Skipping out on the family reunion, he wheeled himself toward the elevator and back to his room, tamping down on the rage that burned a hole through his chest.
Later that afternoon, when Rachael had reported that the Fairfields had left, Colton called for a nurse to help him into his wheelchair. This time he was able to inch his way out of bed with a little less pain. Ellie had called to say CJ had woken and was asking for him.
If his pride hadn’t gotten in the way, Colton would have been by his son’s side when he woke up. Guilt sat deep in his gut as he was wheeled up to CJ’s room.
“Hey, champ.” Colton made sure his voice was loud and upbeat.
“You look silly.” CJ giggled.
Colton hadn’t removed the Batman hospital gown. It still gaped in the front and he had accidentally ripped the seams around his biceps when getting back into bed earlier, but he kept it on as he’d promised his son.
He’d been the victim of too many empty promises before the Rileys took him in, and Colton wouldn’t let his son have the same childhood.
“I think I look cool. It’s the new style around the hospital. You’ve got some decent sized guns; I think you can pull off the look too.” Colton squeezed CJ’s puny biceps as an excuse to touch him. He’d never been the touchy-feely type but he needed to feel his son’s soft skin, feel his arms wrapped around him in a hug.
With them both bandaged in the front, it would be a while before they’d be doing any serious wrestling and roughhousing, so he’d have to settle for gentle touches for now.
Colton stayed for over an hour, talking about superheroes and movies until his nurse came searching for him, sending him back to his room. Ellie stayed quiet on the other side of CJ’s bed while he visited. Colton appreciated her letting him monopolize CJ while he was there, but he wouldn’t have minded her interacting with them a little.
Once back in his room, exhaustion took over. He hadn’t realized he’d fallen asleep until he was woken a little while later.
“Okay, hot shot. You wanted to get up and around. Let’s see what you got.”
The nurse held his prosthetic in her hands. “I know you’re territorial with your body parts, but you’re under strict orders not to bend down too far or you’ll pull your stitches. I’m going to help you with this or you’re going to use crutches. And I don’t advise crutches. They’re going to pull at your core.”
He knew she was right and it killed him to be back where he was ten months ago: at the mercy of others. At least he didn’t have to worry about turning her off. Katie had proven to be a fair, yet strict nurse. She’d talked about her teenaged kids and truck driver husband who sounded pretty devoted, even with him on the road half the time, and had commended Colton for his service to our country and to his son.
There was no training for fatherhood. It was sink or swim. Do or die. At least with the Marines he’d been prepared for combat, had expected the worst. Not that it helped with his guilt over surviving when those with wives and children had died at his side.
Pushing the memories to the back of his mind, where he liked to keep them locked and out of sight, he accepted the nurse’s help.
“Don’t be going tough guy on me. One step at a time. It’s okay to ask for help. Let’s start by walking around the perimeter of the room and holding on to me and the windowsill.”
“Kinda hard to be a tough guy in this thing.” Colton shed his Batman gown and shuffled about the room wearing just his sweatpants. Beads of perspiration dotted his brow and he felt his skin grow clammy.
“Honey, if you walk down the hall like this Mrs. Weaver in room three-twenty-two is going to go into cardiac arrest. Let me get you a shirt.”
She found his favorite worn Marines T-shirt and he slipped it on over his head. Even the simple act of getting dressed hurt like a mother-effing beast.
The following morning he buzzed for his nurse at the asscrack of dawn. This time it was Liz who helped him maneuver the halls. After the doctor inspected his incision and a slew of other nurses drew his blood, took his blood pressure, and temperature and offered to help him shower—which he managed on his own—he tugged on another pair of sweats and a clean Bruins T-shirt.
“I’m walking to my son’s room,” he told Liz.
“I heard about you. Let’s make a deal. I’ll wheel you to the elevator and let you get out of the chair once we get to the fourth floor. Save your energy, otherwise you’ll collapse the second you get to your son’s room.”
Colton thought about it for a minute before realizing she was right. Better to conserve his energy. Especially if the Fairfields were around.
He found Ellie asleep in an uncomfortable-looking chair in the corner, her blanket hanging off her small frame. CJ’s eyes opened and his lips curved when he spotted Colton.
“Uncle Blake said he was going to bring me some of Aunt Rachael’s muffins this morning.”
It was the first time CJ had referred to them as aunt and uncle. Maybe someday soon he’d call Colton Dad. “Think she’ll bring any for me?”
CJ shrugged. “I’ll share my muffin with you if she doesn’t.”
And just like that, his heart swelled with pride. Ellie had raised their son well. Colton needed to clear up the past before they could build a future together, because they would be raising CJ together, and now that he realized he’d been set up by her father, he could forgive her.
If he hadn’t been so hurt at her betrayal he wouldn’t have run off to war without a backward glance. He owed it to her to let her give him an explanation. Had he done that he would have learned she didn’t get rid of their baby. Instead, her father ruined some of the most important years in their lives, in all three of their lives, but no more. Colton needed words with the man.
An hour later he, Ellie and CJ were in a fierce game of UNO. Colton was one card away from the win when Ellie looked up and set her cards down. “Hi, Mom. Dad.” Biting her bottom lip, she looked over Colton’s shoulder and then made eye contact with him.
“Hi, Grandma and Grandpa Fairfield.” The boy openly accepted anyone into his family circle. No questions about why they’d never paid much attention to him until now. If only adults could be so forgiving. However, if he ever found out what his grandfather had done, CJ may react differently. That was one secret Colton would keep from his son.
His back to the door, Colton played his final card. “I’m out. Looks like we’ve all won one. We’ll have a tiebreaker after lunch. I’m going to check in with my doctor and will be back later.” He leaned over, careful not to pull at his incision, and kissed the top of CJ’s head.
The bed was high enough that Colton didn’t look like a fool getting to his feet. Ellie eyed him nervously. “Stay here,” he told her. “I need to speak with your father.”
“Colton,” she warned.
Ellie hadn’t talked about her reuniting with her parents. They hadn’t talked about her parents at all. As far as he knew, Ellie had no idea how much her father had interfered with their lives.
Colton assumed they knew he was the donor and was in the hospital as well. How they felt about it, Colton hadn’t a clue.
“Mr. and Mrs. Fairfield.” He nodded as he walked toward them.
“How are you feeling?” Ellie’s mother asked.
“Fine. Thank you. Mr. Fairfield, I’d like to speak with you in private.” Not waiting for him to accept or refuse, Colton moved past him, expecting the man to follow.
He did.
Colton led them to an empty waiting room.
“I appreciate what you’ve done for my grandson.”
“He’s my son.”
Fairfield nodded. “I’m aware of that.”
“When are you going to tell Ellie the truth?” Colton folded his arms across his chest, keeping them high above his incision. He didn’t mean to appear menacing but the frail man almost cowered at his movement.
“About?”
“Don’t give me that bullshit.”
“You didn�
��t take the money I offered you. If I remember correctly, you left her to take care of her baby all on her own.”
“You don’t remember correctly. First, she wouldn’t have had to raise our baby alone if her parents hadn’t been ashamed of her and were there to support her. And second, I didn’t abandon her. You told me she was no longer pregnant.”
The old man hung his head in shame. “We’ve had a rough few years. Ellie has finally come around and let us back into her life. Don’t give her a reason to push us away. We need to be a family again.”
“Dad? Colton?” Both men turned guiltily toward Ellie’s soft voice. “What are you talking about? Dad, what have you done?” Ellie clenched her hands together and held them in front of her mouth.
This was a discussion for the two of them to have. Colton would comfort Ellie after.
“You two need to talk. I’ll be in my room.” He left them alone as he limped toward the elevator. His leg dragged like a heavy burden behind him.
Chapter Nineteen
Ellie
Shock and confusion and hurt and anger. A myriad of emotions swarmed in her head and her body nearly collapsed from the weight of it all.
“Sweetheart, I had your best interest at the time—”
“Bullshit!” Ellie stabbed her finger in her father’s aging chest. “You were concerned about your best interest.”
He flinched before nodding in admission. “Yes, that was most of it. Your mother and I had high hopes and dreams for you. College, the career of your choice, and eventually, a family. We wanted you happy.”
“And you didn’t see how happy I was with Colton that summer?”
“Yes, we did.” Her father touched her cheek and Ellie wanted to jump back, but she had yearned for his affection for so many years. “Honestly? I was sad I was losing my baby girl. No man would have been good enough for you.”
“Colton was…is…” She didn’t know where they stood now. She loved him more than words could express for saving her son’s life. For stepping up into the role of dad without a second glance.
If only he’d stepped up to her father. “You made Colton believe I aborted our baby. That crushed him. You ruined his life. I can’t say you completely ruined mine because I’ve had CJ by my side all these years. Colton’s missed out on everything.”
“He seems like a good man, Ellie. Your mother and I saw you two in the waiting room earlier. The way he looks at you…it’s what we’ve always wanted for you. And CJ.” Her father laughed. “There’s a serious case of hero worship there.”
And in the few minutes he’d had with his new grandparents, CJ worshiped them as well. Starving for companionship, for familiar love, CJ lit up at being the center of so many people’s attention.
Once again regret washed up in Ellie for keeping CJ from his family. From Colton. Not that she’d done that intentionally. No, the man so easily believed she had aborted their baby. And for that, she hurt the most.
Ellie let her parents visit with CJ while she paced furiously up and down the halls of the hospital. She took the stairs to a different floor and paced those halls. Finding a vacant waiting room, she hid in a corner and cried.
So much time was lost. One lie and the lack of communication impacted too many lives. Took too much away. She hated her father for what he’d done. Hated Colton for believing so easily in the lie. He’d doubted their love. Doubted her. If he’d loved her as much as she loved him he would have seen between her father’s deceit and come to find her.
But he didn’t.
Colton’s words from last night while they stood in each other’s arms came flooding back. You were going to have an abortion. It all made sense now. Why he was so agitated by her when he came to work at the Inn.
Why didn’t he say something when he’d learned the truth?
Her body convulsed in tears, her stomach heaved and contracted as she sobbed for the loss. The loss of time. The loss of a family.
When her eyes were sandpapery dry, she found a bathroom and splashed cold water on her face. She’d mourned the years she’d lost with Colton and now the rage set in. In full fury she stormed the halls, took the stairs two at a time and threw open the door to Colton’s room.
He shot up out of his chair too quickly, the pain evident in his face, yet gone before she could feel bad for him.
“I’m sorry, Ellie.” He reached out his arms for her and she forced her feet to stay firmly planted, far enough away from his touch so she wouldn’t cave and fall into him.
“You should be,” she spat.
“What?” Colton dropped his arms and scrunched his face in confusion. “What did he tell you?”
“That you’re a coward.”
Colton stepped back as if she slapped him. “I am not a coward.”
“Yes, you are.” Furious and needing to get her aggression out, Ellie inched toward him, ready to fight. “You.” She poked at his chest. “You accuse me of looking down at you because you don’t come from money. But all these years it’s been you looking down at me.”
“Ellie. I hold you on a pedestal so freaking high. You know that.”
“Well, then your standards are pretty pathetic.”
“What exactly did your father tell you?”
“He told me he’d lied to you, made you believe I had an abortion. It’s going to be a long time before I can forgive him for feeding you those lies.”
“So where am I at fault?”
Ellie laughed in disgust. “Seriously? I thought our love back then was real. I thought you knew me. Really knew me. And I thought I knew you. I guess we were both wrong.” The lies, the abandonment. Her world had collapsed around her all those years ago, leaving her standing alone and afraid. Because he didn’t believe in her, trust her love.
“I loved you with everything I had, Ellie.”
“No.”
“Yes.”
“It wasn’t enough, then.” She poked at him again. “How could you believe I would get rid of our baby? I told you over and over again how much I loved it, how much I loved you and wanted to be with you. We had plans. We had a future. And you walked away from it all.”
“He said you weren’t pregnant anymore. That you…you had an abortion.”
“And you believed him over me? Why didn’t you talk to me? Confront me? That’s what I would have done. That’s what I did. For days, weeks, I searched for you.” Ellie wiped her tears on her shoulder and stepped away from Colton when he tried to touch her. “I called area hospitals asking if someone named Colton had been admitted. I was embarrassed because the boy I loved hadn’t even shared his last name with me.”
“Ellie.”
“Don’t touch me.” Ellie held up her hand to stop his approach. “I hung around our favorite spots waiting for you to show. I asked the kids behind the counter if they knew you, knew where to find you. No one did. I searched through my father’s desk trying to find your job application so I could learn your last name and address or phone number. He wouldn’t give it to me. Yes, he’s at fault for tearing us apart. But you’re at fault for not believing in me. Not fighting for us. If I really mattered, if you really loved me, you would have fought. Not run.”
Exhausted and empty, she left his room and took the elevator to CJ’s floor. Her mother was pacing the hall outside his room and wrapped her in a hug.
“Your father told me. Sweetheart, I had no idea. I would have left him and chased after you had I known what he’d done. I can’t say I was happy about your pregnancy, but I wouldn’t have sent Colton packing.”
“It’s too late to change anything, Mom. What’s done is done.”
There would need to be conversations in the near future, and it would take time for them to build a relationship again. Even if her mother hadn’t known about her father’s lie to Colton, she hadn’t tried very hard to be a part of Ellie’s life.
Instead, she focused on being a wife to a senator, putting being a mother and grandmother very, very low on her priority list.
“Tell me what to do to fix this.”
“Be there for CJ. Be his grandmother. Love him unconditionally.”
“Done.” Her mother cupped her face in her hands like Ellie often did with CJ when he was hurting. “And the same goes for you.”
Her heart with its holes couldn’t be replaced with a new one like Colton had done for CJ’s kidney. It had been torn apart in so many pieces it was beyond repair, but having her mother hold her tight made some of the pain go away.
Reuniting with Colton this fall had helped to heal some of the neglect, but it was just a band-aid. A temporary fix to placate a bigger issue. Covering up the hole and pretending it didn’t exist. They were both guilty of it. They had plenty of opportunities to talk about what happened when they were young, and both of them avoided the conversation, thinking if they ignored the past it would go away.
Only the past had a way of repeating itself.
***
Colton continued to visit CJ regularly, even when he was discharged two days before him. Ellie didn’t ask how he was feeling and left the room when he visited, telling CJ she needed to make some phone calls or check on the Inn.
Which she did, but she could have done those any time. Rachael and Jake had things under control and taken in a new guest for the week. The records from the past few years showed minimal guests during the weekdays of December and January anyway. Ellie had budgeted for this and looked forward to some down time.
Rachael said the guest had requested the Rocky Cove room, which was odd with all the other rooms vacant. The Rocky Cove room was the smallest and often the last booked. She supposed the Inn was designed this way because it was located above the owner’s bedroom and sometimes noises could be heard through the walls.
Ellie missed the daily grind of waking up to Rachael’s coffee, getting CJ ready for school and the mundane chores of the Inn. It gave her purpose and pleasure. Keeping house and raising her son, it’s all she wanted. She never had big career aspirations. Interior decorating, maybe, but she could take care of those needs at the Inn. Her heart’s desire was to be the best mom she could be. And while that hadn’t been her plan from the beginning, the moment she felt her baby kick inside her belly, she knew being a mom would be her everything.
Wounded Love (A Rocky Harbor Novel Book 3) Page 21
