Lydia stared at him not sure what to make of his father, but she supposed he couldn't be that bad since he didn't hit women.
"Now its your turn." Shawn turned the table on her.
"What you mean my turn?" She asked with narrowed eyes.
"Tell me about you. About Sylvia's father, her brother's... tell me about her."
"Don't really know if there much interestin' to tell." She returned.
"I don't believe that, you see I remember you tellin' me you use to sing, loved to sing. When was this?"
Lydia smiled thinking back, "Chile that was so long ago. I took off from home, -..."
"Where was that?" Shawn asked.
"I'm from Memphis. Took off because I had too many brothers and sisters, all of us living in a little house on Washington. I'd joined a travelin' band as a back-up singer."
"How old were you?"
"Sixteen years old. Left home and never looked back."
"Never went home to visit ever?"
"Yeah from time to time I did. But I was enjoying my freedom too much. Singing was my dream, and for a while I did back-up. Then one night, the lead singer got sick and I stepped forward, once they hear me sing, she got better and ended up in the back." Lydia laughed out.
"I bet you were something else as a young woman Lydia, I can just tell."
"Sho' you right! I might'ah been famous too all 'cept I fell for Mr. Lucas Henry Martin, that's your wife's daddy."
Shawn registered the name in his memory bank.
"We was here in Chicago, trying to get into the Green Mill when our van broke down. Lord chile, talkin' 'bout some miserable travelin'. I prayed we could get to sing there, maybe get a permanent spot. We never did get in that first night in town, cause we was sitting on the side of the road. That's when I meet him, Mr. Lucas Henry Martin - lord - that man was somethin'!"
"Was it love at first sight?" Shawn asked.
Lydia chuckled remembering back. "Not for him it wasn't. I was bit pretty hard though. I was a young girl o'17 by then, didn't know nothin' 'bout bein' wit' no man. Lord knows I wish I'dah known then, what I know now. Got so much regret, ever done somethin' you wish you didn't?"
"Yes ma'am... often."
"Me too. If I could turn back the hands o'time... lord know, I'd do so much different. Things I wished I'd said, said... and things I wish I hadn't... kept t'me. I loved that man, but I didn't have the good sense to wait things out fo' him. I wore him down. Blamed him for never becoming a great jazz singer."
"Do you still sing now Lydia?"
That question took her by surprise, bringing her up from day dreams of Lucas Henry.
"Just around the house now and then, I'm here alone so much of the time, I sing to myself."
"Let me hear something." Shawn encouraged.
She laughed, "Chile too much time done gone by, not sure if its as pleasin' to the ears of others, as it use to be, I bes' not put you through it, else you go running off from here before you find that daughter o'mine."
"Your daughter loves to sing Summertime, did she get that from you?"
"She - she sing that?"
"Yes ma'am."
"And... you say, she sound nice?" Lydia asked hesitantly.
"I got a hunch she probably gets it from you. Lemme hear you sing it."
"Chile I just as soon not sing Summertime." She informed him softly, not because she couldn't, because it would bring her down.
"Sing something else then."
"Why you wanna hear me sing?" She asked.
"I just think, if Sylvia is so good, one can only imagine what talents you keep within. Come on Lydia, sing for me."
"You somethin' else you know that? I know why my daughter love you, why she run from you too. My Lucas was like that, the kind of man that drew you in, and then, make you wanna run for your life."
"She got no reason to run from me Lydia, no reason at all. Don't matter how she run anyway, I swear I'll never be too far behind."
"I wish my Lucas had been that way. To come runnin' ... " She stopped to think about him.
"Come on Lydia, you're stalling... sing me a song... whatever you want."
She smiled again and then explained, "There was this one song I always wanted to sing, never got the chance, God Bless The Child."
"Sing it." Shawn prompted.
She sat for a moment, lost in thought, perhaps back in a dream of her time on the stage, and then opened her mouth and began to sing. "Them that’s got shall get - Them that’s not shall lose - So the Bible said and it still is news..."
Shawn felt the depth of him fill up with her sadness. Such a powerful voice, coming from a woman whose soul was badly bruised. He hadn't a clue of what took place in the life of Lydia Martin to make her as she was, but he knew no one was just the way they were, good or bad. It took certain elements, surroundings, and circumstances of life to turn a person into what they became, and some of all three had made her what she is. While he knew that things were often tense between his wife and her mother, the woman before him now, was just that. A woman with scares and pain, like most others. If her pain could not be fixed, it usually meant that it would be passed onto her daughter, his wife. Shawn sat listening to her sing. The song, her vocals surrounding him, and he wondered as he listened how deep he would have to go, to find the mysterious lock and the means to open it, to free up that which kept his wife from him, body and soul? It also occurred to him, that perhaps, the mystery nor the lock, was his to tamper with. Perhaps it was part of that secret thing that was up to Sylvia to reach within, take hold of and give to him. That's what he wanted above all else, not to find it and take it, but for her, to give it to him. As crazy as she made him, he was afraid that he hadn't the calm or control to wait it out, for each time that he had her within the strength of his arms, it was out of his control, beyond his strength to stop that which forced him to consume her. With her, he never quite found that point where he was content, sated - satisfied - he was suffering from the sin of gluttony when it came to Sylvia McPherson. There didn't seem to be a point of reaching - enough - for him.
"Wow... so now I know where she gets it." He exclaimed gently. "That was beautiful Lydia." And he meant it, he could tell that her age had added a nuance that only enhanced such a song.
"Yeah well, I guess I don't do too bad. You know - was a time when singing was more important to me than anything. Much as I loved Lucas Henry, I would say even more important than having him. 'Cause my need drove him away. Never did get to sing the way I want to, spent so many years a bit - bitter about it. I look back, I see bein' so caught up with it, I kind'ah neglected my kids - hoping somebody gone see me, hear me - so I can take off. Never happened. Now here I am, an old woman-..."
"Not so old as that - the way you say it." Shawn imparted.
"Still - too old for anything to ever bring that dream to me. Now here I am, no man... most the time, no kids. I ain't heard from my boys in - oooh, I don't know - i's been a long time."
"Where are they? Your sons?"
"Ain't no tellin' chile... ain't no tellin'. They don't call me. Don't check up on me, only my Sylvie, now and then." She grew quiet as if lost in thought.
"Go with me tomorrow night Lydia. Go with me to see her sing... please... I beg you. Go see your daughter sing. I hear, she brought the house down with her performance this past weekend."
"I - I don't know-..."
"Lydia... I'm beggin' you. My wife, needs this. She needs you to show you care something about her."
"What you tryin' to say? I don't love my own child?" She asked a bit miffed.
"Of course not ... I believe you do. But - when you love somebody, really love'em, even when you don't feel like doin' things for that person, you do it anyway - because - well - it's your own way of saying, I love you. There's more ways of lovin' somebody, than just sayin' it Lydia... if you show up there tomorrow night with me - without a word - you'd be sayin' it. I'm beggin' you... I'd do anything for you if you would please, ple
ase... go see your daughter tomorrow night."
Lydia stopped huffing because she could feel her face burning. She was embarrassed that this man, had to beg her to be somewhere she should need no prompting to be. So much of her life had been spent away from her family, doing what she sought to do, and there had been times, when she'd missed them. Times when she wished they'd been there for her. So when time came and her children had pleaded for her to show up, she'd dismissed them. After all, no one had been there for her, yet neither had she made it possible for them to. She'd cut off all contact. Right then, right at that precise moment, with her white son-in-law sitting across from her, waiting for her answer, she realized what was happening to her. What she'd done to her own family, disappearing and only showing up now and then... was exactly what her sons were doing to her. Only her daughter remained. She suddenly thought about how she was just the past week with her. She was trying to remember, when was the last time she'd said to Sylvia, "Thank you - I love you - I'm proud of you - I can always depend on you." Suddenly it occurred to her that she couldn't get her mind to replay a time when she'd made her daughter feel - loved.
"Will you at least think about it Lydia?" Shawn decided to ask instead, when she gave no answer.
His saying that made her look up at him.
"Okay... I'ah go. Will you still do somethin' for me though... will'yah?"
"Anything that's possible for me to do... just ask it - I'll do my best to see it through."
"Will you find somebody fo'me?" She asked softly.
"Who?"
"Her daddy... my husband... Lucas Henry Martin."
"You mean your ex-husband?"
"No... I mean my husband. We ain't never divorced - we ain't never got around to it. Just kind'ah... let it be."
Shawn stared at her a moment. He stood and walked to the back bedroom and came back with his mobile phone, dialled a number and waited as she sat quietly staring up at him expectantly.
"Paul? It's Shawn."
"Shawn! Where are you?"
"I'm in Chicago - I'll be at the club as I stated on schedule as planned. That's not the reason for my call. I know you thought you were done with me, but not quite. I need you to finish what you started in one area that we talked about. My wife's father, I have his full name now, I need you to find him for me. As soon as possible."
"Okay, hang on... let me get a pen and paper." He instructed.
Shawn stood by the sofa with the only light in the room coming from the old t.v. set, and Lydia sitting across from him, staring and waiting. As he waited for Paul, he saw the vulnerability and hopefulness in her eyes - he could see, she really wanted this.
"Sorry it took so long, fire away."
"Lucas Henry Martin - hang on..." Shawn looked at Lydia asking, "What's his birth date?"
"May 15, 1938 - social security number, 198-10-1404!"
Shawn laughed when she rolled out the s-s on him. He repeated it to Paul.
"I'll start on this right away."
"Thank you Paul... as soon as possible please."
* * *
"Hey... what you doing?" Jake asked his brother after calling him on his mobile phone. He was laying on the sofa bed contemplating getting up. It was Thursday morning, he would finish putting the siding on the new office addition and start getting ready for his drive to Chicago.
"Getting ready to book a room for my wife and I tonight. I'm taking her to the same hotel we spent our first night together in. Have a few other things planned, why?"
"Just wondering. You should probably tell me how to get to her mom's, and then to the club where she's singing." Jake suggested.
Shawn did so, once that was done, he asked, "So... why'd you call. I know it wasn't for that."
"I got a problem and I don't know what the hell to do. I don't like this shit Shawn! This is all new territory for me, and frankly speaking - I'd just as soon go back to the way things were."
"I haven't a clue of what you're talking about Jake."
"Women dammit! WOMEN! To be more precise, one woman..." Jake grinded his back teeth and then said, "... Vivian... dammit she told her!"
"Ohhhh - I see." Shawn chuckled.
"You know what... if you're gonna laugh - fuck it-..." Jake was about to hang up.
"Come-on come-on come-on - I'm sorry... don't hang up. I'm listening."
"You're fuckin' laughing."
"I'm not laughing, honest to God I'm not." Shawn declared as he struggled so hard with his hidden mirth it brought tears to his eyes. "I take it you mean, Edwina told Vivian?"
"Yes!"
"I thought that's what you wanted?"
"I thought I did too!"
"So... now, what's the problem? Did it work like you hoped it would?"
"I don't know. This shits getting rapidly out of control!"
"What's getting out of control? Nothing's out of control. Is Vivian bugging you or something?"
"Damn right she's bugging me! Every goddamn minute of my goddamn day! I'm fucking calling her man! What the hell is that about?! Got me talkin' on the goddamn phone like a goddamn teenager! Last night... oh you're gonna love this! Last night, I made a right dickhead of myself!"
"Why - what'd you do?"
"I was drinking and I called her! I should'ah never called while I was drinking! I gave her too much shit to work with! No... I need to draw back some. She's trying to get the upper hand on me!"
Shawn couldn't help it, he had to laugh. "Man what the hell are you talking about!? She's trying to get the upper hand on you how? How... what's she done? What'd she say?!"
"SHE DON'T GIVE A SHIT!!! THAT'S WHAT!! You know what she told me?! You know what she said?! Twice, I've laid down the threat, twice she threw it back in my face! What kind of shit is that?"
"Jake... you're not making sense man."
"I drove my stupid ass back up to Chicago the following night after the wedding. Hey, we had the chemistry. I could feel it - it was there right? So I set it up in a way so she'd know, she could have me. She gave me some line like, all or nothing! What the hell is that?! Well... I threw the threat at her, if I walk out that door, I'm not coming back!"
"I see... if I'm not mistaken, you went back - did you not?!"
"Yeah well - shit happened where I had to. That's besides the point, thing is... she let me leave! She fuckin' showed me the door!"
Shawn was laughing, he couldn't help himself. "Jake... why are you dwelling on this now?"
"Because I've been thinking! I've been running this shit through my head! She thinks she's slick! She's trying to trap to me! It's a mind game see! Like last night, she did it again, hey - I've been a perfect gentlemen all this time... I've called her, talked real decent - just talking you know. Should'nah done that! I see where I've gone wrong - I should've stuck to my guns and not went back. Not called - and then last night, I threw the threat again, said if she ended the conversation, I wouldn't call again. Well she ended it!"
"Did you call her again?"
Jake was quiet.
Shawn's rumbling laughter carried easily over the phone. "You called her back."
"I - I shouldn'ta done that! That was not a good idea! That's it... I've made up my mind, after I move her Saturday... that's it for me. No more calling! No more mister nice guy! No more Mr. Schmuck! She's not gonna get me! No how ... no way."
"Jake - why are you fighting it? Just give in man."
"No...no no no no... it's a plot! They're out to get me! Her... and mom... mom's been coaching her - telling her how to get me."
"Jake - you sound paranoid man. Why are you fighting it? It's already a done deal!"
"No it's not!"
"Jake, you stood there in the basement and confessed it to me, pretty much said that you loved her!"
"I said no such thing! I said she was too good for me! That's what I said!"
"Whatever Jake - if that's the case, what's got you so upset?"
"I don't like being plotted on."
"Okay Jake...
look, here's the solution. Wash your hands of her."
"I am as soon as I move her Saturday."
"No... don't. Leave it to us, Derrick and I, I'll get Mundo, I'm certain Sheila and her husband Dennis... between all of us, we'll get her moved. So you can just remove yourself."
"Ah... I see... you're with them on this aren't you? Tell me, is this some kind of psychological warfare? Is that what this is? You step in and make it easy for me to walk away, which will challenge my conscience against keeping my word, so I'll rebel and say no... I'm moving her! Well guess what... I'm not falling for it. Fine... I'll step aside, you guys go right ahead."
Shawn was shaking his head, "You have lost your mind Jake. That's perfectly fine with me. I'll get with the others and let them know we'll be moving her without you."
"AH HA! You fucking said that on purpose!"
"JAKE! What the hell did I say?!" Shawn asked incredulous.
"WITHOUT ME! Those three little words... with - out - me! Fuck you and Derrick! You're trying to push me out! Well it's not going to work! You worry about your Sylvia! Let Derrick deal with his wife... and I'll move Vivian dammit!"
"Jake... you have - lost - your - mind! Do you hear me... gone... you're over the cliff man... you know why? You're fighting it. Fighting it makes you crazy like that! Give it up man!"
"NOOOO!"
"Yes Jake... its over... face it like a man... your days are numbered!"
"They're fucking not! You guys are not gonna get me! I laid up half the night thinking about it... I can see now what you're all trying to do to me! Well I'm not having it!"
"Okay Jake, whatever you say - paranoia - it's a sure sign. You're thinking too much about it man. Just turn loose and free fall... it's so easy."
"Yeah... so I can end up like you and Derrick, chasing after some goddamn woman who's set out to make you crazy."
BOMAW 4-6 Page 59
