by Ysabel Wilde
“Oh, yeah, you mean the same one you used on Mike last night?”
“I told you, I’m not talking about it until you do. But, yeah, he’s starting to really tick me off.”
“Have you even kissed him yet?”
“Eh, you go I go.” She put her ear buds in and we started our jog with only the music playing in our heads.
The jog was just what I needed to clear my head and figure out my game plan without Grace’s influence. I mapped out exactly what I was going to do.
The cool wind that greeted us on our warm-up now turned into a welcomed breeze as my body heated from the run and thoughts of John.
First, I had to stop bouncing back and forth like a yo-yo, changing my mind on what I wanted with him. I was conscious of what it had to be, and what happened in the darkroom would not occur again, ever. It wasn’t fair to tease him that way.
The hour of uninterrupted thinking was what I needed. The second we popped our ear buds out Grace started up again.
“So where are you going?” she asked to the ground as she stretched out her hamstrings.
“I want Francesca’s, he says Spiaggia. I told him no.”
Now standing up on one leg with the other braced behind her to stretch her quad, Grace said, “You’re going to argue with him about going to Spiaggia? I really do think I need to commit you.”
“Grace, it’s not about the status of a restaurant.”
“Right, it’s about you controlling the situation.”
“What? How can you say that?” This was the first time I’ve heard this from Grace.
“Because that’s how you are, Faith. You have this control issue. You’ve always had it, but since Brad its gone haywire.”
“I do not.” I took advantage of the wall to give Grace my back as I stretched my calves. If I had to listen I didn’t want to see her, too.
“Oh no? What about me having to go over to the ER every time Brad is working, which has been every night we work.”
I could tell how she was standing without having to see her. It was her don’t mess with me stance, her arms folded across her chest. I could feel her eyes on me, watching expectantly.
When I didn’t answer she said, “Why do you think your sisters don’t call you, or want to move in with you for that matter?”
I gasped in a breath and tears sprang to my eyes. How could she bring them into this? Didn’t she know how much it killed me that they chose a place to live without me?
I turned and ran into the building, taking the same stairwell Mike had two steps at a time. I wouldn’t beat her up to our floor but I needed to expel the feeling I was having and this was the only way.
Grace was standing outside of the elevators facing the stairwell waiting for me. I charged past her. “Don’t even say another word, Grace. You’ve said enough!”
“Faith, I didn’t mean to…”
I stuck my hand out in her direction and said, “Stop! You may not have meant for it to hurt, but guess what? It does. I really don’t feel like discussing two out of the three most important things in my life out here.”
The tears were on the verge of slipping out of my eyes. I wouldn’t cry. I. Would. Not. Cry.
I ran inside closing the door, wanting to get away from Grace as fast as possible. She followed me in silence.
I spun around, my eyes completely filled with tears. The smell of flowers invaded my memories, making me more emotional. Grace looked like she was under water.
“Don’t you think it killed me to come here and tell them to stay there with her?” I shouted, the veins in my neck straining as I got the words out.
Grace was the only person who knew who I left behind and why. She was the only one who knew every detail about my old life, except for my history with John.
I had chosen to leave him out on purpose. He was my special set of memories. I didn’t want to share those, and now he was here and I had to explain after all. But not now. I couldn’t.
I saw my phone sitting on the half wall where I’d left it before my run and grabbed it, not so much to see who called but to give me something else to do. Great, John responded back. Bracing myself I read the word: “No.”
Feeling like a cornered animal I had to agree or that would make Grace right, and I refused to give her that satisfaction. I replied: “Fine, whatever you want.”
Unlike the last time I texted him he didn’t wait to answer: ?K.” He must have been expecting more of a fight from me. Shit! Even John thinks I’m controlling.
I pushed my hands into my eyes to ward off the quickly dissolving tears. All I could do was shake my head.
“Am I that bad?”
Grace came up and wrapped her arms around me. “No, Faith. You don’t do it to be mean. You do it for protection, whether for you or the ones you love. Don’t you think I figured that out? How else do you think I could stay around your bitchy, controlling ass?”
Then she laughed, hoping that would make me feel better. It did because she got me. I knew I didn’t have to pretend around her. I smiled back at her.
“OK,” she said, her arm around my shoulder, “now that you’re done being overly sensitive let’s go pick out something sexy for you to wear.
“Not sexy. Pretty.”
“Fine, pretty.”
One of the guys needed me to cover him for the morning shift. Enjoying the peaceful morning with a cup of coffee after having a night of over reactive parents, lonely old people, and those who truly needed our help was a luxury.
That’s why I about fell out of my recliner when a text came in from Faith. I wonder who gave her my number. Doesn’t really matter, I was getting a woody just knowing that she made the effort to get it.
This was the perfect opportunity to start doing all the things I didn’t do enough of when I had her. The way our relationship had been obviously didn’t work for her. I was going to have to make some adjustments if I wanted more of what I got from her at the hospital, starting with making the choices instead of letting her call the shots all the time. I knew that I had to slow down though or I’d scare her away.
The first of my plans was already in motion. Faith had tried to push where we would eat, but I refused. I was surprised that she didn’t put up more of a fight. Spiaggia wasn’t far from my house and would be perfect for what I had in mind.
Getting my apartment ready for the rest of my plan took me most of the day. As I finished getting ready for our date, a pit formed in my stomach. I hadn’t been this nervous about a date since our first one eleven years ago in high school.
As I stood in front of her door, flashes of the last time I had been here popped in front of me. I only hoped the night would end better than it had the last time. Maybe I’d get lucky and it would turn out like the darkroom at the hospital. A guy could wish.
When Faith finally opened the door I’m pretty sure a groan escaped me, but I was so absorbed in her I couldn’t say for sure. She was wearing a black lace dress with black satin covering only the parts that needed to be, which were her breasts and groin. It sucked to her flat stomach, exposing the pale skin underneath.
The skirt raised in the back from her tight, curvy ass, falling just past it, flowing as she shifted showing off more of the slim legs I loved. The tight muscles in her thighs flexed as she moved, showing that sexy cut running up the side. I didn’t remember her having those. My eyes followed the length down to her calves, ending at blood red stilettos that would look perfect behind my head.
When I managed to roam back up, taking in the view for a second time in reverse I was met with a frown.
“What’s wrong?” I asked shifting my pants because my cock also liked what I was seeing.
The face I was getting brought me out of the dream of what I wanted to do to that body again, but slower.
“I don’t like the way you’re looking at me.” Faith crossed her arms over her breasts with a grey wool pea coat blocking the view I had been worshipping.
“Why? You look gorgeous, sexy as he
ll.” My heart was jumping in my chest at the sight of her. I had to clutch at it to make sure it was not about to burst open. The pit that had been in my stomach before was replaced with heart palpitations.
“Damn, I’m so hard I don’t think I can walk. All the blood that goes to my legs is in my cock.”
“That’s the problem. I don’t want you to get the wrong idea. I’m going to change.” Faith started to turn around.
I got a hold of her elbow before she could turn away. As I looked into the eyes that always sucked me in I said softly, “I promise what happened the other day won’t happen tonight. But I’m not going to lie and tell you that I’m not going to enjoy the view.”
I couldn’t hide the smirk. The move to fix my pants wasn’t kept a secret, so she saw I meant what I said. It worked. Her eyes made their own trip down to where I wanted her.
With the frown softening, she let me guide her out to my truck, slipping her coat on as we went.
“Do you really need to wear the coat?” I asked, skimming over her hidden body. The coat hit a little bit past her dress, making it look like she was naked.
“You would rather I catch pneumonia than wear my coat?” She shot me a look.
“No, I would never want that. I’ll just pretend you’re naked under there and hope you’ll flash me.” That won me a full smile.
As I helped her into the truck I tried to catch as much of a view as I could of her backside, wanting to see if she was wearing panties. She gave me a sideways glance.
“Now what?” I asked. “I’m just being the kind of gentleman you deserve. Can’t you enjoy it?” I asked, shaking my head in feign frustration.
Did she catch me looking? I use to be good at this.
“Gentlemen don’t try to pull up the woman’s dress while her back is turned,” she said.
With a shrug of my shoulders I said, I never said I was a perfect gentleman.”
It was her turn to shake her head as she said, “It’s just you never did this for me, not even at prom.” Her eyes were searching my face.
“I looked up your dress plenty of times. You never caught me. I must be losing my touch,” I laughed.
As she settled onto the seat I helped fix her coat, rubbing the top of her thigh with my knuckles as I pulled away.
“There were a lot of things I didn’t do for you. Maybe if I had done them you wouldn’t have left me,” I said solemnly.
“John.” Faith was sitting in the truck, eye level with me. Her eyes were screaming hurt. I had to look away.
When I turned back I said, “Faith, it’s all right. I want this to be a fun night. I’m happy to have another chance, so let’s enjoy it.”
I tipped her chin up, giving her a kiss on the lips with just enough pressure so she was aware she’d gotten one.
We drove to Spiaggia in silence. I could feel her eyes on me. I didn’t know how to react. Whatever I tried seemed to be the wrong thing.
When Faith finally spoke she asked, “Is this the same truck you had when we were dating?”
“No, I wish. I can’t seem to break away from Rams. They remind me of good times,” I said, stealing a look at her, so far away from me. “I don’t bite ya know. You can come closer.” I tapped the empty spot next to me so she would slide over.
“Umm, I think the purple bruise on my neck says otherwise.” She arched a brow and her sexy smile made an appearance again.
“Ok, let me correct myself. I don’t bite when it’s not for pleasure,” I said with a mischievous grin.
Satisfied with that answer she slid over next to me. I wrapped my arm around her back cupping her shoulder.
“It’s been a long time since you’ve sat here. I like it,” I said to her, jetting my chin out in pure joy, giving her a squeeze. I felt her tense up.
“No pressure, Faith, I was just remembering out loud, that’s all. If it would be easier for you to pretend we just met and don’t have all those old memories I can try to do that.”
“No. Those are some of my best memories from back then. I would never want to forget them.”
She caressed my jaw as she leaned up and gave me a kiss, before curling back down perfectly against my body. I held her tighter against me, and when she didn’t complain I stayed that way. I felt like I belonged somewhere for the first time in a long time.
What I couldn’t get past was if she didn’t want to forget about us why didn’t she tell Grace about me? I wasn’t able to ask her because we were pulling up to the valet. I had to unwillingly take my arm away from her. The pit in my stomach that had been given a reprieve on the ride here came back.
When I had made the reservations I asked to be seated in a corner booth. The lighting was dimmed for dinner and there was quiet music drifting throughout the restaurant, setting the mood I was looking for. We were seated side by side, the curve of the booth giving us privacy.
Faith’s phone beeped. “Sorry, Grace has been worried about me lately. I need to check it.”
She pulled the cell out of her purse, reading a text. With a quick reply she tucked her phone away, meeting my eyes.
“Sorry, Grace is having guy trouble.”
Faith started to fidget with her silverware, smoothing out her already smooth linen napkin that was hiding her great legs.
“Faith, is something bothering you? This is supposed to be a fun date not an inquisition.”
“Date? I don’t remember saying anything about this being a date.”
“You didn’t say this was a date, I did.”
“When?”
“Right now.” The small gap we had separating us disappeared as I slid over until my knee rubbed against hers, making her flinch. I chuckled and grabbed the hand that was closest to me.
Bending my head in front of her so she had to look me in the eye I said, “Faith, I’m still the same John you’ve always known. I’ve just got a little more world experience now that’s all. I thought we should get to know each other again.”
I intertwined our fingers as I spoke. Old habits died hard.
“I think we did that the other day don’t you?” she asked, her eyes focused on our hands.
“I considered that more like a friendly handshake for us. I do have some questions I want to ask you.”
She tried to pull her hand away but I held on.
“Did you always have such smokin’ legs? I mean, I remember them being great, but now, WOW,” I opened my eyes wide to emphasize the wow.
Her hand relaxed at the question. “I run now.”
She didn’t get my reference about the handshake. I had joked about that our last night together. What else did she forget? I remember everything.
“You didn’t run when we were together did you? What made you start?” I wanted to learn all the new things about her that I didn’t know.
“It’s free and I love the adrenaline rush it gives me.” She sat back getting more comfortable.
“Whatever the reason don’t stop, they’re fantastic,” I said, putting our clasped hands on my leg. My cock gave an acknowledging twitch at the familiar hand close by. I couldn’t stop rubbing the top of her hand, it was so soft and so close to me. I always loved how delicate her hands were and how perfectly they fit in mine.
With my free hand, I took a strand of her hair, twirling it around my index finger. “This hair threw me off, too.” Leaning in close to her ear I whispered, “But my cock wasn’t tricked.”
When she looked at me questioningly I let the strand slip through my fingers. “You didn’t have auburn hair back then, it was black.”
Obviously flustered she said, “Oh, I started dyeing it. Do you like it?”
I smiled. I enjoyed that she asked me if I liked it. I like anything that has to do with her.
“Faith, your hair could be the color of the rainbow and I’d love it.”
“How did you end up out here?” Faith asked, ignoring my sentiment.
The waiter came just in time with wine, giving me time to think if I want
ed to tell her the real reason, part of it or make up a lie.
The last option wasn’t really one because I could never lie to her. I didn’t plan on talking about me tonight so I didn’t know how to answer this. Tonight was supposed to be all about her. How did I let her get a question in, and that particular one at that?
I tasted the citrus flavored Pinot Gris and excused the waiter. Once he was gone I took a long sip, trying to figure out where to start.
It was my turn to be nervous. My head went down to our hands and I could feel my chest tightening. My hands started to sweat, so I slowly let go of Faith’s hand. I didn’t want her to know this was making me uncomfortable. I have never spoken about them to anybody other than Sarah and Steve. The guys at work didn’t even know.
He finally let go of my hand. Thank, God. Not because I didn’t like it, but because I liked it too much.
A small part of me was still on edge from the text I’d gotten. If he knew who that text was really from he would have had every reason just to leave. Brad said he wanted to talk. He missed me. I told him to leave me alone and I shut my phone off. All I needed was for John to catch Brad texting me. I don’t even think he knew about Brad. I’ve never lied to him before, and even being a small white lie I felt like scum.
John was stalling on answering my question. Was he about to tell me he came to find me? Is that why he’s so cagey?
A chant started in my head, Please don’t say me. Please don’t say me.
First he practically ogled me to death at the door, making me what to change my clothes - and making Grace a marked woman for suggesting this dress.
Then he’s being so sweet and trying not to pressure me. How am I supposed to tell him that I don’t want to get involved with him? I shouldn’t even be here talking to him. This is exactly why I wanted it to be lunch.
The entire ride here I couldn’t pull myself away from him. Besides the fact that he had a death grip on me, I liked it. Damn it! I liked it, I knew I shouldn’t. If the words I don’t want to hear come out of his mouth I’ll get up and leave. He can’t still want me. I won’t let him.
I pulled myself out of my reverie long enough to notice that John was pale.
