by Annie Groves
Stepping back, she admired the room her father had decorated so well. Pop, Frank and Eddy had been to the church hall earlier in the day to pick up the borrowed tables, now set in a T shape and running the length of the parlour. Nancy could hear their voices growing louder, heralding their approach. All she had to do was close the parlour window and make haste upstairs; otherwise, she would be lumbered with making tea and a bit of supper for them all.
‘She’s not to know a thing about this, ever!’ Pop sounded worried. ‘This is never to be discussed again after tonight, d’you hear me?’
Nancy listened more attentively now. What was it that Mam should never know? She smiled: Pop said he never kept secrets from Mam, he just reasoned that it was wiser not to tell her certain things … Like his activities as a member of the Air Raid Precautions, handing out gas masks at the local school hall. She would only worry, he’d said, and worry did not sit well with Mam, Nancy knew. However, the next words stopped Nancy in her tracks and stilled her hand from pushing back the curtains to close the window.
‘Young Sid made a mistake. You and Frank have showed him the error of his ways and let that be an end to it.’
What did Pop mean? What mistake had Sid made? Had he told them about the baby? Oh, she would be mortified if he had! She could not walk up the aisle in virginal white on Pop’s arm if he knew she was already pregnant. That would make her look like a hypocrite. The thought that she was already being two-faced never occurred to Nancy. However, Pop’s next announcement really took the wind out of Nancy’s sails.
‘Let’s just hope Sid didn’t give Queenie Calendar more than just a dance.’
Nancy had heard of the notorious Calendar family from Gloria. Harry Calendar was not a man to be messed about with, apparently. He ran a black market racket as well as owning a couple of nightclubs in town, and had his fingers in more pies than a cheap-rate pastry chef. What was Pop talking about? What did Sid have to do with Harry’s sister?
‘Oh, I could have smacked him right there on the dance floor in the middle of the Adelphi, Pop,’ Eddy said, ‘and I would have if our Frank hadn’t persuaded me otherwise.’
Nancy was nobody’s fool. It did not take her long to realise that Sid had been playing away and Eddy’s next words told her that this was not the action of a bachelor on his stag night.
‘Dancing a little too close, they were, and that was a good half an hour after Gloria told me.’
Gloria! What did she know about this? Sid would never do the dirty on her, would he? He didn’t have time: he was either with her or he was working on the dock. When did he ever get time to go out with fancy women? Nancy dragged a chair out from under the table and slumped onto it before she fell down.
She could not catch her breath. The room was suddenly stiflingly hot. There was no air. She opened her mouth and tried to take a lungful but she couldn’t. Instead, she heard a noise. It sounded like the wail of a wounded cat and it took a moment before Nancy realised it was coming from her own mouth. Nancy wished she could stop but she was helpless to control it.
‘Nancy, love, what’s the matter?’ Mam and Sarah hurried into the parlour where Nancy was huddled over, her face in her hands, trying to block out the information she had heard earlier.
‘Oh, Mam!’ she whimpered, burying her face into her mother’s shoulder as the floodgates opened and she began to sob.
‘What’s wrong, love?’ Dolly was dressed in her woollen housecoat even in this heat, her hair, wound in steel curlers, covered by a thick black hairnet ready to be combed out tomorrow. Dolly shushed her middle daughter and patted her back, motioning for Sarah to put the kettle on in the kitchen. ‘It’s just nerves … Everything will be fine in the morning after a good night’s sleep.’
‘It won’t, Mam,’ Nancy wailed. ‘Nothing will ever be all right ever again … And if Sid Kerrigan thinks I’m going to marry him now, he’s got another thing coming!’ She told Dolly what she’d heard.
‘But, Nancy, love, it’s just one little incident.’
‘You don’t understand, Mam.’ Nancy was almost hysterical now, great racking sobs escaping from her.
‘Come on, Nancy, pull yourself together, it won’t do to upset yourself like this, your face will be all puffed up for your wedding.’
‘How could he, Mam?’ Nancy wailed. ‘I’ve given him everything – everything! And now all I’ve got to show for it is a swollen belly and broken promises.’ Nancy let out another frantic howl.
Realisation suddenly dawned on Dolly and she put her hand to her mouth. ‘Oh, Nancy, you’ve not got a bun in the oven?’
Nancy could only nod her head and continued crying bitterly into the hankie that her mother had proffered.
Deciding to leave Nancy with her misery for a moment, Dolly went and found Pop and they sat down to drink the pot of tea that Sarah had made, generously laced with a good splash of whiskey – for shock, said Dolly.
‘She’s got to go through with this wedding, Pop.’ Dolly looked worried as she added another spoonful of sugar to her daughter’s tea.
‘We cannot make her marry him, love,’ said Pop. ‘She has a mind of her own and we have always brought them up to do what they think is right.’
‘But, Pop, she’s … she’s …’ Dolly could not bring herself to say it, ‘… she’s suffering the same complaint as our Rita did when she married Charlie Kennedy!’ She heaved a pained sigh.
‘Oh, bloody ’ell,’ Pop said, looking shocked and reaching for the whiskey bottle. Pouring a finger’s worth into a wide glass, he gulped it down in one. For a short while he was silent, as if mulling the situation over.
‘What is it with young people today, Dolly? They don’t seem to have the same principles as young folk in our day.’
‘Nonsense,’ said Dolly, pragmatically. ‘Men and women have been the same since the dawn of time and there’s nothing we can do about it. And you weren’t such a paragon of virtue yourself, I recall.’
Pop had the good grace to look abashed. ‘Well, that’s as maybe. But they seemed so happy, too.’ He sat at the table and took the cup and saucer his wife offered him. They were in no hurry to go back to the girls and Eddy just yet. ‘But I wouldn’t want Nancy to be unhappy … We made that mistake with Rita and look at her now.’
‘I know,’ Dolly answered, staring into space. ‘I look at Rita sometimes and see the little girl I once had. When she thinks nobody is looking her smile disappears completely and that’s when my heart goes out to her.’
‘Do we want the same thing for Nancy?’ Pop asked. ‘Could you ride the storm of gossip?’
‘She could always have it adopted,’ Dolly said. ‘Or I could rear it as my own.’
‘Don’t you think you’re getting on a bit to be rearing more children?’ Pop asked, shaking his head when Dolly raised an eyebrow and gave him one of her looks. He knew that Dolly would do whatever she had to do and to hell with the consequences. There were far worse things than unmarried mothers … There were unmarried mothers who had no family support behind them. ‘You do what you think is best, love. I will be here to back you up. But I’d love to give that Sid Kerrigan a bloody good hiding.’
‘I know you would, Pop,’ Dolly said, her face set in determination. Life was a vicious circle and they all had to run to keep up. ‘But you always do the right thing, in the end.’
Nancy lay in bed, her eyes closed as she listened to the sound of the family downstairs.
Mam was giving orders as good as any sergeant major, and the house was running like a well-oiled machine. There was a ran-tan at the front door.
‘Sarah! Get that, will you?’
‘I have to do everything around here,’ Sarah called back. ‘I was just making Pop and Eddy a bacon sarnie!’
‘Just do it!’ Dolly ordered, and Nancy could hear her sister’s determined tread down the lobby before the front door opened.
The smell of fried bacon wafted up the stairs and turned Nancy’s stomach. She then heard her mo
ther walking down the linoleum-covered passage to the front door, she thanked somebody in a lower tone, and then the front door closed.
‘Sarah! The flowers have arrived. Come and take this box from me! Oh … there you are. Put this bouquet in a sink of water and splash some on these buttonholes; they look as if they’re dying of thirst.’
‘Hello, Gloria, love, come in …’ Dolly’s voice dipped and Nancy caught only part of it, ‘… you know I’m not one for taking any nonsense but our Nancy’s got it into her head about Sid playing away with some fancy piece in that there Adelphi … I know it’s a load of old rubbish … Can you talk some sense into her?’
‘It’s just last-minute nerves, Mrs Feeny,’ said Gloria. ‘She’ll be fine.’
‘I won’t be fine,’ Nancy’s voice was low and lonely in the middle bedroom she had shared with their Sarah for the last fifteen years.
The freesias’ sweet perfume, which Nancy had picked to go with the pale lemon roses, meandered up the stairs and sent her senses reeling and her stomach heaving.
I can’t do this! She buried her head in the pillow. How can I marry a man I cannot trust? Nancy had not slept a wink all night. Opening her tear-swollen eyes as Gloria’s footsteps grew louder on the stairs, she had to blink a few times at the sunlight flooding the room. She could see her white satin wedding dress, with its leg-o’-mutton sleeves and modest V-shaped neckline, hanging on the wardrobe door. The bust and waistline were emphasised by soft shoulder gathers that tapered to the fitted waist panel. She doubted it would fit any more. So maybe it was just as well she was going to call the whole thing off.
‘Cooee! I hope you are decent!’ Gloria called from the landing.
‘Come in, Glor,’ Nancy said, lifting her head from the pillow.
‘Do you know you look the colour of boiled putty?’ Gloria said. ‘But don’t worry, we’ll soon get you ready.’
‘I know exactly what I look like and it’s a million miles away from the blushing bride everybody is expecting.’ The mirror told her she looked a fright. She was dressed in a blue flowered winceyette nightie, her auburn hair wound around strips of ripped pillowcase that her mam called ‘rags’ and that looked like wounded sausages.
‘A sight to behold,’ Gloria said. ‘You look like you’ve slept on your face.’
‘That’s because I did.’ The ‘rags’ were tied so tight they dragged the scalp off, but that wasn’t the reason she tried to sleep on her face. ‘I did it in the hope I would suffocate myself and not wake up today.’
‘Hey …’ Gloria said when she saw Nancy’s tears flowing freely down her cheeks. She would let Nancy tell her about Sid in her own time. The humiliation was enough to bear without broadcasting it. ‘Ahh, come here,’ Gloria said, putting her arms around Nancy’s shoulders. ‘Don’t worry, you’ll look fabulous when Aunty Glor has done you up a bit.’
‘I know you’re trying to help, Glor, but—’
‘Now come on.’ Gloria sat Nancy on the bed. ‘It’s just nerves. Everything will be perfect, just you wait and see.’
‘How can it be perfect? I don’t even know if the dress will still fit me …’
‘Why shouldn’t it?’ Gloria asked, nonplussed.
‘Well, you see … I’m pregnant.’
‘You’re what!’ Gloria felt her heart sink. ‘The bloody rat-faced—’
‘Come on, Gloria.’ Nancy looked shocked. ‘We both know it takes two.’
‘Yes, of course, but …’ How could she tell her friend what she had seen last night after this? She couldn’t. It would break her heart. Now there was a baby to consider … Sid would have to make an honest woman of Nancy now. He had no choice. ‘Has your dad got a shotgun?’ Gloria tried to make light of the situation, knowing Nancy had to make the best of it now.
‘No, but the ARP gave him a broom handle,’ Nancy laughed, and Gloria joined in.
‘It won’t fit me, I know it won’t,’ Nancy said, taking the wedding dress off the hanger. She was not going to discuss Sid being with another woman last night.The humiliation was hard for her to bear and, from what she’d heard last night and just now, Gloria knew already. She was obviously only being kind and saving Nancy’s face by not raising the subject.
‘Just try it on now to make sure. It’s not too late to alter it if need be.You will look fabulous,’ Gloria said as Nancy eased her arms into the narrow parts of the leg-o’-mutton-style sleeves and slipped the loop onto her middle finger to keep the V-shaped sleeve hems taut.
‘Those sleeves will show your wedding ring off a treat,’ Gloria said, drawing attention to her friend’s long elegant hands and perfectly manicured, pink-varnished nails.
‘As long as it keeps everybody’s attention away from the middle area of my tummy,’ Nancy said.
‘There’s nothing to see yet,’ Gloria reassured her.
‘We only did it the once …’ Nancy’s colour rose from a pale cement to deep pink.
‘It’s too late to worry now,’ Gloria said with the candour of one who did not shock easily. ‘The stable door has been opened and the horse has definitely bolted.’
‘I know,’ Nancy sighed as her friend began to fasten the many tiny buttons at the back of the dress. ‘It wasn’t that much fun either … Glor, you’re my best friend, aren’t you?’ Nancy said with a cautious note in her voice. ‘And you must promise me that you’ll tell me the truth.’ She had been waiting for this day all her life and now it was here she did not want to go through with it. If there was one thing that Nancy couldn’t bear it was the thought that Sid was playing away with someone else. She wanted to know the truth.
‘Of course I will.’ Gloria finished fastening the buttons and turned Nancy to the mirror. ‘There, perfect, even better than before.’ Nancy took in her reflection. She knew she looked fantastic even with a head full of rags.
‘Come on, what is it?’ Gloria said encouragingly.
‘Did you see Sid with another woman? Has he been messing me about, Gloria? I don’t think I could bear it if it really was true.’
Gloria looked at her friend’s tired and anxious face. Bloody Sid Kerrigan, she thought. This should have been the happiest day of Nancy’s life. Oh, she could be silly and selfish all right and was often too caught up in herself to see the wood for the trees. Any girl with half a brain could see that Sid Kerrigan wasn’t great marriage material. But what Gloria thought of Sid and his ways was neither here nor there now. Nancy was up the duff and that was that. Raising a baby without a husband wasn’t an option in Empire Street with the likes of Mrs Kennedy making trouble. Nancy would just have to put a brave face on it and a little white lie would have to do the trick for now.
‘From what I’ve seen, most men are vain and Sid’s no different. If a pretty girl makes a pass at him he’ll be flattered.’ Gloria checked the buttons were all secured at the back of Nancy’s dress. ‘It was probably just a bit of fun before he got married. If Sid didn’t want to marry you then he wouldn’t have asked you now, would he?’
Gloria could see Nancy was softening up – she held her breath.
‘Oh, I suppose you’re right. It was probably him getting it out of his system,’ Nancy said, patting the rags on her head. ‘Anyway, thank God the dress still fits, I was just about to ask if you could help me alter the dress in case it needed it.’
‘Not me, darling,’ Gloria laughed. ‘You know I’ve never held a sewing needle in my life. I wouldn’t know which end to thread.’ She did not intend to find out either; she had plans for her future and domesticity definitely did not come into them.
Nancy laughed. Eyeing her belly in the mirror, she thought she was bound to get away with it, it was only the tiniest of bumps. She thought about what Gloria had said. Maybe she was right and Sid was just letting off a bit of steam. He’d have his own wedding nerves too, wouldn’t he? What Nancy couldn’t bring herself to admit was that finding out that Sid had this other life had given her doubts. Did she really love him? Did he really love her? She sighe
d at her reflection. It was too late to change her mind now. Far too late. She could not bring that shame onto her mam.
‘I’m going to miss going dancing,’ Gloria said, helping Nancy out of the dress so she could do her hair and make-up. Having unwrapped the rags, she clipped Nancy’s hair into a froth of curls on top of her head. ‘But we can go to the pictures when Sid is on night shift. Surely he won’t moan about that?’
‘I’m sure he won’t.’ Nancy’s voice was flat and she sounded unconvinced. She was moving into his mother’s house after the wedding; she would always be able to depend on her mother-in-law to keep her company when Sid was on nights. Mr Kerrigan was a mousy little man who worked as a printer on the Liverpool Daily Post and was rarely seen as he was a night shift worker himself. Mrs Kerrigan seemed to be able to do exactly as she wished. Which was more than Nancy would …
‘Right, before I put your make-up on, I’ll go and see if your mam’s marcel waves need a touch-up.’ Gloria had always had the knack of styling hair, thought Nancy. It was such a shame to waste her talent. Gloria was just the right type of girl to be a successful hairdresser: glamorous, outgoing and friendly. Anyway, Gloria probably thought she was destined for greater things now that she had a singing spot at the Adelphi. She probably thought she was too good to be a hairdresser. Perhaps Sid won’t mind if I go and watch Gloria now and again, Nancy wondered, and Mrs Kerrigan could mind the babe? Without realising it, Nancy touched her tummy gently.
CHAPTER SIX
‘Talking of war,’ Rita said, putting a plate of freshly made toast onto the table, ‘there are posters going up all over Liverpool asking for nurses.’
‘You’re married, they won’t want you,’ Charlie said flatly, not looking up from his morning paper. ‘They will only want young, single women.’
