I smiled. It felt so fucking good, to see her so happy. "She's yours," I said. I think you should name her yourself."
She picked up the puppy and held her in her arms like a baby. Maybe she had worn herself out with excitement. Maybe it was the soothing effect of Libby's warmth. But she settled down quickly as Libby rocked her. In minutes, her big brown eyes had closed and a tip of pink tongue lolled to the side.
"Mokita," Libby said quietly and she smiled up at me. "I think her name is Mokita."
It had been a risk, but I was glad as hell that I'd taken it. Libby and the puppy had turned out to be inseparable. Moki had even followed her all the way up the stairs to the attic where Libby had settled in to work for the afternoon. I had some calls to make, and we'd arranged to have a swim and dinner on the beach in a few hours.
I'd wanted Libby to have something of her own. Something for her to care for. To love. The puppy had seemed perfect. And when the contract was fulfilled… well, she would have Moki to take with her. I couldn't bear the thought of Libby going away alone once the baby was born…
I took a beer from the fridge and headed out onto the covered veranda. Tomorrow was Monday and I knew Spencer would be faxing over the paperwork for the Warner deal. I punched in his numbers and got voicemail. I left a quick message and called Blake.
"Hey, how's married life?" His voice was bright, teasing. "You're one lucky fuck, you know that, Jack? When you married Elaine, I thought you just had shitty taste in women. You'll be happy to know Libby's redeemed my opinion of you."
"I'll be sure to tell her," I said dryly. "So is Janet ever going to make an honest man out of you?" The word honest snagged at my conscience. I was being dishonest with almost everyone I cared about. I had my reasons… but it made my stomach tighten anyway.
Blake laughed. "Whenever she'll let me," he admitted. "She's so focused on her career right now. I didn't get lucky the way you did… finding a woman who was ready to settle down right away."
I took another long swallow of beer. "Well, you're right there, brother." I ran a hand through unruly hair. "I got more fucking lucky than any man has a right to be…"
"But you still made it out of bed long enough to call me. Don't say it… You want to know if the merger is on track. India told me you would. She can read you like a book, you know."
I could hear her in the background, asking Blake for the phone. "Let me talk to him." She laughed and there were dull thumping sounds.
"Jack, it's me. How's Libby and the honeymoon?" India's voice was purposefully casual. I heard Blake's goodbye from a distance and the sound of a door closing. India's tone changed instantly.
"So… tell me. Did Libby take the test? Is she pregnant yet? How's the honeymoon going?"
"It's great, India. And we don't know yet, for sure. We'll do the test in a few more days. She didn't want to rush it and risk a false negative…"
"How's she feeling. I know she was pretty emotional before the wedding and her stomach was a little upset."
I thought back over the last couple of days. "She's fine. She certainly has a healthy appetite."
I asked a few questions on the merger. India said Spencer had been out of the office more than usual lately, but he'd had a lot of last minute meetings. She assured me that he had everything under control.
"Just relax and enjoy the island, Jack. We've got it covered here." She paused. "How are things between you and Libby… are the two of you getting along okay? It's got to be a little strange, being alone together on an island, without really being… well… you know."
I struggled for a moment, unsure how much to admit. "It's fine," I said plainly. "Libby's happy with her art. And the puppy I gave her this morning…," I paused.
"Did my lawyer finish gathering that other information I'd asked for? The other history…?" India knew what I meant. She'd known for a long time.
"It's in your desk. Unopened. I locked the drawer myself." She paused for a long moment, both of us in our own thoughts. "It could change a lot of things, Jack. Or maybe nothing… But you need to be sure about what you want. What it is you're hoping for…"
"We're fine, India. Both of us, just how things are. Libby and I had a good, long talk and we're on the same page… about everything. It's all going to turn out the way it's supposed to."
"I'm happy for you," she said softly. "It's all any of us ever wanted for you, you know. For you to be happy. To have what you really want most in life…" Her voice trailed off.
"I love you, Jack."
"Love you too, honey. Give Mom and Dad our best."
We hung up and I sat looking out over the water. My sister knew me like the back of her own hand. And I knew her just as well. A lifetime together made any conversation between us so much more than the words that were spoken. I knew what she was hoping would happen on this trip. And I knew it was what she'd wanted all along.
The only thing I wasn't sure of, was whether there was any point in telling her she'd been right from the start. That Libby was the woman for me. The one perfect woman I'd waited a lifetime for. And that it made no difference at all. She would bear my child. And then she'd leave.
As much as I wanted things to be different, there was nothing real between us. Nothing that would last. No matter what the lawyer might have discovered… Maybe there was nothing I could ever do… to make her stay.
28
Libby
I never thought I'd ever have a honeymoon. So I'd never wasted a lot of time daydreaming about what it would be like. But if I had… it would be this one.
My hands had worked in the clay like they had minds of their own. I'd never felt so inspired and the form seemed to be taking shape as if it were guiding me, and not the other way around. When I finally washed my hands, I felt a deep and profound sense of satisfaction. And it was all because of Jack.
He'd changed my life in an instant, bringing me here, encouraging me in my work. Giving me this opportunity to fulfill my dreams. I covered the clay and the sound of the plastic sheeting woke Moki from where she was sleeping in the sun. My stomach was churning with excitement. While I'd worked, I'd made the decision. It was time. Jack had done so much for me. Now I wanted to do this for him…
"Come on, girl," I reached out and picked her up. She squirmed, licking my face. "Let's give Daddy a present, too."
I carried her downstairs and into my bedroom. She curled up contentedly on my bed and, from the look on her face, I had the distinct feeling that I might never get her to sleep in her own again. I pulled a little box out of the bottom of my handbag. It was a pregnancy test I'd bought on my own. I knew Jack had brought several, but I'd wanted one I could take on my own. Privately… just in case I wanted to know a little sooner.
"Here we go, Little Speck," I said softly. Moki lifted her head and cocked an ear. I sat down next to her, reading the directions on the test while she explored the box with her nose.
I was right on the edge of the recommended timeframe for testing. I should probably wait, like Jack and I had planned all along. But I so wanted to give him the good news he deserved…
I left Moki on the bed and, with test in hand, closed the bathroom door behind me.
"How are my two beautiful girls?" Jack called out. I held the puppy's leash while she gamboled unevenly on the sand. Jack was pouring sparkling water, the bamboo table was set for two. The sun was low in the sky, the light pink.
"I had the chef prepare one of his specialties…," he said, taking Moki's leash and handing me into my chair. The whole thing was so lovely…
"It's a salad made with conch and papaya. And there's a lemon soufflé for dessert." He handed me my glass. "Did you have everything you needed up in the studio?" He tossed the salad lightly and filled my plate, then his own. I glanced under the table to see the puppy already nose deep in a bowl of her own dinner. Jack had thought of everything.
"The studio is perfect," I said, taking a sip of my water. "Just like everything has been. This island, how go
od you've been to me… little Mokita… I can't ever thank you enough for all this, Jack. It's gone way beyond the scope of the agreement. Everything has…"
He took my hand, his eyes warm, kind. "Yes…," he agreed, nodding. "And I don't regret that it has." His words were careful, deliberate… but I knew he was telling me the truth. "When this is all over, I'll be the one who can't offer thanks enough… You'll have given almost a year of your life, Libby. How can a man thank a woman for that…?"
I opened my mouth, wanting to speak, but the words stuck in my throat as he went on. "I know we agreed to keep the rest of the… trip… simpler. But I want you to know how much I care for you, Libby… How much I will always consider you my friend… even once the contract is finished. You're strong and ambitious… beautiful… passionate…
All qualities I hope you pass along to the baby. One day, I want to tell her how loving her mother was… what a gifted and lovely woman brought her into the world. It's something a child needs to know…"
We ate our meal in companionable silence. Moki fell asleep at our feet, her tummy round as she snored lightly. The hypnotic shush of the waves and the falling darkness lulled us both into the privacy of our own thoughts. Jack would smile occasionally, taking a long deep breath. He looked so happy. So content.
"Come with me," he said, taking my hand. I rose from my chair quietly, not wanting to wake the puppy. Then Jack led me to the water's edge. "If you could find out more about your own mother...would you want to know? Do you think, after all these years, that you'd want to know… that it would make any kind of difference now?"
I gazed out over the water. Jack was behind me, not touching me, but my whole body was keenly aware of his. I knew he was thinking about the baby. What he should and shouldn't share with her, about how she came into the world. I took my time, thinking before I answered.
"I am who I am, Jack. Partly because of my mother. Partly because of the choices she made…
But I don't think there's anything that can change a lifetime of experiences. I don't believe I could learn anything about her that would change my past. Or my future… The truth is she didn't want me and I'm okay with that." I let a long breath go. "Tell the baby I loved her enough to give her the best father in the world. That I loved her enough to give her the best life possible. And that I never would have given birth to her, if I hadn't been sure she would be safe. And loved forever."
I felt Jack's arms wrap around me and I leaned back into his hard, steady warmth. I felt everything wash through me all at once. Attraction and passion. Friendship and lust. Gratitude and yearning. Need… and sorrow…
His hands moved down to caress my belly. There was nothing but tenderness in the gesture. I put my hands over his and held them as we watched the sun go down together. I realized that Jack had called the baby she, for the very first time and I smiled wryly as a tear ran down my cheek. He was thinking about fatherhood, and a baby girl as we watched evening fall. I wanted to tell him, but the words just wouldn't come. It would have been the perfect moment to surprise him, but not this way… not like this. I prayed silently that in a few more days, I'd be able to tell him what he wanted to hear…
But not now… not this perfect night. Maybe it had just been too soon. I knew there was still a chance… and yet deep inside I felt a fear I'd never known. All along, I'd been so sure. The wedding… this honeymoon… all because I had been so sure.
But I'd taken the test. Not just once, but twice. And both had given the same result.
The baby I had been so sure of, who we'd both been so sure of, simply wasn't there.
29
Jack
I couldn't put my finger on her mood. She was quieter than usual. But I knew pregnancy could cause so many changes… I just wanted to do everything I could to support her. To reassure her.
The moon was high and bright, reflecting off the water. Moki was awake now and straining at her leash. Hand in hand, we headed back to her, to be greeted with a whirlwind of yips and kisses. She was content only when Libby picked her up and cuddled her.
"I talked to India earlier," I offered, hoping to draw her out. We were taking the long way back to the house. "Blake, too. The merger's on track. And they both hoped we were having a great time…" I stopped as Libby put the puppy down on the sand, then I took her gently by the chin.
"I just want you to know… I've never enjoyed anyone's company as much as I do yours." Her eyes flickered and she looked back down. "It's not just about our agreement… or the baby. Or even how fucking good it is when we've crossed that line…
You're an amazing person, sweetheart. I want you to be happy…" I put my arms around her and felt her lean into me, her forehead on my chest. The puppy was busy nosing around in the bushes. "I know so much has happened so fast… Are you happy, Libby? No doubts, now that it's all really happening?"
I felt her shake her head, but she didn't answer. When she finally lifted her face to mine, her cheeks were wet.
"No doubts," she said very softly. "I want to do this for you… With you… I just don't want anything to happen… to disappoint you…"
I caught her face between my hands. Her skin was cool, soft. Everything inside me demanded I kiss her, but I held back. I fucking held it all back…
"You won't disappoint me, sweetheart. Not ever. It's the pregnancy that's making you emotional, that's all. Something we'll both have to get used to…" I smiled teasingly into her eyes. "It's made you even lovelier too…
And, god help me, that may end up being the biggest problem of all…"
We honored our commitment that night. Fucking hard as it was… and as I was… I saw Libby to her own room that night, leaving her with a chaste kiss on the forehead and Moki sprawled on the pillows. Libby had pleaded exhaustion, even though it was still fairly early in the evening. I headed back out to the beach for a moonlight swim. I was too keyed up to sleep and needed to work off all the energy running through me. Something told me that nine months from now, I was going to be in the best shape of my life.
The moon was full, and the light good enough there was no danger. I could make laps almost the length of the island without ever losing sight of the house. I stripped down completely, leaving my clothes on the sand.
The water churned and rolled as I swam. For more than an hour, I poured every ounce of energy into the ocean, legs pounding, arms reaching, stretching, pulling. I wanted to be completely spent by the time I climbed into bed alone. Otherwise, the lure of her might be too much. For no matter how hard I pushed myself, her image never left me. As hard as I swam, I seemed only to be getting closer to her… No matter how hard I tried to empty my mind, to let go of my need for her, all I could see was her bright, beautiful eyes and her soft, round body filled with me, filled with our child…
I headed for shallower water, a narrow cove with walls of rock. It was darker there, sheltered from the moonlight. For a while, I stood still, letting the waves push and pull at my body. It lapped at my chest and I remembered how Libby looked with the water licking at her full, heavy breasts. The water was so fucking warm, even at night. It swirled around my balls as they tightened. My cock throbbed as the water lapped against it. Wet and warm, the way Libby had been. It felt so good to be surrounded, engulfed. I took my cock in one hand and cupped my balls in the other. "I so fucking want this with you, sweetheart…"
I worked myself hard, punishingly hard. All the while, thinking of Libby.
I wanted her, but didn't have her.
I needed her, but she didn't feel the same.
She was going to have my baby, but I would have to raise that child without her…
It was how it had to be, and yet I didn't know how I could live…
The faster the thoughts came to me, the harder I stroked. Like I could push the truth away if I pushed myself hard and over the edge. I spread my legs wide, letting the water pound against my groin. I jerked, harder, faster, pushing myself toward oblivion and the image of my wife… I closed
my eyes to the water and the stars. For just a moment, there was nothing else but her… and I exploded, giving everything I had inside me.
"I fucking love you, Libby. Oh, fuck… sweetheart…
I love you…"
A long time later, I gathered my clothes from the beach and dressed. I wanted a quick shower before bed, even though it was damned late. My body was exhausted, ready for sleep, but nothing I'd done had eased the need inside me. I stopped in the hall, by Libby's door, putting my hand on the knob. I wouldn't wake her. I just needed to see her… to know she was alright.
I opened the door, expecting to see her sound asleep with Moki in her arms. But she was crouched on the floor, her eyes wide and full of fear. There was a mess on the carpet and the puppy was limp and whining in her arms. In a second, I had them both in my arms.
"Oh, thank god, Jack! It's Moki. I woke up… she was sick… Oh, god, I think she's so sick…"
The relief I felt that it wasn't Libby who was in trouble was short lived. I took the puppy from her arms and saw her tongue loll. But she was breathing. And I could feel her heartbeat. "What happened? She seemed fine when we were on the beach…"
"She was," Libby said, leaning over my arm, stroking the puppy's head. "We got into bed and she fell right asleep. We both did. The next thing I knew, she was on the floor and… Oh, my god. She was sniffing around in the plants and flowers when we were talking. What if she ate something, Jack? Something that's poisonous…" Libby's face was white with fear, her voice small.
I wrapped Moki carefully in a blanket and handed her back to Libby. One call and I had a helicopter on the way. There was a landing pad behind the house and I'd had the pilot on standby all along, for Libby's sake. And for the baby's…
Best Friend's Little Sister Page 72
