by Scott, Shae
She blushes remembering. "I know. But. . . I just. . .Can you just hold me? I don't want you to leave."
I can't say no to her. I refuse to leave her now and risk her feeling like what happened was wrong or cheap. I don't want her unfounded guilt to rear its ugly head. If she wants me to stay, then I'm going to stay.
"Okay," I agree. I kick off my shoes and then unbuckle my belt before sliding my jeans over my hips and kicking them to the side of the room. She watches me the entire time and I don't miss the way her tongue slides over her bottom lip as she does.
"Stop it," I warn with a laugh.
"Sorry," she giggles. She climbs into the bed and waits for me. I go ahead and take off my shirt, since I hate sleeping in one and then I climb into the other side bed taking a deep breath. There is no way laying in this bed with Emery in my arms is going to do anything to help calm the raging hard on I'm working with. There is no way I'm sleeping at all.
Once I lie back against the pillows she wastes no time snuggling in against me. And while I might be in desperate need of a cold shower I know there is nowhere else I'd rather be.
"Sleep well, beautiful girl," I say, kissing the top of her head.
"Thank you for making me feel beautiful," she says softly.
My heart lurches in my chest sending warmth all through my body.
I'm going to love this girl forever.
Emery
YOU KNOW THOSE TIMES when you can feel yourself waking from a dream and it's so good that you just want to hold on to it for as long as you can? Even as it starts to fade into reality you fight to keep it in focus. You start to rationalize with your dream self, sometimes even begging to just give you a few more minutes, long enough to see how it ends. I felt it all starting to slip away, the peaceful feeling of being wrapped up warm in strong arms, the smell of Irish Spring soap mixed with something manly and unique to only one man. Cole Bennett.
I inhale deeply, just wanting to freeze this moment. One where everything I feel is good. But I'm awake enough to know that it will slip away soon. I can already feel the ache of my head as I start to recall the night before. A bottle of tequila and some sad country music probably wasn't the best way to celebrate my would-be anniversary. No, I'd been better off finding something to distract me, something to occupy my mind so that it didn't have the chance to wander down memory lane. Memory lane was riddled with dangerous potholes that I wasn't equipped to navigate. But sometimes you just torture yourself anyway.
As my mind plays back the night, the fuzziness begins to lift and my eyes open fully.
Cole.
It's only then that I hear the deep breathing from beside me. Only then that I feel the strong arms wrapped around my waist, the hard body pressed against my back. Flashes of him sitting with me on the deck turn into full detailed memories of the way he sent my world spiraling on the kitchen counter.
Holy shit.
My sleepy brain is now fully awake and alert and instantly chaotic.
What do I do now? What’s going to happen when he wakes up and we have to face each other. Will it be as awkward as I fear it will be? What does this mean for our relationship? Am I allowed to do it again?
Wait. No. Not the train of thought that I need to take right now.
I want to turn to look at him, but I’m still afraid of waking him up. I need to figure out what I'm going to say first. I could blame it all on a drunken mistake, but if I am being honest, I don't really feel any regret about it. A little guilt, but I don't think I'd take it back. What if he wants to take it back? What will I do with that?
"Are you freaking out?" a deep gravelly voice bellows from behind me. My body tenses knowing he is awake.
Times up.
"Hi," I manage, my voice sounding more like a squeak. It makes him laugh, a low chuckle that I can feel run through his body.
He pulls at my shoulder to get me to turn and face him. I do and am greeted with the face that makes my heart beat faster in my chest. He is adorable. His sleepy eyes fight to stay open and the scruff on his jaw begs me to run my fingers across it.
"Hi," he yawns.
I still have no idea what to say.
"So, are you freaking out?" he asks again.
I hate him.
"No," I say still trying to decide if I believe it.
"Good," he says. He holds my eyes it makes it hard to breathe.
"Maybe a little," I admit suddenly. This makes him smile as he rolls to his back and stares up at the ceiling. I can't help my gaze as it falls to his bare chest, appreciating the way the muscles of his arms stretch as he folds them behind his head.
"It's okay if you are. We can talk about it," he suggests.
"My head hurts," I say, rolling onto my back too, the view is too much for me to be able to think clearly.
"I don't know how many of those shots you had before I showed up, but you weren't feeling too much pain," he says.
"I feel it now."
He's quiet for a long moment before he says, "I hope you don't think I took advantage of you last night. I got a little carried away," he says quietly. I glance over and he's still staring at the ceiling.
"I don't think that," I admit and I see the relieved sigh escape his lips.
"So tell me what you are thinking," he says. My teeth sink into my lip and I'm not sure I can.
He turns to look at me and when I don't speak he turns and props his head on his hand and gazes down on me. I feel my cheeks warm under his waiting stare.
"It was nice," I say quietly.
"Nice?" he asks, his eyes narrowing when I cast a quick glance over at him before returning my stare to the ceiling above. "I mean I don't regret it. I needed it. I needed to feel something good. Something real."
I hear his breath catch and I force myself to look at him.
"So we're okay? I didn't mess this up?" he asks. And for the first time I see the worry that has settled around his eyes.
"No. Not at all," I assure him with a smile. I turn on my side so I can see him properly. I relax as I watch his shoulders relax, releasing the tension he was holding there.
"I'll do anything for you. I'd hate it if you thought I'd pushed it too far. I had a lot to drink too, but that doesn't excuse anything," he says.
"Do you regret it?" I ask suddenly worried that he's having second thoughts.
"God, no. I'd spend every night with the taste of you on my tongue. I never regret a single moment with you. I just want to do this right. I don't want to be selfish."
Shit. I wasn't expecting that.
I blow out a slow breath to calm my pulse.
"I'm not sure my heart is ready for you," I say softly.
He moves in closer and kisses my lips softly. Sweet and slow and my eyes flutter closed. When he pulls back too quickly his mouth grazes my ear as he says, "It has to be. Don't you know it's always been mine? I never gave it back."
IT COULD HAVE BEEN awkward, waking up next to Cole after a drunken night of confessions and counter-top orgasms, but somehow it wasn't. We shuffled to the kitchen and had coffee on the same deck where we'd shot tequila hours before and when he left for home he kissed me on the cheek and promised to see me later.
Just like that.
I'm not sure what to make of the whole thing, but surprisingly I'm okay with that too. Maybe it's the lack of tension in my body or just the fact that this morning I felt more like me than I have in a very long time. I just want to hold on to that feeling and I fear that analyzing the whole thing will make it fade away.
After Cole leaves the house feels quiet. Usually I crave the silence, but for some reason today it feels thick. After I feed Journey and let him play with his dancing feather, I decide to bake. Something for Cole and something for Dad. I pull out Nana's recipe box and shift through the tattered cards and paper clippings until I find something I like. After a quick glance in the pantry I realize that I'm going to have to venture out to the store. Piling my hair into a messy bun, I decide to head out and g
et the supplies I need so I can get started.
At the store I grab everything quickly and then decide to stop by Annie's coffee shop before heading back home. She's been texting and calling me and we're slowly finding a friendship again. Or rather I'm slowly letting her back in.
She waves when she sees me enter the shop and finishes up with a customer.
"Em! What a nice surprise." She comes around the counter and gives me a hug.
"Hey. I was out picking up some things and thought I'd stop in and say hi," I smile.
She beams at me, "I'm so glad that you did. What can I get you?"
"Oh, um, how about an iced coffee?"
"Of course." She chatters on as she returns to the counter and makes my drink. When she refuses my payment I just drop it in her tip jar. I'm listening to her while she tends to other customers, talking to me and to them all at the same time. I swear she floats around the store effortlessly. It makes me smile. I can tell she loves it here. I make a point to come and visit her here more often.
"So, what do you say we do a girl's night next weekend? We'll go dancing or something," she suggests winking at a customer as he drops a couple of dollars in the jar.
I cringe, "I don't know if I'm up for dancing, Annie."
"Oh come on. You don't have to dance if you don't want to. You can just sit back and admire the hot, manly asses on the floor. Ain't that right, Jack?" she asks her current customer. He's still in high school and I can tell he thinks Annie is pretty because he blushes at her words.
"I don't know. Can I think about it?" I ask, hoping for a reprieve.
"Sure. But I'm going to bug you incessantly until you say yes," she warns with a big smile. I laugh, knowing that she's telling the truth.
"Okay, I have to get back. I have stuff to put away. Thanks for the coffee."
"Come back," she smiles.
I agree and move towards the door, looking up when I hear the door chime ahead of me. Aubrey. Our eyes meet and she smiles. I don't miss the way her eyes take me in. Of course I would run into Cole's ex when I look like I just rolled out of bed. Hell, I probably still reek of tequila. She, of course, is put together perfectly. There is no denying that the girl is a knock out. I try hard to ignore the pang in my stomach as I think about them together.
"Emily," she coos like she's excited to see me.
Bitch.
"It's Emery actually," I say in a cool voice.
"Oh right, sorry. I'm horrible with names sometimes," she smiles.
"Oh, Em - I almost forgot to give you that pastry for Cole. He would have been so mad if you showed up at home without it." I throw Annie a confused look as she thrusts a small box into my hands. I don't miss the scowl that hits Aubrey's pretty lips at the mention of her ex.
Cluing in, I smile at Annie, "Thanks. I can't believe I almost walked out of here without it." I turn to Aubrey who now has her arms crossed over her chest. "It was nice seeing you," I lie.
She nods, "You too."
I can't help it; I feel pretty good leaving the coffee shop. So much so that I don't even care that I just probably fed any rumor going around that Cole and I are more than just friends. Then again, after last night maybe those rumors aren't so far off the mark anymore.
OVER THE NEXT WEEK things continue like they have over the last few months. Only now the unspoken connection between Cole and me is enough to fill any space we happen to find ourselves in together. We don't talk about what happened, but it's always there. I catch him looking at me with hungry eyes and I know he catches me staring at him remembering the things that he had me feeling. But for the most part we are doing our best to leave it be.
I'm pretty sure he's just waiting to see how I feel. He's giving me the controls and letting me decide what I want and when I'm ready.
It's good.
Except for when we find ourselves in the dark watching TV and just his presence has me unable to concentrate on anything. In fact, I barely notice when the movie we are watching goes to black, the credits slowly creeping across the screen.
"Are you asleep?" he asks quietly. I could pretend that I am. I'm leaning against the arm of the couch. I could easily fake sleep.
"No," I admit quietly lifting my head to peer over at him. The room is dark with only the soft glow of the television and the hallway lamp. I can just make out the curve of his face, but I can feel the weight of his eyes. My breath catches as the cushion dips with his movement. As he moves closer to me.
"Did you like the movie?" he asks as he moves in close to me. So close that I have to clear my throat in order to swallow properly.
"It was alright," I say.
"You didn't watch it either?" he asks, the corner of his lips slanting up in a perfect smirk.
"Not really," I admit.
"You're so beautiful, James," he says quietly. I have to look away. I feel him closing in and while I want to pull him to me, I don't have the guise of alcohol to cover for me this time.
"Cole," I say softly. I'm not sure if it is a warning or a plea.
He hears them both. "I want to kiss you, but I know I should wait."
"You have me all mixed up, you know that?" I say.
"I know. You don't have to kiss me though. I just wanted you to know that I wanted to. I'm not willing to risk you not knowing how desirable you are."
I stare at him for a long moment, quietly fighting an internal battle between desire and obligation. He waits, not moving any closer, but not pulling away either. I want to kiss him; I've thought about kissing him all week. It's invaded my thoughts and instead of obsessing over all of the things I've been prisoner too for months, I'm obsessing over him and the way his lips taste and the way he makes me feel when I stop thinking. . .stop obsessing.
Without thinking about it my hand reaches out and gently moves across the stubble of his jaw. He closes his eyes and leans his cheek into my hand and before I can think better of it I close the space between us and brush my lips against his. He lets me and doesn't move to deepen the kiss, simply moving his soft lips across mine, his tongue licking my bottom lip. The movement teases me and sets fire to my blood. Grabbing the back of his neck I pull him to me as I get to my knees and move into him. Quick to accept my invitation he wraps his arms around my back pulling me flush against his body as his tongue slides into my mouth with the most sensual of strokes.
I can't help the soft sigh that escapes me as he deepens the kiss and sends my head spinning. He gently lays me back and the weight of him against my body is perfection. I shouldn't want him this way. I shouldn't give in. But it feels so good. Good is hard to walk away from when you've been drowning in bad.
We kiss until time has no more meaning, until my lips are swollen and sore. We kiss until I can feel the sting of his scruff on my neck, until the throb between my legs has me oblivious to everything else. But Cole doesn't touch me anywhere but my face, my back, my neck. It is a quiet possession and with each kiss he chips away another piece of my resistance. Gone is another piece of the wall that has been protecting me.
I can feel him, hard against me and I imagine how sweet it would be to give in completely and feel him deep inside of me. I know that if he pushed I would give in. Maybe that's why he's not pushing. When he pulls back I suck in a breath to replenish my lungs since I've been giving him all of mine.
"You taste so sweet," he breathes as he kisses my forehead, my cheek, the corner of my lips. I groan as he grinds against me ever so slightly. "I should go before I get carried away," he says roughly. I tighten my hold on his neck bringing his lips back to mine. He's right, but I can't help but want to kiss him a little longer. But he's holding back now, kissing me slow and sweet as if trying to take us back down to the simmer that lives between us.
"It's late," he whispers against my ear.
"Okay," I sigh.
When he pulls back to look at me I can tell he doesn't really want to leave, but he's trying to do what I need and I can't fault him for that. I suppose I should be glad that
he is looking out for us.
"I'll walk you to the door," I suggest. Reluctantly he stands and pulls me with him until we are both on our feet. He slips his arms around me again, his hand gripping the back of my neck and kisses me again. It's a good thing he has a good grip on me because it might have sent me to my knees.
"I'll see you in the morning?" he says, looking down into my glazed eyes.
"Uh huh," I agree.
He smiles and takes my hand as we move to the door. A glance at the clock tells me it's after one in the morning. I feel a little guilty because he's going to be so tired at work tomorrow. At least I'm at a desk, he's on the job site all day.
"Sleep well, baby," he says. I still love it when he calls me that.
"Text me when you are home?" I ask.
"Okay."
He kisses me once more and then heads out to his truck. I watch until his taillights fade into the darkness and then my fingers trace my swollen lips. I smile. The smile I couldn't find at all refuses to leave when it comes to Cole Bennett. He's bringing me back to life.
ANNIE WASN'T KIDDING; she's been blowing up my phone with plans for girl's night out all week. No matter how many excuses I throw at her and Kelsey they counter with a reason why I need this. They are probably right, but it doesn’t settle the butterflies in my stomach. I haven’t been out in a long time. Not like this. Not since college really. Gabe only took me to stuffy work parties where I was meant to impress important people. I’m not even sure I remember how to act at a bar. How is it that I feel so old and out of touch at twenty-four?
The bar is loud. Country music is blaring from the speakers and there is a hum of chatter in the air. I'm pretty sure every single person in Darling and under the age of thirty-five is here. It makes my pulse tick up and I start to regret agreeing to come; my porch swing and my yoga pants were a much better option.
"Stop scowling," Kelsey scolds as I take in my surroundings. I force a smile and take a deep breath. She's right. Tonight I'm having fun. Tonight is about the old Emery. I need to leave the stuck up version of me behind and let loose a little.
