“You left,” he said, accusingly. He raked a hand through his hair and I could see his knuckles were bruised and bleeding. “You wanted to leave me.”
I stood up from the chair he’d dropped me in and went to him, taking his hand in mine. I reached for a box of tissues and pressed a wad of them against the broken skin. I felt a shudder go through him and looked up into his eyes. It was the first time I’d seen them unguarded. He looked vulnerable suddenly. And something in my chest caught.
“My reasons are personal, Kaine. I didn’t want to leave you. I felt like I had to. And I know that this… well, that things between us aren’t… personal. It seemed better just to leave…”
He took my hands, covering them with his. The bloody tissues fell to the floor. “I heard what Cole said to you,” he said, as he looked unblinking into my eyes. “I heard him threaten you, and I heard what he said about your mother.” Kaine stroked a hand down my face, letting his fingers trail through the ends of my hair. “I think you need to tell me yourself what happened. And why you came to La Laisse.”
I nodded, unable to look away. And unable to tell him less than the entire truth.
“I will, Kaine. I can tell you everything… if you want to hear it. But there’s something more. Something else I have to tell you too.” I shifted awkwardly and bit my lip. His eyes move to my mouth. “You have a right to know.”
“It was part of why I had to leave. You didn’t intend me to see, and now I understand why you didn’t want me to touch you. And why you didn’t sleep with me last night. I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to… but I saw them, Kaine.” I looked away, suddenly ashamed. “On your back…”
“I saw the scars,” I whispered.
At first, I felt nothing but a sick feeling of dread. I’d done it. I’d ruined everything. He wouldn’t want to hear anything I had to say now. If he’d wanted to help me before, he never would now. I’d ruined it. I’d ruined everything.
My heart sank as he looked away from me, walking over to the huge window. He was quiet in a way he hadn’t been before. It felt like he wasn’t even in the room with me anymore. It felt like he was lost somehow…
I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t move. I wanted to break the spell by doing something, but I just couldn’t. I stood as quiet and still as Kaine, needing desperately for him to talk to me. It felt like I waited for hours.
“Tell me why you came here, Grace,” he said softly, still looking outside at the brightening sky.
I took a step forward. He was still several feet away, but I wasn’t brave enough to get closer. His hand with the skinned knuckles was at his side and I ached to hold it. What I was less sure of, was whether I wanted to comfort him, or because I needed the comfort of touching him for myself.
“I’m Evelyn’s daughter,” I said quietly. “And she’s on trial for the death of Mr. Cole’s wife.” I wrapped my arms tightly around myself as Kaine finally turned around to face me. “She came home drunk that night… although there’s nothing so unusual about that. The car was… well, she didn’t remember anything… but she’d clearly run into… something. There was a lot of damage.” I sat back down.
“She’d hit things before. A fire hydrant once. A car even. But she’d never hurt anyone.” I put my face in my hands, shocked by her blindness… and mine. “We never thought she could hit a person, Kaine. We should have, but we never did. It just didn’t seem possible. But I see it now. That it had all only been a matter of time.”
He came closer, crouching on the floor in front of me, but not reaching out. I looked into his face, wanting something I couldn’t name.
“I saw the headlines,” he said. “She died instantly. And there were witnesses?”
“One. A city councilman.” I pushed my hair back over my shoulders. “It’s his testimony that’s going to put her in jail, Kaine. I’ve hired the best lawyer who was willing to take her case, and I put everything we had into it. That, and a rehab therapist.”
“And that’s why you came here…,” he said slowly. I saw something, a look, a thought, move fast across his face. Then he pulled my hands into his big warm ones, and I finally felt like he was fully present again. Here with me in the room. I couldn’t explain why, even to myself, but it felt like an enormous weight was lifted.
“You want to help her,” he said, searching my face. “You love her…”
“She’s my mother, Kaine. Sometimes I can’t even bring myself to like her. It was my job growing up, to protect her from herself, to try to keep her safe. To try to keep both of us safe. I’d feel like I was failing her, Kaine. If I didn’t try.”
“And you were willing to trade your body for that… for her?” He took my chin in his hand so I couldn’t look away. “You were just a child. She should have been the one…”
Suddenly his intensity was almost frightening. His eyes searched mine, taking in every feature, watching every breath I took. He let go of me, gripping my hands in his, bringing them to his own face. I held him, feeling the silken bristle along his jaw, the muscles working as he spoke to me. “You can love her,” he breathed. “In spite of what she’s done, who she is. You were willing to give your body to a stranger, to try to protect her…”
I ran my hands gently along the angles of his face, exploring, needing to know the story behind this complicated man. His eyes were warm, velvety grey. The color of the sky on a soft, wet day. Days when I’d stayed home from school, waiting for Evelyn to wake up. It had been just the two of us and I’d curled in bed beside her and pulled her arms around me. Pretending that she was the one keeping me safe. Suddenly I was grateful, almost painfully grateful to still be here with Kaine. That my confrontation with Cole had kept me here, long enough for this man to bring me back upstairs. I swallowed and looked into his eyes.
“Yes, Kaine,” I said. “I loved her.”
13
Kaine
I watched her beautiful green eyes trail down my face. They fixed on my jaw, and I focused on the feeling of her fingers, stroking me gently. She reached a hand up to push the hair off my forehead and I felt the muscles in my stomach tighten in response. Her hands were taking liberties, straying from where I’d put them. The rules had always been to set the woman straight. To draw the boundary so much deeper… that touching me was not allowed. But all I could do now was to feel…
Her fingers pushed through my hair, tracing the line of my collar, and she bit down on her lip as her fingertips moved to my chest. My body was hard, ready to take her, the feeling of unsatisfied need as familiar to me as breathing. But there was something else too. A feeling I didn’t understand, yet was threatening my self control…
“Grace,” I said, taking her hands in mine, kissing them, holding them still. “You’ll find jeans, sweaters, whatever you might need in the bedroom closet. Other things you might need are in the bathroom. Shower if you like. Dress.” I caught her hair in my hands, twisting it into loose ropes. “Are you hungry? You must be.”
“Starving,” she said, smiling up at me through her lashes. “My stomach is growling.”
I pulled her up with me, into my arms and kissed her lightly. “Go,” I ordered, swatting her ass. “Thirty minutes, and don’t make me wait.”
I watched as she headed down the hall, her slim hips swaying easily, the ends of her hair brushing the small of her back. When she disappeared, I put in a fast call to Mrs. Sparr about a packed lunch and a blanket. Then I turned to look out at the New York streets below.
It might have been a mistake to hit him… hell, it was probably assault and battery. But it had felt damn good. And I make a point of regretting nothing. The asshole had it coming for years.
A hundred thoughts swam through my head, like drowning men trying to climb over each other. Cole, being here. The black and white newspaper photos of him smiling with his now dead wife. But it was what Grace said about the man set to testify against her mother that bothered me most. That he was a councilman. Another politician…
I
grabbed my cell and hit the button without thinking.
“Kaine? I didn’t think I’d hear from you until next week,” Brian answered. He was my right hand, my assistant for almost nine years.
“I want every detail, every article, every rumor about the Cole-Tolman case. I want the woman’s entire history. And everything you can find on the evidence against her.”
I shoved the phone into a pocket without waiting for a response. It was the beauty of Brian. He did what he was told without fail, and knew better than to ask questions. I reward those qualities well. The last decade with me had made him a very wealthy man.
I listened to the water running in the other room and felt a hot rush of desire. Grace, naked under the waterfall shower. For a moment I allowed myself the image, and felt the painful throb of my rock-hard cock making its demands. I let the feeling run through me, taking strength from the sheer power of my own drives. The more I wanted, the more powerful I felt. It was my way. It was the only way I knew. Just never lose control.
I was pulling on a jacket, just as Grace appeared. Right on time. I smiled and reached out a hand to her. “You’re breathtaking.”
She smiled, the blush of pleasure coloring her cheeks. “The clothes are beautiful,” she said, reaching down to smooth the butter colored silk sweater. She’d paired it with jeans and knee high leather boots. Her hair was loose in thick waves. She pushed it back self-consciously with one hand as she stood, waiting for me to direct her. “I’ve never worn things so beautiful.”
“Mrs. S can supply a nice wardrobe, Grace, but you’re the beauty here. You’d be exquisite in anything. Or in nothing…” I pulled her against me, using her hair to tilt her head back. Her lips parted slightly. The bottom one was too full from her nervous habit of biting it.
I kissed her, hard. Maybe harder than I should have. When I finally pulled back, we were both breathing heavily. I couldn’t say what might have happened next, but the knock at the door broke the moment. Her lips were still apart when I opened the door.
Grabbing the basket handle in one hand and her fingers in the other, we headed out fast. Suddenly I wanted to be away from this place. I wanted to walk to the park with Grace. And I wanted to see the sunshine on her hair.
I knew I needed this. What I hadn’t fully realized was just how much Grace had needed this too.
We were on our backs, protected from the damp grass by the wool blanket Mrs. S had folded and tucked under the handle of the picnic basket. Our stomachs full, we rested with our arms under our heads, watching the patterns in the clouds above us. Roasted chicken with German potato salad and apple fritters. We’d had the better part of the bottle of wine.
“I thought I’d ruined us,” Grace said. I caught the tilt of her head as she tipped it to look over at me. “I’m sorry… that I left that note. It… well, it wasn’t that I wanted to go. I’m not really even sure that I would have…”
I watched as a smooth, round cloud slid past before I answered. I didn’t like that she’d even considered it. But it was within her rights. It was the deal we’d agreed to. But we’d never addressed the real reason she’d tried to go… and it wasn’t something I talked about. It was the fucking scars…
“You wouldn’t have been the first to go,” I started. “And it has to be your choice… to stay.”
I shifted and took a breath. “I won’t explain, Grace. Don’t expect me to.”
She turned onto her side, careful not to let her body touch mine. “I don’t, Kaine. And I promise you that I won’t. I want to stay here with you.” She bit into her lip as I turned to look at her. I reached out to run the pad of my thumb across that lip, slowly, pushing and pulling it, watching it relax, remembering the taste of her. She watched my eyes, unblinking, and smiled a trembly smile. “But I’m glad that you let me tell you about Evelyn. About Mom. I know it doesn’t change anything, but I feel better that you know.”
She sighed, relaxing into the remaining warmth of the day. I took her hand in mine and held it as we let the wine slow the blood in our veins. I had plans forming in my mind. Plans for Grace. Plans for us tonight, when we got back into our room and I would strip her clothes off. Down to skin. Bare, perfect skin.
But for now, it was enough to lie here in the last of the sunlight, holding her hand in mine. We’d had a picnic together. Not like a master and his sub. Like two people, wanting to be together. It was so normal, that in a life like mine where nothing was normal, I started to wonder if Grace was all wrong.
She’d said that telling me her story had changed nothing. But I was beginning to think it may have changed far too much.
14
Grace
It felt good. Really good.
To spend the day like that. To lie in the sun, just like any other couple. To share something more of myself than just my body, even if it didn’t really matter. Even if we never saw each other again, once our week together was over. When he stood and stretched, and began gathering up what was left of our lunch, I knew we were heading back.
I watched him. For as tall and muscular as he was, he moved with surprising grace. He bent to fold the blanket and I watched the back of his jacket stretch with the movements of those wide shoulders. The image of his naked, scarred back hadn’t been far from my mind, even with everything else that had happened. It had been such a shock. Perfect little crosses, all in rows. Every cut had been deliberate. Planned and deliberate.
I couldn’t imagine who could have done all that to Kaine, and the idea of it made me feel cold and sick inside. When I’d first seen them, for a moment I’d been terrified that it might all be a part of whatever… requirements… he’d warned me about. And I couldn’t stop thinking about what else he’d said too…
We will both suffer.
As we walked back to the Citadel in the dying light, I still had no idea what those words had meant. I wanted to understand. I needed to. But not just for me. I couldn’t even begin to explain the feeling, but I needed to understand for him too.
As hard as I tried, I couldn’t picture him wanting that. Needing pain. He hadn’t hurt me. And the things he had done… I felt an exquisite tightening deep inside every time I remembered. He’d given me so much pleasure. And he wouldn’t even let me touch him…
He’d protected me from Cole. Hell, he’d protected me from all the other men at La Laisse. While the other masters had shared their women, Kaine had told me that he wouldn’t do that. He was saving me from being passed around, night after night, and I was grateful. Especially after seeing what went on in the ballroom. And after the vile threats Cole had made…
More than any of that, it was my instincts that told me I was safe with Kaine. That maybe I was safer with him than I’d ever been with Evelyn. It was only a feeling. Far from proof. But the only way to know for sure was to stay. And as Kaine took my hand in his and smiled down at me, I knew that was what I had to do.
“Don’t worry,” he said, wrapping his arm around my waist and opening the door for me. “We won’t run into Cole. He’s in his suite by now, letting his girls lick his wounds for him.”
I glanced up, the disdain showing clearly on his face. We headed for the elevator, passing by the doors that opened to the ballroom. The voices reached out to us as we passed, and I couldn’t help but look. The evening’s auction was over, and the reception had already started. I stopped and stared, as Kaine moved on ahead to push the up button.
The scene looked very much the same as it had the night I was sold. The tables, the food, couples and groups on the sofas around the room. But it was a girl named Ivy who caught my eye this time. She sat on the edge of the buffet, naked with her legs spread wide. A man sat behind her, his legs bent, his feet along the insides of her thighs. He was holding her legs wide, for the other man who was kneeling in front of her. The man behind her was holding her breasts in his hands, kneading and lifting them. The man on his knees had his face buried in her pussy. I only watched them for a minute, but I could tell by the loo
k on her face she was close to orgasm. Her eyes were shut and her body was writhing like a snake as they worked her. I turned to look at Kaine. He’d never turned to look inside the room.
I moved toward him as the elevator opened for us, my head spinning. It was a shock on many levels, some disturbing. Others somehow exciting. I was so glad not to be in that room, but deep inside I wanted to know what Ivy was feeling. I’d never had a man’s mouth on me like that and I couldn’t help wanting to know…
Kaine kept his hand at my waist as he unlocked our door, easing me in ahead of him and turning the lock behind us. I was unsure suddenly, the confidence I’d been feeling in the park starting to fail. The room was so still, except for the two of us. I was so aware of his body, so large and so powerful, so close to mine. His scent was warm, clean, mixed with the freshness of the grass we’d laid on. He was so close and we were so very alone. My heart was pounding and picking up speed with every minute I waited for him to touch me. I knew he was going to. Tonight was the night, and this man was going to take me. I flashed to the image of a man and woman downstairs. It had only been a glimpse, but he’d had her over the back of a chair and was driving his hips against hers. A hot, pounding rhythm…
“Come with me,” Kaine said quietly, breaking the stillness of the room and making me jump. “I want you in the bedroom.”
He pushed me gently ahead of him, his warm palm spread wide in the small of my back. The blinds were open, letting the light from the streets sift through. He turned me to face him and let his fingers rest just under my breasts. Then he dropped his mouth to the side of my neck, trailing his hot mouth under my jawline, back to the spot below my ear. He caught my earlobe between his teeth and sucked it into his mouth. His hands moved under my sweater, warm along my belly until he reached my breasts. Pulling the flimsy lace of my bra underneath them, he forced them high and together in his hands. His thumbs tortured my nipples until they were hard and aching. His mouth was on mine, his tongue searching. My hands moved on their own, up to tangle in his hair, wanting him closer. I could feel his heart pounding through his chest, his own breath as ragged as mine.
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