was right. “The trouble is, he seems to be assuming a claim on me that I don’t understand. It’s like he knew how I felt about him before my accident, or he learned something that day—something I can’t remember. Part of me wants to accept and enjoy him, but another part of me is still trying to figure out exactly how it happened.”
“Couldn’t you just ask him?”
“That would sound really stupid. I can hear me now—Hey, Travis. What the hell happened between us? Was there something I missed? It’s like the moment he realized I wasn’t married I suddenly became his girlfriend.”
“Let me get this straight. You’re pissed because your affair began without your stamp of approval or because it wasn’t your idea?”
“Not really. I feel like I wasn’t consulted. Like my wishes didn’t matter.”
“But you had the hots for him. I know you did!”
“So the fact that I got my wish justifies the means?”
“Did it ever occur to your twisted brain that you truly might have missed something?”
“There’ve been times when I thought I did, but how could I forget something that significant?”
Tracy snorted a laugh. “Come on, Miranda. You know better than that. Concussions don’t differentiate between trivial memories and the really crucial stuff. You need to talk to him. Seriously.”
“I know, but…”
“If this is bothering you enough that it might screw things up between you two, you need to swallow that stiff-necked pride of yours and ask him. I think you should believe him too. He doesn’t strike me as a liar.”
Since Tracy’s experiences were a large part of the reason Miranda had avoided men after Kris’s death, having her vouch for Travis’s honesty actually meant something. Not that he needed anyone to vouch for him. He’s perfect, remember? He wouldn’t lie, especially not about something that important.
It was her own honesty she questioned—or perhaps having the nerve to be honest with him. Despite her concussion, she recalled her shaky resolve to tell him how she felt about him. Evidently, she must’ve said or done something, otherwise none of this would’ve happened.
Or would it?
“No, he isn’t a liar. He’s a perfectly wonderful, honest, reliable man. The fact that he’s still single is nothing short of a miracle.”
“Then treat him like the miracle he is,” Tracy advised. “Don’t ruin the best chance for happiness you may ever have.”
“Okay, okay…”
After a bit of catching up, Miranda said goodbye to her sister and switched off the phone. “Now what do I do?”
Glancing sideways, she spotted something lying on the floor beside the trash can in the corner. Curious, she got up from the table and bent to retrieve it, noticing two things. First, that she was able to reach it with surprisingly little pain, and second, that the object in question was an unopened condom packet.
Unable to recall ever bringing it into the house, she could only assume that it belonged to Travis, but how it had ended up in that particular location was anyone’s guess. He must’ve tossed it in the general direction of the trash can and missed. But why? A quick check of the date stamped on it proved it wasn’t expired, so there appeared to be no reason to have thrown it away.
Unless he knew he would never need it.
The subject had never even been mentioned anytime they’d been intimate. True, he knew that becoming pregnant was impossible for her—he’d learned that during the ER visit—but what about sexually transmitted diseases? He might have known he wasn’t carrying any, but he couldn’t have known that about her.
Trusting fellow, isn’t he?
Great. Now she had another question that would make her feel like a complete idiot for asking. Granted, it was a little late to be worrying about catching anything from each other, aside from the fact that he might take her query as a sign of distrust. Given the trust issues he’d had with the obstetrician, she suspected that challenging his integrity would be an offense he wouldn’t easily forgive.
She wanted nothing more than to keep her mouth shut and continue to ignore her concerns, but allowing them to fester to the point that they poisoned the relationship was unthinkable. Tracy was right. She did need to talk to him.
Now all I have to do is find the nerve.
Chapter 24
In the end, Miranda opted for the coward’s way out of her dilemma. She simply left the condom sitting in the middle of the table in the hope that Travis would see it and make a comment.
It’s certainly a conversation-starter. After that, she did her best to ignore the evils lurking in the refrigerator and started cleaning out closets. Bagging up old clothes to take to the Goodwill wasn’t much different from doing laundry, but she figured if she left the heavy lifting for Travis, he wouldn’t fuss too much.
She was in the process of cleaning out Levi’s closet when she found two sleeping bags, only then remembering that she’d bought the extra one with the intention of accompanying Levi on his first camping trip with the Scouts. She’d wound up having to work that night and had never used it, nor had Levi seemed disappointed by her absence. Although that campout had been a giant step toward his current level of independence, at the time, Miranda had been worried sick.
Thinking back over all that had happened since then, she was once again amazed by how much he had achieved—and especially how much he had matured in the last three or four years. He’d gone from a kid who had to have an aide at school and a driver to take him out a couple times a week, to a young man who lived in his own apartment and drove himself to work. And now he seemed to think he had a girlfriend. How would he react to his mother having a boyfriend?
He’d come a long way, but he was still a creature of habit, disliking change far more than most people. Moving to the farm and then to his apartment in town had been difficult enough. If Travis were to become a permanent fixture in her life, Levi would have to adapt.
Permanent fixture? Sounds like I’m thinking about marrying him.
Almost as though it had spoken to her, the flag sitting in its display case on the dresser drew her eye. Crossing the room, she picked up the photograph of Kris that sat next to it. Although she could easily see his resemblance to Levi, no one would ever accuse her of falling for Travis because he reminded her of her late husband. Travis was drop-dead handsome by anyone’s standards. Kris, on the other hand, was cute in a slightly goofy way, with big ears and freckles. The quality of the smile and the twinkling eyes were similar, though. Maybe that was it.
She tried to recall the first time Kris had smiled at her and couldn’t do it. They hadn’t known each other until their senior year when they were both aides for the same teacher. He’d been a Grateful Dead fan, and she could never hear one of their songs without thinking of the first time he’d played “Truckin” for her. Funny how she could remember that, but not the first time he’d kissed her. Even funnier was the fact that she was a little fuzzy about her first kiss with Travis.
However, she had no difficulty whatsoever when it came to recalling that first hug
. All she had to do was close her eyes, and she was standing in Nigel’s barn with Travis’s arms flung around her. Biting down on her lip, she relived that rush of emotions—the sexual excitement, the wistfulness of knowing that a hug might be all she’d ever get from him, the battle with herself to step away when it was the very last thing she’d wanted to do…
“I should have kissed him,” she whispered. “Really kissed him.” Tears stung her eyes as she considered what might have happened next—especially since he’d thought she was married. Would he have kissed her back, or would he have pushed her away? He’d admitted to fighting his attraction to her because she still wore Kris’s ring. What would’ve happened if she’d explained her reasons for wearing it then?
Her gaze shifted to the band of gold on her left hand. From the moment Kris had placed it there, she’d never taken it off. She remembered that moment with perfect clarity. A wedding chapel in Jellico, Tennessee. The sunbeam that turned his golden hair to flame. The steady warmth of his hands in contrast to the chilly tremors of her own. She’d been so nervous, but so much in love her heart felt like it had grown three sizes that day.
Like the Grinch Who Stole Christmas, Kris had said when she told him about it later. She’d punched him for laughing and then ended up giggling right along with him.
She stole another glance at his picture. “It’s time, isn’t it?”
His smile never wavered as she pulled the ring from her finger. “I know just the place for this.” Opening the back of the case that held the flag, she slipped the ring inside, positioning it in the center of the base of the triangular frame. She set the case back on the dresser with the photograph next to it. “Loving you doesn’t mean I can’t love anyone else, Kris. Took me a long time to see that, but I finally do.”
In that instant, she realized that if she’d taken this step sooner, she might be in another place with a different man, rather than with Travis.
Kissing her fingertips, she pressed them to the wooden case. “Thanks for making me wait for the right one.”
Unbridled (Unlikely Lovers) Page 20
