I took a quick shower and decided to wear the Santa suit right away, since I’d need it all day. Staring at my reflection in the mirror, I had to admit – I looked like a pretty buff jolly, old elf, but knew it would change if I kept eating fast food and cookies.
As I was brushing my teeth, I heard someone knocking on my door so I went to go answer it. When I saw who was standing there, I regretted opening the door.
“What’s up?” I said to Bonnie, who was holding a gift in her hands.
Smiling at my Santa suit, she held out the present. “I know I’m probably the last person you want to see, but I wanted to give you a gift.”
I held my hands up in the air. “Bonnie, I don’t want it.”
Her smile fell. “Can’t you just quit being a jerk for one minute? I mean, I’ve done everything to try and show you how sorry I am and you won’t even hear me out-”
“We have nothing to say to each other,” I cut in angrily. “I mean, what in the hell do you expect from me?”
“Forgiveness, maybe? It is the holidays.”
“Fine. I forgive you. Now… get lost.”
Her eyes filled with tears. “How can you be so cold?”
Seeing one of my neighbors opening up their apartment door, I pulled her into my place. “How can I be so cold? You have the gall to ask me something like this after I caught you cheating on me last year, in our bed? I had to throw that thing out because I couldn’t take sleeping in it anymore. I had to change a lot of things after what you did to me.”
“I’m so sorry. It was a mistake,” she said, moving closer to me. She grabbed the lapels of my Santa suit and stared into my eyes. “I still love you, you know. I always will.”
I grabbed her wrists. “Stop it.”
“But…”
“Listen to me,” I said, trying to remain calm. I just wanted her out of my life, once and for all. “I’m going to be real here, okay? I don’t love you anymore.”
Tears streamed down her cheeks. “You’re just angry still. I bet if we just gave it another shot, you’ be able to forgive me and we could start again.”
“We can’t,” I said softly, realizing that after everything, she might still love me in her own, fucked up way. But, I didn’t feel anything like I had before she’d betrayed me. Not love at least. Looking at her now was like staring at a stranger. It was actually a relief.
“What if we just spent the day together? As friends. We can see where it leads to without pressure.”
“No. I have plans today. Thus, the costume.”
“I have to admit, you look kind of sexy in the Santa suit,” she said, drying her tears. “Remember that time we role-played? You were pretending to be Santa and I was naughty, so you gave me a spanking?”
“Look, I have to leave,” I said, remembering but not wanting to. The very thought of getting together with her left a bad taste in my mouth.
“Could you at least accept the present?”
I knew that if I did, it would give her false hope. “I appreciate the thought, but I can’t. I’m sorry.”
Bonnie let out a ragged sigh. “Fine. Just so you know, it was a bottle of Cristal. I thought we could have shared it on New Year’s Eve.”
“I have plans for New Year’s, but thank you.”
“With another woman?” she asked, her eyes filled with pain.
“With my family,” I replied. “My brothers.” There was going to be a party at the clubhouse and afterward, Jessica and Jordan had invited me over to ring in the New Year.
“So, there isn’t anyone else in your life?” she asked, her face brightening.
I thought about Chloe and at that moment, wanted someone like her in it. Scratch that. I wanted her in it. I just didn’t know if she’d be interested in a scruff like me.
“There might be,” I replied, honestly. “At least, I’m hoping.”
Sighing, she stood up on her tippy-toes and kissed my cheek. “No matter what happens, I really do want you to be happy. Even if it’s not with me.”
“You, too,” I replied, meaning it.
She touched my cheek and then stepped back. “Goodbye, Graham.”
“Goodbye, Bonnie.”
She smiled sadly and walked out of the apartment.
As I closed the door behind her, I felt like Ebenezer Scrooge might have on Christmas morning. After he’d been visited by the three spirits. I felt happy and content. I also had a giddiness in my stomach that had everything to do with Chloe. I’d finally closed the door to my previous life and was now ready to open a new one and take my first step.
Chapter 28
Chloe
FORTUNATELY, EVEN WITH the roads being bad, Anthony and I arrived at the hospital early enough to get breakfast. After admitting that I liked Graham, he stopped flirting and I was able to relax. We ended up talking about the club and some of the things the Prospects were expected to do, without getting into too much detail.
“So, you guys do all the grunt work basically?” I asked, as he filled his tray full of food.
“Yeah. It’s okay, though. Everyone had to do it at one point.”
“Does every Prospect get patched as an actual club member?”
“No. There was one guy earlier this year who was always whining and just not keeping up on his end. It got to be so bad, that his sponsor didn’t want to have anything to do with him anymore. Needless to say, he’s long gone.”
“How long have you been a Prospect?”
“Almost as long as Dodger. Ten months.”
“Oh. How long do you have to be a Prospect before you’re officially a club member?”
“There’s not a set number of months. A year, usually, I’ve heard. The club has to vote us in.”
“Do you think you’ll be voted in?”
“I certainly hope so.”
“What about Graham?”
“Dodger will probably get voted in because Raptor is his brother. He should, though. He and I are the hardest working of all the Prospects, as far as I’m concerned. We both volunteer for everything. I actually think he’s trying to prove himself to everyone and not just get voted in because of being related to Raptor, though.”
“Makes sense.”
We found a table and Anthony began to eat while I sipped on my coffee. After a few minutes, a nurse I’d never met before, stopped by.
“Well, well, well,” she said dryly. “What are you in here for, Cleaner? Aids test?”
“Ouch,” he said, chuckling. “Amy, I didn’t know you worked here.”
“I told you I did,” she replied. “Just like Angela and Karen also work here. You do remember them, don’t you?”
“Of course. And… nice to see you, too,” he replied, looking more amused than anything. “Did you want to join us for breakfast?”
“I’m working.” She crossed her arms under her chest. “So, why didn’t you ever call me back?”
“You never gave me your number, darlin’. I would have.”
Amy snorted. “I’m pretty sure I did. But, hey, I guess I shouldn’t have expected you to call me back. You didn’t call Angela or Karen back either.”
Before he could reply, she looked at me. “Do yourself a favor and don’t let him take you home.”
My eyebrows shot up.
“I actually have to,” he said, smiling. “And we’re just friends.”
“Right,” mumbled Amy. “You know, if I wanted a one-nighter, I would have used Tinder.”
He just looked at her.
With a “harrumph”, Amy stormed away.
“Sorry about that,” he said, dipping his toast into his eggs. “I meet a lot of chicks at the club parties. I get drunk and shit happens. It’s not like I’m promising them anything more than a fun time, though. She made me look like a real asshole.”
“Maybe you should be a little more upfront about it.”
“Then I wouldn’t get laid.”
“Incredible,” I replied, smiling.
“That’s
what they say.” His eyes widened as he stared passed me. “Oh, shit.”
I looked over my shoulder and saw another woman walking over to the table, a determined look on her face.
“This is not my day,” he said, wiping his mouth with a napkin.
“Anthony, where in the hell have you been?” the woman asked angrily.
“I’ll meet you by the Cancer Ward,” I said quickly, standing up.
“Okay,” he said and looked back at the woman. “Hey Angela.”
“Cancer Ward?” she said, her eyes wide. “Do you have cancer?”
I didn’t hear what he said as I walked away, but she gasped. I turned around and saw her hugging him. He smiled and gave me the thumbs up.
Rolling my eyes, I shook my head and went to find Jessica.
Chapter 29
Graham
WHEN I FINALLY made it to the hospital, I put the rest of my costume on and entered the building. People smiled at me as I walked by and I quickly jumped into character again.
“Are you really Santa?” asked a little girl who was just leaving the building with her mom.
“Yes. Some people call me Kris Kringle,” I said, grabbing a candy cane from the bag. I looked at her mother and motioned toward it.
Smiling, she nodded.
“Thank you, Santa! Don’t forget that I really want that doll I sent you a letter about,” she said, taking the candy from me.
“I’ll do my best,” I replied, not knowing what else to say. Fortunately, the mother winked at me and I had a feeling that she’d be getting her Christmas wish.
“Ho, ho, ho. Merry Christmas,” I said before walking away.
After talking to a few more people, I went into the bathroom and called Cleaner to find out where he was and where we should meet. Unfortunately, he didn’t answer his phone. I tried Chloe, but she didn’t answer either.
Frustrated, I walked out of the bathroom and asked directions. A couple of minutes later, I was getting off the elevator and heading down the hallway to the Children’s Cancer Unit when I heard a loud crash in one of the supply rooms, followed by some banging. I stopped abruptly and was about to open the door, when I heard someone moan.
“Yes. Harder,” a woman ordered, gasping and panting. “Oh, Anthony.”
“That’s right, darlin’,” growled a voice I recognized. “Spread ‘em wider for me.”
Rage burned through me as I pictured him fucking Chloe. She wasn’t the woman I’d thought her to be. One ride from Cleaner and she’d dropped her panties like a club whore. Furious, I stormed away to find another bathroom. I needed to cool down before I blew up and ruined Christmas for someone besides myself.
Chapter 30
Chloe
“WHERE IS EVERYONE?” Jessica asked, twenty minutes later as we stood in the Waiting Room. It was after eleven. Neither Santa, nor Anthony, had yet to make an appearance.
“I don’t know. The last time I saw Anthony, it was in the cafeteria.” I opened up my purse to grab my phone and swore. I’d forgotten it at home.
“Anthony?”
“Cleaner. He said I could call him Anthony.”
“What about the other Prospects?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe the weather is making them late?”
“Yeah. I suppose.”
“Hey, hey, hey,” Anthony said, appearing suddenly with his elf costume on. “What’s shakin’, lovelies?”
“Not much. Where’s Santa?” Jessica asked, looking annoyed.
His smile fell. “He’s not here yet?”
“Nope. Can you call him for me?”
Anthony pulled out his phone. “Oh, he tried calling me. I didn’t even notice.”
The elevator opened up and out stepped Santa Claus.
“Thank goodness,” Jessica said, smiling in relief. “I thought maybe something happened.”
I thought Graham looked so cute in the Santa costume. Unfortunately, he looked like he was in another horrible mood.
“Where are the others?” Anthony asked.
“I don’t know,” he replied, his eyes flashing angrily. “I’m not their babysitter. I had to pick up the gifts from the clubhouse, so I have idea what’s going on.”
His tone made me cringe.
“I was busy giving Chloe a ride, so I didn’t talk to anybody else either,” Anthony replied, typing on his phone.
“Yeah, so I heard,” Graham said almost rudely.
Smiling, the other Prospect looked up. “Relax. You can drive her home if you want.”
Graham looked at me as if I were a cockroach. “I’d rather not.”
This time, even Anthony looked surprised.
“Wow, you’d better adjust your attitude before going in to see the kids,” Jessica said, now looking very angry herself. “I don’t know what crawled up your butt, but check that shit at the door.”
Sighing, Graham turned to her, an embarrassed look on his face. “Sorry. You’re absolutely right. Let’s go. I’ll be fine.”
Jessica relaxed. “Before we start visiting the kids, let me go over the rules.”
“Absolutely,” said Graham.
As she began to talk to them about the children, I stole a couple of glances at him, wondering what he was so angry about. It was obviously directed toward me, which was even more confusing and upsetting.
“Any questions?” she asked.
“Nope,” Graham said.
“Nah. Let’s go and put some smiles on the kids’ faces,” Anthony said.
“Follow me,” Jessica said, turning around.
“Is there something wrong?” I asked Graham in a low voice as we followed Jessica.
“Nope,” he said coldly, not even looking at me.
I decided right then and there that he was not the kind of guy I needed in my life. Handsome or not, he had more mood-swings than I was willing to take on.
Chapter 31
Graham
AS FRUSTRATED AND angry as I was, Jessica was right. I had to check my shit at the door and give the kids a show, one that would put smiles on their faces and hopefully leave some lasting memories.
We spent the next couple of hours going room-to-room, visiting with some of the sweetest kids I’d ever met. Many of them were obviously very, very sick. Many had lost their hair. Some could barely sit up in bed and others ran circles around me. What they all had in common was reflected in their eyes. A kind of wisdom that went well beyond their years. Like they were old souls and knew something that we didn’t. Obviously, the cancer had a lot to do with it and I could only have imagined the hell they went through, especially when they were going through chemo. It was a very sobering experience.
“Santa,” a little girl named Nora whispered from her hospital bed. She was only seven-years-old and had Leukemia.
“Yes, darlin’?” I leaned closer to her.
“I want to change my Christmas wish.”
“Oh?” I asked, afraid she’d ask me for a miracle and it would break my heart. I could see that she was very sick and weak. I knew that what she probably needed, even Santa couldn’t help.
“When I’m gone, bring Mommy and Daddy a baby. They wanted one before I got sick and I think they forgot about it.” She smiled sadly. “I was supposed to have a brother or a sister.”
Knowing what she had was terminal and that Nora probably wouldn’t live to see it happen, broke my heart. I just stared at her for a few seconds, unable to speak. Here she was, so very ill, and wanted nothing more than to make her parents happy.
“Santa? Please?”
I forced a smile to my face and nodded. If I could have given her the world at that moment, I would have.
She smiled back at me and closed her eyes. “I’m so tired. Thank you for the reindeer and candy, Santa.”
Sliding my fingers under the spectacles, I quickly wiped the tears from under my lashes, not wanting her to see them. Then I leaned over and kissed her on the forehead. “You bet, Nora.”
I left her room h
aving a new respect for Jessica and Chloe. They dealt with terminally ill children every day and I couldn’t do it. It would break me.
“You okay?” Chloe asked.
I nodded. “That was the last child, right?” I asked quietly as we headed down the hallway.
“Yes,” Jessica said and smiled. “I know, it’s… tragic to see what some of these kids are going through.”
“How do you do it?” I asked.
“Someone has to,” she replied. “Someone who cares even if it’s heartbreaking to be around.”
“Do you ever go home and cry?” I asked.
“Oh, gosh, yes. All the time,” Jessica said. “Ask Jordan.”
I looked at Chloe, who’d been silent.
She smiled sadly. “I almost quit because of the stress. But, Jessica talked me out of it last year. I’m glad I stayed. Now I don’t think I could ever think of leaving.”
“It sure makes you appreciate things,” said Cleaner, who’d been unnaturally quiet.
“You can say that again,” I said.
“In fact, I would sure appreciate a beer right now. Do you think we have time to get a couple before we show up at the fundraiser?” asked Cleaner.
“You can do whatever you want,” I said, although a beer sounded really good. “But, I’m heading over there right now. I don’t think the kids will appreciate Santa having booze on his breath.”
“Chloe? What do you say, should we grab a couple?” Cleaner said.
“No. I’m with Graham. It’s not a good idea,” she replied.
He groaned. “Come on. One beer isn’t going to get anyone in trouble.”
“You know what could though,” I replied. “Getting busy in the supply closet.”
Chloe’s eyes widened. “What?”
Cleaner stared at me for a few seconds and then laughed. “How’d you know?”
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