Veteran Dreams (Forever Young Series)

by Cherron Riser

  She hadn’t made it far into the song before she stormed off the stage, marching through the crowd, barely stopping long enough to grab her guitar case. Alex scrambled to go after her, but the crowd was still too thick, and it was going to take him a while to get through it all. When he made it outside, he found Lita on the curb, kneeling with her head in her hands. He couldn’t tell if she was crying or just shaking out of anger. Either way, her entire body was vibrating.

  “Lita,” Alex whispered, reaching out toward her in a comforting way.

  “Don’t. I just want to be left alone.” Lita shrugged away, turning and glaring up at him. He could see the tears which had rolled down her cheeks, but it was anger not sadness.

  “I’m just trying to help,” Alex explained.

  “That’s the problem. You are always trying to help. It’s like you keep trying to make my life better, but there was nothing wrong with it to begin with. Everything was going great. I have a great job and I was going somewhere. Now, you come along and start dredging up all these memories of the past. We aren’t eighteen anymore. Get over it.” She stood up and grabbed her guitar case. “Look, I have to go.”

  “Wait, Lita, where are you going?” Alex called after her, trying to move after her, but the way she stormed off and the crowd on the street kept him from being able to follow her. He had never seen her so angry. It was a shock.

  Once he realized he couldn’t catch up with her, a second thought hit him. Not only had she stormed off, but she had left him no way home. He was stuck, alone. Lita was just angry. She would come around. For now, he just needed to get home. Frustrated, he wheeled to a quieter spot and called Brandon to come get him. He figured his friend could pick him up, and it would give Lita time to calm down.

  No, they weren’t teenagers anymore, but if they couldn’t believe in dreams anymore, then what the hell was the point of living. It occurred to him then that he had given up on everything before. He had let his own life setbacks make him discouraged and give up on everything about his life. So how was he supposed to expect her to jump on his positivity train. He wasn’t even sure what it was about her that had pulled him out of his own sludge bucket. However, it had, and he had just assumed she would want to run alongside with him.

  He had been wrong, and he had pushed too hard.

  Brandon came and picked him up a few moments later, and the two of them rode home. “I don’t know what to do. I was just trying to help.”

  “Dude, I hate to break it to you, but you were being pushy and trying to force something she wasn’t ready for. Lita is amazing, I give you that, but it doesn’t mean she was ready to get back out there and sing for the world. Lita has her own baggage to deal with. How about instead of trying to live vicariously through her, you just try to work on yourself.”

  He hadn’t thought about it that way. Alex had remembered Lita dreaming of a life where she could sing and be happy. Now, she just wasting away in an office. He thought he was helping by encouraging her. He had been wrong. “I wasn’t trying to live vicariously through her. I just wanted her to be happy. I wanted her to follow her dreams and do the things she had always wanted to do.”

  “Dreams change when we get older. Has it occurred to you that maybe her dreams changed over the last ten years? Things happened in her life that shifted what was going on, sent her down different paths. Maybe you should respect that and the person she is now.” He hated that Brandon was right. He had been so focused on living in the past and remembering the girl he had grown up with that he hadn’t thought about the woman she had become. It wasn’t fair for him to treat her like that. He would have to make it up to her. He just wasn’t sure when he would get the opportunity. “Why don’t you take all this energy you have for trying to make her dreams a reality and put it into fixing yourself. That is what she would want. That is what you actually want.”

  Alex had a moment of wondering why Brandon was always pushing him. A surge of anger, lingering from the past, raced through him, but Brandon was right and had been for a long time. Maybe it was time to face the truth. Alex had been trying push his desires onto someone else instead of working on himself. It was time for him to change that.

  ***

  Her body was still shaking when she got home. She stormed into her apartment and tossed her guitar down on the couch. It wasn’t just that she was humiliated. She was tired of being treated like a project, like someone who needed saving. Lita was no damsel in distress, and she certainly was not a project for someone who had given up on his own dreams.

  Part of her could understand why Alex had tried to push her, but it didn’t give him a right to try to change her whole life. This was her life, and she was going to live it however she saw fit. Damn it, everything was falling apart, and he didn't even seem to notice. All he saw was an opportunity for her to sing and write and become some sort of Bohemian artist broke and living for love. Well, as nice as that might sound, it wasn’t realistic.

  Not to mention her confidence was gone, and her love for it was gone. She no longer carried the passion for it she once had. Sure, it was nice to play now and then, but it wasn’t the same as it had been when she was young and living life moment to moment. Now, she had a future to think about. She had real dreams to live. There wasn’t time for her to play around with her reality.

  Walking to her fridge, she opened it and pulled out a bottle of wine and a hidden box of thin mints she had tucked away for just such an occasion. She uncorked the wine and went to change into her oversized night shirt, giving the wine time to breathe, whatever the fuck that meant. Cozy and armed with her wine and cookies, she plopped down on the couch and turned on the TV hoping vegging out would help her calm down.

  She didn’t bother with a glass or plate, and instead, she drank from the bottle and popped the cookies directly from the sleeve. Barbaric but satisfying.

  Alex might have had all the good intentions in the world, but his good intentions were destroying her life. She had so much she needed to rebuild. Not just because of him but also because of her own stupidity. Kammy had taken all her savings, and the stress between what happened to her friend and what had been going on with Alex had caused her to mess up at work.

  Chapter 28

  Lita had fallen asleep on the couch, cookie crumbs and an empty wine bottle as her companions. It certainly wasn’t the best way for her to wake up. She was groggy and slow as she pulled herself out of her sleep and tried to move into wakefulness. That was when her second alarm went off. The one which told her it was time to start grabbing her things to leave. Usually, it wouldn’t matter except she was a total mess. After her night of trying to play rock star, drinking, and eating cookies, her face was covered in makeup stains, and she was sure she smelled like the wrong side of a bar. She needed a shower.

  With that revelation, Lita jumped off the couch, letting the bottle and wrappers fall. Rushing through the house, she stripped on the way to the bathroom, stumbling and hopping before stepping into a cold shower, not having enough time to let the water heat up. It would be nice soon enough, probably just in time for her to get out.

  By the time she was clean and dressed, she was nearly ten minutes late leaving the house. There was no time for coffee or food. It would have to wait for later. Traffic was bad, pushing her arrival time to being fifteen minutes late.

  Lita weaved her way into the office, doing her best to not be noticed. Her luck couldn’t get better. It just wasn’t possible. Just as she started to slide into her cubicle, Mrs. McDowell was standing there waiting for her. “I think it is time for us to talk.”

  There was a cold sound in her boss’s voice which told Lita all she really needed to know. She was in all kinds of trouble. Lita walked with Mrs. McDowell into her office and took a seat in front of her desk.

  “Lita, I don’t know what is going on with you. You went from being one of the most promising prospects I had ever hired to a mediocre middle ground worker to finally shining like a star and then bombing
out. I have never seen anything so unsteady in all of my career. I just can’t risk it. If I give you any of the accounts or responsibilities and you screw up like you did this last one, it could cost me my business. I understand you have had some things going on in your personal life lately, but I just can’t have this going on here. I’m sorry, but, Lita, I am going to have to let you go,” Barbara announced in that firm confident tone she always used. Barbara McDowell was a businesswoman, and she knew she had to be strong to be taken seriously.

  There was nothing for Lita to say, and truth be told, there was nothing she wanted to say. Giving a weak smile, Lita just got up and headed for her desk so she could grab the few things she had there. It wasn’t a lot. Lita had never been the type to bring her personal life to work. Which only made this whole situation more ironic.

  “Hey, what is going on?” Oliver asked, peeking around the cubicle as she packed her things.

  “Well, looks like you will be able to get ahead around here. I just got fired,” Lita answered surprised she was able to say it without getting upset.

  “You can’t be serious. Lita, she can’t do that,” Oliver protested, not moving away from the opening of her cubicle.

  “She can, and she did. Look, I need to go. I appreciate it, but I need to go.” Lita put the last of her things into her oversized purse and headed toward the exit.

  “Just because she can doesn’t make it right,” Oliver whispered, moving out of the way but wanting to get the last word. Lita didn’t answer. She could see others watching the scene, and she certainly didn’t want to give them any more of a show than she already had.

  For some reason, she couldn’t even bring herself to be upset. She had been so overwhelmed over the last week that maybe the tears would flow later. All she could feel as she marched out of the office was a need to escape, which was exactly what she did. Instead of going home, she just drove. She drove until she had no idea where she was going. She drove until the city faded into the long lines of the country.

  Before she realized it, she was putting gas in her car at a gas station in Montgomery. Her mind had clouded over, becoming a blur of everything and nothing all at once. No more did she care about her life in Birmingham or moving to the city. No more did she think about her dreams of the West Coast. All she wanted was her friend, and that was where she was headed, straight for Ozark and Regan, the one person she needed more than anything in the world. Lita’s whole life had been torn apart, and Regan was probably the only person who could get her back grounded.

  After she realized what she was doing, it all hit her. The second half of her trip was filled with far more emotion than her first. The tears began to fall, her body was shaking, and as she pulled into Regan’s driveway, she had become a complete wreck of a person. Lucky for her, Regan was at least home.

  “Hey, girl, what are—” Reagan started to ask. Her friend rushed over to her and wrapped her arms around her. It was everything she needed in that moment. Absolutely everything. “It’s okay. Whatever it is, we will get through it. I promise you.”

  Lita buried herself in Regan’s chest, clinging to her friend as she just let her emotions go. It had been so long since she allowed herself the freedom to completely fall apart, and she couldn’t have felt safer than she did with Regan holding her. After what felt like forever, Lita finally pulled away, and the two of them walked into the house. Sierra had already started some coffee and was setting cups on the table with cream and sugar in case anyone wanted it.

  It took a while for Lita to calm down enough to explain things, but once the quivering sound in her voice calmed enough, and she was able to speak, she explained everything that had been going on. She talked about how it seemed like life was finally going perfect. She had a great guy, and her job was on the up and up, and then it was like it all went crashing down. “It is like he made me some sort of project, and I was so overwhelmed with Kammy, and then work got all fucked up, and—I don’t know. It was like everything spun out of control.”

  “Sounds like it. And the shit with Kammy is rough. She is still in the hospital and is going to be sent off to a rehab after that. Her family doesn’t know what to do, so I understand how hard it all is. Alex should have thought about what all was going on in your life. I think he just saw something he could make better, and he wanted to fight for it, because it made him feel good.” Regan reached out and patted Lita on the hand. “I’m sure his heart was in the right place.”

  “Yeah, well, you know what they say about hell and good intentions,” Lita said in a surly tone before laughing a bit.

  “True, but you know we are all going there anyway, so why not enjoy the ride,” Sierra chimed in. Lita found she liked Sierra more and more with each chance they got to see each other. She was certainly a perfect match for Regan with their dark humor and sarcastic ways.

  The three of them burst out laughing, and Regan got up and went to the liquor cabinet to pull out a vintage bottle of whiskey. “Well, it turns out I have some personal days that I can call in, so I think it is time for us to just enjoy the night.”

  “You know I don’t like that stuff, right?” Lita arched a brow in her friend’s direction.

  “Girl, after a couple of drinks, you like anything,” Regan teased, pouring a round of shots for all of them, and so started the night.

  ***

  Alex had hoped Lita had time to calm down after the night before. So, he decided to surprise her at work with a good apology and a promise to stop pushing her so much. Brandon was right. This was supposed to be about him fixing himself—not trying to fix her. The thing was, there was nothing about her that needed fixing. She was perfect just the way she was. He had just gotten out of his van when he saw Oliver walking up to him.

  Oliver wasn’t really Alex’s favorite person, but the determined and concerned look on the small man’s face made Alex pause. “Hey, man, I have no idea why you are here, but I am guessing you haven’t heard.”

  It was one of Oliver’s favorite things to say. He loved to spread the gossip after all. “Haven’t heard what.”

  “Lita got fired this morning. She didn’t even make it to her desk. I’m surprised she didn’t tell you about it already.” Oliver sounded genuinely upset, which shocked Alex a bit but not as much as the news and knowledge Lita had gone the whole day without telling him anything about it. Was she really that upset with him?

  “No, she was kinda pissed at me last night, and I was giving her time to cool off. I guess she still needed more time. Thanks for letting me know. I will go and check on her,” Alex answered.

  He raced as much as traffic would allow in hopes of getting to Lita quickly and helping her feel better. Things had not been going well in her life lately, and he had done nothing but make things worse. Getting to her apartment, he saw her car was gone from its usual spot. Still, he went to her door to see if she was there. After knocking several times, he gave up and just tried to call her. Still nothing. Lita wasn’t answering.

  Trying once more to call Lita, when he got her voicemail, he decided to leave a message. “Hey, Oliver told me what happened. Look, I know I have been a selfish jerk lately. I wanted to fix you because I thought if I could make your dreams come true it would make what happened to me feel less, well, anyway. I’m sorry, and it there is nothing about you that needs fixing, but there is plenty about me that does. I hope to hear from you soon. I’m going to head home now, but please call me back when you get this. I care about you, Lita, and I am worried about you.”

  He didn’t want to go on too much more, but it hurt to think he couldn’t help her more. Instead, he headed home. He headed home with the realization that the only way to help her anymore was to help himself instead of using her to feel better about his own problems. She didn’t need a knight in shining armor, but he sure did need a kick in the ass.

  Chapter 29

  “I’m just saying, without a job, you aren’t going to be able to stay there long and being at your mom’s old h
ouse makes you stir-crazy after a time. You should stay here with us, get your bearings about you, and then go from there. You don’t have to move back full-time, just for a little while.” Regan poured the coffee and set it on the table before going back to cooking breakfast.

  Lita could still feel the night before, but they had slept into the afternoon, so she had slept most of it off. Regan was making a breakfast of eggs and grits with some sort of homemade sausage she had stashed in her freezer. She had promised it was good, and Lita decided not to ask any questions. Besides, it all smelled too good to question. “I don’t know. It would feel like a complete failure in life for me to move back here. I worked so hard to get out of this place.”

  “You keep acting like this place is the rosette. There is a lot of good here, or you wouldn’t come here every time something goes wrong.” Regan pointed at her with a greasy sausage fork.

  “That’s a low blow. Low blow.” Lita laughed, leaning back in her chair and taking a sip of her coffee. “And maybe you are right, but I don’t want to move back. I don’t know. I will give it some thought.”

  “Well, you don’t have a lot of time to think on it. You will either need to find a new job or something. It doesn’t sound like you will have a lot of options. I just don’t want things to get worse. Besides, you could use some time to get away from all the drama up there. Seems that boy had too much of an influence on you, and you could use a break from him to get your head back on straight.”

  Regan was right. Lita needed to get away from Alex for a little while so she could figure out what it was she really wanted. He had gotten too deep into her head and messed everything up. The sad thing was, he had made her think about all the things she missed. She did love writing and singing and performing more than she remembered. Having free time on her hands made her wonder just how much she could get done with it. Unfortunately, she didn’t have the luxury of money now that Kammy had taken her life savings. Sure, she could get unemployment for a bit, but it wouldn’t last long, and she needed to be able to support herself.