by Olivia Evans
His eyes snapped to hers, and his hand fell to his side. “How could you do it?” He sounded almost manic, like he was teetering on the edge of a cliff. Josie had no idea what it would take to tip him over the side, but the moment she processed his words, she didn’t care. The scene was too familiar, too recent, and the wounds too fresh.
“Don’t,” she threatened. “Don’t you dare come into my place of work and start your bullshit again. I have no idea what you’re accusing me of, but I’ll be damned if you’re going to attack me when I’ve done nothing wrong.” The thrill that shot through her when his jaw flexed and his eyes tightened around the corners made her wonder if she’d lost her mind.
“Haven’t you?” he taunted. “Was that not you I saw in half a dozen pictures with Levi?”
Josie gaped at him. She wasn’t sure what pictures he was talking about, but that wasn’t important. “Who I spend my time with is none of your concern. We’re not together anymore, remember?”
“Unbelievable.” He shook his head and scrubbed a hand over his face as he tried to withstand the ache that surged through him. Her words made him feel vulnerable, exposed. “Did you play me? Did you set me up from the start?”
A laugh bubbled up in Josie’s chest, erupting from her throat harsh and biting. “All those women you’ve fucked lately have turned your brain to shit. How could I play you, Anders?”
“Because you were with him!” he roared. “I saw the two of you at the movies and dinner. I saw his arms around you. How could you fucking do that to me?” His voice, which had started off so strong, so angry, ended in nothing more than a broken gasp.
“Everything’s not about you!”
“You’re not that fucking stupid, are you? This is absolutely about me. He doesn’t give a fuck about you, Ivy. Unless you’re in on it, he’s using you to get to me.”
“You’re never going to change. You’re never going to stop being a self-absorbed asshole.” Josie shook her head in disgust. “This is the second time you’ve accused me of doing something to hurt you. You’re just as wrong now as you were then. Do you realize if it wasn’t for Levi, I would have been hit by a car? He saved my life!”
“And he ruined mine!” Hearing Levi’s name fall from Josie’s lips caused Anders to break. “Did you know that? Do you have any idea what he did to me?”
“How would I? How would I know anything about your past when you never bothered to tell me?” That same hurt she felt when Levi had brought up his history with Anders resurfaced.
Her words stunned him into silence. In that moment his shoulders slumped. She was right. “So you’re telling me you have no idea who he is?”
“Oh, I do now. You know why? Because in the little time I’ve spent with Levi, he’s told me more than you did the entire time we were together. A perfect stranger thought he should be honest with me. Unlike you who pretended I meant something more when it was all a lie.” A tear rolled down the side of Josie’s face and she wiped it away in one swift motion, angry with herself for letting him see how much she still hurt.
Anders’ fists clenched at the accusation in her voice. “It wasn’t a lie. You did―you do―mean more.”
“Really? I mean more? Well, you sure have a fucked up way of showing it. I promise you, I’m not getting any pleasure out of all those women you’re sleeping with.”
“I haven’t fucked anyone. I haven’t laid a hand on another person since you. Everything I’ve done since I came back from Arizona has been for you.”
Josie scoffed. “How does being out with other women benefit me in any way?”
“Because to be with you would make it worse!” Anders’ voice shook and his hands trembled as he remembered the pictures of Josie being shoved around. “I saw those pictures of you being mobbed. I saw your face, your tears. If I’d done what I wanted, if I’d gone straight to you, it would have been ten times worse. The paps would have been relentless. So I did the only thing I could. I diverted the attention. Not that I expect you to believe me.”
“When have you given me a reason to?” she cried, her fingers twisting in her hair. “All I ever wanted was you to let me in, to show me you cared half as much for me as I did for you, but you couldn’t do that. You’re so fucked up. You think everyone is out to get you.”
“Don’t you understand? That’s exactly how I feel. Everyone I’ve let in has fucked me over. It’s not like you trust me either. You wouldn’t even entertain the idea that I didn’t fuck Aubrey. I don’t know why I thought this would be any different. Now on top of everything, Levi has fed you a bunch of lies.” Rage surged through him as he thought about Levi revealing that part of his life to Josie.
“Then tell me the truth! Tell me what happened. What made you so jaded that no matter what I did to prove you were all I wanted, it was never enough?” Her voice was pleading and broken.
Anders stood stoically as his heart pounded and his mind screamed to release the words trapped in his throat.
Josie let out a sharp exhale. “That’s what I thought.” Pinching her eyes shut, she steadied herself for a moment before meeting his gaze. “The truth is, I stopped Levi from telling me the whole story. I didn’t want to hear from him what you were never willing to. Other than his involvement landing him with a restraining order and restitution, I know nothing. Don’t worry, Anders. Your secret’s still safe from me.”
Anders’ face twisted with pain. “Ivy.”
The door behind him swung open and Madison stepped inside before slamming it. Her eyes darted between the two of them. “Are you okay?” she asked, stepping closer to Josie.
“Yeah. I’m fine.”
“No, you’re not.” Her eyes flicked to Anders. “Neither of you.” She ushered the two of them into Craig’s office and shut the door. “There are about six people lingering in the hall outside. Two people screaming at each other tends to draw attention.”
“Fuck,” Anders spat, lacing his fingers on top of his head.
“Here.” Madison opened her bag and tossed Anders a hat and blond wig.
“What am I supposed to do with this?”
“Put it on, dipshit. With the wig and hat you could be mistaken for a guy with long blond hair.” Madison didn’t need to spell it out. The idea of pretending to be Levi set Anders on fire.
“Stay away from him, Ivy.” His voice was low and rough as he stared at her. “If you’re telling the truth, you have no reason to see him again.”
“Are you insane? I don’t take orders from you. I’ll see whoever I want.” Even though Josie had no intention of hanging out with Levi again, she wouldn’t let Anders think he had that kind of control over her.
“That’s how it is?”
“It can’t be any other way. You made sure of that.”
“Ivy.”
“Just go. There’s nothing left to say.”
“But―”
“No,” she interrupted. “I can’t.” Lifting her eyes to his, she gave him a sad smile. “For your sake, I hope one day you’re able to let someone in, that you find someone you can trust, because your life is going to be sad and empty until you do.”
Anders’ shoulders slumped as he blew out a defeated breath. He’d done it again. He messed up everything. She deserved better. “I’m sorry.” He tossed the wig on the floor and pulled on the hat. No way would be pretend to be that bastard. He turned for the door when the sound of Josie’s voice caused him to freeze.
“For the record, I wish I could have been enough.”
Anders dropped his head and pulled in a shuddering breath. She had been enough. He’d just realized it too late. Without another word he left, ignoring the curious stares as he pushed open the door and exited the building. As he sat in his car trying to make sense of what had just happened, one thing became painfully clear. His life wasn’t going to be sad and empty. It already was.
Anders tossed the script on top of the desk and leveled Nathan with a glare. “You can’t be serious.”
Nathan huffed out a fru
strated breath. “It’s a great role, just like the other three you snubbed. What is it you’re looking for? If I had a better idea, maybe I could weed through these instead of wasting everyone’s time.”
“I don’t know what I’m looking for, but it isn’t this shit.” Anders had no idea why he hated the script in front of him. It was everything he looked for in a film: strong characters, edgy storyline, and an excellent director. But nothing felt right.
“Look, why don’t you get away for a bit. They’re scouting out locations in Atlanta now. Go down there and have a look around. Get a feel for the place. Maybe hook up with Jared and get an idea of what it’ll be like working with him as a director. It’ll do you good.”
Nathan didn’t need to elaborate on why Anders needed to get away. Ever since his idiotic decision to storm into Josie’s office and act like an asshole, he’d been different. When he’d woken the morning after their fight and remembered the awful way he had treated her, it made him sick. Even now, two months later, the guilt and regret hadn’t faded. He hadn’t bothered to text or call to say he was sorry. His apology would’ve seemed empty and insincere. The bottom line was it didn’t matter how sorry he was or how much he loved her. If he couldn’t treat her better, then he didn’t deserve her.
He’d hoped time would lessen the pain, dull the constant ache that squeezed his lungs and made it difficult to breathe. However, it didn’t take long for him to realize the only thing time did was make him miss her more. For a while he kept up appearances by hanging out with Owen, but pretending he didn’t care about anything or anyone was just that: pretending. Eventually, he started answering his phone less and less until it stopped ringing at all.
The downside, Anders soon learned, of spending so much time alone was the uninterrupted time he had to reflect on his life and the person he’d become. Still, he refused to make apologies. He didn’t care if people thought he was an asshole or about his reputation as a player. Had he not become that person, he might not have had such a successful career. He might not have landed his last project. He might’ve never met Josie.
Josie. She was a different story. She was the one thing―the only thing―he regretted. Hindsight was like that. He wondered how different things would have been if he’d met her before. Before Eva. Back when he wasn’t closed off and angry at the world. A time when the thought of trusting someone didn’t make his throat tighten and his palms sweat.
Was it really too late? Had he become so cold and jaded that he’d ruined any chance of being with her, being who she deserved? Her voice floated through his mind, repeating her final words to him before he walked out of her office and her life.
“For the record, I wish I could have been enough.”
After everything he’d said and done, instead of telling him to go to hell and stay away forever, she’d told him she wished she’d been enough. It made him wonder if there was still a chance for them.
“What do you say?”
Anders snapped his head up and looked at Nathan, who was staring at him. “What?”
“Atlanta. Will you go? Maybe some old-fashioned southern hospitality will do you some good. If nothing else, the food will be good.”
Shaking his head, Anders smirked as he thought about the disgusting meals he’d been subjected to watching on a certain show. “Yeah. I’ll go.”
Surprise flashed across Nathan’s face before he nodded and cleared his throat. “Excellent. That’s great. I’ll send your itinerary as soon as it’s booked.”
Anders stood and grabbed the script. “Speaking of itinerary, what did you work out for the press junket?”
Nathan fell back in his chair and sighed. “I did the best I could. I was able to split you two up for everything except the fan convention. There’s no way around it. You’ll have to do those interviews together.”
Anders nodded. “It’s not what I wanted, but I suppose it’ll have to do. Email me with my flight information.” Turning, he walked out of Nathan’s office.
Through the rest of the evening and the following morning, Anders struggled with how to approach Josie. Calling her was out of the question. She’d either be pissed at him for calling, which would cause him to say something stupid, or he’d do that on his own with no help at all. Flipping his phone between his hands, he settled in his seat and waited for the plane to board. With a slow exhale, he pulled up her name and typed out a message.
Heading to Atlanta for work. If I see Honey Boo Boo, I’ll get her autograph for you. If they try to feed me sketti though, I can’t be held responsible for my actions.
With a sigh, he powered off his phone. He hoped she’d respond, but he had very low expectations. If he was going to repair the damage between them, he would have to take things slow.
Josie squinted at the paper in front of her as she dragged her thumb down the black mark, smoothing and smudging the outline. When her phone beeped, she reached for it absently. Unlocking the screen, she tore her eyes away from her drawing, her body freezing when she saw a message from Asshole.
“What the fuck?” She was almost afraid to open the text, afraid to see what he could have to say after two months of silence, but her fear quickly disappeared, replaced with a flutter of anticipation.
Her brows dipped in confusion as she read it once and then once more. She opened and closed her mouth several times before an uncontrollable laugh burst from her chest. The sound of her laughter bounced off the walls as her eyes pinched at the corners and a wide smile spread across her face. Losing herself in the memory of a happier time only lasted a moment before her laughter morphed from gasping breaths to choking sobs. Pressing her phone over her heart, her shoulders curved inward and her jaw clenched as she tried to relieve the tightness in her chest and stinging in her eyes.
She had no idea how he could be so infuriatingly perfect sometimes. How the man who caused her more hurt than she’d ever experienced still managed to make her ache for him. Shaking her head, she looked at her watch and cursed. She was late. Pushing away from her desk, she grabbed her purse and headed toward her car. She was supposed to be at Holden’s restaurant for his celebration dinner in ten minutes.
She stopped abruptly when she thought about the timing of Anders’ text and what she was doing tonight. She wondered if he knew about the pictures Levi had taken but shook the idea off. She couldn’t focus on the motives behind Anders’ sudden, random text. Tonight was about Holden. No matter her reservations about Levi, she would overlook them for her brother.
She spotted Madison as soon as she pushed through the door. Weaving through the crowd, she looped her arm with Madison’s and smiled. “Holy shit. It’s packed.”
Madison’s smile was blinding. “Can you believe it? It’s more than we ever dreamed. This is his big break.”
Happiness and pride surged through Josie. “I’m so happy for you guys, Maddie.”
“We couldn’t have done it without you. You know that right?”
Josie shrugged and smiled. “I did what any sister would’ve done. Besides, Levi is the one who’s responsible for all this.”
Josie looked around the room packed wall to wall with people. Things had been so different a mere two weeks ago, before Levi scored a job with a local culinary magazine. All he had had to do was follow a food critic around to a few new hot spots and take pictures. Was it a coincidence that he had ended up at Holden’s restaurant? It was unlikely, but Josie wasn’t going to complain because as soon as the article hit print, business tripled. Of course that couldn’t be the end of the story. In a twist of fate, Holden and Levi became instant friends.
When Holden introduced them, it was impossible for Josie to hide her shock. Levi stepped in, explaining he’d lent Josie a hand when she ran into trouble with some paparazzi. It was true, of course, albeit only half the story.
After thanking Levi a dozen times, Holden insisted they go out for drinks. Josie agreed, but the pointed look on her face when she turned to face Levi made her feelings clear. She
’d been around him twice more; each time becoming a little less strained.
“How was work? Did you get that design finished?” Madison asked.
Josie shifted her weight and eyed the table reserved for them in the back. “It was fine. I didn’t finish, though. I was distracted.”
“Why are you acting all sketchy?” Madison narrowed her eyes and leaned closer to Josie, her lips pursed. “I thought you were getting more comfortable around Levi.”
Josie waved her off. “I am. It’s fine.”
“Well, if it’s not Levi, what is it?”
Josie hesitated before opening her mouth only to snap it shut again. She cursed under her breath for not just telling Madison it was Levi making her act weird.
“Don’t you dare try to come up with a lie while I’m looking right at you,” Madison scolded.
“Now isn’t the time.”
Madison didn’t budge, her only movement a lift of her brow.
“It’s about Anders,” Josie hissed as she glanced over Madison’s shoulder.
Madison’s eyes widened as she looked around as well. “Shit. What happened?”
“Not the time, Maddie.” Josie tilted her head to the side, her gaze landing on Holden as he made his way over.
“Fuck. This is bullshit,” Madison grumbled. She waved her hand between the two of them and fixed Josie with a pointed glare. “This isn’t over.”
Josie laughed and pushed Madison backward. “You sound like Robert De Niro. ‘I’ll be watching you,’” she mimicked, deepening her voice.
“I will,” Madison retorted. “Don’t even consider pulling the ‘I’m super tired’ or ‘I’m not feeling well’ shit either. I will call you out in front of everyone.”
“You wouldn’t.”
“Wouldn’t I?”
Josie rolled her eyes. “Bitch,” she whispered as she brushed past her.
“Damn straight.”
Dinner passed as Josie expected. Holden and Levi joked and laughed while Philip watched on with a look of annoyance. Madison made ridiculous faces at Josie when no one was looking, causing Josie to receive more than a few side eyes for her random outbursts of laughter. She drank a little more than she intended so by the time they were filing out the front door, Holden had already confiscated her keys.
