Murdoch thrust his hand before my face. “There. Hold it.”
I clasped it so he couldn’t change his mind later. I linked our fingers, and his filled the gap where my ring finger should be. To his credit, he didn’t seem to mind its absence. He didn’t recoil or even comment, just let me drape his arm over my shoulder. I breathed in the scent of his wrist. Herbs. Perhaps he used an ointment for any number of the injuries I had dealt him. Beneath that scent, warm, solid male.
“How long should I stand here?” He gave a cursory test of my grip.
“Until I fall asleep.” I snuggled lower beneath his comforter, drawing his arm tighter around me. I had shared a bed with Hishima early in our relationship. Some nights, after we made love, I slept with my cheek pressed to his chest. I would listen to his heartbeat and picture our glorious future together. Even then, when he had made me believe he loved me, and when I had loved him wholeheartedly, I did not enjoy the blissful sense of security I felt with Murdoch’s arm clutched to my chest. It should have worried me more that I used this near stranger’s arm as my light against the darkness growing inside me.
But his hands were large and capable. His grip on me was tight, too tight, perfect.
Unnerved by the comfort he gave me, I sat up and relinquished his hand. “I can’t sleep.”
He pressed down on my shoulder when I tried to stand. “Where do you think you’re going?”
I glanced at the window. Moonlight glowed softly beneath the faded tapestry. “Hunting.”
Although I did my best to appear to be reformed, Murdoch flat refused to leave the city with only himself to watch over me. He did a good job of selling me on why Lleu ought to accompany us. What it boiled down to was Murdoch’s fear I would muster another escape and that it would prove successful. Lleu, for his part, was thrilled with the idea of a nighttime trek into the woods.
“Come to finish the job, eh?” Moonlight glinted off Lleu’s cheeks.
“Hush.” I waved him on as our trio walked until we reached the edge of the trees.
Standing close to my failed escape route tempted me, but it was the best place to keep watch if we wanted to observe the downfield area I had been too weak and tired to reach with a spade.
“What are we looking for, exactly?” Murdoch’s warm breath hit my neck.
I shivered. “You’ll know it if you see it.” It wasn’t every day the dead rose, thank the gods.
Hunkered down, we three sat shoulder to shoulder and waited.
Hours passed. Lleu began fidgeting. Murdoch began scowling. I let my eyes go out of focus. I was used to kneeling until my legs lost feeling and my feet became cold and disconnected from me. I would have thought both males would have similar experience, being guards. Murdoch had more patience than Lleu. He surveyed the field with his keen eyes and a waning spark of interest.
“I fail to see how this helps me locate the missing males,” Murdoch whispered.
“Perhaps they are deserters.” Lleu shrugged. “Their families might sneak them food at night. For all we know, they might be sneaking into Cathis. Most knew of the grotto’s exit. What if the males entered the grotto from the forest side at night? They could slip away before the sun rose.”
“What would be the point?” I asked.
“If they were alive and well, they couldn’t simply stroll down the street.” Lleu scoffed.
“Why not?” After so much death, I would have thought their clansmen a welcome sight.
“Deserters are hanged.” Murdoch drummed his fingers on his kneecap.
“Ah.” I didn’t mention I would embrace even the cowards after suffering such losses.
“Is that what you think we’ll see?” Murdoch stared at me. “Are there deserters here?”
Had Lleu heard the longing in his voice? The wish he would not discover more bodies?
“I would rather let you see for yourself,” I hedged.
If nothing rose, then they had given me a perfect excuse. I would say deserters gathered here but that Lleu and Murdoch’s conversation had driven them to hiding in order to save their necks.
If someone did rise, well, the eyes proved in seconds what hours of words failed to illustrate.
“Fine.” Lleu shifted to his right so he could lean his head against a tree.
Murdoch didn’t move. We sat flush from hip to shoulder. He was a warm wall of muscle on a balmy night, but I was tempted to follow Lleu’s example and make Murdoch’s arm my pillow.
Recalling that sense of belonging he radiated, I withdrew. Such comfort was addicting.
Instead, I strained my senses and waited for the telltale hum to set my earring vibrating.
But none came.
Night stretched long between us. No one moved or spoke again until dawn kissed the towers with pale light that grew blinding as it raced over the field toward us. When it hit us square in the face, Lleu yawned and pushed off the tree to stand. He reached down a hand for me to grasp, but Murdoch clasped my arm, lifting me when he stood. I tottered unsteadily on my feet and severed contact before he could. His lips were tight and his brow drawn. He was angry. As so many had been before him. He probably expected I had a scheme up my sleeve or a reason for being here.
“Well that’s one night’s sleep I’ll never get back.” Lleu sounded chipper despite his words.
“I don’t understand what you sought to accomplish by bringing us out here.” Murdoch gave me an assessing glance. “Were there deserters? Or was an ally supposed to meet you out here?”
“I have no allies.” Not a one.
“There’s a reason for that,” Lleu said almost conversationally. “You can’t trust a liar.”
Heat swept through my chest and made my neck and face burn. “I didn’t lie.” This time.
“You claimed you could find my answers.” Murdoch rubbed his eyes. “Did you not hear the question? Were you confused as to what I hoped to achieve? Is this yet another of your games?”
“It’s not a game.” I cradled myself with my arms.
“No. It’s not. Games are fun.” Lleu shook his head. “The closest we came tonight was where did that stick go?” When I frowned, he pointed to his arse. “Yeah. I don’t want to know either.”
“That’s enough.” Murdoch grasped my shoulders and turned me toward Cathis.
“It’s early yet.” Lleu fell in step beside me. “I wonder if the kitchen is open.”
“When is it ever closed?” Murdoch kept a hand between my shoulder blades.
“The doors are open, yeah, but what’s the point in going when Cook is abed and all the food is cold?” He smacked his lips. “I’ve had my fill of greasy meats and stale bread. If the difference of an hour is the difference between crackling, juicy varanus steaks and piping-hot custards, then I would rather let my stomach gnaw on itself for a while longer and have my reward in the end.”
“Always thinking with your gut.” Murdoch sounded amused.
Lleu patted his stomach. “A male can only think with one of two organs…”
I raised my voice. “I would rather not know how that thought ends.”
“Your clan isn’t another of those saving-yourself-for-marriage types, is it?” Lleu gagged.
His dig was aimed at Mana. Salticidae prized virginity as a gift meant for the marriage bed. My clan honored no such chastity vows.
“Yes,” I lied in a solemn tone. “I’m afraid so.”
“Sorry for your loss.” Lleu scratched behind his ear. “Lots of that going around these days.”
I don’t know what made me seek out Murdoch’s face. Perhaps it was the tension in his hand where it pressed against my back, or the way his thumb was making tiny circles across my spine.
I suppose I expected him to call me out and say he didn’t believe me. When he kept silent, I flinched away from his wordless reprimand. I had wasted his time. He thought I had lied to him.
Without proof, I had no means of redeeming myself in his eyes. So when we entered the city and the gua
rds cast Murdoch questioning glances, I did my best to appear cowed, as if he had me well in hand. I figured they were less likely to stop us or question him if I used my best behavior.
Once we entered the Tower Square and Murdoch led me to our room, I was twice as hurt to be shuffled over the threshold and to have the door shut on my heels. The males stayed outside to do whatever males did when left alone in dark hallways. After a minute, Lleu slipped inside and dropped into Murdoch’s chair. He crossed his legs and reclined with his hands linked on his gut.
“What do you think you’re doing?” Deep down, I dreaded his answer.
“Murdoch has some business to attend to.” He shut his eyes. “He’ll be back soon.”
“I thought I was his priority.” Had that changed? Was tonight’s failed hunt the cause?
“Like him that well, do you?” Lleu grinned. “I told him you had a soft spot for him.”
“I have no soft spots.” Not anymore.
“Huh.” He cracked his eyes open. “I expected you to rattle off nonsense about how you’re as good as maven, that you’re betrothed and how dare I imply you’d sully yourself with the likes of Murdoch.” His lids drifted closed. “Vaughn mentioned your reluctance to wed Hishima. What he didn’t say was that you’re so set against Hishima you don’t even use your position as leverage.”
“I have no leverage.” While in Cathis, Hishima would pretend. He would curry favor and he would beguile others. Not me. Never again. I knew his tricks too well to fall for them once more.
“It seems to me you don’t have much, then.” Lleu’s forehead puckered.
“Lleu?”
“Hmm?”
“What’s that sound?” I stepped nearer to the window, but his thick arm shot out, crushing me against his side. I wheezed as he loosened his grip, but still tiny gold dots flashed in my eyes.
He cocked his head to one side, blinking sleep from his eyes. “It’s the herald.”
“Herald?” I struggled to free myself from Lleu, without success. “What news do they have?”
Groaning, he lurched to his feet, careful to keep himself between me and the window. “Why don’t we head down and find out? With all your nattering, I can’t sleep as it is.” He stretched. “If we hurry, we might catch Cook as she sets out breakfast. Ah, that Adeline cooks a hearty meal.”
“Will the paladin and maven receive the herald?” I wondered if I might visit with Mana.
“Depends.” Lleu paused with a hand on the door. “Murdoch might intercept him.”
“Will Murdoch tell Vaughn about last night?” I dreaded Mana learning of my folly.
Lleu snorted. “He sent the paladin word before we left.”
“Of course he did.” Had I really thought he would risk me without Vaughn’s approval?
“It was his neck if you escaped.” Lleu nudged open my door. “Can you blame him?”
“No.” If I had been tasked with guarding me, I would have taken precautions as well.
Lleu blocked my way, his gaze sweeping me from head to toe. “Are you changing?”
I plucked at my shirt. It was the same I wore yesterday. “Mana only gave me this outfit.”
“I have a shirt you can use. The pants will have to do.” Lleu ushered me ahead of him. “You can ask the maven for clothes if we see her. If she doesn’t have what you need, she can order it.”
“Can I return to the bathing room?” It wasn’t far. “She keeps stacks of work clothes there.”
He crossed the hall and thumped on the door opposite Murdoch’s. “My room’s here.” He hit his stomach with the flat of his hand. “My empty stomach’s here.” He squinted into the distance. “The maven’s rooms are down the opposite hallway.” He groaned. “Won’t a shirt of mine do?”
“Fine.” I refused to enter his room. Sharing space with one male was scandalous enough.
He reemerged with a black shirt made of coarse silk. Wrinkles made it impossible to sort the top from bottom, but when I lifted it to my nose, it smelled clean. Back to Murdoch’s bedroom I went to change from one crimped garment to another. Lleu’s shirt hung so long on me the tail hit my shins. I used the wide belt Mana gave me to cinch in the waist. The sleeves were long, a rare choice for southland fashion. Those I rolled until I lost feeling in my fingers. The cuffs hit below my elbows. It would have to do. After combing a hand through my hair, I spun a single thread from my fingertip and bound the sleek length in a casual twist atop my head. Without a mirror, I had to let familiar tasks guide my hands and trust the outcome would be as neat as habit should make them.
When I rejoined Lleu, he was counting softly under his breath.
I shut the door behind me. “How long did I have left?”
“I figured even you couldn’t damage yourself inside of five minutes. You had one left.”
I conceded he was right. Five minutes was ambitious, even for me. “Are you wearing that?”
“Day-old shirt and grass-stained pants?” A smirk twisted his lips. “I make this look good.”
“I’m sure there are females who would agree.” He did possess a certain rugged charm.
“You should confer with them.” Lleu scratched his beard. “They have excellent taste.”
With a sigh, I edged past him. “You would think so.”
“You would too if I hadn’t busted your lip when we first met.”
“I had forgotten that.” My lips were so cracked and dried, one more pain failed to register.
“Give me permission to tend your wound, and I swear you won’t forget me again.”
He delivered his line with brows wiggling and mouth pursing for a kiss I would never grant.
“You’re a strange male, Lleu of the Mimetidae.” The likes of which I had never known.
“I’m strange?” He chortled. “This comes from a female who chops off heads with a spade.”
“That fact hasn’t hindered your flirting,” I pointed out with a sugar-sweet grin.
He returned it twofold. “Perhaps you are right and that’s what attracts me to you.”
“Or perhaps I’m the only female within two days’ ride that you haven’t yet plied with sweet nothings.” My observation had merit. I could tell by the way Lleu’s ears burned a startling shade of red. “Now if you don’t mind, I would like breakfast. Then I would like to speak to my friend.”
Head down, Lleu trudged toward the kitchen, and I followed him. Anxiety dispelled all other emotions. Hunger was forgotten. Humiliation was buried under the husks of a thousand previous failures. All I wanted was to corral the herald and discover whether he rode in fresh from Titania.
And if he did, I would sop up every tidbit he offered until my stomach burst with his news.
Chapter Six
Smells greeted us in the kitchen that made Lleu groan lustily next to my ear. He directed me to a narrow table set with dishes intended to be the breakfast spread for the maven and paladin, I bet. From those plates, Lleu picked a slice of fruit here, a thigh of lepus there, until Cook noticed and swatted the back of his hand with her wooden spoon. He made her no apologies, just winked.
She jabbed his chest with the handle. “Hands. Off. The. Food.”
“You can’t mean this tender rump roast?” He goosed her bottom, and she squealed.
“You keep your hand to yourself.” She fanned her reddened face. “It’s not proper.”
He traced the ample cleavage spilling over her thin blouse’s immodest neckline. “What is propriety but a song and dance for the highborn? Who has time for that? Not me. I prefer to grab what I want.” He slapped her arse, and she jumped. “And what I want is on the plate behind you.”
“You’re a tease, you are.” She pouted. “It’s been days since I saw you outside the kitchen.”
He hooked his thumb toward a shady pantry. “What needs doing can be done here.”
Worrying her lip with her teeth, she nodded. “I do need help reaching a tin on the top shelf.”
Lleu stretched, his finge
rtips brushing the bottom of a rustic chandelier. His light touch set it rocking. Hot wax dripped from the candles onto Adeline’s plumped breasts. Her shriek sounded less offended than mine would have been. Lleu bent his head and blew cool air to ease the sting.
He removed the wax flakes with his teeth, spitting them on the tile. “Tops are my specialty.”
“I bet they are.” I rolled my eyes.
Adeline narrowed her eyes at me while trilling at Lleu, “Where did you just come from?”
I answered truthfully, “His room.”
Scarlet swept over her until all her exposed skin flushed as red as her wax burns. “Is that so?”
His hands shot up to block the first swing of her spoon. “It’s not what you think.”
“It never is with you.” Shaking with anger, she turned on me, rapping my knuckles hard as I leapt out of her reach. “That’ll teach you. Keep your greedy, male-thieving hands to yourself.”
The knife from her cutting board was in my hand and held at her throat before it registered I had lifted it. “The next time you dish out a petty punishment, make very certain you can take it.”
Adeline whimpered.
“Give me that.” Lleu plucked the knife from my hand. “Cook meant you no harm.”
“Trust me when I say that as a female, I know exactly what she meant to do.” Stake a claim on Lleu, as if I would argue against their illicit forays to the pantry. “Adeline won’t try it again.”
At her name, the cook trembled. “W-who are you?”
“Kaidi,” I said, daring Lleu to complete Murdoch’s usual introduction.
“Best stay out of her way.” He reached for Cook, who shied from him. “She’ll leave soon.”
A Time of Dying (Araneae Nation) Page 7
