Chapter 10: Be Without You
Ne’Vaeh
Renée stayed with me the night that Aaron left. She knew my heart couldn’t take it. I was barely breathing as it was. I couldn’t take any more sleepless nights. I couldn’t take any more heartbreak. I couldn’t handle Aaron leaving me. I needed him back; I couldn’t live without that boy. He was the only reason why I had survived for as long as I did.
Renée tried staying up with me that night, but she fell asleep with her head on my lap. I sat there on the couch, twiddling Aaron’s wedding ring in my fingers. I’d tried calling him all night only to get his voicemail. The next available flight to Miami was at 10:00 the next morning, and I planned on jumping aboard that bitch. I wasn’t losing him because of Anastasia or Jamie. No one wanted to see me happy, it seemed.
At 2:00 in the morning, there was a faint tapping at my front door. I rolled my eyes. I left my door unlocked because I already knew he’d show up when he did. Whenever Jamie would hurt my feelings as a kid, he would always show up at 2:00 in the morning, tapping on my window. He knew that I couldn’t sleep, that I’d be up waiting on him.
“Come in, Jamie.” I scooted away from Renée gently, laying her head on the couch.
Jamie walked into my house, head hanging down, closing the door behind him. He was dressed in a white tank top and dark blue sweat pants. He looked like he was on his way to go work out.
I stood from the couch, dressed in a tank top and sweats, damn near wearing the same thing that he was. I walked over to him, looking up into his face. His face was scratched up a little, and he had a cast on his arm. His eyes sparkled a little, his temples twitching.
“Renée is asleep, so we need to step out on the back porch to talk, Jamie,” I whispered, rolling my eyes and turning around, walking through the house to the back sliding door.
Jamie followed behind me.
I sighed, sitting down at the umbrella table that sat on my patio.
Jamie shut the door behind him, and then sat across from me, looking me in the face.
“I knew you wouldn’t take that necklace back, so I had Anastasia’s assistant UPS it back to your house in Maryland,” I said, watching Jamie laugh a little. I sat Aaron’s wedding ring on the table.
Jamie’s laughter subsided. He shook his head to himself. “Shawty, I had Anastasia drop the charges as soon as he got to the station last night.”
I shook my head at him. “Why did you kiss me like that? Why did you come out on stage the way that you did? You put on this show in front of that crowd, and they fuckin’ loved it like it was a part of the got-damn play! This was my career, this was my life, that was my fuckin’ husband! It hurt him seeing you here with me! That boy loves me and only me! I don’t have to share his heart with anyone else, and it kills him to know that he has to share my heart with you!” I broke down and cried. “Jamie, it’s over between me and you! I was sick as fuck, and he brought me back to life! He cooked for me, cleaned for me, bathed me, massaged my feet, combed my hair, shaved my legs, ironed my clothes, warmed my towels, opened up car doors; he worshipped me! I never had to ask that boy for anything, he just did it!”
Jamie’s eyes traced my face. “Shawty, I didn’t mean to fuck dude’s head up the way that I did. I was just mad. I hate seeing you with someone else, shawty, you know that.”
“So once again, you come at me with that dumb shit! You can fuck whoever, but you don’t want anyone to step foot near me? Get the fuck out of here with that bullshit! You sound so stupid!” I rolled my eyes, drying my face. “What you did was stupid! Look at your face! Look at your wrist! You knew as soon as you kissed me what Aaron was gonna try and do to you! Y’all would have killed each other on stage if those bodyguards wouldn’t have pulled y’all apart! Aaron is gone because of you, Jamie! I hope you and my bitch-ass cousin are happy now!”
Jamie just sat back in the chair, looking at me. “Shawty, he’s coming back.”
“No, he’s not! He left his got-damn wedding ring, and he took all of his fuckin’ clothes with him!” I cried out. “Jamie, you know I love you! Why did you have to remind him of that shit? We were doing so good, Jamie! It felt so good to have a man holding me at night again, kissing me again, cherishing me again, touching me again, and loving me again. He made me feel like I was the only woman that existed in the world. Even when he was with Charlie, that boy wanted only me! You are not worth losing that! You are not worth losing him!”
Jamie nodded to himself. He was upset with the entire situation; with himself more than anything.
“Jamie, I really love him. He’s not some rebound! He makes me happy. He makes me forget the pain that I’ve been through because he brings me so much joy. Don’t I deserve that?” I cried.
Jamie looked at me, watching the tears slide down my face. “Of course you deserve that, shawty. I’m sorry that I couldn’t give it to you. Shawty, don’t cry. I’m sorry. What do you want me to do? Just tell me and I’ll do it.”
I looked at him. “Just leave us alone, please.”
Jamie nodded. He knew there was no point fighting for me. I had made my choice, even if my choice had given up on me. “So what’cha gonna do now, shawty?”
“Quit. Quit it all. Then try to get Aaron to take me back. I need him. I can’t–I can’t have this baby alone.” I had to tell him before he found out from someone else. “I’m ten weeks pregnant. I haven’t told anyone but you and Renée.”
Jamie looked at me. He looked like his heart had stopped. Jamie just stared at me for a few seconds before standing from the table.
I looked up at Jamie, as he walked over to me and kissed my forehead. He was so hurt, he was speechless. He couldn’t be angry, he had no right to be. But he was hurt. “If you need anything, shawty, don’t ever hesitate to call. I never meant to hurt you. You were everything to me. You will always be my girl, no matter who you’re with. I know Aaron will take care of you, so I don’t have to worry about you. But I’m here when you need me.” His hand brushed against my chin.
I stood from the table as he started to walk away from me. I grabbed his arm, pulling him back to me, throwing my arms around him. I cried, burying my face in his shirt, as he wrapped his arms around me. “Jamie, I love you, but I need him.” I cried.
“I know,” Jamie whispered. He gently kissed my forehead again, before letting me go. The hardest moments of my life were always watching that boy walk away from me.
* * *
I walked into Passion Productions’ dance studio the very next morning, dressed in a cute turquoise wrap-dress and flat sandals. I wasn’t even three month’s pregnant and my feet had already started to swell. When I walked into the studio, Anastasia and her girls were doing their usual seductive dance routine. When Anastasia saw me, she stopped in her tracks, signaling the deejay to stop the track. She saw me carrying a folder in my hands.
“You’re not dressed to rehearse.” Anastasia grinned. “Our contract states that you will be here at the time of rehearsal, dressed and on time. You’re late, and you’re not even dressed.”
I opened the folder, taking out the contract I had with her record label. “Oh, about that contract—” I tore the contract right down the middle, then into tiny pieces, and flicked the pieces out onto the floor.
Anastasia’s dancers looked at me, folding their arms and clicking their teeth.
Anastasia watched as the pieces float to the floor. She looked back up at me as I took out the contract I had with both her and Kenya for our stage production. And I ripped that shit up in her face, too. Anastasia’s bright brown eyes widened, “Ne’Vaeh, you can’t—”
“I just did!” I snapped. “You wanna take me to court, go ahead. Sue my ass then! I could care less. But don’t you think that fuckin’ up my marriage is payment enough?”
Anastasia sighed, flipping her hair over her shoulder anxiously. “Honey, we got your bae out of jail. He’s out. The charges were dropped.”
“Anastasia, that’s not the fuckin
’ point!” I screamed. “I nearly died giving birth to Jamie’s baby, and you brought him here only because you wanted to drive a wedge between me and Aaron! All I want is Aaron, and all you want is money! I work my ass off for you, Anastasia! I stay up all night writing songs, stay up all night going over my lines, and stay up all night trying to twerk like these got-damn strippers you got around you, sniffing your ass!”
24-K stepped forward to step to me, but Anastasia pulled her back.
“I am ten weeks pregnant, Anastasia!” I exclaimed.
Anastasia looked at me. They all looked at me.
“I–I didn’t know.” Anastasia shook her head, her eyes sparkling.
“You didn’t take the time to ask me! You’re so hung up in keeping Aaron from me that you didn’t realize that he’s my husband, that we want a family! I just lost my baby last year, and I’m pregnant with another one! I am scared out of my mind right now, Anastasia, and I need him, but he’s gone!” I tossed the folder I had in my hands onto the hardwood floor. “Jamie, you, singing, dancing, acting, money, cars, clothes, houses, fame, fortune—none of this bullshit is worth more than Aaron!”
Anastasia felt really stupid. They all did. “Ne’Vaeh, I’m sorry.”
“Well, sorry isn’t gonna bring my baby back. Tell Darryl thank you for everything. I appreciate you both for giving me the opportunity of a life time, but I can’t do this shit anymore. My place isn’t here; it’s with Aaron. Y’all can have whatever rights to whatever you want except my ‘White Gold’ album. That shit is mine. Everything else, do whatever you want with it. Like I said, Anastasia, if you wanna sue me, go ahead—see you in court.” I turned around, walking out of the studio.
* * *
I placed Aaron’s ring on a gold necklace and hung it around my neck that morning. I packed my clothes into three suitcases and placed the suitcases at the front door, just when the doorbell sounded. I answered the door to see Renée and my sister, Autumn, standing at the door.
I broke down and cried as Autumn threw her arms around me. “Hey, sis. I heard you needed back up.” She whispered in my ear. “Let’s go get your dude back.”
I was a nervous wreck once we stepped off that plane in Miami. I was scared to face Aaron. I knew he was upset with me. He had his number changed and everything, making it impossible to get in touch with him. When we got to Aaron’s beautiful beach house, two of Aaron’s cars were parked in the driveway, and another two cars were parked right alongside his.
We got out of the taxi and walked up the side walk to the house. My hands shook as I unlocked the door. I was surprised he hadn’t changed the locks, but then again, he probably wasn’t expecting me to fly to Miami either.
When we walked into the house, we ran straight into Aaron, his mother, his father, and another pretty young girl who sat on the couch, wearing a lovely, tight Dolce and Gabbana floral dress. I wasn’t sure what was going on, but it looked like they were all planning something.
“Good afternoon.” Renée spoke first, pulling me by the hand to meet Aaron’s family, sitting there, staring at us from the living room.
Aaron stood from the couch, eying me, standing there in my cute wrap-dress. “What’s up?” He asked, face looking better than it was the night before. He frowned at me, seeming very irritated to see me. “Why are you here, shorty? Don’t you got a show to do? Or an album to record?”
I turned around, ready to leave the house, but both Autumn and Renée stopped me. I shook my head. “He’s so cold!” I fought back crying. “He doesn’t wanna talk to me!”
“Cuz, we flew all the way here from Georgia to get this dude,” Renée whispered. “Tell him what you have to say. Make him listen to you!”
I took a deep breath, turning back around to face Aaron. I stood there alongside my family, in the center of the living room. “Aaron, I love you,” I whispered.
The expression on Aaron’s face softened a little.
“Aaron told us what happened,” Aaron’s father, Avery, spoke up.
I looked at Aaron’s mother, who sat there looking so elegant, like a brown-skinned Dorothy Dandridge. Her lips were pursed together, and her arms were folded across her classic beige Chanel dress.
I looked back at Aaron, “Aaron, I quit. I quit everything.”
Aaron looked at me, shaking his head. “Heaven, you didn’t have to do that for me.”
I shook my head back at him, walking up to meet him at the couch. I stood before him, “Aaron, you are everything to me. The fame, the fortune, the money, none of that means anything if I don’t have you. She can take me to court if she wants; I could really not care less.”
Aaron shook his head. “She just called about an hour ago, trying to apologize. She was pissed that you walked out on her, but I don’t think she’s gonna sue you. She says she had to talk Jamie out of quitting on her, too.”
“So, about this Jamie—” Ella stood from the couch, straightening her dress. “What role does he play in your life? And what use is my son to you if you’re still pining away over him?”
Avery sighed. “Honey, stay out of this. We already had a long conversation with our son about leaving her the way that he did. Just sit down and let these young people handle their own situation.”
Ella sat back down on the couch. “I don’t appreciate my son fighting and almost going to jail over some nonsense, but okay, I’ll just sit here and say nothing, like a good wife.” She even looked classy rolling her eyes.
I looked at Aaron, “I would never ever go back to Jamie. You’re my life, my heart, my soul, my air, the only reason I exist! I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. I didn’t think my own cousin would set me up the way that she did. She knew what would happen if she put Jamie in the same room with me. She knew it would upset you. Please don’t question where my love is, Aaron. I’m not confused about the way that I feel. You didn’t have to leave me.” Tears trickled down my face.
“It doesn’t feel good sharing your heart with another man, sweetheart,” Aaron finally spoke from the heart.
“I know, but I can’t help how I feel. I have known him all my life, Aaron. He was my best friend for a long time, and though I still care about him, I’m in love with you, and I would never purposely do anything to hurt you. He is not worth losing you, Aaron! I wanna be with you! I have been in love with you since the first day you walked into my life. I hate the fact that we have wasted so much time apart when we should have been together. Quitting Passion Productions is probably the best decision that I’ve made in my life, outside of deciding to venture into a lifelong partnership with you.” I looked into his face.
The young lady in the floral dress cleared her throat. “I’m sorry to interrupt, but I really have to get going if y’all want me to get started on this list.”
I looked at Aaron and his parents. “I’m sorry, who is this?”
“Oh,” Ella stood up, looking at her husband. “Can I speak? Is it okay for me to interject now, Avery?”
Avery nodded.
Ella looked at me. “I am not going to stand here and pretend that I wasn’t upset when you decided it was okay to get married to my son without my approval. What mother doesn’t want to see her child get married? You two snuck off to another country to get married without inviting me and—and I was hurt.” His mother choked back tears.
My eyes searched her face. I looked at Aaron and then back at her, my intestines in bunches. “I know you love your son very much. I know you don’t like me, but I have never disrespected you, Miss Ella. I don’t always agree with some of the things that you do, but I will admit that I wished my mother put as much effort into my life as you put into your son’s life. I’m just getting to know Juanita. I don’t want to come between a mother and her child. I didn’t mean to marry Aaron without letting you know, but I didn’t want any problems out of anyone. I love him, Miss Ella. More than words can express. You have a wonderful son, and I can see why you want to protect him.”
Ella composed hers
elf. “I’ll admit that I was ignorant and judged you off of your appearance. I just wanted what I thought was best for my son’s future. The color of my skin has never gotten me anywhere. Though I come from a rich family, all anyone sees when they look at me is a little black girl. My son, in my opinion, was blessed with light skin and white features, so of course I wanted him to marry a woman similar to him. I apologize if I ever offended you.”
I was speechless. I couldn’t say anything at the moment; I just stood there staring at her.
Ella grinned, holding her hand out, presenting the girl in the floral dress. “This is Miss Bridget Good, the wedding planner that I hired.”
Renée and Autumn both gasped behind me.
“If it is okay with you, I would like to have sort of a wedding celebration, kind of like an extended wedding. I know you and Aaron are already married, but you didn’t have a ceremony in front your family or friends. I really think people would like to see you two get married.” Ella’s eyes glistened. “I would like to see you and my son get married. Please. I have a dress picked out for you and everything. All you have to do is get fitted for it. What do you say?”
My knees grew weak. I felt like I was about to faint. Just when my knees gave out, Aaron caught me.
I balled my eyes out in his arms. Ella patted my back. She knew that her blessing meant everything to me. I didn’t have my mother in my life, and I needed her. The fact that Ella found it in her heart to get over her prejudice and accept me into her family meant more than words could express.
I looked up at Aaron.
Aaron looked down into my face, holding my waist in his hands.
It's Wrong for Me to Love You, Part 3 Page 18
