"Hmm." Emily clamped her lips together to prevent any expletives escaping.
Their tracks were the only ones leading to the small wooden cabin. They were definitely alone. They would be alone for, ooh, at least the next sixteen hours.
Double crap.
That was a long time to have to make an effort, to keep back everything she really felt, not to mention controlling her attraction to him.
This past week she'd barely slept. The empty space on the other side of the double bed felt too alien and her mind had been far too active. She was almost looking forward to a single bunk in a shared room.
Is it really Steve I've been missing or a pair of arms to hold me and affirm my desirability?
If she was honest she probably missed her home more than she missed her ex-boyfriend and that wasn't right, surely?
But it wasn't actually her home, it never had been. It was Steve's flat, she'd been renting, sharing with Pippa when he'd asked her to move in. It had never felt like her home, that was one reason why she'd fantasised about buying a house together.
You knew he wasn't right for you, deep down. You knew and you chose to ignore it.
She trudged through the knee-deep snow towards the cabin, lost in her thoughts. She missed the future they'd planned together, the idyllic Escape to the Country style fantasy, fuelled by too many property-porn TV shows.
As well as the loss of her future the rejection stung. She’d been assessed and found wanting in comparison to Steve’s real, first love, Zoe. Who could’ve guessed he’d bump into Zoe and decide he had to win her back? That he had a girlfriend in residence had been an inconvenience to be dealt with as swiftly as possible.
It had been a terrible shock.
I didn’t come up to scratch. I wasn’t good enough.
Emily shivered, fighting a wave of bleak self-pity.
She felt lost.
What the hell am I doing here, knee deep in snow, about to spend a night with a guy who despises me? I must be nuts.
Sensing Jake's intense gaze on her she turned. He regarded her quizzically.
"Are you okay?" he asked. "Where did you just go?"
The unexpected kindness of the question threw her. She didn't answer at first, feeling wrong footed, after all she'd wanted to punch him a minute ago.
"Are you okay?" She replied, throwing the question back at him with a flash of savagery, as satisfying as returning a snowball volley. Deflection was such fun and she was done with pretending to be nice.
As expected he broke eye contact and concentrated on securing the skidoo. The silence spoke volumes.
Of course they weren’t okay and they both knew it.
Enough said.
The silence should've felt weird yet somehow it didn't, their mutual grumpiness was strangely comforting. The effort of maintaining positivity and cheerfulness had exhausted her.
Sod it. Let him be a miserable git if that's what he wants.
The sun had sunk down beneath the mountain range and light was fading by the time they entered the hut. It was smaller even than she'd imagined. She'd known they'd have to sleep on the floor, they had mats and sleeping bags with them after all, but…the lovely double bed back at Chalet Repos had never seemed so inviting. They hadn't bought a camping stove with them either so it would either be cold rations or soup heated on the cast iron stove top.
Anxiously she scanned the space, hoping she'd missed an interior door.
"There's no toilet?" she blurted and then felt stupid when Jake fixed a dark sardonic gaze upon her.
"Of course I knew there wouldn't be plumbing," she hastened to justify her question. "I'd just assumed, maybe a chemical toilet…"
"I thought you'd been camping before?" Jake asked, thick eyebrows raised as he dumped his backpack and the bedding rolls onto the floor.
"Mm, a couple of times, at festivals, but they all had loo blocks, disgusting ones but at least…oh never mind." She dropped her own backpack on the floor and sighed. "I'll just have to go out in the snow then."
"Yes." Jake's lips twitched.
Was he laughing at her?
Bastard.
That she was finally making him smile was no consolation. Now she actually wanted to wipe the smile off his face.
Oh, the irony…
"Okay then," she smiled defiantly, determined not to give him the pleasure of mocking her. "Will you get the fire going then?"
He nodded, taking matches and firelighters from his pack and crouching down to open the stove door.
She pulled her phone out to use the torch app, not wanting to trip over anything now dusk had fallen, casting dark shadows through the tiny grimy windows. She'd have to suggest to Holly they get the place thoroughly cleaned up.
Stepping out of the hut her boots crunched down into the thick snow. The falling temperatures had already frozen the surface of the snow into a hard crust. Breaking the crust felt strangely satisfying, like popping bubble wrap.
The snow reflected the last of the daylight, casting an eerie pale light over the wintry landscape. She switched her phone off and put it back in her ski jacket pocket. She wished she could appreciate the beauty of the surrounding mountains, the intense stillness of the quiet, broken only by the occasional bird cry. It was truly beautiful and in different circumstances maybe she could enjoy it but irritation at Jake suffused her, making her want to stamp down onto the snow.
Trying to stay positive was damn hard and he was making it even harder for her. She managed to balance on the snow to do what she needed without mishap. She was just re-fastening her Salapettes, congratulating herself on managing, when she stepped sideways and fell straight into a snowdrift masquerading as perfectly good mountainside.
She cried out, more from surprise than anything else and lay winded, trying to get her breath and summon the energy to haul herself out.
"Emily, are you okay?" Jake called out. The next moment a flashlight shone directly on her.
Oh fantastic.
He set the flashlight down in the snow and she blinked the snowflakes from her lashes, struggling to focus on Jake's face. Was he..? Yes, he was, the bastard was laughing at her.
"What are you doing out here? Spying on me?" She ground the words out between clenched teeth. She'd taken her gloves off in the hut as they were too cumbersome for undoing her Salapettes zip and now her hands were numb with cold already. Suddenly freezing to death no longer seemed like the easier option.
"I was round the side of the hut where the logs are stacked when I heard you scream," Jake replied, grinning. "You asked me to light a fire, remember?"
"I didn't, scream, I cried out, it just took me by surprise." She glared at him. "You could stop laughing at me and help me up."
"The snowdrift took you by surprise…right. So, the lady wants rescuing after all?" He laughed again as he reached a hand down to her.
She grabbed his hand and, taking him by surprise, gave it a vicious tug downwards so he toppled into the snowdrift next to her.
He cried out with pain and too late she remembered his leg.
Oh God, oh God, what was I thinking?
She hadn't been thinking, she'd just felt so angry…
So maybe Jake wasn't the only one taking his anger out on the nearest target. All her anger at Steve's sudden rejection had been in that yank.
"I’m so sorry, I forgot about your leg." She pulled herself up to a sitting position and bent over him. "Are you okay?"
"Can you help me up?" He winced.
"Sure." Emily scrabbled quickly to her feet.
She reached out a hand and he grabbed her wrist, copying her trick and pulling her down on top of him. She landed on his chest with a gasp.
"I think that makes us even," he said, eyes inches from hers.
Emily couldn't move. She wasn't sure she wanted to. A mixture of shock, desire and curiosity mingled to keep her in place.
"Emily…you know I…" Jake broke off, reached one hand up behind her neck and kissed her.
It was as though someone had flicked a switch inside her, her body responded to him like it had been waiting for just this moment. Hungrily she met his tongue as he thrust it between her lips. Desire, need and hurt all swelled up inside her, a crescendo of longing. She pressed down onto him shamelessly, forgetting the snow in her hair and her cold hands. In fact she seemed to be warming up nicely.
When the kiss ended she realised she wanted more from him. Needed more.
"I hate you, you know," she said, still irritated, despite the pleasant sensations zipping through her body. "I just needed to tell you that."
"Why thank you, the feeling is mutual," he replied, but even in the dim light she could tell he was grinning.
"I hate you more," she replied and felt his chest heave beneath her with laughter. Now she was giggling too.
It felt great, really liberating to act like a child.
Fun.
When was the last time I laughed like this?
"Great as this is, how about we take it into the warm?" he asked. "It's bloody freezing out here."
“Sounds good.” She smiled and wriggled off him, feeling shy now. Something palpable had shifted between them and she felt vulnerable.
They got to their feet. When she offered Jake a hand he hesitated for a second but she was done playing tricks. The mood had shifted along with the kiss and swept her along with it. She helped him up, feeling guilty about his leg. They collected the pile of logs and kindling Jake had put aside by the hut entrance. Emily's mood felt lighter than it had in a long time.
Everything felt easier now she wasn't trying.
"I like you better grumpy." Jake arranged the kindling and logs on top of the firefighters in the wood-burner as she pulled the sleeping bags and bedrolls from the packs.
She turned to him, incredulous. "Really? And here was me trying to be nice."
"There's nothing wrong with saying things are crap when they are." He struck a match and lit the firefighters. They flared into life, igniting the kindling in seconds. He turned to stare at her. "What happened to me was a big deal and from what Scott's told me you've had you own fair share of problems to deal with."
"But I was just trying to be positive, I thought it might help," she replied, looking away from him and busying herself with the sleeping bags instead.
How much has Scott told him?
"I know," Jake grabbed her wrist and gently stroked the inside of her arm, stirring up her senses again. Her face flamed and it had nothing to do with the fire now blazing into life the stove. "But that doesn't mean saying things are okay when they're not. That doesn't help anyone."
"It doesn't?" She shifted towards him so their thighs were almost touching.
Kiss me, kiss me again.
She wanted to be lying on top of him again, or even better him lying on top of her. Her cheeks grew even hotter.
"No. You can hope tomorrow will be a better day at the same time as acknowledging today is a total nightmare," he replied.
"Oh." Emily couldn't form a more intelligent response. Jake's touch at her wrist was slowly making her whole body fizz with sexual desire. She shivered.
Steve never made me feel like this.
"Are you cold?" he asked, clasping both her hands in his. "God, you are, aren't you? You should’ve said."
Why don't you warm me up?
In the light of the fire his eyes gleamed as though he'd heard her unspoken request. It was as though he’d set a match to her too, desire flared through her body. She edged closer and tried to remember to breathe.
Jake ignored pain in his leg as Emily edged closer to her. He never would've guessed little Ms. Positivity would pull him over in the snow as revenge.
He felt he was finally seeing the real her. It seemed neither of them had been themselves recently.
"I definitely like you better with claws." He took her hands in his and rubbed them, they felt like blocks of ice.
"Huh, is there where I'm supposed to say I like you better grumpy too?" She quirked a neat eyebrow. "But then you've been like this since I met you."
"I'm not really myself at the moment, at least I'm not always this crabby." Jake sighed. "I'm…sorry if I've made things more difficult for you."
"So, what's making you feel so…crabby?" Emily shuffled closer so their knees were touching.
He exhaled sharply. "I'm…in.. pain. Rather a lot of pain. And who knew? Pain makes you narky."
He attempted a smile.
"Can't you take painkillers?" She frowned.
"Well the good painkillers all tend to be addictive and I've seen too many athletes go down that route, taking more mad more so they can carry on competing. I'll cope." He shrugged. "Sometimes I get drunk and there are other…natural painkillers."
Why did I say that?
"Like what?" she asked.
There was something intimate about the silence up here in the hut, away from civilisation. The glow the flickering flames from the stove cast over the interior gave the space a cosy atmosphere.
Staring into Emily's rapidly dilating eyes he thought about that science experiment again. He felt…connected. But he'd looked into women's eyes before and never felt this frisson…this sense that they already knew each other at a much deeper level.
If he was honest he'd felt connected to Emily from the first time they'd locked eyes but like the idiot he was he'd fought it.
"Oxytocin, it produces endorphins, they're our natural pain-killing hormones."
"Oxytocin? Isn't that the hormone produced during…"
"Sex, yes," he said. "And other physical contact too."
She snorted. "You don't mess about do you? So, that's your proposed method of dealing with the pain of injury?"
Jake shrugged and grinned. "I'm not sure I can think of a better one right now, the idea is pretty damn attractive in fact."
Emily raised her eyebrows, her lips twitching. "Trust a man to think sex will solve everything."
He decided not to rise to the bait. "I never said it would solve everything, just make things a bit better. It's scientific anyway, those pheromones and hormones do help with pain, you can look it up if you don't believe me."
"I don't know whether I can believe you or not, after all I don't know that much about you, you have kind of been avoiding me." Emily nibbled her lip, eyes dark with arousal. "Or at least it felt that way."
She had a point. An idea came to mind.
"Well, since we've been talking about science, have you heard about the science experiment where couples answer 36 questions…" he said.
"And look into each other's eyes for four minutes without talking," Emily interrupted. "Yes, I read about that. Did you…want to try it? In the interests of science of course?"
"I'm not sure I can remember all the questions and the phone signal isn't good enough for Internet data to look them up, but we could try it, I suppose." Jake ached to reach for Emily and get to know her in quite a different way but they needed to talk. After all they'd both been deliberately not communicating for a while now.
"Why not? Hopefully it will turn out better than playing Dilemma did. After all we don't have a DVD player here." Emily grinned. "I think I can remember some of the questions. Let's start with an easy question, what would be your perfect day?"
"Easy," he answered. "Powder snow, blue sky and sunshine, lunch at an authentic mountain cantine and then winding down in front of a fire with a few drinks and good company. How about you?"
"I don't know," Emily chewed at her lower lip. "Until recently I'd have said a trip to the coast or a walk in the country and dinner with friends but coming to Switzerland has made me realise there's so much I've never done. Maybe I don't know enough about what's out there to know what my perfect day would be yet, I've always taken for granted that I knew what was right for me but now…I'm not so sure. Anyway, your turn, can you remember a question?"
"Is there something you've dreamed of doing but never have?" Jake asked.
&
nbsp; "Maybe, I've always thought it would be nice to travel a bit, see more of the world. There always seemed to be some reason I shouldn't, saving for a house…" She shook her head and grimaced. "That turned out well, huh?"
"But you're travelling now, so maybe…"
"Things happen for a reason?" She barked with laughter. "Yeah, I deserved that. But maybe…I do like it here. It wouldn't be a bad place to make a base, it's so close to the rest of Europe. France and Italy are just a day trip away."
"True." He had to agree, there were worse ideas.
"So, how about you?" she asked.
"Um…I wouldn't mind training a team of huskies," Jake said the first thing he could think of. Better than admitting that the only thing he'd ever dreamed of - a gold medal in the Winter Games - would now never happen. It hadn't left a lot of time for making other plans.
"Huskies, really?" Her mouth twitched.
He shrugged. "Why not?"
"I suppose I can see you doing that. Scott could add it as one of his guest experiences. After all you seem to like snow, and speed. Not to mention taking bends too fast."
"Uh huh." Jake declined to take the bait. Okay, so maybe he'd been trying to get her to hold onto him on the skidoo. It had been nice feeling her wrapped around him. "Where's the fun in going slow?"
"Hmm, that reminds me of one of the questions - it was what, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?" Her question changed the tone of their conversation. The cabin fell silent except for the flickering flames in the stove.
Time to tell the truth.
"Losing my place on the GB Winter Games team." Jake sighed, This was supposed to be about honesty after all.
He closed his eyes.
I'm going to have to let this go or it'll eat me up for the rest of my life.
She had him thinking though. He needed to find another dream, something else to work towards. He couldn't let this beat him.
"I'm sorry, really I am." Emily said.
Then she kissed him, her lips taking him by surprise, soft and sweet on his. She tasted of hot chocolate and marshmallows.
Delicious.
Jake opened his eyes and pulled back, reluctantly. He had to do this right.
"What's your answer?" He asked softly.
"I don't know, um…" She shifted on her heels, naked hurt shining in her eyes. "Well, loneliness I guess. There's not much funny about that. Being dumped has reminded me just how much I hate it."
Chalet Girl Plays Cupid: (A Free Short Story) (Ski Season, Book 6) Page 4
