by Tiana Laveen
Why the hell am I so out of sorts about this?
Maybe Tony was right. Maybe I am a little jealous?
Maize lowered his gaze and shook his head. What he did know for sure was that he felt concerned, and rightfully so. He’d meant everything he’d said. Dope boys landed in one of two places: in jail or six feet under. They had too much money, garnered too much attention. In a place like Belle Glade, being an average joe meant you had to look over your shoulder, not draw attention as a felonious hood superstar.
Perhaps Tony had been so helpless his first year, with the death of his father and all, that he was looking for some way to save everybody, make the world around him feel better. This might be his own warped way of protecting and serving the community. Tony did kinda have that savior mentality. Maize noticed it with the way he pretty much dealt with anyone; he wanted to make everyone okay, heal the world around him. Or maybe, Tony had simply given up. Kinda like if you can’t beat them, join them?
He was stuck here for now, like everyone else, so his motivation could be a simpler one, such as making the best out of a bad situation.
Maize kept working it all out in his head, trying to get to the bottom of it and see if anything made sense. But he wasn’t certain he ever would manage that. One thing was clear though: He was losing one of his best friends. Tony was going to be dead or behind bars. The writing was on the wall.
That’s my brother from another mother. You fuckin’ up, man…
Tony Romano, where are you? This is a fuckin’ body snatcher. I want my homeboy back…
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
A Fate Worse Than Death
…A few hours after graduation
Cassidy stood in the bathroom of the party hall, applying another coat of her pink lip gloss. Danica had been great company, especially since she’d been avoiding Tony like the plague. She tried to hide how much she missed him, but it proved hard. Yet, he’d broken her one rule: Don’t sell dope.
He’d crossed the line when he’d pulled up in that damn Mustang.
Drug money. Flaunting it, rubbing it in her face.
Danica burst out the bathroom stall, cackling. “Girl, that DJ is doin’ it right tonight! Did you catch Chuck rockin’ out to MC Lyte? You know that’s my shit!’”
“Yeah, the music is great,” Cassidy said dryly, not really caring about any of that right then.
Danica reared back and looked at her. “Oh, girl… I’m so sick of you two.” She waved her finger near her face. Cassidy fussed over her hair, not wanting to go there with Danica. “You both are stubborn as hell.”
“I’m not stubborn.”
“Let me move back before you get struck by lightning! Standin’ here lyin’.” Cassidy couldn’t help but smile. “Just talk to him!”
“No. I told him not to do this shit. He told me it was only for a couple weeks, and now here we are, almost four months later. He’s eighteen. He’ll be charged as an adult if the police get his ass now.” Cassidy’s voice shook. Just the thought of it made her heart swell with unsurmountable pain.
“You look so depressed, and he depressed, too. You can’t just draw a line in the sand and say ‘fuck it.’”
“He doesn’t look depressed to me.” Cassidy sucked her teeth as she regarded herself in the mirror. “In fact, he’s been smilin’ and laughin’ all night.”
“Y’all silly! This is silly. You love each other! What sense does it make to be lookin’ at each other across the room and not dancin’? This party is for all of us! We made it! Some folks are movin’. Iris and Fernando joined the Navy. Some of us got some jobs lined up and the rest of us, well, we’re adults and we’re gonna make it work. You and Tony kept talkin’ about your dreams, your plans. You’ve been accepted into three of the top colleges for journalism in the country, baby!” Cassidy smiled sadly as her best friend celebrated her. “Tony is plannin’ to do the same. He just tryna get some money together because eatin’ and a roof over your head ain’t free. Let that man do his thang. If he said it’s short-term, just trust him.”
“I know, I understand what you’re sayin’, Danica, but I told Tony that I can’t do this. He lied to me for weeks!” Cassidy turned towards her, her heart beating fast with all the emotions wracking her. “I kept asking him where all this money was coming from. He said Fred gave him some solid new customers who wanted wine for some big party, a weddin’ or somethin’, then Maize told me he hasn’t worked for Fred in over three months! I confronted him and instead of owning up to it, he shoved this big ass diamond ring in my face and said he was upgrading my promise ring.” She snorted, disgusted. “I don’t give a shit about no bigger ring. I want him to have a bigger dream, and this ain’t it.” She shook her head.
“Did you take it?”
“What? NO!” Danica shrugged. “Danica, look, Tony has crossed the line, okay? I don’t date dope boys. I didn’t date the ten that came my way before Tony even lived here, and I didn’t go after the ones that tried to take me away from him afterwards. A few days ago, I gave him an ultimatum. Stop sellin’ that shit ASAP, and we’ll be fine. Keep doing it, and it’s over… done with, like… like nothin’ even matters anymore…” Tears welled up in her eyes as the words left her mouth.
“Awww, baby!” Danica grabbed her and gave her a big, warm hug.
“He’s gonna get killed, Danica! He won’t listen to me; we argue all the time! His mama threatened to put him out, but she didn’t… she needs the money so now it’s just me, all by myself, tellin’ him to stop this. He thinks I’m naïve and childish, overly emotional. Tony tells me I live in a dream world, that I read too many romance books and that’s not how the real world works. Everything is fallin’ apart.” She couldn’t keep herself together so she let the tears flow freely.
“Look, girl. Everybody goes through hard times! Remember James? I was craaazy about him! We probably would still be together if we hadn’t let stupid stuff come between us. I don’t want that to happen to you.”
“Sellin’ drugs ain’t stupid stuff though, Danica. He could literally lose his life. What if some crackhead decides to shoot him, huh? Or another drug dealer get mad and try to make a point by takin’ my man away from me? I can’t do it… the thought of it alone drives me crazy.”
“I’ve known Tony as long as you have and I feel like, personally, he’s a man of his word.” Danica placed her hand across her heart, looking real serious. “Don’t leave him when he needs you most, Cassidy.”
Cassidy looked away then began to nervously dig into her purse.
“You miss him, don’t you? You two kept lookin’ at each other all night.”
“Yeah, I miss my man… Since he been involved with this shit, he barely have time for me. I miss havin’ dinner with him. I miss how we used to stay up all night talkin’ on the phone, about anything and everything. I miss how he’d play love songs for me in his room, then kiss and hold me. Sometimes we’d fall asleep together.” She smiled sadly. “I miss drivin’ around listening to music, swimmin’ at the beach. I miss going to the movies and us throwing popcorn at each other… and him tellin’ me to stop screamin’ at every scary scene of a movie he talked me into seein’.” She shook her head. “When we make love, it’s like… that’s when I see my man again… the way things used to be.
“When he’s on top of me… all that strength, that warmth, sexiness, care and protection… Yeah, he’s my protector. I feel so safe in his arms. He looks at me like he adores me. He looks through me and winks at my soul. The way he touches me, the way he feels when he’s movin’ inside of me is like nothin’ I can describe… and when he’s finished, I can still feel him deep within me long after he’s gone… and I worry if that’ll be the last of him I ever see and feel again. When it’s all over, he gets up, gets dressed, and goes out into the world, turns into a wolf again… a big, scary beast.
“I don’t know if he’s the sheep or the wolf anymore, Danica. Right now, it’s all lookin’ the same.” She snatched a paper towel and
dabbed it around her eyes. “It’s tearing me apart inside.”
She clutched the sides of the sink and sobbed uncontrollably. Her heart hurt so badly… no one told her being in love could feel like this, tear your whole world up.
Danica’s expression was one of understanding. She’d been in love before, too… experienced heartbreak. Some would believe, since they were so young, they didn’t know what love was, but nothing could be further from the truth. Cassidy wiped the tears from her face and reapplied her eyeliner while Danica spritzed her neck with a little perfume. They remained quiet while a few ladies walked in, used the facility, then exited. As Danica ran a comb through her hair, Cassidy pulled at her arm.
“Hey, I thought you said your mother was feelin’ better and comin’ to the graduation? I didn’t see her out in the audience.” Danica simply stared at her for a good long while, as if not certain what to say. “Didn’t you say she had a doctor’s appointment a couple weeks ago? You said they was runnin’ tests, right?”
“Yeah, well, uh…” She turned away and shoved her comb in her purse. “She did see the doctor.”
“Okay.” Cassidy shrugged. “What did the doctor say?” Danica moved about as if she had ants in her pants, then faced her, hugging herself as her eyes glossed over. “Danica, what’s wrong? What did the doctor say?!”
“She got AIDS!” Tears flowed down her cheeks.
“Oh, Jesus!” She reached for her friend and held her tight.
“Don’t tell nobody, okay?” Danica shook in her grip, a sudden look of anxiety on her face.
“I wouldn’t ever, you know I wouldn’t!” Cassidy held her so close.
“She real sick. If people find out, they gone think I got it, too… ’specially since I had that cough for a long time due to my asthma. She don’t wanna lose her job, and she don’t want me treated no different. My mama don’t take no drugs and she ain’t no gay man. How did this happen?! Doctor say she gonna die, Cassidy. She ain’t wanna come… ain’t want nobody to see ’er like that, ’fraid they’d judge her and me both.”
The young woman took a deep inhale. In a matter of seconds, in typical Danica fashion, she pulled herself together. After dabbing at her eyes, she grinned.
“Come on, we gotta get outta this bathroom.”
“Danica… you have to deal with this. Come on.”
“Cassidy, I am dealin’ with it. We all are gonna die! It don’t matter the reason. What’s the use of talking about it, huh? I’ve been holding it in, and it’s out now. I trust you, it’s over. I feel better now.” She shrugged nonchalantly, but Cassidy knew it was all an act. “It’s over and done with.”
“It’s not done and over with and your mother could survive this, Danica. They’re comin’ out with new medications all the time! I read an article in the New York Times that talked about this new medicine they got, gives folks at least ten to fifteen more years. By the time that extended time comes to an end, they’ll probably have somethin’ else out that will double that and before long, it won’t be considered deadly at all.” Cassidy paused, then added, “How’d she get it?”
Danica shrugged. “I don’t know. They say it can be in your body for years and you never know it… Well, that’s what they say.”
“Yeah, I read that too.”
“I have my suspicions that my daddy gave it to her. I ain’t seen my father in about five years. He left and never came back. When I think about all the times he cheated on my mama, I get sick to my stomach. My mother turned her life over to God after he walked outta that door. She been in the church for a long time now, but I guess it was too late, huh? She been tithing, praisin’, singin’, raising me and my sister. She must’ve prayed a thousand times this month for good health, but not one of ’em was answered. I guess God don’t like Black folk, huh?” The words were cutting, harsh, painful. “Ain’t nobody up there listenin’ to us. God don’t even know where Belle Glade is, Cass, and you know what?
“He don’t give a shit, either. You better get in where you fit in! We got one damn life to live. We don’t know if there’s a tomorrow. You got a good man, talkin’ about you don’t know if he a sheep or a wolf.” Danica sighed. “But girl, you tryna throw him away to the wolves! There’s a gang of girls tryna steal yo’ man right this second!” She laughed as she pointed to the closed bathroom door. “I ain’t gonna always be here to help you fend them off. I wish I had me a man that looked at me how Tony looks at you.” Cassidy dropped her head and smiled. “Ain’t nobody perfect, and we young! We was born to fuck up! Let him get this fuck up out the way, then live yo’ lives in peace!”
At this, Cassidy burst out laughing.
“It’s true! But y’all can grow together, mess up together, and learn together. My life ain’t how I thought it’d be. I got a sick mama now, so I need to help her out. You, on the other hand, wanna go to college and marry the man of your dreams. Do that, Cass… stick to your plan! Bein’ by his side don’t mean you agree with his choices; it means you are his girl through thick and thin. Love him through it, okay?”
Cassidy mulled Danica’s words for a spell, then let her friend wrap her arm around hers. They’d marched into that bathroom as girls, but together, they marched out as women…
…Fifteen minutes later
“You look nice tonight.” Cassidy stiffened when she felt the warm hand surrounding her wrist. She stood before the punch bowl and assorted plates laden with slices of vanilla, chocolate cakes and fruit-filled pies. Danica winked and walked away without so much as a word. “Are you still not talking to me, baby?” His deep voice rumbled, the East Coast in his accent still as prevalent as it had been on the first day she’d met him.
Placing the cup of punch in her hand on the table, she slowly turned and came face to face with the gorgeous bastard who got on her last damn nerve.
Tony.
His dark brows were furrowed, his expression forlorn, torturous, sad. The D.O.C.’s ‘The Formula’ was playing at that moment.
“I’m still mad, if that’s what you want to know.”
He smiled ever so slightly and ran his finger along her chin.
“You’re cute when you’re mad.” She huffed and turned away, pretending to be interested in the people dancing close by. He gripped her chin and forced her to look at him, then leaned down to kiss her. “Let’s not fight. I hate when we fight, baby.”
“Stop doing what you’re doing and we won’t. It’s just that simple.”
“I told you I am. I mean that.” She blinked several times, then crossed her arms over her chest. “I’m telling the truth, Cassidy. I’m totally on the up and up with you now. No more lies, no more covering up.”
“Soon?”
“Yes.”
“How soon?”
“Give me two to three months. I have some deals coming through, and that’s it. I’m not trying to screw my life up, Cass. By the time you go to school, I’ll be finished. We are moving in together, remember? Wherever you go to school, that’s where I’m going. I need to be able to make sure my mother, brother, and Grandmama are all okay. I’m tryna make investments that will grow for both of us so that no matter what, there’ll be money for our wedding after you graduate. And then will come the babies…” She couldn’t help but smile. “Remember you said you wanted a boy and a girl? Antonio Jr. and Sade? I want that, too. I know what I’m doing, okay? Please… just until the summer is over.”
She took a deep breath, then nodded.
“All right…two to three more months and that’s it.”
“That’s it. I promise.”
He wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her once again, his intensity and passion flowing like a geyser. Taking her hand, he led her outside and through the maze of parked cars in the hall lot. Before he even had the door closed and locked, she heard his belt buckle rattling. She got in the back seat, her heart skipping beats to the sound of ‘Nite And Day’ by Al. B. Sure, which was playing on his radio. It didn’t take long for them
to shed their clothing from the waist down. Tony lavished her body with soft kisses as he held her close, grinding his big, hard dick against her pussy lips, teasing her. Rising up on one hand, he guided himself inside and started to thrust hard and slow.
“Shit!” She’d never gotten used to the sheer size of it—so massive, a delicious intrusion.
After a few seconds, reality struck. “Tony… Tony, wait. Do you have a condom? I’m not on birth control yet.” Her legs were already quaking from his intense thrusts, but she had to do this.
“No, baby. I didn’t bring one with me because this wasn’t planned. It’s okay though, I’ll pull out just like last time. It feels better this way anyway. I’ll be careful,” he said breathlessly. He closed his eyes and hastened his pace.
She nodded and let the rhythm take over, her matching his tempo. She shuddered when he lifted her shirt and undid the front snap of her bra, releasing her breasts from their confines. Warmth and wetness soon surrounded her nipple when he enveloped it in his mouth, sucking it just the way she liked. Running her fingers through his hair, she held on tight as he plunged deeper inside her, making her scream.
“It feels so good!” Her pussy gripped his cock, hugging the thick muscle that pumped within her like a vigorous piston.
“Your pussy is so bomb, baby! I love this shit! You stay wet… so fuckin’ tight. Fuck! I missed you, baby! Don’t do that to me again… don’t stop talking to me like that. You have no idea how much I love you. It hurts me when you’re mad at me. I hate it.” He kissed her, his tongue sliding along hers, and they clung to each other with all they had. She sighed as he reached between their bodies and stroked her clit. She bit into his shoulder as she came, her orgasm taking her off guard.
“Shit! I’m about to cum, baby! Fuck!” he said, following suit. He quickly slid out of her and looked down at her with passion, lust, and intensity as his dick released its essence onto her stomach in fast spurts. He kept jerking it until it was wrung dry, left glistening from her juices.
