Jamie, who was talking to the police officers about what had happened, rushed over to me when he saw me damn near pushing the paramedics out of the way to see my best friend.
“Take him out of this bag! He can’t breathe! Take that off of him!” I screeched.
Jamie grabbed me, pulling me away from the stretcher. “Shawty, I know this hurts, but you need to calm down and let them do their job!”
“But they’re suffocating him! He can’t breathe! Why is he is that bag?” My heart and mind were in denial. I couldn’t admit to myself that he was gone, even though I was faced with the evidence.
“Baby, he’s gone!” Jamie shook me a little, tears in his eyes.
I looked up into his face, shaking my head frantically. “No!” I screamed.
Jamie nodded, tears sliding down his face. “He’s gone, Charlie.”
Just then, a few of Ashton’s family members pulled up in their cars, showing up to the scene. His mother got out of the car, already screaming for her son. The police stopped her in her tracks, holding her back, questioning her the same way that they tried to do me.
I looked at the body bag that contained Ashton’s body. The screams and wails from his mother were drowned out by my own thoughts. “I wanna see him,” I cried, looking at the paramedics. “Please.”
They hesitated before unzipping the bag just a little. They didn’t even unzip the bag three inches before I was screaming out in agony. As soon as I saw his pale blue forehead, I collapsed to the ground.
Chapter 14: The Final Good-bye
Charlene
I sat on the edge of my bed the day of Ashton’s funeral. I hadn’t had anything to eat or drink, let alone get a wink of sleep, in four days. I was a wreck. I had been sitting in the same spot since Jamie brought me back home the day they found Ashton’s body hanging from the shower curtain pole. Images of the pictures the police showed me of Ashton hanging from the rope were embedded in my mind. I wouldn’t take anyone’s calls, not even my mother’s—especially not my mother’s. My manager and his wife had been calling me non-stop. News reporters stayed parked outside of my house for days trying to get a story from anyone who walked out of my house. I was a fashion model, but I was nowhere near as famous as Jamie was. He had only been in the spot light for almost two years and had only been singing for a few months, yet by the amount of paparazzi outside of my home those few days, you would have thought he was one of the damn Kardashians. He stayed by my side the entire time and only left my house that morning to go pick up my dress for me.
My house was buzzing with people. I stayed in my room the entire morning, staring at the envelope that sat on my nightstand. I’d placed the unopened DNA test results in a card-sized envelope and sealed it shut. I couldn’t bring myself to open it. Since Ashton was dead, did the results really matter? There was no way that I was going to tell Jamie the truth and lose him. Even though it was hard to look at him and not think about Ashton, I still desperately needed Jamie. Jamie was trying to do right by me for a change. We were a family, and I planned on keeping it that way.
There was a knock at my room. “Señorita,” Lilia’s voice called through the door. “You have a visitor.”
“Go away!” I screamed out, drying the tears from my face.
“Charlene,” I heard Ne’Vaeh’s voice through the door, “sweetie, it’s Ne’Vaeh.”
My heart jumped in my chest, as the door to my bedroom crept open. I turned around to see Ne’Vaeh coming into my room, dressed in a tight white silk blouse and tight pinstriped pants. Her jet-black hair had been cut into the cutest layered bob. She looked amazing and healthy, glowing in her first trimester. She watched the tears strolling down my cheeks as she stepped into my room, closing the door behind her.
I looked up at her, body quivering as she came over and sat beside me on the bed. The last person I expected to see was Ne’Vaeh. She had no idea that I was harboring a secret about the paternity of my son. I had created so much chaos in her life. I pushed her life into a direction I’m sure she had never thought it would go. She was happy, but still, Aaron wasn’t Jamie. She’d left Maryland with Jamie’s baby because of what I did. Had she never found out about me being pregnant with what was supposed to be Jamie’s son, she wouldn’t have had to go through that pain alone if at all. Who knows, maybe the stress of what was going on between Jamie and me caused her to lose that baby. Regardless, I was nowhere in sight when her baby died. I didn’t call her for almost a year and a half. When she needed me, I wasn’t there for her. Yet when she knew I needed her, she was right there.
Ne’Vaeh took my hand in hers, and I broke down.
“He’s gone, Ne’Vaeh! My boo is gone!” I cried on her shoulder.
Ne’Vaeh cried too, surrounding me in her arms. “Ssshhh.” She tried consoling me, “I’m so sorry, Charlie.”
“He killed himself because of me, Ne’Vaeh!” I screamed out. “My best friend is gone because I chose Jamie!”
She looked at me, not sure what to say. She had read the tabloids. Shit, everyone had. The day after Ashton caught Jamie and me at the club, our picture was in the got-damn paper. “Supermodel Trades Doctor for Football Player” was the headline. She knew I was fuckin’ around with Ashton for two months, only to turn around and diss him for Jamie. She knew, like everyone else did, that Ashton was fragile, that he needed me, and that he couldn’t live without me. She knew that I should have never slept with Ashton. She knew that I should not have played with his head the way that I did. Everyone told me to stop playing around, but I wouldn’t listen. I never listened. I shut everyone out, and now my best friend is gone.
Ne’Vaeh could have gloated in my face, but she didn’t. Instead, she unwrapped her arms from around me, and just intertwined her finger with mine. She looked into my face. “We all make mistakes, Charlie. Ashton knew you loved Jamie, yet he involved his heart with yours anyway. You were a risk that he was willing to take.”
I looked into her face. “What does Aaron think? I know your husband had something to say about the way that I did his friend.”
Ne’Vaeh sighed. “I really don’t need to tell you what he said, ’cause you already know how he feels when it comes to Ashton. They were homies. Ashton was the first friend that Aaron made when he moved here. They moved in together. They were on the same basketball team. Do you think that Aaron didn’t know Ashton felt some type of way about you while y’all were dating? That boy was in love with you, but for whatever reason, you didn’t love him. Aaron warned you about screwing with his head, Charlie, but you wouldn’t listen. You never listen.”
“So,” I dried my face, “you think it’s my fault that he’s dead, too?”
Ne’Vaeh stated bluntly, “I think it’s your fault that he’s not alive, take it how you wish.”
The tears started rolling again, and my heart pumped overtime in my chest. “I can’t help who I love,” I whispered.
“Neither could he.” Ne’Vaeh’s eyes searched mine. “There’s a lot of people waiting for you downstairs. Some you may wanna see, others you may not. You know Ashton’s family is down there, too.”
I exhaled deeply. It was going to be hard facing Ashton’s family that day. I had already gotten a few threats from his female cousins in the days prior to Ashton’s funeral, so I was prepared for that. What I wasn’t prepared for was facing his mother.
“How long are you staying?” I pushed my hair from my face.
“Just until they bury Ashton. Aaron is really hurt, so we’re just gonna stay until they lower his body, and then we gotta go catch our flight.” Ne’Vaeh pushed my hair over my shoulders. “He didn’t even wanna come at first. I had to convince him to come. When he heard it was a closed casket funeral, he was furious. Ashton’s mother showed him the pictures from the bathroom. Aaron threw up when he saw them, Charlie.”
I looked at her. “You didn’t have to come up here. I know Aaron didn’t want you talking to me.”
Ne’Vaeh shook her head, “Girl, you
know Aaron ain’t even like that. Just because he doesn’t have any words for you doesn’t mean I don’t. You’re my sister. And even though we don’t talk as much as we used to, I knew you needed me, and that’s why I’m here. You don’t deserve for me to be, but that’s another story.” She grinned at me a little.
But I just cried.
“Charlene, I got your dr—” Jamie entered my room, dressed in a crisp white t-shirt, dark denim jean shorts that touched the middle of his calves, a clean white baseball cap, and fresh white Nikes. He was carrying a dress box in his arms. He stopped in his tracks when he saw Ne’Vaeh sitting beside me on the bed.
Ne’Vaeh stood from the bed, watching him standing there looking at her.
My hairstylist and makeup artist flew in the room behind Jamie, rushing over to me.
“Charlene, Golden has been calling your ass for days!” Holly immediately took a brush to my hair. “Do you know how many people are downstairs waiting on you? The press is even here!” She took me by the arm and led me over to my vanity mirror, sitting me down on the stool. “Oh my goodness, look at your hair! And good grief—when is the last time you showered, girl?”
The bitch yapped at me for a good fifteen minutes straight, but I wasn’t paying her any attention. Once Ne’Vaeh caught Jamie’s gaze, that’s all I was concentrating on. You should have seen the way that they were looking at one another; looking each other over like they were making sure everything was still there, that nothing about one another had changed. They didn’t really need words to say anything to one another. Jamie knew Ne’Vaeh was disappointed, that he should have known better than to get involved with me, baby or not.
“Charlie, I gotta get back downstairs.” Ne’Vaeh cleared her throat, trying to hurry past Jamie and out of my room.
As she passed him, Jamie grabbed her hand, pulling her back to him.
The way she looked up at him helplessly was priceless. If I had had a camera, I would have taken a picture. There was no competing with the love they still had for one another, wedding ring, baby mama, or not.
“You came, shawty,” he whispered to her, but I heard him loud and clear.
Ne’Vaeh slipped her hand from his, looking back at me looking at her. She looked back at him. “She’s my sister,” she whispered back. “Take care of her the way you should have taken care of me.”
Jamie looked at me as she left.
I sighed, watching him sit the dress box on my dresser. He sat in the chair that sat in the corner of my room. He slouched back in the chair, hands over his face, probably asking himself what he’d gotten himself into. I knew how he felt, because I was thinking the exact same thing.
That morning I sat in the bathtub for damn near an hour, thinking about my life and the pain that I had caused. I couldn’t believe what had happened in such a short amount of time. My life had caught up with me, no matter how much I had tried to avoid it. Just when I felt like giving up and ending it all, Lilia entered the bathroom, carrying little August in her arms. He was wrapped in a white towel and smiling from ear to ear. His brown curly hair was all over the place.
I looked up at the both of them, tears sliding down my cheeks.
Lilia sighed. “Señorita, you’re going to ruin your makeup. You have to get to the church in an hour. Your family is waiting downstairs for you.”
I didn’t say anything; I just reached for my son.
She walked over to me, handing him to me. She reached for the faucet, turning on the hot water to heat the lukewarm water. She watched as I cried, holding August against my chest. “Charlie, no matter what people feel about you right now, just know that God will forgive you,” she whispered.
I looked up at her, lips trembling. “My mother hasn’t even came up here to talk to me! Even the Morgan Girls tried, though I turned them all away. I’ll never forgive myself for this, Lilia.”
Lilia’s hazel eyes sparkled. “It takes time. A lot of time. But your heart will heal, chica. You have to remember that everything and everyone around you doesn’t belong to you. Everything you have belongs to God. So when He decides to take it all back, you have to be ready to give it to Him.”
* * *
It wasn’t easy facing Ashton’s family that morning. Not only was Ashton’s mother there to confront me, but Alisha’s mother was standing right there by her side. It took about five people to stop either of the two from slapping me dead across my face. My mother stood there, watching as these two women attempted to jump me. She didn’t step in until she saw Kelissa jumping to my defense. I so didn’t deserve for anyone to defend me. I definitely wasn’t Kelissa’s favorite person; she and Alisha had both warned me about my reckless life. I deserved for Kelissa to toast to my pain, the same way she’d done at my wedding rehearsal a few years earlier. Instead, she jumped to my defense, reminding Ashton’s and Alisha’s mothers the reason why we were all gathered together that day.
When I attempted to get into the hearse that carried my best friend’s body, his mother stopped me in my tracks, telling me that I didn’t deserve to go anywhere near Ashton, dead or alive. I couldn’t even argue back with that woman, because she was right. My mother finally decided it was time to step in to aid me. She grabbed my arm, pulling me to her car. Reluctantly, I got into the front passenger’s side of my mother’s Porsche.
“I understand how bad it hurts when the man you love is in love with someone else,” my mother finally decided to say to me after not speaking to me since the day she caught me over at Jamie’s house.
I looked at her, then rolled my eyes, staring back out the window. “Are you really talking to me? The world’s biggest slut?”
My mother sighed. “Charlie, I never called you a slut.”
“You might as well have!” I exclaimed. “You made me feel like shit for dating different guys because the man who I loved was in love with my best friend! No, my sister! You made it seem like I wasn’t good enough for Aaron or for Jamie! Every time you look at me, you see a slut!”
“No, I see myself,” my mother interjected before I could see anything else.
I looked at her.
My mother shook her head to herself. “Kristopher never loved me. No matter what I did, he always loved Juanita. He tried to love me, but he couldn’t. We only got married because my parents refused to let their daughter walk across that stage to get her diploma, pregnant, without a ring on my finger. His father was a senator. His mother was a judge. Their son wanted to be a record executive, which is how he got involved with Juanita. I wasn’t his first choice. I was skinny, I was a nerd, and I wouldn’t put out. Juanita did it all, and your father fell in love. When I look at you, it just reminds me of how much he loved her. I took Ne’Vaeh in to hurt Juanita. Not because I loved Ne’Vaeh any more than I loved you, but because I wanted to take something away from Juanita that I knew that she loved. Juanita wasn’t a bad person. She had been through hell, and that was all she knew.”
I dried my tears. “Why are you telling me this now, Mama? What does all of this have to do with me?”
“You need to leave Jamie alone. He’s never gonna love you, no matter what you do. It’s nothing personal against you, honey. He can’t help who he loves. Your best friend killed himself to hurt you. He’s gone because you left him for Jamie. You’re gonna have to live with that pain. Every time you look at Jamie, you’re gonna think about that boy.” My mother looked at me as she stopped at a stop light. “Jamie’s gonna leave you, whether it’s physically or mentally. Your father did it to me, so I’m telling you from experience. My marriage was for show. I commend Jamie for doing the right thing. But I promise you, he’s only with you to prove something to her. And there is absolutely nothing that you can do to undo what that girl has done to that boy’s heart. Let him go, now.”
I shook my head at my mother. Leave it to her to make me feel even guiltier than I was already feeling. I just sat there in that seat, clutching the envelope that contained the DNA test inside of it.
* *
*
I looked across the room at Ashton’s family. They all sat in the pews, wailing and screaming as the preacher gave his sermon at Ashton’s home going. I watched as Aaron cried for his friend, leaned over, head between his knees. Ne’Vaeh rubbed his back, trying to soothe him. The intensity of the screams was too much for Aaron. He got up from the pew, grabbing Ne’Vaeh’s hand and taking her outside with him. I thought it would be easier for everyone to attend the funeral because it was a closed-casket funeral, but that fact alone made the event more horrifying.
The worst part of the funeral was at his burial. It reminded me of the day I held Ashton’s hand, watching them throw dirt over Alisha’s casket. His mother had his body buried right next to Alisha’s. I had buried both friends within a few months’ time. When everyone else was placing a rose on Ashton’s casket, I was placing the envelope that carried the DNA test. I looked up to see Renée staring right back at me, shaking her head in disgust. She wasn’t stupid, she knew what I’d hidden in that card-sized envelope.
I stayed there until the final pile of dirt was thrown on Ashton’s casket, just to make sure that the results of the test were buried with his body. I didn’t want to know the results of the test, because at that point, they really didn’t matter. I had lost Ashton because of my decision to choose Jamie. What difference did it make who the biological father of my son was at that point? I know I was dead wrong. Alisha was probably cursing me out, asking God to give me a one-way ticket to Hell.
That evening, my mother had a gathering at her house. Of course, Ashton’s family wasn’t there. Of course, Alisha’s family wasn’t there. All of my classmates and family members came to my mother’s house, including those I went to college with. A few of the Morgan Girls were there. Though Ne’Vaeh and Aaron left right after the funeral, Renée decided to stay at my house that evening. Jamie sat in the living room, holding August close. It was bad enough that the press was hanging outside my house before and during the funeral, but they had the nerve to camp themselves and their fuckin’ camera equipment outside of my mother’s door that night.
It's Wrong for Me to Love You, Part 3 Page 24
