by Scott, Shae
He continues to ramp up his assault and my need grows unbearable. I sigh his name when he removes his hand, leaving me feeling bereft. I hear the rip of a packet and then feel him back against me. I sigh as he pushes into me slowly, the movement perfect. He’s ruining me, little by little and I don’t know how I’ll go back to being his friend after this.
He clears the thought from my head as he moves in slow, steady strokes. His arms encircle me, holding me to him, his fingers showing attention to my clit as he moves in his sleepy rhythm.
“We fit like puzzle pieces. You were made for me. It was meant to be just like this,” he breathes and his words hit my heart because I believe them. It scares me, but I feel the truth in them. This is what it’s supposed to be like. This is what I never had with Gabe, not even in the good days. My soul never spoke up when we were together. It never said, this is it. Not the way it’s screaming at me now.
“You were meant to be mine, Emery. When you are ready, I’ll never leave you. We’ll always fit just like this.”
We move in unison until we are both ready to fall apart. When my orgasm hits his mouth lands on my neck, kissing, biting, bringing an intensity to my pleasure that has my toes curling. Cole is close behind me, quickening his pace until he’s grunting in my ear and shuddering against me.
We lay together, coming back down to reality. The sun is peeking through the windows, calling time on our rendezvous. Cole only lets go long enough to dispose of the condom and then he’s pulling me over to snuggle against him. My eyes feel heavy as sleep tugs at my lids.
“I know it’s morning, but stay here and sleep with me,” I say.
“I’m not going anywhere,” he answers. I snuggle in closer, tangling my legs with his and I fall back asleep, putting off reality for just a little bit longer.
When I open my eyes again, Cole is still sleeping. His face is so relaxed and I can’t help but stare at him in an effort to memorize his face like this. I’m not ready for him to leave. I’m not ready to push this whole night away and pretend that it didn’t happen. But that’s exactly what we promised we would do. It’s the smart thing to do, even if this blissful cloud I’m in makes me question that.
He starts to stir, maybe because he can feel my eyes on him. “Morning,” he grumbles with his eyes still closed.
“Hi,” I offer. I feel nervous in the light of day. Vulnerable with my naked body tangled with his. The heat of his skin warms me through and I know that when I leave this bed, this embrace, I’m going to feel it’s absence in a very real way.
“I can feel your brain working,” he teases.
“No, I’m just enjoying you. That’s all,” I assure him.
He opens his eyes and smiles at me. God I love his sleepy smile.
“Last night was amazing. Thank you,” I say shyly.
“It was amazing. We have always been amazing together,” he says. I don’t know why that makes me blush, but I feel my cheeks heat. Probably because I feel so vulnerable right now.
“What happens now?” I ask.
“What do you want to happen?”
I think about it for a long moment. I wish I knew. But it is all so confusing. The way I feel wrapped up in his arms, makes me want to reconsider our one-night promise. But if I jump into this relationship will I mess it up if I’m not really ready?
As if sensing my internal monologue, he says, “I’m not pushing you to do anything, Em. I promise. I meant what I said last night. If you want to go back to the way we were, we can do that. We’ll go about our day like this never happened.” I’m not sure, but I swear I hear pain in his voice.
“I can’t pretend it didn’t happen,” I admit. That’s just the honest truth. I don’t want to forget that it happened. It was all too real. I needed it. I need to remember it all. He lets out a sigh of relief. “But I can’t move forward just yet either,” I say. His body tenses for just a moment and I look up at him. His eyes are warm and he relaxes pulling me tighter against him.
“I know that. And that’s okay. I don’t need to rush this, James. I just need you to know that I’m here. I’m waiting. I’ll give you anything,” he says.
“Even time?” I ask hopefully.
“All the time you need,” he promises.
“But we won’t talk about it,” I say. He frowns at me, not really liking that part of the equation. “I mean, if we talk about it, we’ll want to follow through with acting on it.” He knows I’m right.
“Fine. We won’t talk about it,” he concedes.
I smile up at him as he tries to pretend to be grumpy. But I still see the smile beneath his scowl. I hope he can wait me out. Because the truth is I do belong with him. I just need to make sure that I know who I am before I can give him everything that he deserves. And he deserves me at my best. The whole Emery, not just her broken pieces.
IT TAKES THE DING of my cell phone to pull me out of my trance and make me realize that I've been stirring my coffee for five minutes. It's probably cold by now. I hadn't even realized I had zoned out.
This morning I'm a mess of memories and emotions. Mostly really good ones. Last night was a complete surprise. Even if Cole and I had been flirting with taking things further than friendship, I never would have thought it was going to happen last night. I never expected him to show up at the bar and take me home. Not just take me home, but take me over the edge of all sensible reason.
I shake my head as I feel my thoughts about to take me under again. I reach for my cell phone and can't help the smile that finds my lips as I read the text from Cole.
I know we aren't supposed to talk about it. So I won't. But know I'm thinking about it. I'm thinking about every single delicious moment.
I'm really glad that no one is here to see my goofy grin. It would be embarrassing. But since I'm alone I allow myself a little hop as I press the phone to my chest. I can't even remember the last time I felt like this.
I have no idea what I've gotten myself into. Maybe I should be worried, but honestly I just feel happy. Happy feels so good. If I close my eyes I swear I can feel him wrapped around me. I can still feel his breath on my skin and hear his raspy voice in my ear. I can still feel the ache of him between my legs and my lips are still swollen from his kisses. I feel relaxed and well-tended to. I feel amazing.
One night. I gave him the one night he asked for and now all I can think is the possibility of other nights to follow. Maybe that was his plan all along, show me what I've been missing and then wait for me to beg for more. It wasn't a bad plan. The ache and want from deep inside me proves that.
What do I do now? How should I act when I see him later? I can't believe I'm going to have to act normal around him tonight with Dad sitting across the table. What if he sees straight through me? Or worse, what if Cole really does act like nothing has changed between us and I'm the only one who becomes a fidgety mess?
Stop. I have to stop. We agreed to act normal. To go back to friends. We just happen to be friends who have slept together. But then, we were that before last night, so what's different?
Me. I'm different.
I feel the nerves unleash in my stomach as I remember every detail from last night. I don't want to take it back, but I'm a little nervous about what it all means or how I’m supposed to behave. Maybe I shouldn't have let him leave this morning. I should have begged him to stay here with me until it didn't feel weird.
I stare down at the text message again, reading it over and over.
I'm in deep trouble.
Cole
FUCKING FRIENDS. I HATE that word. Don't get me wrong, being in love with your best friend is awesome. It's the part where she's not ready for you to be in love with her that puts a real kink in things. I already knew I was still in love with Emery James - but last night solidified the fact that I'm hers completely - now and forever. It sounds cheesy as shit, but being with her last night reminded me of how well we fit together. It's never been like that for me with anyone else. Not even close.
I think back to our conversation this morning. For some reason we both agreed that we'd follow through with our plan to let last night stand on its own and we'd go back to being friends. Just like I'd promised her. I won't lie, I'd been secretly hoping that she'd refuse, that somehow everything that happened would make her realize that she was ready to move forward.
It was a dumb hope. I knew that would never happen.
And it shouldn't. Not really. I don't want her to choose me, to choose us, until she's absolutely sure. Until she's ready. I need this to go the distance and even though last night doesn't support the theory...I am a patient man.
At least I used to be.
Emery kind of turns me upside down.
I smile at the thought of her, one of those big goofy grins that would get me laughed at if my friends were around to see it. Shit. I'm not getting any work done. I really should have just stayed at Emery's and taken as much time as she'd let me have.
Forever maybe.
I WALK UP TO EMERY'S house later that evening carrying a bouquet of flowers. I grabbed them at the last minute, the need to bring her something pretty overwhelmed my good sense. Now that I'm climbing her front steps I'm starting to realize that they might be a bad idea. I'm just going to raise Henry's suspicions and make her uncomfortable.
Shit.
I pause, debating what to do. Trying to play the scene out in my head. I hear Emery's laughter from inside and it squeezes my heart. Keep them. Then, I hear Henry's bellowing laughter and I chuck the flowers into the wood planter's box by the door.
I'm a mess.
I walk in before I can change my mind and find the two of them in the kitchen. Henry is sitting at the bar drinking a beer and watching Emery cook. I wonder if he can see it, how the color in her cheeks makes her look young and vibrant, or the way her shoulders are relaxed and her smile easy. She looks like my old Emery as she laughs at Henry's joke and wipes her hands on her apron.
I love her.
Emery spots me in the doorway and her smile widens. "Hey," she breathes out and I swear my heart starts to beat stronger and steadier just being in her presence. I should have kept the flowers.
"Hi. Sorry I'm late," I say, holding her eyes. I know I should look away and be casual, but I can't seem to pull my stare away from her. She's so beautiful and I just want to go and pull her into my arms and kiss her. I'm not going to be able to hold up my end of this bargain. The soft blush on Emery's cheeks tells me she's not going to be able to do it either.
"It's alright, I've been distracting the cook," Henry smiles. Finally, I pull my gaze from his daughter and to him and he smiles at me. I wonder if he can tell? Maybe to him it's just normal. I suppose I've always looked at his daughter this way.
"It's almost ready," Emery says, slapping my hand away as I try to sample from the platter she's been filling with potatoes and carrots. "You were late. The time for taste testing is done," she teases me. I give her my best wounded look, but she doesn't take pity on me. So instead I grab one of the glasses that she has set out with ice and I fill it from the pitcher of iced tea. It's cool and refreshing and it soothes the fire that simmers inside me from being in this room with her.
We settle into a rhythm as we sit down for dinner. Sure I'm stealing glances at Emery, but for the most part it's easy and I can tell that we'll be able to navigate this whole thing with a little effort. It's worth it.
The whole night feels light. Emery is laughing, Henry is telling jokes and old stories from when we were kids. I’m taking in every moment and feeling like my heart might burst from the fullness. I want it to stay like this. This is the life I want for her. For us.
When Henry decides to call it a night it's already pretty late. I know I should go too. I'm not sure I will be able to leave so easily once it's just the two of us. We both see Henry out, waving as he pulls away. Once he's out of sight I turn to look at the girl of my dreams. She's leaning against the wood pillar like it might be holding her upright.
Now that Henry isn’t here to chaperone it’s as if the air between us has charged in seconds. Everything we’ve held back all night comes rushing in, making it hard to think straight.
"Dinner was nice," I offer.
She smiles shyly.
"I should probably go too. I don't know if I can trust myself to be a good friend right now," I admit.
This makes her blush.
"Yeah, friends feels a lot harder when you’re standing here with me," she says. Her admission makes my cock swell and I work to keep myself from stepping closer to her. If I close this space at all she'll pull me straight to her like a magnet and I won't be able to go.
"You're so beautiful." The words fall from my lips before I can stop them. Not that I would have.
'Cole," she warns.
"I know. We're friends. I'll be good. I'll keep my promise. Which is why I'm going to go."
She looks both sad and relieved by that. I know how she feels.
"I'll talk to you tomorrow?" she asks.
"You will," I promise. Against my better judgment I step closer to her and I see her hold her breath as she prepares for what I might do. I want to kiss her, but I know I shouldn't. Instead I lean in and brush my lips across her cheek and plant a soft kiss to the corner of her mouth. “Goodnight, Emery James," I breathe. I feel her shiver and it nearly crushes my resolve to walk away.
"Goodnight, Cole," she says, her voice unsteady.
I step back and down one step towards the drive, but my eyes hold hers. "Sleep well," I offer. I'm just spouting of random sentiments to keep from leaving.
She smiles back, "You too."
"Go inside," I say. Maybe if she's safely behind the door I'll leave like I'm supposed to.
"Go home," she retorts. I laugh because that was my old Emery coming back. God, I love seeing the fire in her.
I take another step down and she moves towards the door. It's a slow dance as we each move away from each other. Finally, I'm at my car and she's at the front door, her hand on the handle. I lift mine to wave.
"We did it," she calls out.
"Barely," I admit.
As I unlock the door she calls out my name and when I look up she's holding the bouquet of daisies I'd tossed aside earlier. She holds them up with a questioning laugh. And I shrug, "I thought you needed flowers." She pulls them close to her and holds them to her chest.
"I love them," she says.
Friends. It's just not going to cut it.
I FISH MY PHONE from my pocket as the truck rolls to a stop at the red light. I smile when I see Emery's face on the screen. Unexpected surprise. I haven't seen her in two days. She went to dinner with the girls last night and I'd already had plans set up with the guys tonight. I miss her.
I wave my hand at the guys in an effort to shut them up, but they are three beers and a shot in from pre-partying at the house so they don't pay me a bit of attention.
"Hey, what's up?" I ask, ignoring my friends as I concentrate to hear Emery on the other end of the line.
"Hi. Where are you? Did I catch you at a bad time? You sound busy," she asks. Her voice sounds wary, like she regrets making the call, so I rush to assure her that she can call me anytime.
"I'm in the truck. I was just out with the guys. It's never a bad time. I told you, call me anytime."
I hear her smile in the silence, at least I imagine it - shy and quiet, while she decides whether or not to believe me. I'll keep telling her until she does.
"So you're going out tonight?" she asks. I swear I hear disappointment in her voice. Or maybe I want to hear it.
"That was the plan. Just a few beers. Nothing crazy," I say. Just then Jonah lets out a loud whoop from the window to the car that pulls up beside us. I cringe.
"Okay, well, I won't keep you then," she says quickly.
"Wait," I say before she can hang up. "What are you doing?" I ask. The light turns green and I drive forward completely ignoring the dirty look that Jonah shoots me when he is jerked back in his seat. He shouldn't have been hanging out the window like an idiot.
"Not much really," she admits. God, I love the sound of her voice. It slides over me, sending flashes of memory from our night together. The night we're not supposed to talk about. The night I pretty much play on a constant loop. The whole thing has had me dealing with an uncomfortable hard on for days.
"Want to come out with us?" I ask. Brody leans forward from the back seat to slap my arm and gape at me. Yeah, I've broken a cardinal rule. I get it. But I flip him the bird and ignore him.
"God no," she laughs. Damn. "But if you want to call me after, I'll be awake," she says shyly. There's something there, just beneath her words and it has my body on full alert, I see the bar up ahead and pull into a parking spot.
"Out," I tell the guys. I hear Jonah crack an imaginary whip as they laugh and exit the truck. Now that the cab is quiet, I sink back into my seat and take in the sound of her breathing on the other end of the line.
'I can come over," I say without thinking.
She's quiet for a moment and it's as if we are having an entire conversation in the silence.
"Later?" she asks.
"Now. I can come over right now, Emery." My voice is low and husky because I'm already imagining the taste of her on my tongue.
"But your friends," she offers weakly.
