Veteran Dreams (Forever Young Series)

by Cherron Riser

  A plate of food was set down on the table, pulling Lita back from her thoughts and making her look up into the face of her friend. “You know, you always get this far-off look in your eyes when you are trying to put your thoughts together. You overthink everything, and when you do, you wear it all over your face.”

  Picking up her fork, Lita dug into her breakfast, moaning at how good her friend’s home cooking really was. “You might be right. Maybe it is time for me to come home for a bit and just, I don’t know, do something for myself for a change. I will give it some thought, but I don’t want to be a burden on you.”

  “You won’t be a burden on us. You stay with us for a bit, do things around here, and get your head on straight. Then you can figure out what you want to do next. You need that, and I would like to see you and have you around for a little while.” Regan knew Lita would probably go back and forth about the decision for a bit, but it was nice to know her friend supported her so much.

  ***

  “Well you certainly came with a vengeance today,” Rita said, trying to help steady Alex.

  It was true. He had come into therapy wanting to do something with himself. No longer was he going to wallow in his own self-pity feeling sorry for the hand he had been dealt. That hand had led him to the woman he wanted to be with. It had put him on the path he should have been on the whole time. “I’m tired of trying to push what I want on everyone else. It is time I do what needs to be done.”

  “Do you really think that is what you need? Do you think that is what is going to put your mind in the right headspace?” Rita asked, holding him still for a moment and looking him the eye. “I swear, Alex, you go from one extreme to the other. Either you hate everything and don’t know why you are trying or you are trying for all the wrong reasons. Why can you never want to just get better for yourself?”

  “Isn’t that what I just said?” Alex asked, his arms starting to shake as he tried to keep weight on his feet. It was difficult, and it took all he had to hold himself up.

  “No, you said you needed to do what needed to be done. There is a difference in needing to do something and wanting to do something. When you want to do something, it touches you on the inside. Think of it this way.” Rita could tell he was struggling and helped him head back into his chair. “People need to work so they can support themselves. But not all people want to do the jobs they do. There are millions of people who hate the jobs they do. They do it because they need them, but there is no passion to it. It gives you a completely different mind-set and has a huge impact on how it affects you.”

  “I want this. I want to do this, and I realize now I was hiding behind everyone else. Rita, please, trust me.” Alex gave her the best smile he could. Then he reached out and started to pull himself up again.

  “Well then, let’s see what we can do. However, let’s stop trying to run before we walk. How about you take baby steps.” Rita went to steady him again, and this time, he felt a calm wash over him. Rita had been right; this was more than doing something that everyone wanted or expected. This was about doing it for him.

  Alex put in the work it deserved, and when he left, he left feeling proud of the work he had done. Brandon was waiting for him, holding a bag of fast food for lunch. “What, did you think I would need a pick-me-up?” Alex asked arching a brow at the worried look on Brandon’s face.

  “Well, you said you weren’t going to play around with this anymore, so I figured you would be a little worn out. Besides, you looked a bit messed up after getting back from Lita’s last night.” Brandon tossed the bag in Alex’s lap before walking with him out of the building.

  “This isn’t about Lita anymore. Look. I know I fucked up when it came to her. I pushed her to do what I wanted, and to be honest, I probably pushed her away, just like I did Clara. Hell, I am surprised I haven’t pushed you away yet,” Alex answered, getting to the van.

  “You can’t get rid of me that easily. Besides, you put up with my whiny ass too. We went through hell together, so we just keep putting up with hell from each other. I tell you to shut the fuck up now and then.” Brandon helped him get in the van. Brandon was going to drive so Alex could eat, but he understood where his friend was coming from. They had gone through a lot together; it was why Brandon had followed him all the way to Alabama on a whim.

  “Maybe I should just marry you, and we can just make this bromance official.” Alex laughed before taking a huge bite of his burger.

  The two of them burst out laughing as they headed toward the house. Pulling into the drive, though, Alex felt his heart sink. Clara was standing there waiting for him, her phone in her hands and typing away until she saw the van pull up. “What the hell is she doing here?” Brandon asked, not sure if he should just put the van in reverse and leave. Alex could see his desire to do it.

  “I have no idea. I haven’t talked to her since the divorce,” Alex answered. He balled up the wrappers from his meal and tossed them in the bag before starting to get out of the van. Brandon took that as the cue and moved around to help him.

  Clara didn’t move. She just stood there and waited for him to get out. Alex rolled up to her, not sure what to expect from this visit. “Umm, what are you doing here, Clara?”

  “It took me a while to find you, and you stopped answering your phone, so I came out here,” Clara answered, looking up at him.

  “That didn’t answer my question. Why are you here?” Alex asked again, just wanting her to be gone.

  “Well, you ran off and sold the house, which quite frankly pissed me off. I gave you the house because I wanted to make sure you had a place you could live in that was comfortable with your situation, and you just throw it away and run off on some wild whim! What the hell is wrong with you” Clara asked, shoving her phone in her pocket before tossing her hands up in the air.

  “Why the fuck do you care? You left me, and you gave me the house. I made the choice I made. It had nothing to do with you. You had already moved on, found another man, found another life. So why do you care what I do with my stuff?” Alex answered, a hint of anger rolling into his voice. He hadn’t thought much about the divorce since moving back to Alabama but having her in front of him stirred up all of the old feelings. He had loved Clara once upon a time, but she had only loved him when he was whole. Once he came home broken, she had lost all interest in him. It was what made their breakup so much more painful. She had promised to love him no matter what, but it was the biggest lie. She only wanted a perfect him and was done with him the moment she couldn’t parade him around as some sort of trophy husband. No, he was trash now.

  “It is my business because if you were just going to throw it away—”

  “I didn’t throw it away. I sold it. There is a difference. What are you really pissed about? That you didn’t get money on top of getting to walk all over my heart. You cheated on me, you walked out on me, you hurt me. Not the other way around. Stop pretending like I did something wrong to you. When you gave me the house, you were right, it was built for me, and you had no use for it. You would have sold it too. So, unless you are sad because you lost some sort of sentimental value, then you have no reason to be here. I have followed all the rules of our divorce decree. Now, if you will excuse me, I have things to do.” Alex had no intentions of inviting her in or playing her game. She had no say in what he did with the house or anything else in his life. That time was long past.

  “So that’s it, you have nothing to say for yourself,” Clara asked, stepping out of the way enough for him to open the door. Alex couldn’t help but wonder if she thought he was going to invite her in.

  “Yeah, that is all I have to say. Go home, Clara. You shouldn’t have come at all. This was nothing more than a waste of both of our time.” Alex didn’t look back and went into the house, Brandon moving in close behind. There was a frustrated sound from behind them, which Alex could only assume was a final cry of frustration from his ex-wife. He didn’t care. He had other things to focus on, and
it didn’t include that selfish bitch.

  Chapter 30

  It wasn’t easy to give up her apartment, so instead, she worked out her monthly expenses with what she had saved up, which wasn’t much. She then talked to her landlord about the situation and was able to work something out to hold her off for the next three months. However, she had agreed to stay with Regan for a while to get her head on straight. They had gone to get her notebooks and music so she could take a couple of months and immerse herself in her art. It felt strange. For years, it was all she had ever wanted, but she had gone on to do the more boring adult life. She went to school and got a real job.

  Sitting on the back porch of Regan’s house, she listened to the sound of nature and the pool pump gurgling. She had her guitar sitting next to her as she went over the lyrics of the last few songs she had written. The first couple she had written when things were going right with her and Alex. Smiling, she couldn’t help but think about how fast and hard she had fallen for him. Not that she had ever not cared about him, but to actually be able to act on it was new. However, the last song she had started to work on was more about standing on her own and living life the way she wanted to. It was freeing, and she hated to admit it was everything Alex had said it would be. If only she were making money off it, then she wouldn’t have to go back to her old boring life. It was a bit depressing to think about. However, she wasn’t going to let it bother her. For now, she was just going to enjoy working on her music, her stories, and all the other artistic things she had put on the back shelf like they had no longer mattered to her.

  Picking up her guitar, she ran through the songs again, letting the sound of the world around her flow with the songs. Something about the sound of the wind and trees made the song feel so much richer. She would have to work on that. It took her a couple of tries going over the song before it started to sound perfect.

  She gave the song one more round, and she let her feelings ride the wave. The world disappeared as she sang, and everything became about the music and the power it gave to her. Every moment she felt freer and more alive than she had in more years than she could remember.

  It was shocking when Regan spoke to her after she finished her last song. “Hey, that is really good. I think you are starting to feel it again.”

  Nearly jumping out of her skin, Lita exclaimed, “Eep! What the hell, Regan! You can’t just sneak up on someone like that.”

  Regan burst out laughing and sat down in the chair next to her. “Well, what am I supposed to do, walk around banging a drum so you can hear me everywhere I go. You know I can do it too.”

  “Ha, ha, funny. I don’t know. It all feels so strange, being here, working on this stuff, not being an adult.” Lita turned so she could see her friend better. “Are you sure this is all okay?”

  There was this strange sense of not being enough that lingered over Lita lately. She wanted to be more. She wanted to be a woman in control of her life, but it just didn’t seem to be happening. Instead, she felt lost, and strangely, in the thick of her wandering, she had found a voice again. It was all a bit surreal.

  “There is nothing wrong with this at all. It isn’t like you are Kammy, trying to suck the life out of everyone around you. You are breathing new life into yourself, and it is bleeding over. You need this, Lita, and seeing you finally doing it, well, it makes me feel good I am able to help you.” Regan leaned over and gave her a big hug. “You have always had something special about you, so don’t let it die again.”

  Those words brought a huge smile to Lita’s face, and she tossed her guitar pick over to Regan in protest. She hated people complimenting her, but it was nice to be supported. More so, it was nice to be supported on her own terms. As much as she wanted Alex to know about her work and songs, she also didn’t want him pushing her and trying to get her to do things on his time line. She was more than just a project for him.

  “So, I checked up on Kammy, speaking of the problem child. She is now in the rehab, but she isn’t liking it, which means it isn’t going to do her a lot of good. The guy she was seeing is getting put in jail for some unrelated charges, but either way, he won't be around to mess with her for a long while. I’m not sure if she even cared about that. She is a mess.”

  “Remember when we were kids and we would spend all our time at the river, you trying to convince us to fish and us swimming and scaring all the fish away?” There was a wistful tone in Lita’s voice.

  “Yeah, it drove me insane. I hated it when you guys did that, and I ended up with nothing.” Regan’s words didn’t match the laughter barreling out of her. “But it was good times. Oh, what I wouldn’t give to have those times back again.”

  “I have been thinking about it a lot lately. A whole lot. I would love for life to go back to that. I think Alex stirred up all those old memories, but I don’t know, we can’t go back. Though, sometimes, it’s nice to think about.” Lita laughed, leaning back and looking out toward where the edge of the river started.

  “You know, I realize things didn’t go so well with Alex to start, but I really think he has a hold on you. I believe he may have gone about it the wrong way, but he has been good for you.”

  “Well, it didn’t end well. I just don’t think it is good for me now. I should just keep focusing on this and putting my life back together instead of worrying with all of that.”

  “Maybe, we shall see. He may come around in ways you don’t expect,” Regan answered and nudged Lita as she got up. “I’m just saying, he may surprise you. Now I am going in and getting out of my work clothes. I will leave you to all of this.”

  ***

  Lita had heard about an open mic night not far from Regan’s in Dothan, so she decided to give it a try. She packed up her stuff, told all her friends about the show, and headed for the club. Her heart was pounding as she walked into the club and went to sign up for the night. She had already called in, and they knew she was coming, but she also wanted to check in properly. Walking up to the bar, she smiled as the young man standing there getting everything together for the night. There was a clipboard set out as well, where people could sign up for the show.

  “Hey, my name is Lita, and I am here to perform tonight. Lita said with a smile.

  “Oh, awesome! I’m glad you are here. I heard you were coming out. I’m really excited to get someone new up in here. Sometimes, it is like we hear the same old group every week, and nothing changes. Same people, same songs, it gets a bit monotonous. I’m excited for the change,” the bartender answered

  “Well, I am a little rusty, but I hope I can give you a good show.” Lita put her name on the list.

  “I’m sure you will. You look great, by the way,” he said. “Look, I’m George, if you need anything, just let me know.

  There was something about George that made her feel comfortable and more at home. She went to pull out her instrument and get herself in the right headspace. She had worn her favorite ACDC shirt and laced-up leather pants. She loved the look, and it made her more comfortable in the setting. She had just gotten ready when her friends started to show up. Regan ordered the first round of drinks, which Lita refused. She wanted a clear head so she could sing her songs to their fullest potential.

  George the bartender was also the announcer, and he introduced a couple of other people first. They came up one at a time singing a couple of songs each before heading back to their seats with their own group of friends. Then it was her turn to get up there. She could feel the familiar rush of nervousness ticking at her, making her want to run away, but she pressed forward. The club had a moderate amount of people in it but not so many where she felt overwhelmed.

  “So, I haven’t been in the singing business for a long time, but some things have happened lately and it led me back to my music. I hope you enjoy what I have come up with,” Lita said into the microphone before starting her first note.

  The music was like her pulse, and with each note she felt more and more alive until nothing else in th
e room mattered anymore. She was one with it, and when she opened her mouth to start singing, everything else disappeared. There was no more drama from Kammy or Alex. No more stress over losing her job. She was just there, a rock goddess out there to scatter the pieces of her soul among the masses, and they were eating it up.

  She could see, as if through a haze, people standing, cheering, and getting into the rough sound of her voice and the harsh tone of her guitar as she ripped into a powerful guitar solo. She went straight from one song to the next, barely taking a moment to breathe, and the crowd roared in excitement from it. By the end of her set, she was panting and sweating like she had run a marathon.

  Lita hadn’t made it back to her friends before she was stopped by a rather tall and lovely woman. “That was incredible. I haven’t seen anything like that around here in years.” The woman held out a card.

  Lita took the card and read the name on it. Carla Martin. “Umm, thank you.”

  “I own a club up in Birmingham, and we are looking for good talent to fill out our amateur show, and I would love to have you open for us. We have two more known bands coming in, but I think you would be great, and it would get your name out there.” Carla brushed back her lovely dark hair from her face. Carla was dark and curvy and held herself in a confident and powerful way. It was something Lita certainly admired.

  “A show, really?” Lita looked back down at the card then up at the woman.

  “Think on it, and then give me a call on Monday, and we can hash out the details. I look forward to hearing from you, Lita. I think you have something special.”