by Kar, Alla
Stroke of Fear
Alla Kar
Dedication
To anyone searching for their perfect match. <3
2013. Copyright. Alla Kar
All rights reserved. No parts of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form without written permission from the author, except by a reviewer who may quote brief passages for review purposes. If you are reading this book and have not purchased it or won it in an author contest this book has been pirated. Please delete and support the author by purchasing the ebook from one of its distributors.
This book is a work of fiction and any resemblance to any person, living or dead, any place, events or occurrences, is purely coincidental. The characters and storyline are created from author’s imagination or are used fictionally.
Credits
Cover by Lindee Robinson Photography
http://lindeerobinson.wix.com/photoillustrator
Cover Models:
Mark Grisa
Madison Wayne
Edited by: Cassie Cook
Chapter One
Aubrey
I wasn’t always this way. Scared. Frightened. Timid. I used to live. In every way imaginable. Now, I’m a shell of that person. I’m empty. The chill that’s overtaking me is the chill that used to thrive in me.
The breeze from the water below smashes into me like a brick. The familiar smell registers within me and my knees weaken. The endless bottom is staring up at me, its rushing rapids hitting hard against the cliff I’m standing on. I clench my fist as I take a step toward the edge. I can’t seem to make myself look the other way. It seems too close, like every step back I’ve taken the cliff inches closer, wanting to pull me down to the black abyss of water that’s waiting to swallow me whole.
“Aubrey, just jump already.”
A lump forms in my throat. I can’t respond. They don’t know any better. They don’t know anything. I didn’t dare tell anyone what happened four years ago. It’s like swallowing acid to talk about it.
A warm arm stretches around my stomach and pulls me back against a hard chest. I stiffen in his arms. Not having control around water frightens me more than anything in my entire life. “Aubrey, you said you were going to jump. We only have thirty minutes before we have to get back to camp.”
All the more reason not to go back. Camp Awesome is a summer camp for teenagers. Most of them too busy fondling each other behind the cabins to care what activity we’re doing that day. When Cassie, my roommate, suggested we take the job as camp counselors, I couldn’t wait to start. I need the money for my books for classes in August, since I lost my scholarship my second year of school. Maintaining straight A’s is harder than it looks—especially when you spend most of your nights hiding from your nightmares.
“I’m not going to jump. Just looking,” I whisper.
Jake laughs in my ear, nibbling on my earlobe. “Come on, babe.” He shakes his wet head back and forth, slinging water all over me. “We’ve all been. It’s your turn.”
Shaking, I grab his forearm and untangle his arm around me. “No,” I say, taking two steps away from him.
Jake screws his mouth up and runs his hands through his dark blond hair. “Baby…come on. It’s so much fun. I’ll even jump with you.”
I set my jaw.
“She says she doesn’t want to jump. Leave her alone, Asshat,” Cassie yells. She comes to a stop beside me, her hands on her small hips. Her long wet hair is matted up in a bun on top of her head.
Jake rolls his eyes and crosses his arms over his large chest. Cassie and Jake don’t get along well. She thinks he is an asshole and he thinks she is easy. Both are true. Jake and I have been off and on since freshman year. I’m not even sure what we are anymore. He tells everyone I’m his girlfriend, but it doesn’t feel like it sometimes. He’s the quarterback on the college’s football team. He’s good, but he won’t go pro. His body is always nice to look at, though. The connection we once shared vanished. It just left without saying goodbye, leaving us to figure it out ourselves.
“No one asked you, Cassie,” he spits out.
She flips him off and turns her back to him. “So, you excited about the first day of camp? It’s going to be the best summer of our lives!” she yells. “Did you see that guy in the cafeteria checking me out earlier? He wants me.”
I hold back a smile. “You mean the one with the tattoos?”
“You know it. I think he’s name is Jace? Pace? Something like that. I can’t wait to find out. The guys’ cabins are right across from ours. We could sneak out and see them whenever we want.”
Sometimes I feel like Cassie never really grew up. She still wants to sneak off and make-out with guys like she doesn’t have an apartment to go back to—or a cabin in this case. It’s the thrill that excites her.
Like it used to excite me.
“Fifteen minutes before our meeting, guys. Let’s wrap it up,” another one of the counselors yells.
Cassie motions for me to follow her. I take two steps when I hear Jake’s laugh from behind me. “Where do you think you’re going?” Before I know what’s happening, I’m over Jake’s shoulder. All my blood is pounding in my head. He is walking toward the small cliff. A scream rips through my throat as soon as he tosses me over. It’s so familiar. The same scream as before. The same situation as before.
I’m flying to my death. My limbs are limp in the air, the wind pushing my hair up beside my head. I know I’m nearing the bottom. The air is colder down here. I slice through the stillness and crash into water.
It takes a few moments before I realize the lake is consuming me. I open my mouth to breathe and my mouth fills with water. I sputter until I’m gasping for air. A shallow memory is surfacing, and I try to push it away. I try to live in this moment, try not to drown.
It’s there. Surfacing. Consuming me. Laughing at me. The water was overtaking me. My wrists and ankles bound together in surrender and the cement blocks dragging me down into nothingness. I was dragged down to the depths of the river and no one would ever find me.
When I surface, my eyes are burning and my lips trembling. There is nothing calm or rational in my brain. I’m back. I’m back to that night. The night my life was ruined.
Flapping my arms, I try to remember how to swim. It’s been four years since I’ve been in the water. Please, remember. Think. Focus. Just calm down. The water engulfs me, plunging me under its depth, as I beg to be lifted back up.
“Hang on!” I hear in the distance. To what?
The world is starting to spin, the trees, rocks and water swirling around in my vision. Something hard hits my left side, and I frantically reach out, my fingers slipping over the smooth rocks. My side is throbbing so badly I feel like I’m going to vomit. The water pulls me down, and I struggle to keep my grip.
I feel his hot breath on my neck first. That warmth could never be mimicked “Hold onto me.” A deep, southern voice travels into my ear like poison. Am I hallucinating? Is this what Heaven feels like? I think I love it.
I glance over my shoulder with blurry eyes. A boy—a man—is offering me his outstretched hand. His dark gray eyes have blue specks splattered in them. They fit perfectly with his dark black hair that is hanging over his left eye. The scruff on his jaw makes him look rugged. Hard. Cold. It’s one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen in my life.
I don’t ask any questions. I grab onto his shoulder, wrapping my arms tightly around his thick neck. The next thing I know we’re moving. I’m too exhausted to help. I hold onto him and fight the urge to let my eyes drift shut.
The water doesn’t seem to bother him like it did me. His muscles sure look like they are playing their part. I notice the hard muscular lines of his upper body against me, the way they mo
ve with each thrust of his arm.
My knees scrape against the rocks as he pulls me out of the lake. Water pours from my mouth as I crawl onto all fours. A soft graze touches my lower back, and I glance up at him. The warmth is back and it’s taking over. His black-as-midnight hair is slicked back, and his gray T-shirt is stuck to every crevice of his upper body. Christ.
“Can you breathe?” His rough, deep voice is the most soothing sound that’s ever crashed against my ear drums.
“Barely,” I choke out. I cough more water onto the ground, before rolling to my back. The clouds are so white… the sky blue. You’d never guess someone was drowning in the lake on a day like this.
“Put your arms above your head.” When I don’t move, he taps my elbow, then slides his hands down to my wrists. Pulling with gentle ease, he stretches my arms over my head. The feeling sends warmth throughout my arm. Christ. Get it together, Aubrey.
“What’s your name?” he asks.
“Aubrey. What’s yours?”
A small smile lifts from the corner of his full mouth. Obviously he was asking to see if I was truly okay. Heat rushes toward my cheeks, and I pray he can’t tell. “Tanner.”
Tanner. His name even sounds southern. Judging by the smooth tanned skin, I’d bet he was born and raised in the south. I wonder what has him in Cali.
“Aubrey? Jesus Christ!” Jake yells.
I clench my muscles and screw my eyes shut. Anger is not even the word to express how I’m feeling. I could rear back and punch the jerk’s lights out. If I had the strength I would. “Baby, you okay?”
“Get the fuck away from me.”
Jake freezes, his arms outstretched toward me. His eyebrows are pulled down in the middle and a worry line is creasing his forehead.
“What’s wrong…? I mean are you okay? I’m so—”
“You fucking asshat!” Cassie shouts. She comes to a stop in front of me. Her bright blue eyes glassy. “Look what the hell you did, Jake. She can’t swim.”
“She can swim,” Tanner says.
What? A pain burns through my chest. How does he know? Cassie is helping me to my feet when I glance around and look at Tanner.
“Who the fuck are you?” Jake asks.
“I can’t swim,” I say, taking deep breath. “Obviously.”
Tanner’s face doesn’t change. His strong jaw moves when he swallows. His chest rises and falls in quick jabs. His T-shirt drips puddles on the ground by his feet. If he wasn’t calling me out, I’d ogle that amazing body. “You can. I saw it in your face. You can, but you’re scared.”
How fucking dare he. The weight on my chest increases. Everyone is staring at me. My bottom lip is pressed between my teeth. My body quakes with shivers. “That’s a lie,” I whisper helplessly.
Tanner raises an eyebrow. “Is it?”
“Again. Who the fuck are you?” Jake yells, throwing his arms wildly in the air.
“The person who saved your girlfriend’s life.”
Oh hell. Jake cranes his neck to the side and pops his jaw. Jake likes to fight. It must be imbedded into his DNA or something. I can’t count how many times he’s started shit at parties on campus. Drunk or not… he loves it.
“Don’t you start, Jake,” Cassie says, pointing her finger at his chest. “He just saved her life. And he had to because, you pushed her off the ledge when she begged you not to.”
A loud noise explodes from Tanner’s chest. It’s almost animalistic. “You fuckin’ pushed her? What kind of man are you? When a fuckin’ woman asks you to stop, you fuckin’ stop.”
Jake clenches his fists at his side. “Oh, so you’re going to show me how to treat a lady, partner?” he asks, in his best country accent. “Is that how they do it down south?”
Tanner’s jaw tightens. A husky laugh comes from deep in his throat. “You’ve got a big fuckin’ mouth. I’m gonna beat your ass before this summer is over.”
“Oh yeah?” Jake takes a step closer. His knuckles have turned white at his sides.
Damnit. “Stop. I’ve had enough bullshit for today. Can we tone done the testosterone?”
We all sit in an awkward silence until both guys are cooled off. Cassie groans and wraps an arm around my shoulder. “Well, we’re leaving. We’re already late for the meeting. Plus, it’s going to take us ten minutes to walk up to the damned counselor hall.”
Jake mumbles something underneath his breath but comes around and swoops me into an infant’s cradle. Damn it. “Put me down. I don’t want you touching me.”
I’m staring up at Jake’s chin, but he doesn’t answer. A frown curls down from the corner of his mouth. He starts to walk, ignoring my request.
Giving up, I rest my head against Jake’s shoulder. Not because it’s comforting, but because I’m mentally and physically exhausted. My body won’t move. I’ve tried. My head only wants to rest against the softness of Jake’s shoulder—a shoulder that used to comfort me. A shoulder that was always open and ready. Now it seems frigid and wrong.
The sound of chairs scrapping against tile wakes me. The bright florescent lighting is blinding. “What happened to her?” someone yells. The voice sounds familiar but I can’t place it.
“She had an accident,” Jake says.
A snort. “Yeah the fuck right. Whose fault is it, big boy?”
“Shut the fuck up, country. Or I’ll fuck your face up.”
“Boys. Language. Put her down in this chair. Hold on.” More scrapping against the tile then I feel the hardness of a medal chair against me.
My eyes flutter open. Ms. Jones is crouched down in front of me. Her short, gray hair is chopped off around her ears, and her big brown eyes are full of worry. She’s our supervisor for the summer. “Sweetie, are you okay?”
Can I nod? Shit, it sounds like so much work. “Yes,” I mumble out. “I just…fell into the water. I can’t swim.”
She gasps and throws a dirty look over her shoulder. “How did you get out? Do you think you need medical attention?”
Glancing around, I see all of the camp counselors have made a group around me. I groan. Great. My side is hurting badly, but I don’t want any fuss over me. I just want to get the hell out of this drafty building and into my bed. “No, I’m just…tired. It took a lot out of me.”
A small hand slides against my hair. “Okay. Just relax. We’ll get you back to your cabin after the meeting. It shouldn’t take long. Would you like some water?”
I give her a soft yes.
With a glass of water in my hand, Ms. Jones turns to the rest of the group. “Welcome to our first official camp meeting. Go Camp Awesome.” Oh, the agony. “Today we’re going to go over the activities for the week. I’ll pair you with a different partner for different events. I want all of our counselors to have spent time with each other. I’m passing around the schedules now.”
The papers go around, and I nearly snatch mine from the person beside me. I scroll down until I see my section on the calendar for the week.
Monday – Cassie Miller and Aubrey Depp – soccer practice.
Tuesday – Jake Rem and Aubrey Depp – canoeing.
Wednesday – Tanner Young and Aubrey Depp – hiking.
Thursday – Heath Long and Aubrey Depp – horseback riding.
Friday – Cassie Miller and Aubrey Depp – movie night.
Saturday – Tanner Young and Aubrey Depp – campout.
Holy shit. I glance up over my calendar, my fingers shakily holding the paper below my eyes. Not only do I have to work with Jake, who tossed me over the cliff—literally—but I have to work two days with Tanner. In the woods. Alone. A pair of dark gray eyes flutter toward mine and hold. Warmth starts to build in my belly but I push it away. Not. Going. To. Happen.
Who the hell did I kill in a past life?
Chapter Two
Tanner
She’s lying. I can see it in her eyes. That fear on her face is an emotion you can’t hide. Her big, hazel eyes were wide. A sense of acceptance was there, to
o. I’m not sure why. Maybe she was okay with dying. Well, I wasn’t about to let her die. It’d be a shame for someone that fucking gorgeous to die without having the chance to taste her.
Her round, plump lips had been opened with a silent plea. The water was lapping at her, hard. She hung on, but with loose arms. She was accepting her fate. That water would take her life.
“Dude, wake the fuck up. It’s dinner time.” A pillow slams into my face. I sit up and chunk it back over at Eric. He looks fucking ridiculous in his camp uniform. I guess I do too. These stupid ass khaki shorts and blue polos. I’d rather wear anything else. Mrs. Jones insisted we go change right after our meeting. It’s good to get in the hang of things, she said. Whatever helps her sleep at night.
“I’m up. Stop throwing shit.” I grab my cell phone and shove it into my pocket before we head out of the door.
I took this job because I need the money. Desperately. My own father had fired me from the lumber yard back in Arkansas. Our deal was if he gave me a job, I’d continue to go to college. Well, turns out, college isn’t for me. So, I quit, causing me to be jobless. I was barely making rent each month, so I moved in with my brother here in California. Pathetic, I fuckin’ know. He fits in here. He was never cut out for hard, manual labor. He just wasn’t built for it. Me? I love it. More than anything. To know you earned the calluses on your hands from a hard day’s work, there isn’t another feeling like that in the world.
A humid breeze rakes through the air, sending leaves scattering around our path. It isn’t Arkansas, but I love the woodsy environment. It’s the only reason I applied here. “This place is fucking hot,” Eric says.
I roll my eyes. Obviously, Eric is from Cali. He hasn’t seen hot, not until you grow up below the St. Louise line. “It’s not that bad.”
Eric scoffs. “What the hell was up with that girl today? She fell off the cliff?”
“No, her jackass boyfriend pushed her.” I swear I wanted to rip his head off. “Who the fuck pushes a girl off of an edge into water?”
