The Spy Who Loved School Dinners

by Pamela Butchart

  But then Zach stopped talking when Jodi said that she had a pea in her pocket, and that if Zach didn’t stop talking and be quiet she would have no choice but to use it. And Zach is TERRIFIED of peas, and one time when I said that Miss Jones’s baby aliens were going to look like peas, Zach fainted on the spot.

  So Zach said, “No you don’t.”

  And Jodi said, “Do you want me to prove it?”

  And Zach gulped and said no.

  And that’s when we saw Mathilde! She came down the school steps and walked RIGHT OVER to the bushes where we were hiding! And then she stopped and looked at her watch.

  And I looked at my watch, and it said: 15.59. So I knew that the other spy would be here in one minute.

  And at EXACTLY four o’clock a huge limousine drove into the car park. And then it stopped and someone got out.

  Me and Jodi and Zach all looked at each other in shock. It was NOT the new office lady. It was a man. The man was tall and was wearing a black suit and dark shades.

  When Mathilde saw him she walked quickly towards the car and handed the man her school bag. And that’s when tall shades man took her school bag, opened the door for her and let her in. And then he got back in and drove away really fast.

  And then Zach let out a big breath, because he must have been holding his breath the whole time. And then he said, “She’s a Spy Boss! Mathilde’s a Spy Boss! She’s got her own limousine and a spy chauffeur who drives her around on her missions! She’s probably some sort of international boat thief!”

  And we all knew he was right.

  The next day we all went on the bus to the Discovery. And I sat with Maisie at the very back of the bus, and I held her hand the whole way there, because this was a very difficult day for Maisie. Because Maisie hates buses, and ships, and we all knew that we were going to have to do something to stop Mathilde stealing the Discovery and taking us on a

  Jodi and Zach sat RIGHT BEHIND Mathilde on the bus so that they could “WATCH HER EVERY MOVE,” because that was part of the plan.

  Jodi had told us all EXACTLY what to do if Mathilde tried to make a “GETAWAY” with the ship. And she had even brought the REAL police handcuffs her mum’s old boyfriend had given her, in case things got “OUT OF CONTROL” and she had to do a “CITIZEN’S ARREST” (which is when a normal person becomes a police officer if they find a spy).

  Before we got on the bus, Jodi had said that we were a TEAM, and that if we could deal with ALIENS then we could DEFINITELY deal with a spy. And then she’d said that after all of our expert training we were now “READY FOR ANYTHING!” And then she’d patted us all on the shoulder and given us a Fruit Pastille each, for energy.

  But I was a bit worried that I was going to forget some of the stuff we had learned at Jodi’s, like the hand signals. Because there were seventeen of them, and they all meant different things like “STAY DOWN,” and “GO TO THE LEFT,” and “I’M GOING TO THE TOILET NOW.”

  So anyway, when we got off the bus at the Discovery I forgot all about Mathilde, and spies, and citizen’s arrests for a minute, because the ship looked BRILLIANT! And I couldn’t WAIT to get on board!

  But then Miss Jones came over to us with Mathilde and she said, “Izzy, Mathilde is going to join your group, OK?”

  And that’s when Maisie fainted again.

  When we were on board the Discovery, the tour man told us about how the ship had been all the way to Antarctica. And then he told us all about Captain Scott. And about how he was in charge of sailing the ship. And about how cold it was in Antarctica. And about how Captain Scott and his crew had gone sledging and discovered parts of the world that no man had ever discovered before. And that that was why the ship was called the Discovery. We already knew all that, from doing our project, but we listened anyway. But then the tour man said something that Miss Jones HADN’T told us, and that was about how Captain Scott and the rest of the people on board had caught diseases. And about how they had all died on board the ship on their way back because of freezing to death, and hunger, and scurvy.

  And then he told us all about scurvy (which is a disease that makes your skin go all scaly like a fish’s, and then it all falls off, and then you die). And then Miss Jones said it was time to move on, and I think the tour man said Captain Scott ate a penguin, which is TERRIBLE! But I’m not really sure because I couldn’t really concentrate because Maisie was squeezing my hand REALLY hard, and Zach was staring at Mathilde, and Jodi wasn’t really blinking, and I didn’t know if it was because of the penguin thing or the JOURNEY INTO THE UNKNOWN thing.

  And then I looked at Mathilde and saw that she had a MAP OF THE DISCOVERY and she was STARING at it, and not even listening to the tour man!

  Then when it was time for us to explore the ship and go below deck, the man said that Group E could go first for a change, because Group A always get to go first. And then he laughed a bit. But we didn’t laugh, because Group E was OUR group, and in our group there was me, Maisie, Jodi, Zach … and MATHILDE!

  So the man showed us how to get below deck, and then he said, “Don’t get lost at sea now!” And that made Maisie start shaking. And I didn’t know who was going to go down the little steps first, because it looked really dark down there. And I thought that maybe Zach would do it, because we always ask him to do the things that we don’t want to do, and he just does them.

  But then Mathilde pushed her way to the front and as quick as anything she disappeared down the stairs! Then Jodi started to panic and pulled out the handcuffs and shouted, “SHE’S BELOW DECK! SHE’S BELOW DECK!” And then she did one of her hand signals and jumped down after her. And we all went down as fast as we could!

  Below deck was a bit scary, because it was dark, and because there were people-statues, but mostly because Mathilde was NOWHERE TO BE FOUND!

  So I said, “What now?”

  And Jodi did the hand signal that meant we weren’t allowed to talk. And then she did the signal that meant I had to give Maisie a piggy-back in case she fainted. So I did.

  Then Jodi looked at the little map and then she pointed to me and Maisie, and then to the kitchen and then to the sickbay. And we nodded. And then she pointed to all the other parts of the ship on the map, and then she pointed to Zach, and he nodded. And then she pointed to the engine room, and then to herself. And we all knew that was where Mathilde would be headed, so we nodded, because Jodi had the handcuffs.

  So me and Maisie checked the kitchen. But we couldn’t see Mathilde. But we did see a people-statue of an old man with a beard that Maisie thought might be Mathilde in disguise. But then we touched it, and tickled it under its arms, and it didn’t move. So we knew it wasn’t real. And then when we went through to the sickbay we saw something in one of the beds. And it was a lump! But it was too dark to see what the lump was, so I said I thought it was probably just another people-statue.

  But then Maisie said, “No! It’s DEFINITELY the ghost of Captain Scott!” And then she started hyperventilating (which meant she started breathing really loud and really fast). And then I got really scared too because I HATE ghosts, especially ones that might have scurvy!

  But then I realised that the lump might be Mathilde, and that she might be hiding from us. So I put Maisie down and did the “MATHILDE” hand signal (which looked a bit like a bird). And then we slowly started to walk towards the lump.

  And when we were close I whispered, “Is that you, Mathilde?” But the lump didn’t say anything. So I reached out, and I was just about to touch the lump when it moved! And Maisie screamed! And something grabbed my shoulder! And I thought it was the ghost of Captain Scott! And that’s the last thing I remember.

  When I woke up I didn’t really know where I was. But it was dark and it smelled funny. And then I saw three floating heads above me, and I was just about to start screaming, but then I saw that the floating heads had necks and bodies, and also that they were Jodi, Zach and Maisie. And that’s when I knew I had fainted.

  Then Miss Jones a
ppeared and she looked really worried, and she said, “Izzy! Do you know where you are? IZZY?”

  And then I remembered about the lump. So I said, “The lump moved. Captain Scurvy tried to get me. Somebody needs to wash my shoulder.”

  And that’s when Miss Jones said, “OK, petal. Let’s get you back on the bus for a lie-down.”

  And I thought that sounded like a good idea, because I felt a bit dizzy, and also because I didn’t want Captain Scott and his crew of scurvy ghosts to get us.

  Then when we were walking back to the bus, Jodi told me that it wasn’t Captain Scott who had grabbed my shoulder, and that it had been Miss Jones. And that the lump had been Mathilde.

  Jodi said that she had found Mathilde in the bed before we got there, and that she thought Mathilde had been searching for a clue, but then when she saw Mathilde wasn’t moving she went to get Miss Jones.

  And then I said that Jodi shouldn’t have been checking OUR area, and that if she had just done her own bit then probably I wouldn’t have fainted. And then Jodi said sorry (and Jodi NEVER says sorry!). And I think she said it because she felt bad that I fainted, because I have never fainted before, so it was more serious than when Maisie faints.

  Then when we got on the bus, we saw that Mathilde was there too. And she was lying down over the two seats at the back of the bus. And she was covering her face with her arm so we couldn’t see her properly.

  So I just sat quietly with Miss Jones and drank my Ribena.

  Then Miss Jones told Zach and Jodi and Maisie to go back on board the ship with Mr Murphy and the rest of the class. But they said that they wanted to stay with me, so Miss Jones said OK. And then Miss Jones said how lucky I was to have such good friends. And I said yes. And then we heard that Mathilde was crying.

  When we got back to school Mathilde was taken to the nurse, and we all went back to class. But we still weren’t sure if Mathilde really WAS sick, or if she was just upset because her secret mission to steal the Discovery had failed.

  And then Zach said that he thought Mathilde had scurvy. And how she must have caught it from being in the sickbay bed. And then he said that he thought Mathilde had been hiding her face on the bus so we wouldn’t see her scurvy skin.

  And then Maisie said her arms were really itchy. And then Jodi said that HER arms were itchy. And then I noticed that my arms were itchy too, and so was my leg! And I was sure that we all had scurvy, and that we were going to die. And I was just about start crying, but then the bell went for lunch. So we forgot about having scurvy for a while because we remembered that we could go straight to The Den to have a meeting, because we all had packed lunches today.

  When we got to The Den we noticed that the door was already open. And that the light was on. And I was shocked. But mostly I was scared in case Mr Murphy had found The Den, because then he would see the picture I drew of him with the tentacles that was on the wall. And I would get into DEEP TROUBLE because I had signed it with my signature and called it “Mr Murphy is Uglier than an Octopus”. Which isn’t a very nice thing to say, but neither is calling my poster names and putting it in the bin!

  So we peeked inside to see who was in there, and it was Mathilde! And then she looked up and saw us. And that’s when it happened. That’s when Mathilde spoke for the very first time!

  And she said, “You must help me. I am on a secret meession!”

  None of us said anything for ages. We just stood there in SHOCK. And then we heard someone coming, and Mathilde said, “Come. Queek!” So we ran in and shut the door behind us.

  Zach said, “You’re talking!”

  And Mathilde said, “Yes.”

  And I said, “Are you a Spy Boss?”

  And Mathilde said, “No.”

  And then Jodi said, “But you ARE on a secret mission?”

  And Mathilde said, “Yes.” And then she started crying.

  So I said, “Mathilde, you have to tell us EVERYTHING.” And Mathilde nodded.

  And that’s when Mathilde told us that she WAS on a secret mission, and that it DID have to do with schools, but it wasn’t OUR school it had to do with. It had to do with Mathilde’s OLD school, back in France.

  And then Mathilde cried loads. And Maisie cried a bit too, but we weren’t sure why. And then Mathilde told us that she was crying because she didn’t like it here, and that she missed her old school and her old friends. And then she said that she didn’t want to make new friends, and that she wanted her old friends. And then she said that was why she had ignored us.

  So then I asked Mathilde why she wouldn’t speak to anyone. And Mathilde said that she didn’t want to speak because she wanted to go home. And that made sense.

  Zach said that it sounded like Mathilde had HOMESICKNESS. And we all agreed. And I made sure Maisie understood that HOMESICKNESS isn’t something you can catch.

  So then Mathilde told us that her secret mission was to ESCAPE from our school and get back to her old school in France. And that she had been making plans in her little notebook about how to get back to France since she got here. And that when Miss Jones said we were going on board the Discovery she had been really excited because she had finally come up with a plan that would work.

  Mathilde said her plan had been to hide on board the Discovery until it set sail and then stay on it until it stopped in France. So Mathilde’s plan wasn’t very good.

  And then Mathilde looked down at the ground and said, “But then you rueened it when I was trying to hide in zee sheep.”

  And then Zach said that he didn’t understand, and that it didn’t make any sense to hide in a sheep. And also that nobody had told HIM there was a sheep on board the Discovery. And Maisie started whimpering because she’s scared of sheep.

  And Jodi said that she was a hundred per cent sure that there weren’t any sheep on board the Discovery, because she’d done a “FULL SWEEP,” and she didn’t see any sheep, or goats, or anything like that.

  And then Mathilde smiled and said, “Not a sheep … ZEE SHEEP!”

  And that’s when we realised Mathilde meant ship, not sheep. And that made more sense.

  And then we all said sorry to Mathilde for ruining her plan. And Mathilde listened very closely.

  And then Zach said, “So, if you’re not a Spy Boss, then why do you get secret messages, and have secret meetings? And why do you have a chauffeur who carries your bag, and opens the door for you, and drives you around in a huge limousine?”

  And Mathilde started smiling again, and then she said, “That eez not my chauffeur! That eez my father! He drives the people around in zee limousine. That eez his new job. This is why we leave France. The message was only that my father was late to collect me and in zee rush to get back to work. This eez all.”

  And then she smiled a bit again, but it was a bit of a sad smile.

  So I went and sat beside Mathilde, and I held her hand, and then I said, “Mathilde. We will help you with your secret meesion.”

  I knew that this was the most SERIOUS plan we had ever done. Because it was about France, and would probably involve breaking some of the rules, but mostly because Mathilde was counting on us. And I would hate it if I had to go to a new school, and I had to leave all my friends behind. So I knew that we had to do this properly.

  So I got out the Big Paper. And then Jodi said, “I’ll get the marker.” And I knew she meant the marker pen that we stole from Miss Jones by mistake ages ago, and we’d been too scared to give it back in case she thought we stole it on purpose, so we just hid it, and we said that we wouldn’t use it unless it was an ABSOLUTE EMERGENCY.

  And it was. So we used it.

  I said, “OK. Let’s start. How are we going to get Mathilde to France?” And we came up with three ideas right away. And they were:

  But then Mathilde said that the ship idea should be taken off the list, because she’d already tried that and it didn’t work. And also that the train one should be taken off, because trains made her feel sick.

  So I said
that I thought a plane would be the quickest and the best way to get Mathilde back to her old school. But then Jodi said that you needed a plane ticket to get on a plane, and we didn’t have any of those. So we asked Mathilde if she still had her old ticket from when she got the plane to Edinburgh, but she said that she didn’t.

  Maisie said that we should just get a new plane ticket. But Mathilde said that she didn’t have any Scottish money to buy a ticket, and that she only had euros. And I said that I didn’t think you could use euros in the shops here.

  But then I remembered about my orange squash bottle full of 5p’s that Granddad had given me, and how there must have been enough in there for a hundred plane tickets to France!

  So I said that we could use that, and I was getting really excited because the plan was starting to work. But then Zach said, “How will we get to the airport? It’s miles away!” And he was right, because when I went to Malta with Mum and Dad we had to drive to the airport first before we even got on the plane, and it took ages. And by the time we got to the airport I had been hoping we were already in Malta.

  But then I shouted, “WAIT!” because I realised that I had BEEN to France before, when we went to Disneyland in Paris (which is in France). And I remembered that we didn’t get a ship OR a plane OR a train, and that we had gone in our own car!

  So I told everyone about going in the car to France, and about how Dad had driven our car right on to the ferry boat. And that in the morning the boat had dropped us off in France.