"Aaah hell. Are you talking about what I think you're talking about?"
"I don't know, what do you think I'm talking about?" Meribel asked, head still tilted.
"Well I'm not telling you what I'm thinking, cause you might not be talking about that, and then I go and tell you, then you'll know."
"Aaah, so you know then... he told you?" She asked.
"How do you know?" Sylvia asked.
"Hang on here... I'm just gone come out and say it! His days of porn?"
"OH MY GOD!!! YOU KNOW!!!" Sylvia squealed.
"Yes I do."
"How?"
"Through Kathy Ann. Her husband Dwight, well - his father died. Girl, man a porn junky! Anyway, Kathy Ann and Dwight went to clean up his place, pack up all his stuff, and Dwight confiscated all of his tapes. Had'em in his garage watchin'em - checkin'em out. Then he pops one in, and low and behold... who's performing... guess?"
"Shawn." Sylvia groaned his name.
"You got it chica! He called Kathy Ann out to look, she called Jake and told him, he looked, and he phoned Derrick and told him, sent us one of the tapes and he looked."
"So everybody knows?!"
"Not his mom and dad! Not them!"
"Thank goodness! But how you see it?!" Sylvia blasted. "You mean to tell me your husband let you watch his brother in action?"
"No! I snuck and looked... I ain't gone lie - curiosity is a bitch to fight! That's how I come to know about him."
"Does Derrick know you looked at the tape?"
"Nope... he don't... and don't you say nothing either."
Sylvia sat shaking her head, not so sure she cared for the fact that Meribel had seen her husband naked, and in action. Admittedly, she was a bit resentful, but she squelched the feeling because there was little she could do about that, as other thoughts and fears surfaced concerning her husband's past.
"Have you seen any of the tapes on him?" Meribel asked.
"No - I haven't. I don't watch porn - I think its disgusting and I think its wrong. Can't no body convince me, that half of the women, if not more, get into that type of life out of forced circumstances. Few voluntarily enjoy it, and most hate it. That's what I believe anyway. Matter of fact, when Shawn was telling me about his past in that, his best friend Jesse was killed because they refused to do a session with two little girls. So what does that tell you? No... I haven't seen'em, don't want to."
"Well, I only saw the one - although I hear there's more."
"Just the same, enough about him, how do you know about Jake?" Sylvia asked, wishing to get off the subject about her husband's scandalous life while in L. A.
"From Christine, she's Benjamin's and Kevin's mother. She say his shit so big, it's almost abnormal, she called him Jake the snake. The baby brother, and he's the biggest of the three, ... ain't that some shit?!"
"Anything bigger than Shawn, is too much."
"Good 'cause he the smallest of the three!" Meribel was bragging of course, laughing as she did.
"Knock yourself out baby, I'm happy with my man! I never could get it how some women take on men his size or bigger and not end up getting a hysterectomy, that shit hurts. I find no pleasure in the pain. I'm telling you, there are sometimes when he gets going - I can't wait for him to get done girl."
"He don't please you?" Meribel asked stunned.
"Oh yeah he does... don't get me wrong, believe me, he takes care of me. Its just that, he likes to go too long at it, once I get that feeling, that grove... shoot girl it don't take me but a minute to get there after that, once I come down, I'm ready to go to sleep and his ass still be working it. If I let him, he'd be on my butt all the time. Now that I'm pregnant, he's pulled back some, but before I knew - oh my goodness!" Sylvia admitted.
Meribel was all ears and laughing, "Shit you aught to be glad! I wouldn't mind a few long sessions, even a little rough sex now and then would be nice. Derrick is too goddamn gentle and careful and shit. To be honest, lately... we not clickin' much at all."
"You aught to be glad if he that big."
"I'm sorry, I love sex too much to be glad, I ain't gon' lie to you! When we do get it on, he pleases me too... but - he's pretty much straight lace when it comes to sex. He don't venture into anything to risky or different. You know what else?" She asked.
"What?" Sylvia responded.
"He was a virgin when we got together."
"Who was a virgin?!" Sylvia returned stunned as she drove.
"Derrick... my husband! Girl... I was his first time!"
"You lyin'!"
"I kid you not! He hadn't been with anybody before me."
"How old were you two when you got together?"
"I was seventeen when we met. I was pregnant with DJ - and he was just home from college. I'm the one who had to initiate his first time, he was so nervous about it. He was something else Sylvia. He was so good to me, so good to Derrick Jr. I'd never been treated with so much care and respect. I was in love with him."
"And today... more... or less?" Sylvia asked.
"Girl... ain't nobody in the world can step into my husband's shoes, I am madly - crazy in love with him, no matter what, that will never change."
"Then what's wrong?"
"He's so busy, too busy. I know he doesn't mean to be preoccupied, but... sometimes I get so lonely, you wouldn't think so with a house full of kids, but I do. I miss him." Meribel felt her eyes starting to water up. "I hate being overweight... I wanna get this weight off girl! My big ass! Sometimes I feel like I don't turn him on anymore. You know its been over three weeks since we last made love."
"Ain't nothing wrong with you, you look good just the way you are, don't even be thinking that. I went through the weight thing too - truth be told, I'm a bit scared of gaining it back now that I'm pregnant again. I'd gotten myself to running almost 5 miles a day and now, since Shawn, girl I don't even do that, its another thing that's fallen through the cracks. Just something else I need to get control of again. So I'm joining this workout club that has a group for pregnant women. As for you, when you're ready to lose the weight - lose it. If you're not ready yet... don't frustrate yourself trying, because you'll fail - and it'll only make you feel worse. Does Derrick say anything about your weight?"
"No... I'm the one that goes on and on about it. Tell you the truth, he's so busy with his "team" I don't even think he notices."
"I bet you he noticing something now!" Sylvia laughed to bring the mood back up.
"Girl... I should take my butt back home." Meribel was starting to have her doubts.
"Oh my goodness! You better make up your mind before I get too far, you want me to pull over?" Sylvia asked.
"No... its just a feeling, I'll get over it! I need this. I need other female company sometimes. I need just a moment to break away and get my head on straight to resolve some issues with myself and my marriage."
"Meribel, I can tell you now, it took me a long time after Armundo to get myself straight. Truthfully, I shouldn't have married Shawn."
"Then why did you?"
"Because I want him. I'm in love with him. The timing just wasn't right. Yet, I couldn't get myself to postpone and put it off. He wanted us married, and I -..." She stopped to think, then came out with her honest thoughts, "...I wanted to make sure I had him. I was both afraid of losing him, and him having too tight a hold on me. I can't explain it, when I think about it to understand my own actions - what I see makes sense in my head, but trying to explain it... doesn't come out right. So - in the nutshell, I married him because whether I was ready or not, I wanted that man for me. Even with all the stuff about him that drives me crazy - his domineering and must be in charge ideals... all of it - I want. However, dealing with him - when he's in his heavy, I'm the man - mode... it's hard. So I'm out here now - getting a few things out of my system, because I've made up my mind that when I get home, I'm going to give him what he wants."
"And that is?" Meribel asked.
"My husband wants babies...
two or three he says. He's the type of father, from what I've seen of him with Angela, that I want to do that for him. You know what I'm saying? There's something about the way he makes me feel, that I'll give in to it. So, after this... no more fighting it. I'm also trying to shake off all the ideals of a new age independent woman. In order for this to work, I have to correct my thinking and feelings. While being married to Armundo was a nightmare, something I never wish to go through again, it made me so that when Shawn comes on strong, I feel weird inside. Because he's so right there, pushing and insisting."
"He doesn't abuse you does he?" Meribel asked.
"Noooo - no way. Nothing like that but he handles me sometimes. That shakes me up a bit, because I can't make him conform... at all - if he don't want to."
Meribel chuckled, "Derrick's kind of like that, he feels he's the man of the house, and I'm just a little woman. Do your house things and leave the rest to me."
"Is that so wrong, for them to be that way? To wish their wives to be women and do the traditional things expected of women, while they exercise their right to be a man? Everything has become so gray and confusing. Women are so in charge of everything, careers and all, that I feel embarrassed for giving him the right to lord it over, sort of speak."
"I know what you mean. I get that look when I'm asked what I do for a living, there's little room for a woman of traditional thinking. I know many women are forced to work, but if given a choice - I wonder now how many would opt out of the work force to return to being wives and mothers full time."
"Yep... so that all too is in my struggle to adjust, but I have a feeling, that if I just ride it out, I'll be happier for it. So to give myself a good start into it, I'm taking this for me now, and then I'll have no excuses later on down the road. I will have had my time, and having his babies for him will be a pleasure."
"Why do you think I have all mine? While Derrick wasn't begging me for babies, he made me feel a need to give him his own children because he'd taken on DJ - a child that wasn't his, and treated him so good it brought tears to my eyes. Derrick jr. would do anything for his father."
"How did he take the idea of you naming your son after him even though you two weren't married yet?"
"I asked him would he mind. I could think of no other man I would have rather my son carry his name. Anyway, he said sure. In the hospital after giving birth, he was in the room with us when the lady came around with her clip board recording the babies names, and I can remember it so clearly, he was sitting next to me, looking at DJ in his arms-..." Meribel stopped as tears came to her eyes, "The lady stood by my bed, smiling and asked, "Have you two decided on a name?" I nodded that I had, and I said, he's to be Derrick Paul - and then he suddenly blurted out, "McPherson!" I hadn't thought to give my son his last name, I was going to give him mine, Muniz - but... Derrick - he looked at me, and said it again, "McPherson". Girl I started crying, blubbering like a fool! Like now."
Sylvia had tears in her eyes just to see the look on her face telling it, "Aaah how sweet. Girl you making me miss my man, you gone fool around and make me go home! And I ain't ready to go home yet!"
"You know, it just drives home how lucky we are." Meribel reflected. "I can't help but think sometimes what my life would have been like if Armundo had not left me for you. I would have probably been living in Chicago, unhappy, with more of his kids - 'cause I wanted to marry him. You ever think about what your life would be like now if he hadn't been killed?"
"I don't know. It was hell being married to him. Even though he changed a bit before he died in that car accident. We always had such bad money problems. He was always into one thing after another trying to get money. Illegal stuff most of the time, dealing weed. Girl the fights we had about that. And now, having been with Shawn, knowing Shawn, pregnant now by Shawn and married to him... there's no way I could ever imagine myself back with Armundo... no way. Look, I don't wanna waste our time talking about him, tell me when you two got married? When he lost his virginity to you!" Sylvia laughed.
Meribel sat grinning as well thinking about it, "It took a couple of years for us to finally marry. He was going to school and I had to get a part time job. I was working at Kmart, and when he came home, he use to come and pick me up from work. Never told me when he was coming, he would just show up. Mami you could count all the teeth in my mouth when I would come from the back room and see him out front waiting for me by the front desk. Talk about cheesing, proud and shit! Them white girls would look up at him, then at me and you know what they was thinking, "Damn! That's her man!?" and you know I had that look on my face, "Damn right he is!" She laughed, "Girl we hadn't even done anything yet. Because he was always treating me so special, with so much respect, its like he wouldn't think of doing anything to affend me and all I could think of was, shit... when we gone get it on!"
Sylvia started laughing, "So how'd it happen?"
"Mami - I had to push his ass! It was going on a year and a half that he was coming to see me, playing with DJ - bringing me stuff, acting like my boyfriend, but all we'd done was kiss now and then but never any deep tongue twirling wet kissing, just gentle pecks here and there. Shit... my young ass was horny as hell! I wanted buck nekkid - in bed and wild!"
"You a trip girl! Ol'sex crazed Puerto Rican!" Sylvia shook her head grinning.
"I couldn't help myself, he was so fine, tall and masculine - he looks just like his father, not like no pretty boys like Jake and Shawn!"
"My husband ain't no pretty boy! He a MAN! All - the - way!" Sylvia corrected her bragging. "But we talking about your man right now."
Meribel shook her head thinking about her boldness, "Girl, I didn't know what was wrong with him. I knew he liked me, because he was with me every moment that he could be, but never alone. He always came and got me, and took me and DJ by his parents house, so I spent a lot of time with his mom and dad, getting to know them. He hardly ever took me anywhere for us to be alone. So one day he came to get me, and I got my cousin to take DJ for me. My Uncle was on his way to Chicago, and I had the place all to myself, when his ass showed up, I made my move on him."
"Oh my god! I can't believe it... how old were you?"
"Going on 19! Nothing on my mind but getting him to make love to me."
"Oh my god! Okay... not interrupting again... I wanna hear this... so how'd you do it?"
"You all in my business ain't you! Wanna hear about my honey and his first time!"
"Quit wasting time girl! Spill the goods... I wanna hear this!" Sylvia laughed, excited for the story.
"Okay... well, I had cleaned the house from top to bottom, everything was perfect in there, especially my little bitty ass bedroom. I showered, shaved everything, trimmed it up and shit, put my lotion on to make sure my skin was soft. Put on a little Occur perfume... I love that stuff. Did my hair, put on a little make-up - not much because it would be gone later anyway by the time we was done, dressed in this little hot number, even though I had DJ, I still had my figure."
"Then what?"
"So I'm waiting right... and sure enough, he pulls up in the yard, gets out of the car, walks up to the door. We were living in a double wide mobile home in a wooded area. I kept taking deep breaths trying to prepare myself, I was so nervous - so scared that he wouldn't think the same about me if I went through with it, but I couldn't wait on him no more - he was taking forever! So I let him in..."
Back to that day...
"Wow - look at you, what's the occasion?" Derrick asked, appreciating Meribel's efforts of dressing herself up, doing her hair and make up. Her hair was down around her shoulders that she'd tamed into waves and curls at the end to hang extremely thick and fetching. She had long exotic features, full lips that were always dark mauve and moist looking, amazing dark olive skin that was dewy and soft, and the longest eye lashes he'd ever seen. She was a bit broad shouldered, but not overly, nice hips, round rear and very big legs, nicely shaped calves and ankles. To show that off, she wore a turquoise knit dress,
off the shoulders with a large multi-color scarf tied around her hips added to emphasis her small waist and nice rear. Her legs were bare, wearing turquoise high heel sandals that made her legs a treat to behold.
"Us." She answered simply, smiling up at him with twinkling soft brown eyes as she closed and locked the door behind him. He stood unsure of what was going on, twisting his upper body around watching as she closed them within. He swallowed and licked his lips, feeling a bit nervous giddy, "Us hm? Cool - so umm, where am I um, taking us... for this - us occasion?" He asked even though he had a feeling of what was going on.
"No where - we're already - here."
"Here?"
"You got it - I have something different - in mind for us today. In mind for you. I cooked you a fantastic dinner." She informed him grabbing his hand and leading him towards the kitchen.
"Oh... um, that's nice. Where's DJ - I've been missing him."
"Missing him? What about me... you ever miss me?"
"Sure I do, the moment I hit home I come here first, to get you guys... don't I?" He asked allowing her to lead him on.
"I guess."
"You guess? You know it's true. So... where is he?"
"Gone."
"Oh. Where's your cousin Lucy?"
"Gone - she has DJ."
"Oh. Where's your Uncle?"
"Chicago."
"Oh - I uh - see."
"Do you? See? Sometimes I wonder." She said softly, stopping next to the kitchen table with him standing close before her. She took his hand and placed it on her waist, looking up at him. "We're alone." She announced.
He swallowed the moisture in his mouth, "I see... you think that's a good idea?" He asked looking down at her nervous.
"Yes... I do. I think its long overdue, that you and I - be alone."
He took a deep breath, feeling his palms start to sweat.
"No DJ, just the two of us - no family - no one. Just you and I... today... that's what I want."
"I see." He repeated.
"Here, sit down - looking up at you is cramping my neck." She pulled a chair out for him. He took the seat, folding his long slender frame into it.
BOMAW 4-6 Page 39
