“How do you it?” I asked, wrapping my cold hands around my empty cup, trying to soak in the last of its warmth. “Day after day…”
“Because he’s the only man in the world I can’t live without,” she said. “I decided somewhere along the way that I’d rather have one single day loving him, than a whole lifetime with anyone else. Randy and those two babies…” She stood up and went into the kitchen, coffee pot in hand. “I nearly ran once too, you know,” she admitted softly, refilling my cup.
“Wait… what…?”
She glanced up, sheepish. “We’d been married about six months… and I didn’t know yet that April was on the way.” She sat down beside me, sober. “He’d been out on duty more than he’d been home… and it wasn’t exactly my dream of young married life.”
She grinned and her pale blue eyes sparkled. Color rose in her cheeks. “But I stayed. Your brother can be reckless and shortsighted and about the most frustrating damned man I ever met.” I blinked and she went on. “He’s also the kindest man I ever met.” Her look softened, her whole demeanor shifted. “He’s steadfast and devoted and I trust him more than I ever thought possible. I live everyday knowing I could lose him to a wildfire, and I’ve learned to accept that it’s out of my control.
“The only thing I can control… is opening up my whole heart to him and loving him anyway.”
16
Jason
“I need a dozen men clearing brush along the west border,” I shouted. “Cut a good twenty miles this side of that range and along the north end. It’s still a helluva long way off, but the hot zone’s still far from contained. It’s our job to make sure it doesn’t reach the gorge, or we could lose this whole valley.”
And thirty of the finest firefighters from across the western states headed out, still fresh and intense, ready to pour every ounce of energy into their work. Randy and I would take the main rig and head closer to the biggest of the wildfires moving in our direction. Last word was that the fire lines weren’t holding… ember attacks were moving it forward, hundreds of feet at a time. If it moved up the slopes, it could easily double its speed…
Randy threw an armload of gear into the back and climbed in, shotgun. I cranked the engine and spun dry dust behind us before we reached the highway.
“So you and Ember never really answered my question…” he said, settling in and tossing his helmet over the back of the seat. “It’s pretty fucking obvious that you two are…” he broke off. “Let’s just say the old fires are still burning,” he finished, looking out the window.
“I love her, Ran. Nothing’s changed there.” I rubbed at the bristle on my jaw. “And I’d have married her a long fucking time ago… if she’d let me.”
We drove on in silence for a while, each lost in our own thoughts. Action, rather than words, had always come easier to us.
“It took her a hell of a long time to get over you,” he said finally. “This isn’t exactly easy for me either… she’s my little sister, for god’s sake… But it’s pretty clear the fucking sparks are still flying between you guys.” He swallowed and looked out the window again, studying the distance intently. “You’re my best friend, you always will be, Jace. And I don’t think Emmy could find a better man…
“But I don’t think she can take another breakup. She wants to look a hell of a lot stronger than she really is. But she wandered around that fucking cabin like an empty shell for the better part of three years. She gave up as a photographer and she’s just been sitting there all alone with that broken-down typewriter. She’s only just started to seem like her old self again.” He turned and I could feel his eyes on me as I drove.
“I’m not going anywhere,” I said, turning to meet his look. “I promised her… and I’ll make the same promise to you now. Not even if she were to run again. I’ll quit the job before I let her go this time.” I smiled at him and he exhaled. “I didn’t survive so well without her either, you know. I want a home and a family, Randy. All the same things you have. I want a houseful of babies and I want to climb into bed every night with my wife… not share a fucking cot with a goddamn fireman who stinks of sweat and smoke. No offense…” I grinned and punched his shoulder. “When I get back, I’m going to tell her this was my last job.
“And I’m marrying her the first chance she’ll give me.”
We pulled up a good two hundred miles short of our destination, and the horizon that should have been clear, instead dissolved into a blanket of haze.
“Shit, shit… shit…” I hissed, reaching over Randy’s long legs to drop the radio back in place. “Cap says it jumped the fucking break and is heading for Dovetail Creek. If the winds shift again, it’ll hit an entire range of white fir by morning.”
“Goddamn ladder fuel,” Randy shot out and I knew exactly what he was thinking before he said the words, “if this turns into a canopy fire…”
“It’ll hit the national parkland and head straight up the Rocky Mountains,” I said, hauling the truck around. “They’re calling up every man we’ve got,” I said, hitting the gas hard. “They’ll haul ass to knock down what they can… to keep it from reaching the ponderosa pines. We need to get the fuck back to our own crew and set a line of backfires and triple the crew on thinning. Then, if it still can’t be contained, we might at least have a shot at shifting its direction.”
“Jace…” Randy already had the maps pulled out and was studying them. “You know we need to get word back to Connie and Ember…”
“Hey, Ran… it’s not that big a fire… it’s less than two thousand acres and it’s still hundreds of miles from Cradle Creek. By this time tomorrow we’ll have fifty more men on the lines…”
“I’m not saying the valley’s in any danger, Jason. But you know as well as I do, we’re going to be working this one a lot longer than the two or three weeks we thought. It’d take one hell of a snowstorm to stop this thing in its tracks, especially if it reaches here…” he pointed to the map. “The forecast’s dry as a fucking bone… and the winds could pick up. I’m just saying… they’ll both sleep easier if they know the truth.”
I sank my teeth into my bottom lip, chewing thoughtfully and nodded, knowing he was right. “Well, somebody’d better be getting some sleep,” I said, holding my empty coffee cup out for another refill.
“Cause I can guarantee this;
"Anytime soon, it sure as hell isn’t gonna be us.”
17
Ember
“Joey… April... !”
I smiled out the window as Connie called the kids in for lunch. I’d made Mom’s special macaroni and cheese, and a batch of oatmeal cookies were still in the oven. Connie busied herself with unbuttoning coats and unwrapping scarves. I set the table, amazed at how good it felt to have noise and laughter and life in the house again. It almost made up for the empty pillow next to me at night. Reilly came galloping in, tongue flying and toenails digging fresh grooves into the floor. He loved having the kids here as much as I did…
“Yay!” April squealed, “Gram’s ‘roni ‘n cheese…” Connie helped her into a chair while I put Joey in his highchair. Rye gave a low woof and stood where his tail could thump against my leg. I filled his bowl with dry kibble, but he stood stock-still, as unblinking as a mesmerist… until I broke down and put a spoonful of macaroni on the top.
“I can’t believe it’s only been a week,” I said, sitting down across from Connie. Joey already had more cheese on his face than in his mouth, but he was blissfully happy anyway. I felt a twinge deep inside me and had to close my eyes for a moment. If I’d married Jason when I’d had the chance, we could have a son about Joey’s age by now…
“Well, at least they gave us a head’s up not to expect them back for a while longer,” Connie said, matter-of-factly. “I can’t think of any assignment Randy ever came back from sooner than he expected.”
A gust of wind blew hard outside and I remembered how Jason had looked coming down the ladder from the rooftop; hat cocked o
n his head… hard muscled forearms bared in spite of the cold, a hammer gripped in one big, capable hand.
He’d managed half a dozen repairs before he’d left, and though I hated to admit it, there was something inside me… primal… evolutionary maybe, that responded. I could do most of those things myself, when push came to shove. But every female instinct inside me seemed to heighten when I watched him wield a hammer. It wasn’t just his strength… or the power in his arms and chest… the way his thigh muscles bulged underneath his jeans as he worked. God knows, I’d helped him peel off layers of sweaty clothes a hundred times, only to join him in the shower and…
“Cookie,” Joey demanded, pointing to the one in his sister’s hand. I got up to save the batch in the oven from burning and felt dizzy from the aching wave of desire that washed over me; not just for his body inside mine, but for the whole life we should have had together by now. I wasn’t sure at all how I was going to manage for another few weeks… maybe even longer…
“Randy said they’ve got a good break cleared and burned off. As long as the wind doesn’t shift, they should be back before the end of the month,” Connie said, helping the kids down from the table. They both looked sleepy, ready for naptime. “They’ll be filthy and starving.” She smiled sideways at me and I knew exactly what she meant. “Don’t get me wrong… It’s a hard fucking thing to be married to a man who’s off god knows where. But ahh… when he comes home…” She winked at me and I felt my cheeks burn hot. “When he gets home… that’s when I think maybe we’re a whole lot luckier than women who’re married to stockbrokers and car salesmen who come home every single night, night after boring night…”
“I wouldn’t have understood that a few years ago,” I replied. “But I think I’m beginning to now. It takes a special kind of man to do what our men do,” I said. “So I guess it takes a special kind of woman to love them, too.” I smiled, feeling a closer sense of connection to my sister-in-law than ever before. “I just wish I could have talked to Jason when Randy called. I think it would help, just to hear his voice…”
“So go talk to him,” she said pragmatically. “I talk to Randy all the time, even when he’s hundreds of miles away. I find a quiet spot in the woods, maybe up high so I can see for miles and miles. And I tell him how I feel. If I’m angry, then I yell it all out. And if I’m just missing him… well… I work it out…” She glanced over at the kids who were half asleep on the sofa. “I think I’ll just sack out with them for a while.” She tipped her head toward the door. “You might be surprised how much it helps…”
I let Reilly take off ahead of me. He knew the path. I’d paused just long enough to pick up my camera and stuff it into my pocket. Its weight felt familiar, reassuring. Like I’d found a part of myself that I’d lost.
I shifted deeper into Jason’s oversized jacket, inhaling his scent, grateful he’d left it behind. I’d come to this place a thousand times… loving him, missing him. From the summit, I could see for miles. But I wasn’t out of the woods just yet. The trees loomed large and shaded the ground. But the pines were dead dry from the summer heat.
Rye reached the top before I did, barking and spinning circles, eager for me to catch up. The view seemed to come out of nowhere all at once. The darkness of dense forest gave way to sunlight in a few short steps. And what should have been blanketed in winter snow was instead a vast expanse of golden plains and low, rocky hills. Low, dark clouds lay on the horizon, but without the scent of moisture in the air. A brisk breeze blew up the face of the mountain and swept my hair back from my face. I snapped a few shots as Reilly paced, his tail low and his nose in the air. He pawed at the ground and whined softly.
“I know,” I exhaled. “I miss him too.”
I buried my face in the warmth of Jason’s jacket and closed my eyes, letting the memories in my skin take over. It was like he was with me, lifting my hair off my neck to kiss the hollow there. My breasts still tingled from his touch, from his mouth. My nipples were sensitive now, even the water from the shower made them ache…
I squeezed my thighs together and felt pure, wet need. “I love you,” I said softly and the wind blew harder. I imagined it carrying my words to where he was, giving every ounce of strength to protect the land he loved and people he’d never even met. “I want you with me,” I said to the wind, “but I know you have to do this…
“And I love you even more because of it.”
I ran my hands inside my jacket and inhaled his scent, willing myself to absorb some of his strength as well. The wind was coming hard now, and the tops of the trees were leaning. I knew we should be getting back, but I wanted to stay a few moments longer. My hair was crackling around my shoulders and my skin was tingling, burning from the cold. But I felt closer to Jason than I had since he’d left. “I love you…” I said, louder now. Reilly barked and pawed at my sleeve.
“You’re ready for home too, aren’t you boy?” I patted his big head and scratched under his ear. There was something hard and cold… tangled in the thick fur below his neck. “Did you catch a burr…?”
I turned his collar so I could see…
The tattered end of a ribbon was hanging…
I pushed a handful of fur aside and it was there. My engagement ring, on a red velvet ribbon, just as it had been that Christmas morning so long ago. A huge red ruby surrounded with diamonds that sparkled like fire. He’d kept it with him all this time… all these years,
And he’d tied it to Reilly’s collar before he left.
“Yes!” I shouted over the valley. “You get your ass back here and you marry me,” I shouted into the wind. It swept the tears out of my eyes, blurring my vision but fanning the passion inside me. “Because I love you and I need you, more than I ever knew. Just come back home…”
I slipped the ring on my finger and held my hands clasped over my heart in a silent prayer. I prayed for him to hear me… and for him to be safe. But the only answer was a gust of cold wind and Reilly’s plaintive howl,
For the clouds on the horizon had grown darker. And on the wind was the faint, yet unmistakable scent of smoke.
18
Jason
The wind had picked up toward nightfall. Hauling in at the end of the day had felt like an almost unbearable hurdle… one of many. My eyes were filled with grit, my filthy neck and forearms like sandpaper. I was so exhausted I was almost hearing things. The wind sounded soft and sweet, like my Ember’s voice…
“Well, this is the last of the it,” Randy said, handing me another bowlful of stew. When we weren’t working, every minute was either spent sleeping or eating. We’d just finished a relentless eighteen-hour shift; even so, it was the food we needed most of all. It takes more than six thousand calories a day to keep a firefighter working at this pace. And the sleep isn’t really even sleep anyway. It’s more like a few short hours of utter non-existence…
“Cap says the winds are holding for now, and direction’s good,” Randy said, sitting down beside me. “We made damn good progress today on those lines. The Deer Fire’s the closest one… and it’s still a couple of hundred miles west.” He put his bowl down, half-finished and eased back onto his bedroll. “Christ…” he said, “I think I’m getting… too fucking old… for…”
I glanced over and smiled. He was sound asleep, spoon still in hand. I cleared it all away and covered him up for the night. I was every inch as exhausted as he was, but as I finally laid down myself and tucked my hands behind my head, it wasn’t sleep on my mind. It was Ember.
The night sky was cold, growing colder by the second, and the stars glittered in the Colorado sky like nowhere else in the world. Growing up as a boy, I’d traveled the world with my parents, and seen damned near every mountain range that had resort possibilities and the potential to make my family even wealthier. But there was no more beautiful country in the world. No night sky any brighter, or air more pure. This land was my home, as much as Em was my soulmate. I’d give whatever it took to protect them bo
th. For the moment, the land was safe enough. It was Ember who burned inside me.
I threw off the blankets and stuffed my feet back into my boots. Somehow tonight, the cold air seemed only to stoke the need inside me. Ember and I had barely begun again, when I’d had to leave her. Only the enormous amount of work still ahead of us kept me away from her. I walked out through the trees to the east ridge. She was out there… on the other side of those mountains, in the valley beyond. I ran my hands through my hair and watched my breath escape in a cloud of steam. So fucking close… and still not close enough to touch. I unzipped and gave my ready cock its freedom, wondering if she’d found her ring. I’d kept it with me every day, every night since she had given it back. Having it had been a way of keeping her close to me. Only the passionate brilliance of a ruby could reflect the intensity that burned between us. It shimmered with a hundred different shades of color, like her hair on a summer day, with all the complexity of our feelings for each other… I wondered if she was wearing it now as she climbed into our bed…
Just the thought put a smile on my face and made my cock grow hot and heavy in my hand. The shock of cold air on my skin only made me harder, as I imagined plunging myself into the heat of her body… or the warmth of her sweet mouth…
I drew one long stroke from balls to head and it jerked in my hand impatiently. My cock had always been headstrong, with a mind of its own. And it had always led me straight to the delicious heat of Ember’s body. It needed that warmth now… just like I did. I slipped my hand over the thick head and stroked its wetness down my length, imagining I was slipping myself in between her wet, velvet thighs.
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