by Hawkes, Cora
Scott had become a good friend without me even realising. When we were all together, I noticed that we sought each others company out. We mostly talked music but he looked out for me too. The last week he had started rehearsing with the band more and Newton had said that they were writing new music. I found myself excited about it. I enjoyed watching him play a bit too much; I knew that, and I think he kind of knew it too.
That first night at Macy's seemed distant in my mind, but there would be the odd time when I would feel his intense stare on me and I knew, I just knew, that he was remembering it too. I would catch him looking at me when he thought nobody was taking any notice of him. It was at times like that that I felt like he was looking straight through me and he could see me. But most of the time he was just like any other guy-friend, although I admit that I didn't feel as comfortable with him as I did with Ad and Newton.
There was this awkwardness between us that, no matter how hard I tried, just wouldn't dispel, and I wanted it to. The more time I spent around him, the more of a mystery he was. He was such a dick when it came to girls but with his friends and me, he was totally different. It was as though he was two people sometimes. To the outside world he was Scott Mason; bad boy and womaniser. In private, he was Scott Mason; caring and loyal friend. He had taken place in my thoughts and I was used to him being there. I wondered about him all the time and I felt ashamed because I thought about him more than I did about Adam. Other times, I thought about the nigh N sa wout himt we met. The memory would creep up on me at the most inconvenient times like when Adam was kissing me.
"Hey, hey! Are you ready for tonight?" Meg did her signature eyebrow wiggle as she danced her way to our table to music that was only in her head.
"Hell, fuckin' yeah!" Newton raised his hand and high-fived her as she passed him.
I giggled at them, "Oh my God, guys!”
Tonight was the opening of the new nightclub, Soundz, and we were all going together. I hadn't been in a nightclub for a long time. Memories started to sift through my head like flashbacks... I stared ahead, not seeing anything and felt my frown. I stopped myself from going there. This was my new life and all, but there was no way I was going to let my past ruin my fun tonight. I always loved going clubbing at home. I used to count down the hours until the weekend. I pulled myself back to the present, hoping nobody had just noticed me space out.
I looked up and straight into dark green eyes that were studying me intently. I felt a jolt of surprise go through me as my heart stopped for a moment. Feeling flustered I bit my lip as it trembled and smiled at him.
He frowned. "You okay?" he mouthed silently.
I nodded before looking down quickly to fiddle with the lid of my drink. Sometimes Scott was too much for me and I needed to kind of reel myself back in. His attention seemed to cross the line between friendship and — something more. I don't know, maybe I was imagining it – I could be.
"...And I know Em is looking forward to it." I caught Ash saying just in time to reply.
I could feel Scott's inquisitive stare on me, trying to suss me out. "You know me so well, Cuz." I replied as naturally as I could.
To keep my hands busy I reached out, stroked my fingers through Adams hair and heard him groan in pleasure. I gasped in shock as he snatched me off my chair and onto his lap. I flailed, trying to pull my short knitted dress down further. He planted one of his hands in between my knees and kissed me heatedly whilst moving his hand further up. He had never been this forward in front of everyone before. His hand between my thighs reminded me of when I saw Scott do it to that girl. The way he had slowly slid his big strong hands up her thigh and then stroked her with his thumb. Adam was still kissing me but I was getting turned on thinking about someone else.
Shit! Fuck! I was breathless and getting a wetness between my legs that shouldn't be there whilst I was thinking about Scott. I realised I had both hands fisted in Adams hair clutching him to me. Oh god! I felt disgusted with myself. I couldn't believe I was imagining Scott kissing me while Adam was oblivious. I took the heat out of the kiss slowly and then buried my head in his shoulder and closed my eyes, too ashamed to look up. I hated myself. I felt like I had cheated on Adam again.
I snuggled closer to Adam. I wanted Adam, not Scott. Adam, Adam, Adam, Ad… When I opened my eyes, Scott was in my line of sight. His head was bent down as though he was looking S waam,at the table. He had a faraway look in his eyes, his mouth was a tight line that made his usually full lips look flat.
An hour before we were due to meet, Adam called me and told me that he couldn't make it. He forgot about an assignment that he had to finish by Monday and it would take him all weekend to finish it. He said to go ahead without him and to have a good time. I thought about cancelling too but to hell with it, I thought. I really wanted to go. I did feel sorry for Adam though. He had sounded grouchy as hell about it.
After blow-drying and straightening my hair, I applied my make-up; nightclub-style. I lined my eyes in black, smudged it in for the smoked effect, then added mascara. I loved the way the black brought out the blue in my eyes; they were exactly the same deep blue as my mums kind eyes. Then came the blush and the lip-gloss. I dressed in black low waisted skinny jeans with a pair of black strappy heels and added an emerald, backless top. I was ready to go.
Soundz was pretty much like most other nightclubs I had been to back home, a large dance floor with a deejay, a bar, and tables and chairs. The bar was at the very back below a huge balcony. I looked up and saw another dance-floor up there with another bar. It was already jammed full of mainly students. It was dark except for the lights flashing and moving in time with the beat.
"Shots!" Meg shouted and went for the bar.
We went to the bar for shots before moving out to the dance-floor where we stayed. I let myself go and felt the beat take me and lift me away.
A few guys came to move with me every now and then but I didn't take any notice and they soon took the hint. I felt tingles down my spine and knew Scott had arrived and spotted me. I didn't bother looking for him though. I would see him later. I was still having the cringes as after-effects from earlier. I hated kissing Adam in front of him and that earlier was more than kissing. I was embarrassed, I felt like Scott could see me for the faker that I was for being with Adam. Don't get me wrong, I liked Adam a lot, but there were no deep feelings there and that was the whole point. I didn't want undying love. I didn't want to be vulnerable in that way. I didn't want someone to have that kind of power over me. I knew it was shallow but I had made a decision a long time ago and I would be sticking to it. Scott scared the crap out of me sometimes. Nothing made sense to me when Scott was around me. Everything seemed like it was in limbo, like there was no certainty to my feelings or his. He always brought girls back, he drank a lot and he had got into a fight four times since I had known him. Scott was trouble with a capitol T. But, there was a vulnerability to him sometimes that I didn't understand because he was one of the toughest guys I knew. I didn't get it. I didn't get him.
The next time I went back to our table, Scott was the only one sat there and he had, not one, but two skimpily clad, vaguely familiar blonde girls all over him. My stomach felt heavy and I just wanted to hide my face. I smiled at him but it felt stiff and I know it didn't reach my eyes. I totally ignored the girls who were looking me up and down. It was as Scott had said; they don't give a shit about him so I never gave them the time of day. I learned quick Sleaandly that it was all about who was beautiful enough to have him — girls actually boasted about it. I wanted to rip him from their roving hands and tell him that he was worth more than that. But, Scott had also told me that he liked it that way. Ugh! Stop it, Emma! He could stop it but he liked it so it was his own damn fault.
I sat down and Scott pushed a drink towards me. "Vodka, the last round was mine."
"Thanks. Sounds like you’ve already had quite a few.” I teased and hesitated before taking a sip.
He shook his head with a grin
, "Nobody's messed with it, babe, I’ve had it in front of me the whole time.”
I trusted him completely so I knocked it back and slammed it down hard.
"Have you met Holly and Paige?” he asked with a smug smile on his face.
What was the smugness about? I said hello anyway with a fake smile before sweeping my gaze back over the dance floor.
What was the point in him introducing them? I knew I would never talk to any of them again. Tomorrow it would be someone else. Where were the others anyway? I felt like a third wheel sat here, or, should I say fourth? I wished Adam was here. I scanned the room for them but it was too crowded.
"Wanna dance?" my head shot back when nobody else answered and found that Scott was asking me.
I was about to say yes but then I glanced at his decorations and if looks could kill I would be six feet under.
"Um, no, it's okay," I turned and watched the floor for our friends. It was probably for the best anyway.
A warm hand lifted mine off my lap, I closed my eyes briefly as his warmth soaked into me. I looked up into Scott's smiling face.
"Come the fuck on, babe." He led me onto the dance-floor.
"Thanks," I shouted near his ear, "but you didn't have to, you know."
He leaned down closer, "Dancing with you is not a hardship, trust me." He pulled away with a big smile.
We danced until our f
eet ached. He was a good dancer. He started mimicking the bad dancers around us and I laughed so hard that my stomach muscles protested. Later on, the others found us and joined in. He didn't touch me and he kept my personal bubble free. He was just Scott and I loved it.
ƀ
Chapter Eight
We exited the club in a fit of giggles.
"Are we going to yours?" Meg asked Scott.
Scott shrugged, "If you want."
"Um, I think I'm gonna go back to mine.” I said and hurried on, "I'm pretty tired."
"Come on, Emma!” Newton come over and hung his arm over my shoulder.
I looked to Scott for help but he was watching me with hooded eyes.
"Okay, I suppose I could sacrifice a few hours of beauty sleep for my friends," I giggled and everyone whooped at once.
When we got to Scott’s I looked at his piano by the balcony doors and couldn't resist the pull of it again. I strolled over to it. I let my fingers run lightly over the keys without pushing so I didn't make a noise.
"Do you want to play?" Scott said quietly just behind me.
Yes! "Are you joking? I wont play well now. I would never embarrass myself on purpose," I joked, although I had played tipsy so many times at home.
"Maybe some other t..."
"She's lying!" Ash butted in, "I've seen her play wasted before!” Ash had obviously had the most to drink tonight.
"Thanks, Ash." I didn't want to play.
"Won’t you play for us, Em? Please!" Oh, god! She was turning into a five year old before our eyes.
"Okay, okay!" I rolled my eyes as I looked at Scott. He was smiling at me in such a cute way that my pulse stuttered.
"Woo-hoo! Emma's gonna play on Scott's piano so settle down. This is a rare public performance!"
That sounded all kinds of wrong. I looked up to see if anyone else had a dirty mind. I blushed when Scott placed his hand on the back of his neck, shook his head and looked at the floor as he tried to smother his smile.
"Come on then, Em. I'm dying to see you play with Scott's piano." Newton burst out laughing and then Meg started too.
I huffed, not very happy with Ash at all and sat down. Right, no pressure or anything, I thought as everyone sat on the large couch except for Scott who leaned against the balcony doors with his arms crossed just waiting, watching. My blush deepened to probably beetroot as I let my fingers say hello and flex over the keys.
"What do you want me to play?"
"Play that one that you played a few years ago when we visited." I tried to remember, "You know, the slow one you played after christmas dinner.”
Great! That was my dad’s favourite. I nodded and turned my attention back to the piano. I let my fingers roam, my shoulders relax and then the song played out it's hauntingly tragic melody. I closed my eyes as I played, the song carrying me away. The sound filled the room, echoed off the walls and bounced back to me as I fed it more. A sadness crept in and shivers went down my spine. On and on I played until I lost track of time and surrendered to losing myself in the moment.
Silence. I had finished but nobody was talking. I opened my eyes and everyone was sitting there with their mouths ajar. Ash was grinning her little ass off. [n >yself in tI looked at Scott, he was studying me with hooded eyes and parted lips. Pure desire shook me, I took a quick breath and looked away.
"Goddamn, Dweeb!" Newton shouted, breaking the ice, "You can play!" he sang his words, "I almost leaked man-tears."
"What did I tell you?" I heard Ash said with pride.
"Wow, Em. You are amazing." Meg shook her head as if clearing it.
"I guess I'm okay."
Scott’s quizzed gaze held mine. The rest of the world fell away then and my brain went fuzzy. Too much booze maybe? What was he thinking when he looked at me like that? The familiar heat spread over me and up to my face. I felt hot and I was blushing a-bloody-gain!
I stood, "Phew!" I sighed, "It’s hot in here, isn't it?" I fanned my face with my hand.
Scott pushed away from the door where he had been leaning with his arms crossed. Then, without taking his eyes off me, he took my hand and led me to the balcony doors. He broke eye contact as he opened the doors and the cool night air hit me instantly as he pulled me outside onto a large balcony with two chairs and a table.
His hand was sending tingles up my arm; little flames danced along my skin. I pulled my hand out of his and he frowned.
"That's much better." I hated the silence between us. I wanted him to say something.
"You’re fuckin' talented, babe," he spoke hoarsely.
"Hm… Thousands of pounds worth of lessons so I hope I am talented by now," I smiled brightly to dull the charged atmosphere a bit, "I haven't played for a while," I looked out over the town, "and I hate playing for people." I bit my lip.
I heard him inhale quickly, then a hand came under my chin and turned my gaze back to his. "Teach me,” he said simply.
Awareness coiled in my stomach when he touched me. It was quiet out here and dark and worst of all; we were alone. I wanted to go back inside.
"Teach you?" I looked confused, "Teach you to play the piano?" I was surprised he would ask me. "Are you serious? I've never taught anyone anything."
"Yeah, I'll pay you for your time."
Could I teach someone? I'd never tried to teach anyone to play before. I had always been the student.
"If you're willing to pay then why don't you pay a professional to teach you?"
"You are a professional, babe,” he cocked his head seeming confused, "don't you know that?"
"Maybe, but I've never taught anyone before," I didn't know if it was a good idea. Actually, it was a terrible idea.
"Just think about it."
So, he wanted me to teach him to play the piano. Money he [ano">
"I wish we'd caught that on camera," I giggled.
"She does it all the fuckin' time," he said as he passed me a beer. We had moved to the kitchen after the movie. He leaned against the counter opposite me with his hands buried in his front pockets watching me with a faint smile.
“Where’s your dad anyway?” I took a swig from the bottle.
"He lives in the city to be closer to the office."
"Did he remarry after your mum left?"
"He wasn't married to my mom, he was already married but they were separated." He smiled, "My dad was forty when he met my mom. She was half his fuckin' age." He shook his head, "Big fuckin' mistake. When he found out she was pregnant, apparently, he was over the moon but my mom wasn't. Anyway, a few months after I was born she left
. My dad bought me up. He never remarried although there have been women but he's never settled. He just put all his spare time in on me," he smiled softly as he spoke.
"He sounds great."
"Yeah, he is. He's in his early sixties now but he refuses to retire," he rolled his eyes and looked at me.
"How long have you lived on your own for?" I was curious about him. He never really talked about himself and I found that I wanted to know more.
"Since I was seventeen," he came to lean on the kitchen counter beside me.
"And you're twenty-two now?"
"Uh-huh," he bent his head in a nod.
"You’ve been alone a while then, don't you get lonely?" I frowned feeling sorry for him and then my eyes widened, "Oh wait! Here I was feeling sorry for you but I totally forgot that you're hardly ever alone." I laughed but it didn't sound right. "You have a girl here every night."
He actually cringed and looked to the floor in what I thought was shame.
I carried on, "I bet you get any girl you want." I said playfully to hide my very real and annoying curiosity. "Have you ever been turned down?"
