by Brenda Novak
“I’m pretty sure I said no while we were in the lake.”
“But you didn’t have to come to my room. I’m capable of drawing my own bath.”
That was true. In his defense, he’d wanted to take care of her, see that she was warm, safe and dry before he went to bed. But now that he was confronted with the choice again, he also wanted to feel her legs hug his hips as she drew him inside her. And the fact that she’d removed her wet bra held him like a high-powered magnet.
His muscles bunched as he fought the testosterone coursing through him. “Then tell me this. What do I stand to lose?”
She was still shivering. “Lose?”
“I want to make sure that it’s not going to convince you of something terrible if I don’t walk out that door.”
Suddenly uncertain, she crossed her arms, leaving her panties on. Riley recognized them as one of the lacy pairs he and Kyle had purchased for her and wondered if they were the same pair she’d had on in the pool. But that was a memory he shouldn’t have summoned, not if he still planned to sleep in his own bed. Remembering the way she’d gripped his wrist as he’d explored her warmth made him far too eager to do it again.
“Phoenix? Tell me it’ll be okay.”
Her voice sounded husky when she said, “It’ll be okay. I don’t expect you to leave. I don’t even want you to.”
The look on her face seemed to confirm her words.
Except for his boxers, which were wet, he already had his clothes off. After getting out of the lake, they’d both been in too much of a rush to stop and dress. They’d paused only long enough to grab their clothes from the shore. “You’re not afraid to let me make love to you after so many years?”
Her gaze slid over his chest to the erection that was obvious under his boxers. “I think it’s inevitable.”
She also thought it was inevitable that he’d be finished with her afterward. But maybe the easiest way to convince her otherwise was simply to prove her wrong.
He went into the bathroom and turned on the water. “Come here.”
Obviously nervous now that she’d made the commitment, she bit her lip as she met him in the bathroom.
“You’re beautiful,” he told her, and purposely touched her face instead of her breasts. “You know that, right?”
When she grimaced and started to shake her head as if she didn’t expect such effusive compliments, he pressed both hands to her cheeks and made her look at him. “It’s true.”
“I have too many scars...”
“They don’t detract from your beauty.” He touched the one on her abdomen. “What happened here?”
A muscle moved in her cheek. “I was shanked.”
There was that “take me or leave me, this is what you get” attitude she’d had while they were playing pool. It was almost as if she pointed out everything she figured he wouldn’t like, to prove that he couldn’t really be interested in her.
But she was wrong. The less appealing aspects of her life and her past didn’t scare him, not like they used to. The thought of her lying on some dirty cement floor, bleeding, made him furious at himself. Why hadn’t he done more to help her during the past seventeen years? To make her time at the correctional facility less difficult?
He’d been stuck in denial, determined to relegate Jacob’s mother to the past.
“Why and how were you attacked?” he asked softly.
“Let’s not talk about my scars. They’re...unsightly.”
He’d thought it might help to address such things; he wanted her to know that she had nothing to be insecure or self-conscious about. He understood who and what she was—and wanted her, anyway. “They’re not unsightly to me. They’re just...part of who you are. I wish you’d never had to go through what you did...”
“Don’t,” she said. “Let’s not bring the past in here with us—at least not the parts we can avoid.”
“Okay, but other than the regret I feel about your pain, I don’t mind this scar or any of the others.” He ran his thumb over the elastic of her panties. “How about I take these off?”
When she nodded, he slid them down and gazed up at her.
“Well?” she said, obviously feeling self-conscious under his silent regard.
“This is going to be good.” He stripped off his boxers. Then he scooped her into his arms and carried her into the hot water.
* * *
Riley was on his knees in front of her. Phoenix knew that a more confident woman—a woman like Candy—might’ve clenched her hands in his hair and pulled him up to bring their mouths together. She wanted to do that, wanted to kiss him as he pushed inside her.
But experience had taught her not to express what she felt, especially when it came to him.
She lay without moving as he lifted her halfway out of the water and licked the drops from the insides of her thighs. When he moved higher, the pleasure grew so intense she started to tremble, but she couldn’t encourage him by arching toward him or vocalizing it, or doing anything else. The memory of the pain, rejection and degradation that’d come after the pleasure seventeen years ago was simply too powerful, no matter how hard she tried to block it out.
“Don’t you like this?” he murmured, his eyelids heavy as he looked up at her.
She’d closed her eyes, but when he spoke she opened them. He was asking why she wasn’t responding. He probably felt as if he was in this alone. But she couldn’t even bring herself to assure him that she did like it. A lot. Probably because she liked it too much. This wasn’t the frenzied coupling she’d imagined. A hit-and-run would be one thing. But...this was slow and seductive. She was breaking every rule she’d set for herself before leaving prison, and those rules had been her way of making sure she stayed out of trouble.
“Phoenix? Don’t I have the right spot?”
He knew what he was doing, but every woman was different. Given her lack of response, she could see why he might wonder. But this was her problem, not his. Even though her heart was racing, she felt...frozen.
He’s going to leave now. You aren’t capable of going through with this. Not with him.
“I told you I’d be terrible,” she said. “You—you don’t have to stay.”
He narrowed his eyes. “What are you talking about? I want to stay. I’m dying to stay.”
“I’m too damaged.” She started to get out of the tub, but he held her in place.
“I don’t believe that,” he said, then put his mouth on her again. The water flowed around her breasts as his hands gripped her buttocks and his tongue moved over her. She could barely breathe, and yet she still tried to contain herself. Somehow, acting on her desire didn’t seem as dangerous as letting him know how much she enjoyed this. That had to be where she’d gone wrong before. She’d been too needy, too eager, too transparent; she could never let herself be that vulnerable again. They were just bodies, two bodies acting on instinct...
“Quit holding back,” he murmured.
“I—I can’t help it.”
“All you have to do is relax.”
“I keep hearing my mother telling me I’m a fool.”
“We’ve both let you down. And yet you’re trying to trust her again, trying to make a life with her in it. That’s all I’m asking for you to do for me.”
“But I think she might be right about this. There are always consequences, and what comes next?”
“You’re going to climax. That’s what comes next,” he said and, holding her legs apart, he lifted her out of the water again.
* * *
She was doing everything she could to sabotage her own pleasure. Riley had never been with anyone who tried to remain so aloof. She was resisting the very thing she wanted, which confused him at first. Still, it didn’t take long to figure out what was going on. Phoenix was trying to participate physically but not mentally. She seemed to believe that would somehow protect her, keep her from becoming vulnerable.
Tomorrow we’ll just...go on as if it never ha
ppened. She was determined not to let this change anything.
But he was just as determined to make her feel the intensity of their connection, and see her react to it.
He’d never worked so hard to bring a woman pleasure or felt as gratified as he did the moment Phoenix cried out.
He looked up at her then, in triumph, and saw the realization hit her—that fighting him had been a waste of time and this night would change everything.
That was when he helped her out of the tub and guided her to the bed. They didn’t even take the time to dry off. He’d broken through all her defenses. She was finally ready to make love with him the way he wanted—with passion and tenderness, but most of all with meaning.
* * *
When Riley touched her in bed, it was with a reverence that hadn’t been there before. Positioning himself beside her, he rose up on one elbow as he trailed a finger between her breasts. He gave Phoenix the impression that he wanted to take their lovemaking slow, to savor every moment.
His gaze swept over her, seeing everything, since they hadn’t turned off the light. “I like the way you look.” He lowered his mouth to hers and kissed her gently, sweetly. “And the way you taste.” He breathed in as he ran his nose down her neck and over one breast. “And the way you smell.”
Phoenix didn’t dare speak. She was feeling far too much to express any of it in words, was frightened by what might come out if she tried. The last thing she needed was to tell him that no man could ever mean as much to her as he did. That whether they were together or not, she’d love him until the day she died. Anyone who could hang on for seventeen years, through the rejection she’d faced and everything else she’d been through, had to be built for one man and one man only. And, for whatever reason, he was that man.
His hand cupped her breast as he suckled her, and the other hand found its way to her hair. Then he raised his head and stared down at her as his fingers sought even more intimate places.
“I’ve imagined the two of us together so many times,” he said. “At Sexy Sadie’s, in the pool, at night in my bed. But the reality is so much better than all of that.”
She began to explore his body. She figured this might be her only chance to act on the desire he aroused in her. Why not take what she wanted, too? Forget about caution and control and what might happen later. Add another night to her small but treasured cache of memories, this one of Riley as an adult?
He seemed slightly surprised that she’d become more aggressive. So far, all she’d done was try to remind herself that this probably wouldn’t lead to anything permanent. That would be too much to ask, and she’d learned long ago not to wish for a lot. But if she had to love Riley, she might as well enjoy the next few hours.
“Phoenix?” he whispered. “What are you thinking?”
“I’m not. Let’s not waste our time talking, either,” she said, and felt his body go taut when she wrapped her hand around him. “I—I need...”
“What?” He closed his eyes. “What do you need?”
“I need to feel you inside me,” she replied. “And I’m not willing to wait.”
He didn’t require any more encouragement. After that, everything grew intense. His kisses changed to hungry and purposeful and she thought he’d enter her right away. But he didn’t. He got out a condom and put it on. Then he held her arms above her head and paused to look down at her. “Being with you, it’s...amazing,” he said. “Thank you for taking the chance, even though I don’t deserve it. I’ll prove myself. You’ll see.”
She groaned as she felt him fill her. “Yes,” she whispered, trying to ignore his words—in case she made the mistake of counting on them. “God, that feels good.”
It’d been so long—and never, in all that time, had she wanted anyone else.
* * *
Phoenix woke a few hours later. It was still dark, so she wasn’t sure what had awakened her, until she felt movement. After sleeping alone for seventeen years, she had someone else in her bed—and not just anyone. This was the one man she’d sworn to avoid.
Swallowing a sigh at her weakness—she’d made love to him not just once but twice—she leaned on one elbow to gaze at him in the moonlight shining through a skylight overhead. He was even more beautiful asleep...
“What are you thinking about?” he murmured.
She hadn’t realized he was awake, and she wasn’t about to tell him the truth. She grinned instead. “That you’re good in bed.”
“You’re not bad yourself. You really underestimated your own ability, you know that? That second time...you just about killed me.”
She knew he was referring to how wantonly she’d straddled him before they fell asleep, and felt the heat of a blush. “What are you talking about? You were fine.”
“I was hanging on for dear life. I’ve never been ridden quite like that.”
“Stop teasing me,” she said, and gave him a playful punch.
He grasped her hands. “Why? I liked it—so much that I nearly humiliated myself. It was all I could do to last. Just thinking about the look on your face when you came makes me hard.”
“We don’t have any more condoms, and we already had to use the withdrawal method once. We shouldn’t risk it. With my luck, history will repeat itself.”
“Wouldn’t that be ironic—if I got you pregnant again?” he said, but he sounded more wistful than horrified by the idea.
“At least we’re older. Now it doesn’t matter what anyone says about our choices.”
“Being an adult has its advantages.”
“But if I am pregnant, I get to raise this one.”
She sounded adamant, as if she wouldn’t allow herself to be robbed again. He stroked her hair. “You’re assuming you’d have to do it on your own.”
“I don’t expect anything from you, Riley. I’m stronger than I thought I was. You can go your way, and I’ll be fine.”
He ran a finger down the side of her face. “I’m not going anywhere,” he said, pulling her back down beside him.
* * *
It was almost eleven o’clock when Riley woke up. He wasn’t sure how he’d slept so late, since he was used to getting up early. But when he saw that Phoenix wasn’t in the room, he worried that she might’ve tried to leave the cabin on her own. He wanted to be the one to drive her home, so he threw on his clothes without bothering to shower, raked his fingers through his hair to get it to lie down and hurried over to the main house.
Fortunately, Phoenix was there, in the kitchen, helping with breakfast—and Candy was nowhere in sight. Was it too much to hope that she was the one who’d left?
He didn’t see Samantha, either, also a hopeful sign.
“Morning.” Gail smiled brightly as she carried out a platter of scrambled eggs. Eve followed with sausages.
Riley’s gaze sought out Phoenix, who was frying potatoes. At the sound of his voice, she glanced behind her and curved her lips in a brief smile before returning to her work. But the uncertain nature of that smile made him walk over, wrap an arm around her shoulders and kiss her on the top of her head. “Hi, gorgeous.”
She looked over at the kitchen table, where all his friends were watching them. “You’d better grab a plate while the eggs are hot,” she said, going red. “I’ll bring over the potatoes in a second.”
Simon stood next to her, making waffles. His grin slanted to one side, and he nudged Riley, who was walking by. “You sleep okay in that small bed?”
“Best night I’ve had in a while,” Riley said.
Simon chuckled. “Glad to hear it.”
Everyone smirked at him. But Riley didn’t care if they were catching on that he’d been with Phoenix. It didn’t embarrass him in the least. He’d gotten what he wanted; now he just had to figure out how to hang on to her. Jacob had said he didn’t mind their being together. But there were also his parents, the Mansfields and all the other people in Whiskey Creek who thought she was guilty of killing Lori. And Lizzie wasn’t likely to fo
rgive him for the pain he’d caused Phoenix.
But first things first. He had to start his second chance with Phoenix by asking Candy to leave. “Where are Candy and Samantha?” he asked.
Callie jerked her head at Kyle, who was sitting at the table. “Someone did you a solid and told them that having them here wasn’t really working out.”
Riley felt his mouth drop open. “You?”
Kyle took a sip of his orange juice. “Don’t say I never did anything for you.”
“Thanks. But you are the one who got her up here.” He lifted his hands. “Just sayin’.”
He scowled in mock anger. “Because you couldn’t get your own date.”
Relieved to think he’d been spared that obstacle, he poured himself a cup of coffee and joined the others at the table. “So...how’d it go? What’d she say?”
“She’d already figured out you weren’t all that interested in her. She was packing when I knocked on the door.”
“There’s nothing like sobriety to put things in perspective.”
Everyone laughed.
“What about Samantha?” Riley asked. “She could’ve stayed.”
Kyle clicked his tongue. “That wasn’t really working, either.”
Riley put his coffee down and squeezed Kyle’s shoulder. “Sorry, bro.”
He shrugged, and focused on Olivia, who was just coming into the room with her husband, Brandon. “Attraction’s a funny thing.”
He’d been in love with Olivia for a number of years but had lost her to his stepbrother. Riley could only imagine how hard it was to see them together all the time.
“Definitely.” Riley certainly hadn’t been able to pick the woman he was attracted to. Phoenix had tried, more than once, to warn him that being with her wouldn’t be easy, but she was the one he wanted, and he couldn’t seem to escape that.
“Who’s ready for a waffle?” Simon asked, but then the phone rang, and he raised a finger for quiet.
“Riley, it’s Jacob,” he said a moment later.
Riley felt Phoenix’s interest as he walked over. But when everyone went back to talking, he had to take the phone into the other room in order to hear. “What’s up, buddy?”
