Marcus placed his hand on my shoulder. “Everything happens for a reason, Olivia.”
Chapter 14
I was in bed, crying softly, when I felt the mattress dip. Two arms surrounded me, holding me tightly. I scooted over so my back was pressed tightly against his body. I needed to be as close as I could to him.
Before I got back home, my nerves were all over the place. I had gotten this overwhelming urge to enter an off-licence on the way back and buy myself a bottle of Jack. The need for it consumed me so much, I almost contemplated calling Uncle. I knew I couldn’t do that because I knew I wouldn’t be in my own bed tonight if I did. I would be home where he wanted me to be.
Closing my eyes, I lay there, taking in the scent of him. After a while of silence, I decided to ask. “Did you hear?”
I felt his hot breath at the back of my ear. “Yes.” His arms tightened around me. “I’m so sorry, Olivia.”
I didn’t know whether he meant about last night, about Rachel, or both. I turned so I could face him.
“I’m so sorry.”
I saw the sadness and sorrow in his eyes and couldn’t help the tear that crept down my face. I reached up to touch the hairs against his cheeks and nodded my head. “Okay, Kit. It’s okay.”
We stayed like that for a moment, just staring whilst I stroked his cheek. I could tell he was desperate to speak to me…about what, I didn’t know…but there was fear in his eyes. I wanted to take that away from him.
Moving my head off the pillow, I brushed my lips against his. Kit sucked in a breath and seemed to hold it there whilst I placed another gentle kiss against him. I pulled my head back and searched his eyes. I didn’t know what I was looking for, but I needed to know he was okay. That we were okay.
“I don’t know how to handle my feelings around you. You scare me.”
My eyes widened at his admission. “I scare you?”
He nodded, shutting his eyes. “I knew I was being an idiot yesterday, but I couldn’t stop myself. I’ve never had to deal with this before. I’ve never cared for someone before. When I saw him touch you, I just acted on impulse. But when you told me to stop…” He grit his eyes shut. “Olivia, something snapped in me. I felt like that Freddy guy in the alleyway.” I winced. “I’m sorry.”
I trailed my hand around his face. “Please, don’t apologise. You’re nothing like Freddy. You could never be like him. You would never have taken it too far without my consent. I know that about you. I have always known that about you.”
Kit sighed. “You shouldn’t want to know anything about me, Olivia. You should push me away. Please. Tell me to leave your house because I don’t think I can do it myself.”
I shook my head. “No.”
He placed his forehead on mine. “Please.”
“I can’t. I don’t want to lose you, Kit. I love you.”
I saw his nostrils flare and I thought he was going to get angry at my admission. I didn’t know why I said those words that would, more than likely, drive him away. They just seemed to slip out naturally. But the strangest part was that they felt natural. I had never told anyone I loved them before, so I thought the first time would be painful. With Kit, everything just seemed so simple.
I thought he was going to get up and leave, so when he leaned his head forward and brushed his lips against mine, it was totally unexpected.
When I didn’t pull away, Kit came in for another kiss, but this one was deeper and more hurried. Soon, our tongues were having a slow, lingering erotic dance, our breathing becoming harsh.
Feeling my body hum with desire, I ran my fingers through his long hair and gripped it tightly. I moaned, unable to hide my longing for him.
Kit suddenly pulled away, leaving me groaning in displeasure. “I want to make this right for you.”
I moaned again, feeling his hard-on pressed against my stomach. “Kit, please. You’re making this right for me. Please, just don’t stop.”
He trailed his hand under my pyjama top and cupped my breast. I moaned again and arched my back. “I want to be able to please you.”
I was practically falling apart and he was worried about pleasing me? Were my moans not enough for him? “Don’t stop. Keep going. Kit, I need you.”
He pushed his groin into me, making me gasp, as he trailed long, lingering kisses down my neck to my chest. “It’s been ten years, Olivia. I’m not sure I can–”
I stopped him with a finger to his lips. Partly because I was shocked, but partly because he ever dared to think I couldn’t possibly want this. “Shh, Kit. Please. You know what you’re doing because it should come naturally to you.”
With his breathing heavy, he faced me. He looked like he was struggling with something. Eventually, he spoke, “I don’t think I’m going to last long.”
Oh. How stupid was I? Poor Kit was trying to tell me he felt inadequate and I kept shooting him down. Little did he know, there was no need to worry. Just his one touch was all it took to make my body quiver.
I cupped his face in my hands and smiled at him. “You really think I’m worried about that? Kit, it’s not just about how long you last when you make love to me. It’s about the way I feel when you touch me. It’s the connection I have with you. Can’t you feel how much I want this? Can’t you feel how much I want you? If you turn away from me now, my whole world would come to an end. If there is anything I am sure about in my life, it’s you.”
Without another word, Kit claimed my mouth. He slowly unbuttoned my pyjama top and swept one side away. My breast exposed and my nipple erect, Kit bent his head down and took it into his mouth. I moaned again, gripping his hair in my hands. This man, this insecure man, didn’t have a clue as to how much my desire spiked just from his one small touch. The fires inside me were rising fast. I knew that one small touch down there was going to make me go quicker than he was.
“Kit. Please.” I was begging now, but I didn’t know for what. I just seemed to want him to keep going. To not stop. To make me his.
Kit lifted my top off, then concentrated on my bottoms, pulling them down. I was completely naked, yet Kit was still dressed in his jeans and pink shirt.
For a moment, he hovered and just stared at me. His eyes roamed over my body like he was trying to take everything in. When his eyes danced towards my arms, I flinched a little. Narrowing his eyes, Kit grabbed my arm to take a look at the tiny, faint scars.
“Who did this to you?” I turned my head away, ashamed of myself, but Kit held my face in place. “Olivia, who did this to you?”
“I did.” My voice was barely above a whisper. I didn’t want to admit to him my weaknesses. I didn’t want him to judge me and think me pathetic for being so feeble. I was a different person now.
“Why?” I was surprised at how tender his voice was. He wasn’t demanding an answer. He was simply asking.
“Because physical pain was more bearable to me than the emotional pain.” Kit flinched at my words, so I tenderly stroked his cheek again. “Kit, this is someone I’m ashamed I used to be. Not someone I am now. I’m a different person than I was back then.”
Kit sighed, but it wasn’t in exasperation. It was almost as if he were in pain from hearing the knowledge of my past. A past I could only dream of forgetting. A past which I wished wasn’t forced on me.
“You shouldn’t have had to go through that, Olivia. I wish I could make it better.”
I gasped. “Don’t you understand by now? You do make it all better, Kit. Just being with you makes me all better again.”
I claimed his mouth again and rolled so that I could straddle him. I removed his shirt and frantically tried undoing his pants.
“Olivia…,” he said, breaking away. “I don’t have any condoms. I’ve never had a need for them.”
I smiled at him. “I’m on the pill. I’ve never had to use them, either. I have only slept with one person, one time, and we used a condom.”
His eyes travelled over my face. “You don’t want to use one?”<
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How could I explain to him how much I wanted to have this connection between us? How much I longed to feel him as close to me as possible? No barriers.
“I’ve never felt what it’s like to be loved before. You make me feel loved every time you touch me, Kit. I want to feel as much of you as possible. Does that make sense? Unless, of course, you’re trying to tell me something.”
Eventually, he shook his head. “I’ve never done this without using protection. I always used to use it.”
I was shocked at how much this piece of information twisted my gut. I had never felt jealousy before. Was this what it really felt like?
It sucked!
Trying to forget about his past, I took his hand and placed it on my breast. “I can go and get some if you want me to.” I smiled cheekily at him and he rewarded me with one of his own. I would never tire of his smiles. They never failed to light up my heart.
“I don’t think I could bear to see you get dressed again.”
Heat went straight between my legs. I didn’t realise how such few words could make me tremble.
“Are you okay? You’re shaking?”
I smiled, thinking how sweet it was that he was so oblivious to what he did to me. “You make me shake, Kit. You make me quiver with need and anticipation. I’m shaking because if I don’t feel you soon, I think I might explode.” I laughed a little and Kit wrapped his arms around me. With one quick tug, we were body to body. I could feel how hard he was and my laughter instantly stopped.
“Kit, I need you,” I whispered, gently biting his lips.
Kit growled, flipped me onto my back, and pushed his tongue into my mouth. I moaned again, desperate and wanton for him. I had never felt such a need in my life before.
In Kit’s desperation, he tugged on his jeans, swiftly pulling them off. They fell to the floor, along with his boxer shorts. I lay there on my back, marvelling at the beauty of this man. His skin was soft and flawless, his tight muscles flexing as he hovered above me. His tattoos stood out, adding to his pure, raw strength. He wasn’t overly muscled. He was just how I envisioned my perfect man to be. Everything about him was perfect.
Once my eyes travelled below his torso, I gasped. Kit looked panicked. “Is something wrong?”
I swallowed hard, wondering how on earth I was going to cope. I couldn’t stop staring at it. Without any thought whatsoever, I pointed at it. “It’s... It’s so...big.”
Kit laughed. I would have revelled in that sound if not for the fact that this weapon of mass pleasure aiming right at me was so frightening.
I swallowed again, my throat going dry. “I’m not sure I can... Oh god.”
Kit moved forward, hovering over me. I moved my eyes up to look into his. He looked so beautiful right now. His eyes foretold a thousand emotions. I could see pain. I could see happiness. I could see doubt. But most of all, I could see desire. He wanted this just as much as I did. So, just like that, I forgot about his WMP and concentrated on his eyes.
“I will be gentle. I promise. If, at any time, you want me to stop, tell me. Okay? I can’t be anything but gentle, Olivia. It’s been way too long for me.”
I swallowed my nerves and nodded. “Okay.”
Kit kissed me again and lay next to me. Just like that, I melted and didn’t care how big he was. I just wanted him inside me.
He broke the kiss and I felt an instant loss, but when he started sucking on my nipples, all thoughts just focused on that. His mouth and his tongue felt so good. Every time he hit a sweet spot, I couldn’t help that my back would arch and my hands would immediately find his hair again.
With his mouth firmly placed on my nipple, Kit’s hand wondered down towards my pussy. He slipped his finger between my folds and I immediately jumped with pleasure.
“Sorry. Did I hurt you?”
I could hardly breathe, it felt so good. “No,” I said breathlessly. “Please. Keep going.”
Kit smiled and ventured down towards my opening. He placed one finger inside and I arched up, moaning.
“Oh god, Kit!” I screamed, as he pulled his finger out and started circling my clit.
His mouth was on my nipple again as he alternated between thrusting his finger inside me and circling my wetness on my clit. That familiar feeling was climbing and climbing. My body was tense and rigid with the impending orgasm about to rip me apart.
“Kit!” I screamed again, knowing I was soon going to blow and blow violently.
Kit picked up the speed and growled as he flicked his tongue over my nipple.
That was it for me. I screamed out his name, gripping one hand in his hair and the other on my sheet. My body convulsed underneath him as my breath came out in gasps. My nipples were rock hard and tender as Kit leisurely swirled his tongue around one of them.
He gave me time to calm my breathing as he glanced up at me with a look of pure love. That was how it felt to me. That was always how he made me feel.
“You’re so beautiful.”
Wow. Every time I felt he couldn’t top what he just said, he did. The more and more he opened up to me, the further in love I was falling.
Kit moved further up towards me and I felt something wet against my thigh. I thought he had come already, but he looked at me with a smile.
“It’s pre-cum.”
I looked at him, confused. “Pre-cum?”
He smiled. “You haven’t heard of that?”
I flushed with embarrassment. I knew nothing of sex, other than what we were taught in school and that quick fumble with my first. There were those dream-like times with Uncle when I sometimes saw a little liquid leave his cock, but I didn’t know what it was.
“Please don’t feel embarrassed, Olivia. Your innocence is rather sexy.”
My eyes widened. “Sexy? How can my obvious inexperience be sexy to you?”
Kit frowned for a moment. “Shall I flip that question right back at you?”
I closed my eyes, feeling like an idiot. “I’m sorry, Kit. I didn’t mean it like that. It’s just... I only know what I know from that one time, and it wasn’t a memorable one. All I remember is a lot of pain and grunting.”
Kit grimaced. “Did he hurt you?”
I shook my head. “Not intentionally. I was a virgin, but I don’t think he realised it until it was over and he saw the blood.”
I looked away, embarrassed again, but Kit grabbed my cheek and made me look back at him. “Sex shouldn’t be like that. If done properly, you should enjoy the experience. It’s about pleasure, love, and joy from making the other person feel good. It should never be about pain.”
I looked into his eyes, searching for something. I couldn’t find it, though. “Was sex a pleasure for you?” I swallowed, wondering why I had asked him that. Of course it was pleasurable for him. It must have been.
In that moment, I felt stupid, but Kit sighed and shook his head. “No, it wasn’t. Sex for me was pleasurable, but not in the sense you’re talking about. It was always too rough, too aggressive. Sex for me was always about getting a release. It was never about love. Never about a connection between two people. It was just raw and gritty, and I always ended up feeling empty inside.”
I felt sad for him and, I must admit, slightly inadequate again. Who was raw and gritty like that? In one sense, it turned me on to think about; in another, I knew I didn’t want a relationship like that.
“I don’t want you to feel like that with me.”
My vulnerability must have showed because Kit kissed me tenderly. “I already know it won’t be like that with you, Olivia.” He tenderly stroked my face. “When we do this, it won’t be just sex. I want to make love to you.”
I swallowed the lump in my throat and smiled. I was ready for him. I wanted this as much as he did. “I want you to make love to me, too.”
He bent down to kiss me and manoeuvred himself into position. Once his cock was sitting on my entrance, Kit looked down at me. I nodded and felt him slide himself a little inside me. I moan
ed and he stopped. “Is that okay? I’m not hurting you, am I?”
I shook my head. “No, Kit. Please. More.”
Kit smiled and pushed in a little further. He was so big, it felt as though he was ripping through me…in a good sense. I think the fact that I was so wet helped. It was making it a bit easier for him to ease into me.
“Olivia, you feel so good.”
I saw the look of pure pleasure on his face as he glanced down to me. It just made me want more.
“More, Kit. More. Please.”
He didn’t hesitate. Kit pushed in all the way, then stopped. He stayed like that for a moment, his forehead against mine. Our breathing was coming away in quick bursts.
“I need a moment,” Kit said, closing his eyes. His breathing was harsh and I could feel the warmth from his breath on my face.
I saw him swallow, and my desire spiked with that one little gesture. Did being inside me really affect him that much? I hoped so.
I barely had time to think on this when I saw a tear roll down Kit’s face.
“Kit, what’s the matter? Have I done something wrong?”
He shook his head and opened his eyes. “Never, Olivia. You can never do anything wrong. I just feel like, with you, I can be someone again.”
I laughed a little and stroked his face. “Kit, you are someone. You got that? You’ve always been someone.”
Kit looked into my eyes and nodded. He then moved a little inside me and I couldn’t help the moan that left my lips.
“Are you okay?”
I nodded. “My god. Am I okay? I don’t want you to stop.”
Kit smiled, but when he moved inside me again, his smile vanished. He closed his eyes and groaned. The look on his face was enough to make my body start climbing into another orgasm. I just couldn’t seem to get enough of this man.
At first, his movements were slow, then he picked up the pace. Before we knew it, we were both moaning and breathing heavily.
The feel of him moving inside me was exquisite. It was like he was specifically made for me. With each thrust, a feeling rose like I had never felt before. I was climbing and I didn’t want it to stop.
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