“Fucking rat,” I mutter.
“Derek,” Erin says sharply.
I look at her.
“Can we focus on Matias?”
“Yeah. Sorry.”
The alarm on my watch beeps, and I release my hold on Erin to turn it off.
“Time for his water,” I say, heading for the kitchen. “And let’s get you something to eat, okay?”
Erin takes my hand in both of her much smaller ones. “When Kenna has a turn with Matias, I need us to go to bed and not sleep.”
My body heats up from her words. “I need that too.”
When Erin and I are in bed, nothing else matters. It’s the only time I ever truly escape the confines of this bunker. There’s no anger, no worry, no stress. Just messing around feels so intimate and erotic with Erin. I can’t even imagine how hot sex would be.
I watch as Erin takes a few bites of dried meat and vegetables. She’s looking too lean, and I know she’s not eating her full ration of food. Once I know she’s eating, I fill Matias’s cup and take it into the bedroom.
Bryce is curled up against the wall in a top bunk when I walk in, out of my reach. Guess he’s not completely stupid. Matias is sleeping soundly. I set the cup on his bedside table and quietly pull the door closed.
What does it feel like for Bryce, seeing a nineteen-year-old’s body fail him, and knowing he’d be okay if we were on the outside? If I did that to someone, I’d never recover.
But Erin’s right—we need to focus on Matias right now. I have to believe Bryce will get his, one way or another.
“Can you set an alarm so I can sleep for half an hour?” Erin asks me.
She’s had dark circles under her eyes for weeks now. The bearded stranger looking back in the mirror at me every day has them too.
“Sure.”
We get comfortable on the sectional, me lying down with her curled up against me. Her breathing evens out quickly, and I feel myself fading too.
I dream about the woods. I’m surrounded by tall pines, needles and fallen leaves crunching beneath my feet. It’s chilly, but my flannel is enough to keep me warm. I’m approaching the sound of a gently rolling creek.
It’s my idea of heaven. And just when I think the dream couldn’t get any better, I reach behind me and find Erin’s hand. She smiles and takes my hand, and we continue on toward the creek together.
Chapter Seventeen
Erin
It’s October 22. All of us are aware, because Derek hangs a piece of paper on the refrigerator every morning with the day of the week and the date. Marking the passage of days down here helps keep us sane and drives us a little crazier at the same time.
This one is especially somber. October 22 is three months to the day after we got trapped down here. A quarter of a year. It’s fall outside, the leaves changing color and the weather turning colder. But down here, the seasons never change.
I’m sitting at the table with Derek, Kenna, and a wary Bryce. We just finished our spaghetti dinner, and Kenna quickly cleared away the dishes. She’s on dish duty tonight. I imagine she plans to wash and dry them quickly so she can return to her room.
But Derek asks her to return to the table instead.
“We need to talk about a couple things,” he says.
Kenna silently sets down the dish soap and returns to the table, sitting down.
“We all know Matias is slowing down a lot.” Derek looks around the table, Bryce’s gaze darting into his own lap. “It’s time for one of us to be in there around the clock. We’ll make up a chart with shifts. And if you’re overtired or just having a hard time sitting there alone, say so.”
He runs a hand through his hair, sighing heavily as we all consider his words.
Death watch. It’s a sad but necessary need for Matias. He won’t leave this world alone—that’s all we can offer him.
“I just wanna say…” Bryce clears his throat. “That I’m truly sorry. I know—”
Derek cuts him off. “Don’t. I’m not listening to your bullshit. If you want forgiveness, you’re asking at a really shitty time.”
Bryce’s face falls, and he nods.
“All four of us have to stay strong,” Derek continues. “No matter how any one of us feels, we’re not gonna turn on each other. Things are bad now, but they could get worse. Being trapped down here can mess with your head. I need you guys to let the group know if you’re struggling with anything. Other than Matias being sick, I mean.”
No one seems to want to speak up. I appreciate what Derek is trying to do, especially considering his feelings toward Bryce, so I go first.
“I’m okay, I think. Tired. I don’t sleep great down here.” I shrug.
I’m tired in every way. Physically, emotionally, and mentally. When I wake up and stumble out of bed, it’s fear for Matias that drives me. My fatigue is nothing compared to what he’s going through.
He sleeps more and more. I cherish his periods of wakefulness, when he usually manages a smile and a thumbs-up. I’m reading him another Jack London book, hoping he can hear me in his half-awake state.
“I’m doing fine,” Kenna says. “Being by myself is my way of coping.”
There’s an uncomfortable silence as we wait for Bryce to speak. Finally, he does.
“I’m…” His voice shakes on the word.
I close my eyes, an unconscious wave of sympathy for Bryce hitting. His rumpled clothes and bloodshot eyes show his guilt as surely as his tear-filled voice. Matias’s impending death is on him.
I believe Bryce was telling us the truth about his wife and two daughters. How it must burn to know he’s trapped down here and may never see them again because of a decision he made himself.
Bryce is a prisoner in a cell he had a hand in locking. That has to cause the ultimate inner pain.
I cover his hand with mine. “You’ve made mistakes,” I say, fighting back my own tears. “You can’t change that now. But you can control what you do from here. Will you help us get through this?”
He nods vigorously. “Yes. Anything, anything I can do…that’s what I want.” He closes his eyes, a sob escaping him. “I’d trade places with him right now if I could, I swear to you.”
I glance at Derek, and even his expression has softened.
Bryce gathers himself, sniffling. “Did you guys…tell him?”
“About what you did, you mean?” Derek asks.
Bryce nods, the corners of his mouth dipping down.
“No,” I say. “We decided the stress wouldn’t be good for him.”
“You mean you two decided it.” Kenna rolls her eyes.
Even now, the bitch is being petty and self-centered. Derek pats my thigh, probably sensing what I’d like to say to her.
“Well, what do you think, Kenna?” he asks her.
“He’s an adult. He deserves to know.”
Derek looks at me. I shake my head. “I don’t know what purpose it would serve at this point.”
“Wouldn’t you want to know?” Kenna says.
“I guess…I would.”
Bryce eyes us all warily. “I’d like to tell him. And apologize.”
“Fuck that,” Derek mutters. “What, so you can get absolution before he goes?”
“No, I just—”
“It’s about you,” Derek fires back. “You want to tell him for yourself.”
Tears spill over onto Bryce’s cheeks. “I’m ashamed of what I did. It’s not about him forgiving me, it’s just…about being honest.”
“Honest?” Derek says bitterly. “You?”
I put my palm on his forearm, trying to dial back his anger.
“I’m not the monster you think I am,” Bryce says, his tone weary.
“Tell us what justified your actions, then.” Derek’s tone is indignant.
Bryce exhales deeply. “Nothing justifies it. I know that. My cousin just made it sound so harmless when he asked me to help with it.”
“How’d you guys manage it, anyway?�
� Derek asks. “I’ve got security. And no one knows about this place.”
“My cousin had a friend who worked on the crew that poured the concrete. He started planning it a while ago. He was supposed to tie up the real wiring guy and leave him in the back of a van for the twenty-four hours we were down here, then the cops would get tipped about everyone.”
“Didn’t you think you’d get caught?” Kenna asks.
Bryce shrugs. “The plan was to be gone by the time anyone figured anything out.”
“Yeah, I bet your cousin’s long gone.” Derek shakes his head. “And if you want to tell Matias what you did, I’m okay with it as long as Erin is.”
“I guess so,” I say warily. “We all wanted answers.”
“I’ll take the next shift, then,” Bryce offers. “Four hours, right?”
“Yeah,” Derek says. “And don’t give him any water. I’ll take the shift after.”
Everyone gets up from the table, and Derek puts his palm on my back, steering me toward our bedroom.
When we walk through the doorway, the motion-activated lights in the room come on, as always. Derek closes the door, his gaze meeting mine for one delicious, hungry second before he reaches for the light switch on the wall and turns it off, sending the room into total darkness.
The dark down here is the kind where you can’t even see your hand in front of your face. My sense of sight is gone, but my sense of touch is heightened as Derek covers the distance between us, taking the bottom of my shirt and pulling it up over my head before tossing it to the floor. When I grab a fistful of his shirt and tug, he pulls it off in a smooth motion, then wraps his arms around me.
I don’t know where either of us ends and begins anymore as he cups my ass and picks me up, my legs instinctively wrapping around him. I kiss him hard, high on the way this connection makes everything else slip away.
There’s no fatigue, no sadness, no regret. Only his teeth scraping over my bottom lip and my fingertips digging into his thick beard to grip his face.
He carries me the few feet to the bed and puts one knee on it, my body still entwined with his. We go down together, never allowing an inch of air between our bodies.
My breathing is hot and fast as Derek’s lips move over my stomach, his soft beard on my skin making every nerve ending tingle with awareness.
I’ve had boyfriends before, and I always thought the sex was good. But Derek can do things to my body I didn’t know were possible. He rids me of my bra and circles his tongue around my nipples, my core heating in response.
I push his shorts down, and he helps get them off so I can wrap my hand around his thick erection. The soft groan he makes when I touch him sends a shiver down my spine.
Derek makes me feel like every kiss and every touch is exactly right. He never gets pushy or demanding in bed. Both of us cling to each other, craving the escape we only find here.
He already has me so worked up that when he slides down my panties and slips his fingers inside me, I grind against him and beg for release. He grants my wish with his mouth, making me come apart so hard I have to cover my mouth with my hand.
My back sinks into the mattress, and I feel him lie down beside me.
“My turn,” I whisper.
“Just relax, babe.” He kisses my forehead.
“Not yet.”
I want to make him feel exactly like I do right now. Drained in the best possible way. Empty of all the sadness and unknowns.
In our short time together, I’ve gotten to know his body well. I stroke and suck his length until he’s breathing hard, his fingers woven into my hair.
And when he comes, I’m filled with the heady sensation of being the only one who can make him feel this. I draw it out for as long as I can, and when I crawl up to lie back down, he pulls me into his arms and exhales deeply.
“Goddamn, that was amazing,” he whispers against my lips.
“Bunker Erin is quite a vixen.” There’s a smile in my tone.
“Bunker Erin?”
I snuggle against him. “Mmm-hmm. Bunker Erin is different from Outside Erin. You wouldn’t want anything to do with Outside Erin.”
“Why do you say that?”
I shrug. “I’m just…different. More withdrawn. More cautious. And Outside Derek is different too, I’m sure.”
“Yeah.” He runs his fingertips up and down my spine.
“Down here, we’re kind of perfect for each other,” I say, sleepiness making my voice sound far away.
“I think so too.”
“If we ever get out of here, give me a shout-out in your bestselling memoir, okay?”
I feel a hum of amusement in his chest. “You wouldn’t want to go out with me if we weren’t stuck down here?”
I laugh lightly. “We’re like night and day, Derek. You wouldn’t want me either.”
The pull of sleep is strong, and I give in before I hear his response. Or maybe he’s asleep too. I fall into the most restful slumber I’ve had in a while.
Chapter Eighteen
Derek
It’s nearly November. I have a brief thought about what Thanksgiving and Christmas will be like down here as I change the paper on the refrigerator to reflect the new date of October 28.
Before, I could have made a few phone calls and had an amazing Christmas gift for Erin. A necklace with a leaf made from diamonds, or a romantic trip to a secluded lodge in Alaska. Probably both. I’ve always been very generous with the people I care about, because there are so few.
But now, I’ve got nothing to give her. Nothing but me. Maybe a letter that tells her what she means to me. And knowing Erin, that would mean more to her than jewelry anyway.
Still, I feel like less of a man knowing I can’t even give her a decent Christmas dinner down here. It’ll be the same old preserved shit we have every day.
We’ll be here, though. That’s more than Matias can say. He hardly woke up yesterday.
Fuck. This is harder than I thought it would be. He’s like a younger brother to me. I know what Bryce meant when he said he’d trade places with him, because I would too.
I’ve lived a hell of a lot in thirty-two years. I’ve won Super Bowls. Taken my dad on some incredible hunting trips. Built a dream home. I’ve got no regrets. But Matias…he’s still got so much life in front of him.
I pour my second cup of coffee and think about the day in front of us. It’s a Sunday. Might be game day for my team. It’s still a strange feeling not to know for sure.
Down here, we’re getting a later start than usual. The four-hour shifts with Matias have our days and nights messed up. It’s ten thirty a.m., about three hours later than I’d usually be drinking my second cup of coffee.
I’m chewing on dried beef, imagining it’s an omelet, when I hear a sound coming from the bunker stairs. I walk over to see if something’s up, and as I’m climbing the stairs, the huge metal door opens as if by magic.
“Hello?” a male voice calls.
Holy shit. I freeze for half a second, then sprint the rest of the way up two stairs at a time.
“Hey! Don’t go!” I yell.
I see legs as someone descends the ladder. And on the landing, I come face-to-face with a grinning man in a sheriff’s department uniform.
“Derek Heaton,” he says, as if he can’t believe his eyes.
I’m not ashamed of the tears that spring to my eyes. “I can’t tell you how glad I am to see you,” I say, shaking his hand enthusiastically.
Reality hits me like a tidal wave then.
“Hey, we’ve got a very sick man down here,” I say. “He’s in kidney failure. Can you call in a medical chopper?”
“Yeah, right away.”
He gets on his radio, and I race back down the stairs.
“Erin! Matias! You guys, we’re saved!”
My heart feels like it could burst right out of my chest with excitement. I run into Matias’s room and crouch down next to him.
“Hey, help is here, ma
n. Hang on, okay? We’re gonna get you to a hospital.”
Erin comes into the room and gives me a puzzled look.
“Was that you yelling?”
I jump up and scoop her into my arms, spinning her around.
“We’re saved! The cops are here!”
She pulls back and looks at me, her eyes wide. “Are you serious?”
“Go look for yourself.”
I set her down, grinning as she races toward the stairs and then screams with excitement.
“What’s going on?” Matias asks in a groggy tone.
“Help is here.” I pat his arm. “We’re getting you to a hospital.”
Tears form in his eyes, but he can’t seem to find any words.
Bryce steps down from the top bunk, crying like a little bitch.
“Don’t even think about trying to get away,” I tell him. “We’re telling the cops how we got down here, and you’ll be right next to me the entire time.”
He covers his eyes with his hand. “I’m not crying over that. I’m just so…I’m glad Matias is getting help.”
My heart cracks open with pity for him. I really do believe Bryce was a pawn in the robbery scheme. But he knew what he was doing, and he has to pay the price for it.
Matias is so far gone that he still might not make it. I can’t let myself think about that, though.
A team of medics rushes in, Kenna pointing the way to the bunk room. I clear out to give them room to work.
I look around for Erin, but I can’t find her. She must be outside. Hell, I doubt she’ll ever walk down those stairs again.
When I go up to find her, she’s standing near the open bunker door, a wool blanket around her shoulders. I instinctively go to her and wrap my arms around her.
“I can’t believe it,” she says, holding on to me tightly.
“Me either.”
“Do you think there’s still a chance for Matias?”
She pulls back to look at me. I’ve noticed that when Erin asks me an important question, she likes to see my face as I answer.
“I do. He’s alive. I’m gonna have him flown to Denver. I’ll make sure he gets the best care money can buy.”
Buried Page 10
