She did it again. Either he needed to know the truth or she had to be better at concealing it. Neither choice sounded appealing.
“You’ve just been quiet, that’s all. Super quiet. I figured something was wrong.” She picked at her taco, throwing a few strands of cabbage out to the seagulls. Three of them dove for it, one lifting his head to gloat as he chewed.
Ben plunged into his second taco. Maybe he’d moved on and would simply ignore the conversation. He took a moment to finish chewing then answered her.
“Nothing’s wrong. I’m just…frustrated. I seem to have these visions that I know are memories, but they’re jumbled. Like puzzle pieces that I don’t know how to fit together, and with only a few, it’s impossible to get a final picture.” He shook his head. “I’m sorry. I’m not making any sense.”
“You’re making a lot of sense, actually.” Tess tried to keep her voice from trembling. Was he having more memories of her? She still wasn’t ready for what might happen if he recovered. The past few days reminded her of the times when things were great between them, and she’d missed him more than she’d ever allowed herself to admit.
“What exactly are you going to do, Ben? Did you find any answers at all in San Diego?” She hated asking the question and hated even more her fear of the answer.
He shook his head and took a sip of his drink. “No. Just more questions.”
His face brightened a bit. “Mike said I can stay with him until the wedding and Emma moves in. I’m thinking of taking him up on the offer. There was quite a bit of cash in my wallet the police found. I can pay rent and hold my own with that until I think of something else.” He turned to her and smiled, causing the taco in her stomach to do flips. “You think you can handle having me hanging around just a little while longer?”
“I think I can handle that.” She patted his arm and took another bite.
Another question plagued her. She wanted to know the answer, and she didn’t. The fact that she needed to know won out.
“Ben? What are you gonna do if you don’t remember?”
He looked out toward the boats and took a deep breath. “I guess I’ll just start over. I like how things are beginning for me here.” He winked at her and her face flushed. “Maybe I’m right where I’m supposed to be.”
Everything in Tess sure hoped so.
***
Tess walked up to her front door, house key in hand. The door was open a crack. Her heart rate accelerated and she turned and looked up at Ben. He moved around her, gently guiding her behind him. The muscles in his neck flexed and he tightened his hold on her, making sure she stayed close. She gripped the back of his shirt in her hands.
He eased the door open and moved into the house with unusual stealth for a man his size. Another reason he was good at his job.
She tugged on his shirt, pulling him into the utility room just off the front entrance.
Once inside she whispered, “Here, take this.” Reaching into a cupboard by the washing machine, she tapped a code into the top of a black box. A small door popped open in the front. She reached in and pulled out a Beretta.
“Where in the world did you get that?” Ben peered over her shoulder, his whispered tone not concealing his shock.
“Um…I got it from a friend. It was someone highly responsible, who taught me how to use it.”
With a stern look, he took the gun from her and expertly checked if it was loaded.
“You stay in here.”
“Are you kidding? This is my house!”
“And I don’t want you dying in it, Tess.”
“What makes you so sure I can’t defend myself?”
He glared at her, his eyes boring into her only getting her more riled. “You’re relentless, girl.”
“Thank you.” She gave him a little shove and held on to the back of his shirt again as they left the utility room, to reassure him he could be the fierce protector, if only in his own mind.
They made their way through the living room, Tess’s novel still splayed across the arm of the sofa and a blanket bunched up where she’d been curled up earlier that day. Clean dishes stood stacked in the kitchen sink, washed by Ben after lunch.
The sound of running water came from the guest bathroom on the second floor. Ben motioned toward the stairs with the gun, giving Tess signals in true cop fashion.
She rolled her eyes again and stepped out from behind him. “You really think someone broke into my house to use my shower?”
“Keep your voice down!”
“If it makes you feel better, we can still go lurking through the house, but I think there’s probably a better explanation for all of this than what I’m sure is going through your head.” She put her hands on her hips and smiled up at him.
His shoulders relaxed but his brow stayed furrowed. “Okay, you win. We’ll go see who it is, but I’m not putting the gun away until I know.”
“Suit yourself.” She motioned for him to lead the way up the stairs, which he did, but not unlike a little boy who’s been told his game of cops and robbers was over. Tess giggled.
“I’m glad you think this is funny,” Ben said over his shoulder.
She laughed harder.
When they reached the guest bathroom door, Emma’s not so stellar singing voice floated through the air. The look on Ben’s face was the last straw. Tess laughed so hard, she had to sit down in the hallway and hold her stomach. Her ribs hurt like crazy, but it was worth every ache.
A vein in Ben’s neck bulged and he stomped off down the stairs.
Emma emerged not long after, a towel wrapped around her head like a turban. She tripped over Tess. “Why in heaven’s name are you sitting in the hallway?”
“Ben thought you were a robber. The front door was cracked when we got home so we got out my gun and—”
“You have a gun? Sheesh, Tess. I’m practically living with you right now. You could have told me that.”
“It’s locked in a safe. No worries.”
“You could have shot me!”
The sight of Emma in her robe with a towel on her head yelling about being shot only sent Tess into another fit of laughter.
“You’re hopeless, you know that?” Emma nudged Tess’s leg with her foot and headed to her room.
***
Ben stomped down the stairs, attempting to control his adrenaline. He heard Emma say something to Tess, sending her into another fit of laughter and succeeding in souring his mood even more. Tess thought it was a mere misunderstanding, but his gut told him otherwise. Yes, it was only Emma who hadn’t latched the door completely when she came in, but something else lingered, a danger he couldn’t yet identify, and he didn’t like it one bit.
The gun was still in his hand. He’d known exactly how to load it and use it. He rubbed his thumb along the handle. It felt good. Right. Like it belonged in his hand. Not for evil, but for good. To protect others. To protect Tess.
He reached the utility room and put the gun back in the safe, making a mental note to get the code from Tess.
“You okay?”
Her soft, tender voice floated over him. His entire being relaxed from the sound.
He turned to her in the doorway. She leaned against the doorjamb, her head tilted and her eyes still shining from tears of laughter.
Before his mind could talk his heart out of it, he moved to her, wrapping one arm around her waist, the other behind her head, weaving his fingers through her hair. He lowered his lips to hers and kissed her with the intensity of everything he felt. Fear of losing her, vowing to always protect her, caring for her more than he ever imagined he could.
She returned his embrace, her arms wrapped around him, hands grabbing at the back of his shirt. He ran his tongue across her bottom lip, her sigh sending a shiver through his body. Intensifying his grip around her waist, he went to lift her, pull her as close to him as possible. She winced, her hold on him tightening, not from passion but from pain. Like a bucket of cold water splashed on h
im, her injuries flashed through his mind. How could he have so easily forgotten her fragile state? All that she’d been through?
He loosened his hold on her but kept her wrapped in his arms, his forehead now gently against hers. Her breath was sweet and warm against his mouth.
“I’m so sorry, Tess.”
“Don’t be. I’m okay.” Her fingers danced along his back, her body trembling.
He knew she was lying. Holding her there in the middle of her laundry room, he realized he would do everything in his power to make sure nothing, and no one, would ever hurt her again.
Chapter 10
Tess, Ben, Mike, and Emma floated on their surfboards in the waves. Tess was feeling much better and life was back to normal. Well, as normal as it could be now that Ben was back.
She watched him as he sat comfortably on his board, chatting with Mike. His hair was slicked back and curly on the ends, his bright smile glowing through his beard. He’d taken to surfing just like she knew he would, but it still hadn’t sparked any memories for him. That didn’t seem to bother him, though. Content to hang out with her when she wasn’t working, and doing all he could to research Jake Wilson seemed to be plenty. The furrowed brow she’d seen on him that night at Andy’s hadn’t reappeared.
He even went to church with them on Sunday, oblivious to the attention he received from every single female in the congregation. Always polite, he smiled and talked with them, but his focus never wandered from Tess. The connection they had before he left was still there. It drove her crazy.
“You keep staring, and he’s gonna think you like him or something,” Emma said. Her bright turquoise board sat next to Tess’s in the water. Her long, tanned legs hung down the sides.
“Stop sounding and grinning like an eighth grader,” Tess teased.
“I’m not the one pining over the hot guy over there”—Emma gestured with her chin towards Ben—“and grinning like a school girl. You are.”
“Remind me again why we’re friends?”
“Because you’d be lost without me. Are you going to tell him the truth, Tess?”
“Not beating around the bush today, are we?”
Emma rolled her eyes. “Please. You guys have spent every spare minute together, with starry eyes and rosy cheeks just from looking at each other. Something’s gotta give.”
“How am I supposed to tell him? Hey Ben, by the way, I know all about you. In fact, we were engaged to be married until you up and left me a week before the wedding to go find yourself. Sorry I haven’t told you. Just thought maybe you’d remember and it would all work out.”
“No need to get snippy.” Emma splashed water on Tess’s legs.
“Sorry.” Tess sighed. “Believe me. I’ve thought of nothing else since he showed up. But now I worry it’s too late to tell him, and I still wonder what would happen if I do and it doesn’t bring back anything for him. Then what?”
Emma looked toward the guys and back at Tess. “So are you willing to move forward as things are?”
“Yes…and no. I love how things are. It’s like when we first met. But I know I could never move forward with such deception between us. It would never work. I was just hoping spending time with him would help…jog his memory somehow.”
“Mike says Ben told him he’s not remembering anything. Just a few visions of things here and there.”
“That’s what he said to me too.” Tess splashed water onto her legs. The cool water felt good on her sun-touched skin. She thought of that night in the utility room when Ben kissed her. Many more just like it had followed since, and a part of her hoped he would never remember. Just let things continue to be as perfect as they were now. Just last night, a kiss had turned into a hot and heavy make-out session. Their bodies tangled together, his pressed over hers. It had ended abruptly when Tess’s phone rang, which essentially was a good thing. Her head said that, but her body fought to agree.
Mike and Ben paddled over to them, ending the conversation. Tess made a mental note to talk to Mike later, get his professional advice. Maybe it was time to tell Ben.
“Whatcha girls chatting about?” Mike asked.
“Nothing. Just girly stuff.” Emma winked at him.
Ben smiled at Tess and her body warmed. She smiled back. She did love the ways things were between them. But she knew it couldn’t go on this way. Either he needed to remember and they’d hopefully work through why he left, or she’d have to tell him the truth and pray that it wouldn’t interfere with their future. If they even had a chance at one.
“Here comes a decent-sized wave,” Mike said. “I say we men folk take this one.”
“Are you saying we girls couldn’t handle a wave that size?” Emma challenged.
“Never, sweets.” Mike winked at her.
“Oh, it is on!” Emma flopped to her belly on her board and paddled her way into position. Tess did the same. Ben was already positioned near Mike, waiting for just the right moment.
They all caught the wave in perfect time, soaring towards the shore with Mike whooping and hollering and Emma yelling something about girls being the best at surfing.
Tess caught Ben’s eye, and the joy and wonder showed on his face that Tess felt every time she caught a wave. She understood. But his face changed, and he suddenly stood up straight on his board, causing him to lose his balance and disappear into the water. He went under and didn’t come up. He was gone.
***
“Ben! Ben!” Tess shouted. Her cries caused Mike and Emma to look back and realize Ben’s empty board floated toward the shore with him nowhere in sight.
The cord that usually attached to his ankle dangled free on the end, the empty circle of Velcro a sign of what was missing.
“Where’d he fall?” Mike shouted.
Tess pointed and Mike dove into the water in that direction. Tess and Emma jumped off their boards as well and began swimming to the spot.
Tess’s pulse raced in her ears. The waves came over her, slowing her pace toward where Mike dove in. Now she couldn’t see either one of them. Hot tears mixed with salt water covered her cheeks. She couldn’t lose him again. She glanced at Emma, her face stricken as well. What if they lost them both?
She pushed the thought from her mind and moved through the water as fast as she could.
“Look!” Emma shouted. “There they are.”
Mike’s head bobbed in the water, his arm tight around Ben’s torso. Ben’s head lay limp against Mike’s shoulder. Getting to where he could stand, Mike dragged Ben up toward the shore and laid him in the sand.
Tess and Emma made their way toward the men. Ben’s body convulsed with coughs and he spit up salt water. Tess exhaled a breath she hadn’t realized she was holding. Coughing was good. It meant he was breathing. She dragged her board to shore and tossed it aside before kneeling next to him. He lay back in the sand, no longer coughing. Wrapping her arms around him, she laid her head on his chest. His skin was cold from the cool water and his chest lifted with each breath. Closing her eyes, she held him, not wanting to ever let him go.
***
His lungs burned with each breath, but nothing could keep him from wrapping his arms around Tess.
He blinked. It felt as if someone had turned on all the lights after a long night of sitting in a dark room, unable to navigate or maneuver. One second he was feeling the rush of the wave beneath his surfboard and smiling at Tess, the next, his entire life moved through his mind, not unlike a movie trailer, with each scene flowing into the next. Faces and places flashed before him as if it all happened just yesterday.
He remembered. He remembered everything.
***
Ben felt sick to his stomach, and it wasn’t because of all the salt water he’d swallowed. He held Tess tight to his chest. Even though her eyes were closed, fear and worry were evident in her expression. He hated being the cause of that, and he knew he was to blame for even worse.
“Hey, you two. As much as I hate to interrupt this love fest,
Ben should probably sit up.” Mike stood over them, water dripping off his swim trunks, clumps of wet sand clinging to his chest. Emma knelt beside Tess in the sand.
Tess blinked, her wide emerald eyes staring at Ben. It broke his heart to see her so concerned for him. He didn’t deserve it. He didn’t deserve her.
She sat back on her knees, giving him room to sit up, but left her hands on his arm.
“Thanks, man.” He sat up and coughed a few more times.
“No worries. Thankfully, Tess saw you go down, so I knew where to look for you.”
“What happened?” Emma asked.
Ben shook his head and rubbed his face. Afraid he would reveal too much, he avoided Tess’s eyes, but was painfully aware of the electric current her hands were causing as her fingers rubbed his arm.
“I’m not sure. I just lost my balance, I guess.” It sounded lame, but it was the best he could do. His brain was spinning out of control, and Tess’s nearness wasn’t helping. He certainly didn’t want her to leave, but he needed time to think through everything.
As if reading his thoughts, Mike said, “Let’s get you inside and cleaned up.”
Emma and Tess stood on either side of Ben and helped him stand, making sure he wasn’t dizzy or lightheaded. Mike ran to retrieve his board and Ben’s. Once it was clear Ben could walk on his own, Emma left them and grabbed her board and Tess’s. Tess held Ben’s hand as they made their way up the sand to the house.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” The look of concern was still etched on her face. “I saw you right before you fell. It didn’t look like you just lost your balance. It looked like something distracted you. A thought or…something.”
He knew she wanted to say memory, but there was no way he could blurt out that he remembered. His chest ached at all he recalled, and his hand tightened around hers.
“No. I just fell.” His tone didn’t sound convincing, but she nodded, accepting his answer. “I’m sorry if I scared you guys.”
Remember Me (Men of Honor Series Book 1) Page 8
