by Sarah Morgan
‘No. You’re upset that I’ve “done this” because you’re worried about the impact it’s going to have on your life.’ Emma wrapped her arms around herself. ‘You don’t care about my life. You don’t care that I’m in love with Lucas or that I’m hurting or that the thought of a life without him is breaking my heart. You don’t care about any of that.’
‘You’re in love with him? You really are?’ Angie looked so appalled that Emma closed her eyes.
‘Yes, but if you’re worried I’m going to be like Mum then don’t be. I know he doesn’t love me back so I’m not going to be hanging around waiting for that to happen. He can’t love because he’s hurting so badly—’
Angie looked baffled. ‘How is he hurting?’
‘Never mind. It doesn’t matter. I shouldn’t have said anything—’ Her voice broke and she turned away but the next moment Angie had dumped the plates and suddenly she had her arms around Emma and they were hugging in a way they’d never hugged before.
‘I’m sorry. I didn’t know you were in love with him. I would have done anything for that not to happen. I saw how badly that affected Mum.’ Angie was crying too and hugging her so tightly that Emma could hardly breathe. ‘I’m sorry you’re so hurt. I do care. You have no idea. It’s just that I promised Mum I’d look after you and Jamie and not let anything happen to you and I feel like I’ve failed because you’ve gone and done exactly what she did. I never, ever wanted you to be hurt in this way. I did everything I could to protect you from it.’
‘This is life, Angie, and you can’t stop life happening. And you haven’t failed. You held it all together and you gave up so much so that we could be a family, I’m not surprised you feel resentful about that sometimes. You wouldn’t be human if you didn’t.’ Sniffing, Emma pulled away even though it felt surprisingly good to be held. ‘But that is going to change. I’m going to find a job closer to home so that I can take care of Jamie and you can go to college.’
‘I couldn’t do that.’
‘Why not?’
‘Because I’m the head of the family.’
Emma shook her head, realising for the first time just how much responsibility their mother had loaded onto her elder sister. ‘No. You’ve allowed me to do a job I love. Now it’s your turn. Life doesn’t have to be a self-sacrifice, Angie. Maybe it isn’t possible to have it all, but we can do better than this.’
Jamie came running into the room and stopped dead when he saw them, the excitement in his face replaced by anxiety. ‘What’s the matter? What’s wrong? Why are you both crying?’
‘Nothing.’ Angie pulled away, smiling. ‘We’re just hugging. Sisters hug. Anything wrong with that?’
‘No.’ Jamie looked at them curiously and Emma wrapped him in her arms, grateful for her family and trying to ignore the horrible, hollow ache in her gut.
‘It’s so good to be home. I missed you.’ Determined not to mope, she released him. She had to pull herself together because the last thing she wanted was for Jamie to guess how bad she was feeling. ‘Sorry it took me so long to get here.’
‘It doesn’t matter. I was at Sam’s and that was really cool because he has a new puppy. And I played with the Lego Lucas sent. I can’t wait to show you.’
Frowning, Emma released him. ‘Lego?’
‘The Star Wars ship. It arrived the day you flew to … to … that place.’
‘Zubran. Lucas sent you Lego? But how did he even know it’s your favourite?’ And then she remembered that she’d mentioned it. Just once. The morning after they’d—She swallowed. ‘Was there a note with it?’
Jamie poured cereal into a bowl, oblivious of the significance of the gift. ‘Yes, but it was short. It just said he was sorry he had to borrow you or something and that the Lego would keep me busy until you came home. Can I have sugar on my cereal?’
‘No.’ Both girls spoke simultaneously and Emma felt her heart pound.
‘That was a thoughtful, generous thing to do.’
Angie shot her a warning look. ‘And that’s all it was. A thoughtful and generous gesture. And quite right too. Don’t go getting any ideas. Don’t read anything into it. You are not going down that route. Remember?’
But over the next few days, Emma discovered just how hard it was to kill hope. Every time the phone rang, her heart jumped. Every time someone knocked on the door, she held her breath. But it was never Lucas and the disappointment was like a physical blow. The effort of keeping a smile on her face exhausted her. Inside she felt hollow and miserable and it must have showed because Angie started to fuss over her in a way she’d never fussed before. Or maybe it was just that their relationship had changed. Certainly they were talking more and Emma had even persuaded her sister to pick up a prospectus from the local college.
Two days later she had a call from Cristiano Ferrara, offering her a job.
‘I heard that you resigned,’ he said, his Sicilian accent more pronounced over the phone, ‘and I didn’t want you to be snapped up by anyone else. You can work from home or we’ll find you an office, whichever you prefer. I don’t care where you are as long as you work for me. Our business is growing and it would be useful to have someone based in the UK.’
Emma listened as he outlined terms that were ridiculously generous and all the time he was speaking she just wanted to ask about Lucas. She wanted to know if he was all right. If he was working too hard. If he’d changed since he’d looked after little Ella.
But she didn’t, because she knew she had no right to know the answer to any of those questions.
And she accepted the job without hesitation, ignoring that tiny part of her that said she was only doing it because it meant retaining a tiny link with Lucas. That wasn’t it. What person in their right mind would turn down the chance to work for the Ferrara Group? Especially at the terms he was offering.
They agreed to sort out details in the New Year and Emma came off the phone wondering why she couldn’t feel more elated.
Angie squealed with excitement when she told her and Jamie was delighted that she wasn’t going to be away so much.
Emma couldn’t even bring herself to think about working for someone who wasn’t Lucas.
A few days after the madness of Christmas, she was standing in Jamie’s bedroom, staring at the Star Wars Lego and wondering again why Lucas had sent it, when the doorbell rang.
Jamie and Emma had gone to scour the sales for bargains and she was alone in the house so she had no choice but to answer the door herself.
Lucas stood there holding a handful of crumpled papers, his Lamborghini attracting a crowd of awed teenagers in the street outside. ‘Can I come in?’
Emma looked at him stupidly, resisting the temptation to fling herself at him like a puppy greeting its owner. So handsome, she thought, as she looked at that dark hair brushing the collar of the black cashmere coat. Handsome and guarded. ‘I thought you were in Zubran.’
‘Not any more. Are you going to let me in or slam the door in my face?’
Her heart skidded in her chest. She told herself firmly that what he was going to say wasn’t going to be what she wanted him to say. It would be something to do with work. Something she’d forgotten to hand over to Fiona. ‘You can come in, but I can’t vouch for the safety of your car if you leave it there.’
‘I don’t care about my car.’ Without waiting for her to move aside, he stepped past her and the brush of his body against hers caused them both to tense.
They created it between them, she thought. The electricity.
His eyes narrowed. ‘You’ve lost weight.’
Emma thought of Avery and lifted her chin. Pride. No way was she going to let him know how bad she felt. ‘No, I haven’t,’ she lied, ‘it’s just what I’m wearing. What’s that in your hand? If it’s a contract, forget it. I’m already working for someone else.’
‘I know. Cristiano. Good. I’m glad that’s sorted out.’
Emma closed the front door, thinking that the narrow h
allway of their home wasn’t the best place to be trapped with a man of his physique. She wanted to keep her distance, but there wasn’t enough room to keep her distance when he dominated the limited space. ‘You told him to employ me?’
‘I can’t tell Cristiano Ferrara who to employ. I merely told him you were available. He’s a bright guy. I knew it would be a matter of hours before he offered you a job.’ There was something different about him. Something in his eyes. A new energy and she felt relieved to see it because she’d been so worried about him.
‘You’re not here to ask me to work for you again?’
‘No. I don’t want you working for me again. Fiona is working out nicely. You were right about her. She’s great.’
‘Oh. Right. Well, that’s—’ her ego absorbed the blow ‘—good. That’s really good.’
‘Yes, it is good, because you have this thing about not having a relationship with your boss,’ he said softly, ‘so I don’t want to be your boss any more.’
Emma felt strangely dizzy.
She was doing it again, she thought. Imagining things she shouldn’t be imagining. Dreaming dreams she shouldn’t be dreaming.
‘Why don’t you want to be my boss any more?’
‘You’re a bright girl. I would have thought it was obvious.’
Emma lifted her hand to her throat, too scared to speak.
He raised an eyebrow. ‘Aren’t you going to say something?’ The corners of his mouth—that beautiful sexy mouth—flickered. ‘I’ve never known you short of words before.’
‘If you don’t want me to work for you then … those papers in your hand aren’t a contract?’
‘No.’ He handed them to her and she smoothed them with shaking hands and saw that she was holding a picture of a house, obviously drawn by a child but surprisingly detailed.
‘Oh. Did Ella do this?’
‘No. I did it.’ His voice was rough. ‘I was six years old and living in one small room with a woman who didn’t want me.’
Emma looked at him, the breath jammed in her throat. His mother. He was talking about his mother. ‘You drew it?’
‘Living in that small room with just one tiny window felt wrong to me. To block it out I dreamed of the house I wanted to live in. I promised myself that one day I’d build it and to make sure I never forgot, I drew it. You’re holding that drawing.’
‘You kept it.’
‘Yes. Because I never wanted to forget where I came from.’
The lump stung her throat as she thought of the little boy dreaming of his escape. ‘Why are you showing me this?’
‘Because it’s time to build that house. I’ve built structures for many people, but never a home for myself because home meant family and I’ve always shied away from that for all the reasons you already know. Even when I married Vicky I didn’t build this home. She chose an expensive house in an expensive road and I paid for it. But now I’m ready to build something special. And what I want to know is—’ he hesitated, his gaze fixed on her face ‘—will you live in it with me?’
The papers slid from her fingers onto the floor. ‘Me?’
‘Yes, because a house is just a building. It’s the people in it that make it a home and that’s what I want. A proper home.’ Stooping, he recovered the drawings. ‘It doesn’t have to be exactly like this. You can help me improve it. And Jamie had better have some input as he’ll be living in it too. And I thought we could build a separate house for your sister in the grounds, so that she can have her own life but still be part of ours if she wants that.’
‘Part of ours?’ If she’d been scared before, she was terrified now. Terrified that what she was imagining wasn’t what he was asking. That his intentions might not match her hopes. That she might fall as her mother had fallen, and then stumble to her feet only to fall again. ‘I don’t understand what you’re asking. I don’t understand what you’re telling me.’
He put the drawings on the hall table. ‘I’m asking you to marry me. I’m asking you to live with me so that we can be a family. I’m telling you that I love you.’
Emma closed her eyes, unable to believe what he was saying. ‘You can’t love. It’s the one thing you can’t do. You don’t want to do it.’
‘I’ve discovered I was wrong about that. Apparently I can love.’ He cupped her face in his hands and lowered his mouth to hers, kissing her gently. ‘I love you. And I want to be with you, always. I can build you a house, Emma, I’m good at that part. But you have to help me make it a home. That’s the bit I’m no good at. But you are. I’ve never met anyone like you before. You’re fiercely loyal and determined. That night in the snow—I sent you away, but you wouldn’t leave.’
‘How could I leave you? I was so worried about you.’
‘I was unforgivably rude to you.’
‘Not rude. Just hurting.’ She touched his face with her fingers, still unable to believe that he’d actually said he loved her. ‘I stayed because I wanted to.’
‘And last year—’ he breathed deeply ‘—you stayed then too.’
‘I only put a blanket over you, I didn’t know what else to do.’
‘And you locked the door and made sure no one saw me like that. And then brought me strong coffee all morning and fielded my calls, without ever putting pressure on me to tell you what was wrong.’
‘I suppose I knew you wouldn’t want to talk about it. And now I know, I’m not surprised you were drunk—’ she slid her arms around his waist ‘—you suffered a terrible loss.’
‘Yes. And that doesn’t go away,’ he said quietly, ‘but spending time with you made me look at it differently. And look at myself differently. And then you and Cristiano cooked up that plan for me to have Ella.’
‘It was Cristiano’s idea. I was worried it might have been too much but he was determined to do something. He just made me promise not to come out of the bedroom and take over.’
His eyes gleamed. ‘So you left me to struggle.’
‘No, I left you to cope. And I hoped that once you realised you were coping, you’d start to regain your confidence. And you did.’
‘Yes,’ he said slowly, ‘I did.’
‘You’ve never even told me what happened to Vicky. Were you divorced?’
‘We were never married. The moment I found out she was pregnant, I wanted her to marry me, but she wouldn’t make that commitment. She thought it would make her less marketable. She didn’t want to be seen as a “mother”. The only thing that was keeping us together was Elizabeth and after she died, we went our separate ways. Last thing I heard Vicky was in Australia but we don’t keep in touch.’
‘I’m sorry.’
‘Don’t be. It was never a relationship. That was the problem. And I told myself I didn’t want to even try it again. That night in the castle—it was so hard to tell you I wanted to keep it professional.’ He lowered his mouth to hers and kissed her slowly and deliberately, until she gave a low moan and pressed against him.
‘I really believed that was what you wanted. Then I started to wonder. Your reaction over the red dress—I thought you were just angry but Avery thought it was something different.’
He smiled against her lips. ‘Avery is too astute for her own good.’
‘I like her so much. She was the one who persuaded me to just dress up and have a good time. So that’s what I did. I really didn’t think anything would happen. And then you were so angry that I danced with Carlo—’
‘Jealous—’ Lucas groaned ‘—and not proud of it. But it was seeing you with him that made me realise that I didn’t want to keep things professional. I’d never felt that way before.’
‘I hadn’t either. I’d always promised myself that I’d never fall for my boss and I really tried to stick to that, but I decided that night that I just wanted to spend whatever time I could with you. That I’d rather find another job if I had to.’
‘I can’t believe you sacrificed so much to support your family.’ He gathered her close. �
�When I think of the number of times I kept you working late at the office, not knowing that you were going home alone to a rented room.’
‘I liked working late. Probably because I loved being with you.’
‘I was a nightmare boss.’
‘No! That isn’t true. You were an excellent boss.’
‘You slog your guts out during the week to earn money for your family and then you rush back here at weekends so that you can take care of them, not because you have to but because you want to. I’ve never seen that commitment in anyone. To be honest I didn’t even believe it existed. You’re so special.’
‘I’m not special,’ she stammered, ‘I’m boringly ordinary. There are loads of people like me around.’
‘Not true. And anyway, the only person I’m interested in is you. And because I’m horribly selfish I want you all to myself. I want you with a piece of paper binding you to me and I want you wearing my ring on your finger so that if I drive you mad you won’t walk out.’
‘I’d never walk out!’ Emma was shocked that he’d even suggest it and then remembered that he’d never had any stability in his life, ever, and that realisation made her hug him all the more tightly because she was determined to change all that. ‘You’re so incredibly talented and clever and you’ve built so many things, but you’ve never had foundations of your own. You don’t have to worry about me leaving. I’d never leave. I love you so much.’
‘I know. And I’m so lucky that you love me. You are the most loyal, loving person I’ve ever met.’ He buried his fingers in her hair and kissed her again. ‘You’ve stuck with your sister and brother, no matter what. You took a job that paid well so that you could support them even though it meant living away from them. I’ve never met anyone as unselfish as you.’
‘I wasn’t that unselfish,’ Emma murmured, leaning her head against his chest. ‘I loved my job. Or at least, I loved being with you every day. Seeing you. I’ve missed you so badly it’s been agony although very good for the figure.’
‘You can still be with me every day, only you won’t be working with me.’ He stroked her hair. ‘You haven’t answered my question.’
