"WHAT? Hell naaaw! So where is mama?!" Crystal asked walking back from the sink to the hall way.
"By the looks of it, she done saddled up and moseyed the hell up out o'dodge."
They stood for a moment not sure of what to do, or what that meant for them. "I guess its a good thing rent paid up on that house hm? We may have to end up going back there." She spoke low to Mundo.
Shawn was coming down the hall and heard her.
"Bullshit! Neither of you are going anywhere! You're staying your asses right here! Nothing - and I do mean - nothing has changed." Shawn gasped leaning against the wall fighting back tears. "Don't do this to me guys, its enough for me to deal with, with her gone."
They both felt bad, "I just thought..." Crystal's hands went up, unsure. "... oh it don't matter what I thought. If you're sure... then-..."
"What the hell you talking about?! You damn right - I'm sure! I know I was drunk last night, you too -..." He accused. "...I remember every word I said and I meant it. Both of you, are right where you belong. I don't wanna hear any more about anybody leaving." He finished needing to go sit down, he hobbled to the sofa, sat down thinking and scared.
"Where is she? Where is she?" Shawn repeated trying to think.
"Maybe she gone to the store, Papah-Shawn. You probably all upset about nothin'." Mundo offered as he went and sat on the coffee table in front of Shawn.
"Boy get your butt off the coffee table! You know better!" Crystal softly rebuked him. Mundo stuck his middle finger at up her, making a face as he shook it for emphasis. Shawn reached up and palmed his hand, gently pulling it down. "Not now... not now." He requested low, trying to think. Reluctantly obeying his sister, Mundo rose and took a seat on the sofa next to him. Crystal went into the kitchen to start some coffee, calling from there. "It's true, maybe she did go to the store or something."
"Her bags are gone."
"Oh uh, that ain't good."
"Oooh fuck -..." Shawn groaned and leaned back on the sofa. His stomach hurt, he was fighting down nausea again, and lay back slowly rubbing it.
"Come on Papah-Shawn...its gone be all right... she just... I don't know... you didn't hit her or nothin' last night did you?"
"No! I don't - hit - my wife! No! I know I was furious! Okay... yes I was. But I would never lay my hands on your mother that way. Not ever! I don't give a damn what she's done, I could - never... hurt her-..." Shawn covered his face, about to break down. Mundo felt his eyes water up. "Come on man... we'll think o'somethin'... ah man, I can't take this shit man..." Mundo choked out.
Crystal sat on Shawn's other side, and rubbed his arm. "Here, I made you some coffee." She offered sitting it on the table. "Come on Shawn, you just need to take a deep breath, calm down... and lets think... where would she go?"
"Hey! She with Sheila and them! I saw her van parked at the Super-8 last night when I come in. I bet you that's where she at!" Mundo announced standing.
Shawn moved his hand from face. "What time is it?" He asked right away.
Crystal rushed to her feet and ran to the kitchen door looking at the clock on the wall. "Ten-forty-five!" She called. Shawn sat forward, groaning and stood. "Let's go!" He announced.
"Wait a minute Papah-Shawn-..." This time it was Crystal calling him that. Shawn looked her in the eyes and found a reason to smile, she glanced down bashful, choked up because she loved him, they were a family... and she knew she would be there for him, just as he provided so much for them. "...look... both of yah'll need to wash up first... no offense, but the morning breath is killin' me." She pinched her nose.
"What about yo'ass! Yo'shit funky too! Smell like a field o'dead cattle!"
"All right all right all right! No time for this now! She's right... be ready in ten minutes!" Shawn ordered heading for the door.
"Papah-Shawn I'm staying here in case she call - plus I can call around for you..." She suggested, "...'Cause I just got my hair done, I ain't goin' out in that!"
"You aught'ah be a shame of yo'self! We gotta fin' mama and you worryin' 'bout yo' hair! Shiftless nigga!"
"Kiss my ass Mundo!"
"Aye Aye Aye! Ten minutes! Mundo, she's right, she should stay here in case Sylvie calls!" Shawn directed heading back out, rushing across the road.
Crystal smiled and made a face at her brother. "You better hurry up, standin' up there lookin' at me." She ordered.
Shawn made it back into the kitchen, the silence of the empty house once again rushing up around him, saying louder than anyone could, 'She's gone...she's gone... she's gone.' He swallowed the gathering moisture and tried to shake the thought. "I'll find you. You're my wife! If you think you can just leave me... and that's the end of it... nope - nooo lady - no no no..." He spoke to himself, ignoring his physical pain from his battered body. Stripping down, he went to the shower, turned it on and got in, grinding his teeth against the burst of cold, because the warm water hadn't circulated through it yet. He didn't have time. He washed his body down as fast as he could, rinsed, turned the shower off and stepped out grabbing a towel. His eyes fell on her vanity with her perfumes and lotions. He swallowed and looked away, rushing to the sink, he brushed his teeth, and made his lip start bleeding again. He rinsed his mouth over and over trying to get it to stop, frustrated at the time it was taking from him. Finally he pressed it and held it with one hand, then opened the medicine cabinet with the other hand looking for a small band-aid. Finding one, he put it on his lip, working to keep his mouth still and ran into the room. He picked up a bag with his clothes in it. Laying it on the bed, he opened it and quickly yanked out underwear, socks, a silver, short sleeve, nylon-rayon-polyester shirt, that he slipped on, reached into his toiletry bag for his deodorant, spraying each pit of his arms, dropped it in the bag and finished dressing as he tucked his shirt into his black jeans, zipping, snapping the tab and then buckling his belt. He didn't have time to comb his hair or groom his beard.
"My keys?" He spoke to himself looking around the house and on the counter tops for them. He walked into the living room and spotted them on the coffee table. He stared as he saw laying with them, his check book and all of his credit cards beside his wallet.
"Oh no you're not! YOU'RE NOT LEAVING MEEEE! YOU'RE NOT FUCKING DOING THIS TO ME SYLVIA-A-A!!!" The shouting cost him one incredible bang to his skull. He felt like crying. "Nope... I will not accept this! You are my wife! You're my wife! You fucking belong with me!!" He snatched up his main card, the one he was accustomed to using, and put everything else under the cushion of the sofa and headed for the door, once again he felt the cold of the rain pummelling him and didn't care. All he could think about now was getting Sylvia back home with him. He needed to talk to her. To look her in the eyes. To know and understand why she didn't trust him enough to tell him about Jake. This time... he was not about to walk away as he did with the others. Even if he wanted to... he couldn't just walk away this time. This was Sylvia - he wanted her as he'd never wanted anything in his life. She was his wife! If he had to compete and battle with Jake over her... then... so be it... she was carrying his child, he wasn't giving up this time... not Sylvia... not Sylvia. This time it was totally different... this was his life - he wanted this... and he wasn't backing off for any man... especially Jake, but he had to find her first - to bring her home and let her know that.
Sheila, Ellen and Edwina were up getting ready to check out of their room when someone came knocking - hard - at their door.
"Who the hell is that?! I ain't dressed yet, hang on a minute - let me get in the bathroom." Ellen complained.
"Hurry up then!" Sheila shot, her brows pinched. "Wait just a goddamn minute! Who banging on that door like that?!" She groused.
"ITS SHAWN!!! SYLVIA-A-A!"
"Ah hell! Here we go! The drama continues!" Edwina mumbled, standing on the far side of one of the queen beds.
Outside the door, Mundo shook his head, "Wait Papah-Shawn - dai-amn... let'em open the door man! Have you noticed, her car not here." He furth
er pointed out.
"It could be parked so we can't see it! SYLVIA!!!" He banged again and Sheila snatched the door open.
"Have you lost your - goddamn mind! What is wrong with yo'ass now!?"
"I'm looking for Sylvia!? SYLVIA?!" He barged into their room looking around!
The look that crossed Sheila's face after that - said loud and clear, 'Hang on a minute here!'
"HELL NAAAW! Tell me yo'ass did not just barge into our motha'fuckin room! This shit gettin' way too out of goddamn hand now! Yo'wife is not in this room!?"
"Where is she?!" He croaked out, leaning against the wall by the door. He suddenly folded over and slid to the floor.
"Come on Papah-Shawn... she ain't here man!"
"No! I know she's here! I'm not moving until somebody tells me... where - my wife is!?" He swore, sounding tortured.
Sheila stood at the door looking down at him and then over at Edwina, she sighed.
"Come on in here boy so I can close the door." Sheila invited Mundo, who was still outside. He stepped in so she could shut out the rain. "Look, all bullshit aside, she's not here. We haven't seen nor heard from Sylvia sense we left her at home with you. That's the truth... you didn't do anything to her after we left there last night did you?"
Shawn sat with his knees up, his elbows on them, his hands in his hair, trying to get control of himself. Trying not give in to the sick feeling once again. He had to breath slowly and hold still or else throw up again.
They all stood quietly watching him. Edwina made a face of sympathy for him, looking at Sheila. He reminded her of a dejected little boy. His hair hung over his forehead, dripping from the rain, even with the bruises and band-aid, that was about to fall off, he was a very desirable man. That's the thing, he wasn't a little boy, but a man. She stared at him, and was determined to find out why it was she was so certain that she'd seen him before. She couldn't ignore the little inkling of wishing she'd met him first.
Finally he spoke, his voice low and tortured. "Where would she go? Why did she leave? I didn't mean what I said... I just need her to come back home ... so we can talk."
"What did you say?" Sheila asked.
"I was drunk, angry... humiliated... I was pissed off!"
"No duh - what - did - you - say?!" She asked again.
"I said... I was sorry I ever came back here... and - she - she probably thinks that I meant... because of her! No.. no... not at all... I meant because of Jake! I just want her to tell me what she wants-..."
"What do you mean what she wants? What's that suppose to mean?!" Sheila demanded.
"Why ... why didn't she tell me about my brother? Why did she keep that from me?" He opened his hands long enough to ask.
"Why do you think she kept it from you?" She asked sitting at the end of the bed.
"I don't know... we're supposed to be honest with each other! I'm trying not to believe she wanted him."
"Hold on here... you trying not to believe it? You know what, I am sick and tired of this shit! Why the hell is it that men think they the only ones feel the need to protect? Women feel that shit too, sometimes ten times as much! No woman, who gives a real shit about her man, wants to put his ass in a situation that might get him hurt! Or - in a situation where he might harm someone else when all she got to do is handle the shit herself! It may not be fucking RIGHT - you see what I'm saying? 'Cause we ain't perfect you understand... we just trying to deal with shit as it come day by day! If it was me, I wouldn't have said shit either! Yo' goddamn brother is the motha'fuckin' problem! Not Sylvia! All she did, was try to keep things under control! Tried to keep from coming between brothers! She don't give a shinning, sparkling diamond studded shit up a flying rats ass - about Jake! Matter of fact, she can't stand the sight of his ass! This I know... because as I said yesterday... I know her!"
Shawn sat with his jaw flexing and tightening, fighting back tears. He put his head back and looked at Sheila. "Please... tell me where she is... please?"
"I don't - know... that's the truth. Why you think I said to her yesterday, to stop running? To stop isolating herself and acting like she alone? There is a reason I said that to her. That's what - Sylvia does! When stuff like this happens, she takes off on her own - and won't say shit to no one. Sylvia will not ask for help. Sylvia will not call and say, I need a friend, can I come by there? You have to find out that Sylvia needs help, then force her ass to take it. That's just the way she is."
"I'm gonna be sick again... move Mundo!" Shawn shot up from the floor and ran outside in the rain, to the back of his SUV and started throwing up again. He thought he'd go mad with not knowing. Feeling the effects of last nights drinking, fighting and now this... it was too much. He had to find her... he had to, he felt he would go crazy if he couldn't.
"Oh my goodness... he so pitiful... aaaw." Edwina pealed sympathetically. "What we gone do? Where you think she went?" She asked.
"Ellen!?" Sheila called out to her, she was still in bathroom. She opened the door, had her cell phone to her ear. "Is that Jose?" Sheila asked.
"Yeah... why?" She returned.
"Ask him will he come and get ya'll?"
"Why? What is you fixin'ta'do?"
"I can't leave here yet. Look at him... I can't leave with that man looking like that. He done sat his ass out on the bumper in the rain. Ask will he come and get ya'll?"
"Ex-cuse me! We gave you gas money!" Ellen pointed out.
"I'll give you half of it back!"
She went in the bathroom and slammed the door, pissed.
Jose was only too willing to come and get her and Edwina. They checked out of their room and went back to Sylvia's house with Shawn and Mundo. With all that was going on the previous night, they didn't get a chance to really look at Sylvia's home. So they did so then while waiting for Jose, as Sheila sat trying to figure out where Sylvia might have gone.
Shawn was at the table with his head down in his arms. He felt like crap... and didn't try to hide it. He would love nothing more than to climb into bed and sleep, but Sylvia wouldn't be in it with him, so he endured.
"Have you eaten anything this morning?" Sheila asked watching him. "You act like you weak."
"I'm hungry!" Mundo let her know.
"Hell me too, what Sylvia got here to cook?" She asked and stood looking through her cabinets. Shawn looked up at her, and thought he would go nuts. He wanted her on the phone calling to find his wife, not something to eat. He stood and went to the phone, picked it up and dialled his parents house. Edwina and Ellen were coming up from the basement. "Sheila... you seen downstairs? Girl it is out of sight! She got that basement laid!" Ellen sang the praise.
"Em hm, and how many times she call to invite us here to visit? Not once! Yeah, she done left Chicago and got too good for Negro's like us." Edwina had to let that be known.
Shawn turned away walking into the living room when his mother answered.
"Hello?"
"Mom... please... tell me... is... Sylvia there?"
There was silence. Then a deep sigh. "No... she's not."
"She's gone... I woke up this morning and she was gone. I don't know where the hell she is! Where the hell to even look! Mom please... oh my God."
"Did she leave a note Shawn?"
"No... no-..." Something suddenly occurred to him. "I'll call you back!" He clicked the phone off and made his way to the basement, to his office room and then onto his computer.
He impatiently waited for it to boot up, he signed in and then went directly into his email account. Sure enough, there was an email there from her.
From: Sylvia M. McPherson
Date: 05/10/2004 01:30:15
To: Everett Styles
Subject: I'm So Sorry...
I'm so sorry... so sorry...
Everything is such a mess. I know its my fault. I didn't mean it Shawn... I didn't mean to hurt you. I know I should have told you, but I was so scared to. You get so angry Shawn - I can't deal with it. I've tried, but it gets me all sha
ken inside.
I never ever wanted Jake... not for a moment. I don't give a damn about Jake - you have to believe that! Yes... he tried to get me to talk to him, to like him. Not once ever did I give him the impression that he had a chance with me. I feel so sick to my stomach because I can't stand the thought of having to say to you, that he kissed me. I didn't know it was him Shawn. I thought it wasyou! He snuck into your parents vehicle barn where I was hiding - it was dark and he pretended to be you. I couldn't see who it was, but I thought... I thought you'd come in to - well... the moment he started kissing me... I knew Shawn... I knew right away it wasn't you! And I hit him, I punched at him, I screamed at him! I was so furious.
Then - the day we left court early, you went shopping with your dad, I laid down to nap, I woke suddenly and he was there! I told him again Shawn... that I love YOU! YOU SHAWN!!! Only you! God as my witness... I love you! No one, and I do mean no one, has ever made me feel the things that you do.
Now... everything is a mess! You don't trust me anymore, and I haven't even done anything wrong; but try and not come between you and your brother. What should have been the happiest night of our lives, I ruined by not telling you what he was doing! To you, I am guilty of a greater crime and I can't take having you look at me as you did last night! To hear you shout, you regretted coming home... that you regretted me; I've never known such pain. It tore me up inside. I can't handle the thought of you not loving me... not believing in me. I can't believe this has happened to us. I can't believe what has happened because of it all. The thing is... I was going to tell you everything when we went away together, just the two of us... now, its too late.
I just can't deal with it right now.
I don't know what to do... I'm afraid of what you now feel about me. I need some time... I don't know... maybe... maybe we shouldn't have gotten married, maybe it was too soon. I think the reverend was right. I don't think I was ready... I thought I was, I thought I could handle everything... but... I can't. After all, look what's happened already - I - I need peace Shawn ... I need peace. All my life... so much violence. And all I've ever wanted - is peace.
BOMAW 4-6 Page 3
