by Paula Mowery
Sean smiled and winked at Hope. “Sounds good to me.”
Eating at the restaurant felt normal. The three of them had done that often. Going back to Sean’s condo would be quite different. He had solved the sleeping arrangements. Hope would take his bed while Sean would sleep in the room that also held his office. She couldn’t help lamenting over the way she had dreamed a real wedding night would be. That night she lay in Sean’s bed twisting the unfamiliar band on her finger. Sean slept just across the hall. She craved the warmth of his embrace.
That first week they had fallen into a routine which eased the awkward newness of this new arrangement. Hope’s only problem? How long until Sean saw through her ruse and realized she was truly in love with him?
* * *
Sean enjoyed having Hope near these six weeks, but wished for more. Would she back off if she knew he wanted this to be a real marriage?
With Grace dropped off at kindergarten, his work screamed for attention. He planned to lock himself in his home office until time to pick his daughter up again. He slid into his parking space, and his head whipped to Hope’s car. Why was she still here? Was she ill? He raced to the door and let himself in just as Hope emerged from the bathroom wrapped in a towel. Her eyes bulged.
She certainly didn’t appear ill. Sean’s pulse raced. He swallowed. “I’m sorry. Um, are you okay?” He ran his hand down his face. He resisted going to her, touching her. “I just saw your car and thought…”
Her cheeks reddened, and she pulled the towel tighter around her body. “Oh, I’m so sorry. I don’t have a shift today.” Her eyes darted. “I can get out of your way.”
“No.” That came out too soon. Her freshly scrubbed face glowed. “I mean, no, you’re not in the way. This is your home too.”
Hope mashed her lips together and stared at the ceiling as if contemplating his words. Her gaze focused on him. “Thank you.” Her voice was low and shaky.
He was messing this up. What more could he say to make her believe what he had said?
“Excuse me.” She turned and rushed down the hall.
Sean plopped onto the couch and took a deep breath to calm his pounding heart. Why couldn’t he just admit to her that he wanted to make a home with her? Wake up, Holland, you’re not good enough for her. He jumped to his feet and retreated to his writing hole, unsure he could focus now.
* * *
Hope planted her back to the bedroom door. Her hands trembled, and her breath came in pants. Her heart had prompted her to run into Sean’s arms. But, her fear of rejection held her fast. This game of pretend chipped away at her piece by piece. How long could she live with a man she had fallen in love with but didn’t return her affections? Could he learn to love her?
* * *
“I’m going to pick up Grace,” he called through Hope’s bedroom door. She hadn’t emerged all afternoon.
“Okay.” Her muffled voice came through the wall.
Sean trudged to his car. Could they continue like this?
His phone buzzed through his car’s system. He glanced at the screen. The lawyer.
“Mrs. Collins, hello.”
“Mr. Holland, I’m glad I could catch you before the weekend. Tiffany’s mother has dropped everything, so Grace remains in your care.”
“That’s great.” His voice lacked the enthusiasm.
“Is everything, okay?”
“Oh, yeah. Sorry. I’m surprised she gave up so soon.”
“Yes, it’s true. Have a nice day and congratulations.”
“I will, and thanks.” He ended the call. Would Hope leave now? Get an annulment? His heart ached.
He waited until Grace was asleep that evening and then led Hope into the living room, sitting next to her on the couch.
Her brow crinkled.
“I got a call from the lawyer today.”
“Oh?”
“It seems that Tiffany’s mother has backed down.”
Hope bowed her head. Did her lip quiver? She stood quickly and smiled. “That’s good then.” She shrugged.
Sean rubbed his chin and sighed. “I guess I didn’t need to panic like I did.”
“I understand. You didn’t force me.” She rushed from the room and into her bedroom. Was she that eager to leave? She emerged with one suitcase. “I’ll get the other stuff tomorrow. I’m sure you’re ready to be back in your own room.”
Her eyes were red-rimmed. A tear rolled down her cheek, and she hurriedly swiped it with the back of her hand. Why the tears? Would she miss Grace? Could she possibly miss him? She opened the door, walked out, and never looked back.
His heart ached. He had to stop her, had to try. His pulse pounded as he sped for the parking lot.
“Wait!” He was too late.
* * *
Tears blurred Hope’s vision as she sped from Sean’s condo. Why did her heart have to ache like that? She had fooled herself thinking Sean might actually love her enough to stay married. Why had she so desperately jumped at his proposal, knowing it could end so soon? She knew the answer. She craved a family, a life that she’d never had. God, why didn’t your Spirit stop me?
She slowed to a stop at a red light and swiped tears from her eyes with the backs of her hands. The light turned green, and she accelerated into the intersection. A loud horn blared, and she glanced to her left. The front grill of a large truck barreled toward her. Her breath caught in her throat. Knowing it was too close to get out of the way, Hope stiffened her body and closed her eyes, anticipating the impact.
“Dear God!” she screamed.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Sean jolted when his cell phone rang. He picked it up quickly. He didn’t want Grace to awaken. He wasn’t prepared to explain where Hope had gone.
“Hello.” He cleared his throat and repeated his greeting. He glanced at his watch. Midnight.
“Is this Mr. Sean Holland?” The voice sounded serious and direct.
“Yes, it is.”
“Mr. Holland, your wife has been in a serious accident. We need you to come to the Emergency Room at Baptist Hospital immediately.”
Sean’s stomach hardened, his heart raced and nearly exploded.
“Sir?”
“I’m sorry. Yes, I’ll be there.” Sean ended the call and slipped into his shoes. Just as he reached for the doorknob, he remembered Grace. What should he do? He couldn’t leave her alone, and he definitely couldn’t take her with him. He fumbled with his phone, finally locating his parent’s number. Hurry. Hurry.
“Son?” His father’s voice answered.
“Dad, I need you and mom to come stay with Grace. Hope’s been in an accident. I have to get to the ER.”
“What happened?”
“I don’t have time to explain. I just know that it’s serious, and I need to get there.”
“We’re on our way.”
Sean paced a path back and forth from the living room to the front door. His whole body trembled. What took his parents so long?
He should’ve caught Hope. He should’ve never let her go. Please don’t die. His eyes misted. He jumped at tapping on the door. He swung it open to his parent’s distressed, wide-eyed faces.
“Thank you. Grace is asleep in her bed. I’ll call when I know something.”
“We love you, Son,” his mother called to him as he sprinted for his car.
The drive to the hospital had never been so long. Finally, he screeched his car into a parking space, ran into the ER entrance, and straight to one of three cubicles.
“My wife, Hope. They called me.”
“Mr. Holland?”
He nodded, struggling to catch his breath.
“I’ll meet you at the double doors.” The woman gestured to his left.
He stepped to where she indicated, heard a buzz, and the doors opened. The woman motioned him through and directed his attention to some forms.
“We need you to sign these…”
Sean grabbed the pen and scribbled his signature without
looking. “Can I see her?”
“Wait here just a moment.”
Sean couldn’t stand still. He shifted his feet and stuck his trembling hands into his pockets.
The nurse reappeared and looked him directly in the eyes. “Mr. Holland, it might be disturbing to see your wife. I want to warn you.”
Sean swallowed at the lump in his throat.
“She’s pretty banged up.”
“What happened? Do you know?”
“A truck ran through an intersection, striking your wife’s car on the driver’s side.”
Sean’s stomach lurched. “Oh, God, no,” he whispered.
“You can see her for just a moment, then you’ll need to wait outside. The medical staff tending her need their space. They’re doing everything they can.”
Sean nodded and followed the nurse into a cubicle. Doctors and nurses buzzed around a gurney. He spotted Hope’s swollen and bloodied face. Covering his gaping mouth to hide his shock, he slid next to her. Hot tears streamed down his cheeks. He whispered her name and pushed a lock of hair from her forehead.
“Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to wait out in the waiting room.”
“But…”
“We’ll keep you informed.”
Two hands on his arms guided him from the room. He meandered to a vacant corner of the waiting room and plopped onto a black vinyl chair. He squeezed his eyes shut and silently prayed. “I know I have no right asking You for anything, but please spare her. I love her.”
The ticking of the clock on the wall above his head accentuated each grueling moment with no word from the doctors. Finally, about 6:30 a.m., a doctor strode Sean’s direction. The doctor’s face appeared quite grave. Sean stood.
“Mr. Holland?”
Sean nodded. “How is she?”
“She’s alive.”
Sean let out a breath.
“But, she’s being transferred to the ICU upstairs. We’re concerned about brain swelling and possible internal injuries. Because of the trauma, we’re keeping her sedated.”
“Can I see her? Be with her?”
“Of course. I want to limit a lot of other visitors. But, you being her husband, we’re a little more lenient with the closest family member in these kinds of situations.”
Sean’s stomach wrenched tighter.
“A nurse will come for you in a little while.”
Sean’s phone vibrated in his pocket. He pulled it out. “Dad?”
“Son, how is Hope?”
“They’re moving her to ICU. A truck struck her in the driver’s side. She’s alive, but it’s serious.” Grace’s little-girl voice chirped in the background. “About Grace . . .”
“Your mom and I will take her home with us.”
“I would appreciate it. I feel I need to stay here.” Sean ran his hand through his hair.
“She wants to talk to you.”
“Put her on.”
“Hello?”
“Grace, honey, Hope’s been in a car wreck, so I’m going to stay with her here at the hospital.”
“Can I come stay, too?”
“I’m afraid they won’t let little girls be here, but you go with Nana and Grandpa. I’ll see you soon.”
“But, will God take her away and not let me see her? That’s what happened with Mommy.” Her voice quivered. “She needs the shawl.”
The prayer shawl.
“Let me talk with Grandpa again, okay?”
“Son.”
“Dad, on the way to your house, could you stop by? Grace wants to bring the prayer shawl.”
“Sure, Son.”
Sean would meet them outside the hospital entrance, letting the ER receptionist know. He didn’t want to miss the nurse who would take him to Hope’s room. He spotted the familiar SUV and stepped out the door onto the sidewalk. Before he walked two steps, Grace’s little feet patted over, and she threw her arms around his legs. He knelt, and she wrapped her arms about his neck. Sean returned the embrace and breathed in the clean smell of her hair.
She stepped back and pushed the prayer shawl towards him. “Hope needs this, Daddy.”
Sean’s heart fluttered at her use of Daddy again. “I’ll take it to her.”
The little girl’s bottom lip trembled. Crocodile tears rushed down her cheeks. “Car wrecks take mommies away.”
Sean choked back tears, clearing his throat. He ran his hand through her hair and settled it on her shoulder and squeezed it. “Honey, we’ll pray that won’t happen.”
“Right now?” Her little eyes pleaded.
He glanced at his father, who nodded, urging him. Fixing his gaze on Grace, he breathed in and let it out. Grace grabbed both his hands and closed her eyes and bowed her head. Sean swallowed at the lump in his throat. He joined her by closing his eyes and bowing. “Dear God, please heal Hope. We love her and want her to be okay.”
Looking into Grace’s face, she nodded and embraced him around the neck again. When she pushed back, he swiped her cheeks. “You don’t mind staying with Nana and Grandpa do you?”
Grace shook her head. “No. Hope needs you.”
Sean’s chest tightened. He touched her cheek. “I’ll call you later. Okay?”
“Okay.” She leaned in and whispered. “I’ll be good.”
“I’m counting on that.” He tweaked her nose then glanced at his parents. “I’m more worried about Nana and Grandpa.” He winked.
After hugs and promises to call to keep them updated, Sean waved as the three drove away.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Sean clutched the shawl and marched back to his spot in the waiting room. After what seemed to be hours, the nurse finally escorted him to the ICU room where Hope was now settled. Her body appeared frail in the large bed. Tubes and chords attached her to numerous machines replete with small blinking lights and humming noises.
He stared at her battered face, squeezed the prayer shawl, and whispered a prayer. “God, I love her. Please spare her. I need her.” Tears slid down his cheeks and dripped onto his shirt. “She was right. I can’t get through something like this without you.”
He spread the shawl over Hope’s chest and sat in the only chair in the small room, never taking his gaze from her face.
* * *
Sean’s vigil by Hope’s side had been going on for four days now. He had only left a couple of times to shower and change clothes.
“Mr. Holland?” a male voice called from behind.
Sean twisted around in his chair to find the doctor. “Yes?”
“I wanted to let you know that we are going to ease Mrs. Holland off some of the medications we’ve used to keep her knocked out.”
“So, she might wake up?” Sean’s pulse picked up a notch.
“We are hoping she will awaken gradually. But, I must warn you that we have no idea of the extent of damage she could have.”
“Meaning?”
“Meaning, I’m not sure about possible memory loss or other impairments like speech.”
Sean’s chest ached, and his whole body trembled. He could only nod. The doctor exited, and Sean turned his attention back to Hope. This precious woman didn’t deserve this. He had made such a mess of everything. What if her memory was gone? What if she couldn’t speak or had some other permanent impairment? She would blame him and rightfully so. Why couldn’t he be laying there in that hospital bed instead of her?
Time to swallow his miserable pride. He yanked his cell phone out of his pocket, bringing up his parent’s number.
“Sean, what’s happened?” His mother’s panicked voice came through.
“Mom, they’re going to wean her off the drugs. The doctor’s not sure…” His voice broke. “Mama, you’ve gotta get people praying.”
His mother sighed. “Thank God.”
“Excuse me?”
“The prodigal returns?”
“Let’s just say that Hope helped me realize that it took more faith not to believe in God.”
His mothe
r sniffed. “All things work together for good for those who live according to His purpose.”
“Oh, Mom, Hope’s just got to be all right.”
“We’re joining in your prayers, Son.”
* * *
Hope became restless as the hours stretched out, rocking her head from side to side or shifting her arms and legs. Still, she hadn’t opened her eyes. Each time Sean would caress her arm or speak her name.
Finally, Sean knelt beside her bed. What was that verse his mother had quoted? “All things work together for good—”
“—for those who live according to His purpose. Romans 8:28,” Hope said in a low voice.
Sean’s head jerked up, and he sprang to his feet just in time to see Hope’s eyes flutter. She gazed into his eyes. Sean bit his lip, at a loss for words. Did she recognize him?
“Sean.” It came out almost like a sigh.
He couldn’t stop a smile. “Hope.” Tears blurred his vision. He blinked them aside.
She glanced at the prayer shawl still draped across her chest and then focused back on Sean. “You prayed?”
“I haven’t stopped since they called me to the hospital.”
Her mouth curved upwards. “Thank God.”
Sean chuckled. “You sound like my mother.” He gently touched her cheek with his hand. Hope leaned into it. “Do you know why you’re here?”
“A big truck.”
He chuckled again. “I’m so glad you’re awake and know who I am.”
Her eyelids fluttered. “I’m sorry. No energy.”
He stroked her arm. “That’s okay. You rest. I’ll be here when you wake up again.”
She closed her eyes and nodded. Her breathing became even.
Now it was his turn. “Thank God.”
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
The doctor informed Hope that she would finally be able to go home after two weeks in the hospital. Sean was determined for her to go back to his condo for the remainder of her recovery. Would it be awkward? Her stomach knotted. She gripped the prayer shawl and prayed for God to calm her spirit and her nerves.
“Hey, Sunshine, you ready to blow this joint?” Sean called as he burst into her room.
