Instead of letting myself back into Ronnie’s apartment, I knock on her door. I wait for her to answer it, as if I were picking her up for a real date. I want to go through all the motions, as silly as they may be. I really care for Ronnie and I can’t fuck this up. She’s already way out of my league, so I’m lucky I’m getting a date with her. Unfortunately, I couldn’t plan ahead so I could take her someplace really nice. With my limited budget, we’re going to have to go someplace that’s around ten dollars a person max. I feel cheap, but I’ve got a baby to care for and I can’t spend my money as frivolously as I once did. No more splurging on alcohol and tattoos, and no more piercing everything I can get pierced. I wonder what Ronnie will think when she sees the extent of my piercings and tattoos. Hell, I’m acting like we’re definitely going to fuck one day.
Before I can chastise myself a moment longer, Ronnie opens the door looking flushed and absolutely stunning. Grey squeals as soon as he sees me and reaches for me as though he hadn’t just seen me moments before. “You ready for our date?” I ask as we walk towards the flight of stairs.
“I guess it is too late to back out,” she teases. “Have you thought about where’d you like to go?”
“I thought I’d figure it out on the way. I’m sure there’s plenty of places around town.”
While there are plenty of places to choose from—most of them are packed this time of night. Everyone’s getting off work and eating out with their families, which leads me to choose pizza place on the edge of town. It’s not a fancy Italian restaurant or someplace men usually take women on dates, but it’s nice and well within my price range, and Ronnie doesn’t seem to mind. Hell, she’s such a down-to-earth girl, I’m sure she wouldn’t mind anything I chose. She seems more interested in my company than where I take her.
After Grey screamed in his high chair for several minutes, I finally relented and allowed him to sit on my lap. Here I am on my first ever proper date and I’ve got a baby in my arms. If anyone told me this was how this shit would go down a few years ago, I would’ve laughed in their face. I would’ve imagined taking the girl out to dinner, maybe to a movie or something like that before taking her right back to my place. Since she would’ve been my date, I’d have taken her to my bed instead of bagging her on the couch like I’ve done with so many other girls. While that had been the image of the perfect date in my mind—none of that seems good enough for Ronnie. She deserves so much more than any of the ideas I could ever come up with. Even as she sits across from me now, I can scarcely believe she’s actually here with me.
“So, is this how you envisioned the night going?” I tease her as Grey babbles loudly from my lap.
She blushes and is very quiet as she plays with the napkin on her lap. “Yes,” she says, giving me a coy, little reply.
Did she plan this? Was this her idea all along? I stare at her in shock. This girl just hustled me and I had no idea. I can’t describe how much that turns me on. If this wasn’t our first date—and my nephew wasn’t sitting on my lap—I would pull her out to my truck and nail her into next week. “So, did the guy take it pretty hard when you canceled?” I want to know that this guy is real and she hadn’t been completely messing with me.
“He was hoping to reschedule for another time, but I left him hanging,” she tells me with a wink.
“I’m sure he’s heartbroken.”
“I’m sure we wouldn’t have been right together.”
“Why’s that? Is there someone else in your life that you see yourself with?” I ask, giving her my signature cocky grin.
Our waitress interrupts us before she can answer, causing my entire mood to deflate for a moment. As the waitress goes over her usual spiel, I watch Ronnie, trying to read her expression to give me some clue to what she was about to say. As soon as the waitress leaves with our order, Ronnie remains silent, not offering up a single answer. Maybe she wants me to be the one to make the first move and tell her about my feelings? However, I don’t know what the fuck I feel. I can barely put what I feel into words. I know I care about her more than I’ve ever cared about any woman before—but is it love? Do I love Ronnie? Fuck, I barely know the girl and I’m already asking myself this question. What is she doing to me?
“This is nice, Trev. I never thought you’d ask me out.”
Hell, I’d thought I’d been rather flirtatious with her. I’m constantly checking her out and looking at her tits far too many times to indicate it was only a friendship I’m after. Maybe my feelings for her aren’t as apparent as I imagined. I know I haven’t really opened up to her about my past… Hell, I’ve avoided talking about anything deep because I didn’t want to reopen all of my wounds. She might know I’m lusting for her, but she might’ve not picked up on much else.
“I guess I just needed you to tease me until I caved.”
Ronnie throws her head back with a loud laugh, causing her curls to bounce around her lovely face. She looks like a fucking angel. I watch her continue to giggle as if I made the world’s greatest joke, and suddenly, all of my suspicions are confirmed. My cock-tease of a neighbor definitely planned this. Her date might’ve been legitimate—but the taunting was absolutely purposeful.
“Well, I love going on dates, but I had a feeling the night was going to be boring. Why would I want to go out with some stranger when I could go out with you?”
I smile at her words; they make me feel ten feet fucking tall. It’s as if this is her way of saying she likes me. Neither of us are ready to say the words out loud, but we show each other our feelings in our own ways. I’ve always believed that actions speak louder than words—and her words mixed with her actions are making me feel like she’s as into me as I’m into her. “Good point, Ronnie. Why would you want to go out with someone else when you have me?”
She blushes and looks away with a smile. She’s fucking smitten, I can definitely tell. The waitress serves us our sodas and I grab Grey’s formula from his diaper bag and begin to feed him as Ronnie tells me all about her workload. I’ve noted how she’s changed the subject, but I don’t push her to speak on her feelings any further. She’s got her boundaries and I’ve got mine. Besides, tonight is supposed to be fun for her and if venting about her job as an editor is fun—then I’m all ears.
“The workload I’ve had is a nightmare,” Ronnie says as she sips on her soda. “Of course, it doesn’t help that I’ve got a neighbor I always want to hang out with.”
“You’re blaming me for your slacking?” I ask incredulously, smiling at her from across the table.
“I’m not blaming you… I’m just saying you’re quite the distraction.”
“I’ve been told that a few times.” I wink at her.
“And you’re proud of that? A girl has got to earn a living, Trev.”
“Well, maybe one day I can take care of you and you won’t have to work.” Where the hell did that come from?
“You want to take care of me, Trev? It’s the twenty-first century—so I think I can take care of myself.”
“I know you can. You just deserve some time to relax every now and then. Men don’t mind carrying more of a work load.”
She rolls her eyes at me but I can tell she’s content with my statement. And while I don’t know where the fuck that statement actually came from, at least she knows I’m thinking about a future. A future which heavily involves her.
Our food arrives and we fall into an easy conversation about literature and music—two things which I loved before I found many different forms of self-medication. I can’t remember the last time I talked about Kesey, Bukowski, or Palahniuk, but it’s always freeing to discuss something you once loved. I used to read all the time before I sold all my books to a second-hand bookstore for drug money. I’d love to repurchase some of my favorites; maybe it’ll even impress Ronnie when she sees I’ve got a small library. The only books I’ve got in my apartment right now are children’s books for Grey.
“Well, I’ve always loved Bukowski. Ham on Ry
e was a nice escape from some of the British classics I would always read. When I was in college I took every British Literature course they offered because I’ve been obsessed with Austen and the Brontë sisters since I was a girl. I’ve broken many of my book’s spines and I think I’ve purchased Pride and Prejudice at least ten different times.”
“I’ve never read any of that old stuff,” I admit, wishing I’d taken another literature class in high school. “I’ve read older science fiction, but that’s about it.”
“Well, I’ve never read any of that. So, I guess we could educate each other then.”
I’ve never educated anyone on anything. Well, that’s not entirely true. One time I taught someone how to roll a joint. That’s about as far as my “teaching expertise” has gone. It was a useful skill at the time, but it’d be cool to teach someone something more… academic. Maybe Ronnie’s just looking for another reason to hang out with me. Not that she needs one. I’d be cool watching paint dry as long as it was with her.
Grey begins to grow restless. Now that he’s starting to stand up, he constantly wants to be on the move. He can only sit for so long before he gets antsy. He begins kicking his legs, wanting down, making me wonder if I should take him outside for some fresh air before he has a full-blown tantrum in the middle of this pizza joint.
“Aw, poor guy,” Ronnie says, leaning over the table—providing me with an amazing view of her cleavage—as she gives Grey a cute pout. “Is it past his bedtime?”
“Yeah, I’m sorry about this,” I apologize as I rock Grey in my arms in an effort to tame his impending tantrum. I flag down the waitress and indicate that I want the check, and with a flirtatious grin, she’s more than happy to oblige.
“It’s completely fine,” she says with a wave of her hand. “I love having Greyson around. He’s so well tempered.” She looks at his red face and continues, “Well, most of the time. Let’s pay the check and get this adorable little guy home.”
“Can you hold him for a moment?” I ask as our check comes.
Ronnie is eager, as always, to take him off my hands. I’m glad she loves Grey so much because he and I are definitely a packaged deal now. If someone isn’t fond of Greyson, then they can’t be in my life. I want him to be surrounded with love and positivity; Ronnie gives him plenty of that. She’s fucking perfect for him—and she’s fucking perfect for me.
I pay the bill, then let Ronnie carry Grey out to my truck. He’s so calm in her arms. I wish she could just stay the night at my apartment to keep his tantrum at bay. Well, I’d also like her to stay over and take care of me. But I know it’s far too early to get her into bed. Since he’s been teething his crying is constant. I keep his crib beside my bed at night because I know he’ll wake-up multiple times from the pain caused by his gums.
“Thanks for tonight, Trev. That was a lot more fun than a stuffy dinner with a stranger,” Ronnie teases as I open up the passenger door of the truck cab for her.
“Well, I really appreciate that. What an amazing compliment,” I say sarcastically.
As she looks up at me with the streetlight shining down on her lovely face, I want nothing more than to bend down and press my lips against hers. I wonder if they’re as soft as they look.
“Tonight, was amazing, Trev. I had a lot of fun. Just like I always do when I’m with you.”
I smile at her and it takes all the strength inside of me to walk away without touching and kissing her the way I want to. I take Grey from her arms and strap him safely into his car seat as she slides into her spot in the front. I wonder if she wanted me to kiss her. With the way she was looking at me, I couldn’t really tell. I’ve never done shit the proper way with girls and now I’m wondering if I truly don’t know how. I’m just so used to fucking them first and getting to know them afterward—if I even bothered with that step at all. I’ve never wanted to make a girl fall for me. If Dean were here, he’d be able to give me some advice. He married his high school sweetheart, so he obviously knew what he was doing. He’d have said something like, “Man, stop being so nervous. She’s probably just as anxious as you are. Just take her out and don’t chase her off by banging her too soon.” The memory of him is always bittersweet. It causes me to smile for a moment, as I think of the friendship we used to share; then the reality that he’s gone hits me like a freight train. If he were here, I know he would’ve liked Ronnie. He could always tell which people were the “good ones.” I think he would’ve picked Ronnie for me if I hadn’t picked her myself.
Chapter 13
Dark days
There are moments that transport you back in time. Images conjure up memories that have long been forgotten. Seeing Travis again took me back to my time in high school. Dean was the star athlete and I was a stoned brawler who couldn’t go a week without receiving some sort of discipline from our parents. Travis had been the running back on the high school football team with Dean. The three of us had once been very close—even though I was a few grades below them.
“You’ve got to quit dicking around, Trevor. You know Mom’s going to freak-out when she hears about this.”
With a busted lip and a fucked-up nose, there’s no way Mom’s going to keep her mouth shut this time. Not that she notices me much anyway. I can usually just slide by her and she won’t even bother to look up. I don’t complain; I love how fucking oblivious she is when it comes to me. I can spend my days away from home and come back in the early morning hours and not a single fuck is ever given. Of course, my dad would freak-out if he ever found out the truth. But he usually spends his nights trapped in his study, working on a heaping pile of paper work, while my mom drinks and watches reality television.
“She won’t hear about anything,” I say as I dab my upper lip with a dirty rag. “Just distract her with your stories like you always do. Tell her about a football game you won or some shit like that. She eats that shit right up.”
Dean rolls his eyes at me—although, he knows it’s fucking true. “I’ll cover for you this time, little brother. You got to stop wailing on everyone you see, though. You’re creating more enemies than you know what to do with.”
This time, I roll my eyes. “That’s an exaggeration. You know Drake had that shit coming to him for a while.”
“You fucked his girl, Trevor. Of course, he’s upset about it.”
Cleo was a prime piece, but one of the main reasons I hooked up with her was to mess with her dick of a boyfriend. Hooking up has become a sport for me. A sport that I’m really good at. It’s amazing, that regardless of the amount of shit I get for my actions, I’m never in need of a girl. Dean, my poster boy brother, is the opposite of me. While he still gets laid as frequently as I do, he’s got a steady girlfriend who doesn’t exactly like me. Cat thinks my behavior is disgusting, which I don’t understand. If a girl wants to drop her panties for some random asshole she’s just met, then who am I to stop her from having fun?
Travis jogs towards us with a shit-eating grin on his face. His parents just left town and he’s been itching to throw a party from the moment they walked out the door. “You two coming by tonight?”
“Of course, dude. I told you Trevor and I would be there,” Dean says with his usual bright, all-American smile.
They get to talking as we head to my brother’s car, with me lagging behind like I normally do. Travis jumps into the passenger seat and Dean stops me before I have the chance to jump in the back.
“Don’t bring any of your shit to the party tonight, Bro. We almost had an accident last time because of you.”
I nod, feeling sick all of a sudden. I wasn’t in the right frame of mind at the time, and it’s haunted me to this day. I’ve never seen anyone look like that. I’d lost track of my pills after one too many drinks and some girl snatched them off the counter and decided to take the lot of them. It was a wake-up call, and since then I’ve been more careful and kept anything I bring on my person at all times.
“Trevor? Trevor Warren is that you?”
Travis’s familiar voice pulls me away from my memories. Luckily, putting a stop to them before I remember the way that night had gotten a hell of a lot darker. So much stuff went down at that party and now that I’ve changed, it feels as though all that shit happened to a different person all together.
As I look up at Travis, I cringe to find he looks the exact same as he did back in high school. He looks more mature and calculating, but other than that, he looks just like he did when I saw him two years ago at my brother’s wedding. However, he looks older, and not in the way that’s to be expected. His eyes are haunted and his face is gaunt. I understand because I’m also mourning the loss of my best friend. He puts on a fake, cheery smile before walking toward my booth situated in farthest corner of the local diner. Grey must sense my change of mood because he grows agitated in my arms—giving me forewarning I don’t have much longer here until he starts crying.
“Hey, Trevor! It’s been forever, hasn’t it? I haven’t seen you since you left for California,” Travis says, gesturing to the unoccupied side of the booth—a silent way of asking if the seat’s taken.
I nod, indicating that it’s okay. Travis slides into his seat across from me.
“You’ve got little Greyson with you, too.” His bittersweet smile quickly transforms into a tired grimace. “I’m sorry I didn’t reach out to you sooner, Trevor. I just haven’t been feeling too hot since the funeral,” he rambles, running a nervous hand through his sandy blonde hair. “How are you doing, man?”
I want to fucking bolt. I don’t know what it is, but his presence puts me completely on edge. Maybe it’s because he’s a reminder of my brother, which I don’t fucking want. I wish I could lock away all the shitty reminders of Dean into a box and throw away the fucking key. Everything brings back too many painful memories. I guess I’m able to cope with Grey so well because I hadn’t met him until after his father’s death. I’m sure if I met him before, he’d be another painful reminder, as well. I feel fucking skittish. I’ve got to get out of here. Fuck, what is wrong with me? I feel like I’m an animal trapped in a fucking cage at the zoo.
The Blessing Page 13
