by Anna Samuels
A Christmas Kiss
Anna Samuels
Chapter 1
The fall out
‘Ally, I’m saying it’s over,’ Sarah repeated.
‘It’s over?’ I mumbled, confusion filling my head.
‘Yes. I’ve had enough. I’m leaving you...well, technically you’ll need to leave as the flat is mine.’
I stared at her as if she had grown two heads. Fatigue weighed heavily on my tired shoulders and after the day I had just experienced, this was the last thing I needed.
‘Why?’ I asked, already defeated.
‘I’m just not happy anymore with you. I don’t think you are either if you bothered to notice or care. You’ve stopped taking care of yourself. You don’t laugh anymore…you’re no fun to be with Ally. I’m going to find someone else who makes me happy.’
Tears sprang to my eyes. ‘I could make you happy.’
‘No. I’m sorry, Ally, we both know deep down that that’s a lie.’
I looked at her sadly but felt the fight in me die down. She was right in many ways. I had become distracted. I had stopped eating regularly and had become too thin. I didn’t laugh, life just seemed too hard and serious as of late. ‘I guess you want me to leave then?’ I mumbled, looking around the flat at my meagre possessions. Despite having lived with her for years, most of the flat was hers alone.
‘Yeah…but tomorrow will do. I’m going out with Laura tonight. I’ll stay over. You can get your things sorted.’
‘Right…yeah, I guess…’
‘Don’t drag this out, Ally,’ she instructed frowning. ‘It’s over. I’ll be out of your way tonight, but please don’t be here when I get back tomorrow afternoon.’
I stared at her some more, wondering when and how she had become so cold with me.
‘I’ll be going…leave you to pack up,’ she muttered.
I watched as she picked up her bag, phone and then keys before heading to the door. She turned back briefly at the door to look at me.
‘This is for the best, Ally. For both of us.’
I just stared at her. I didn’t know what to say. She turned and the door slammed as she left.
Ten minutes later, I had barely moved. I was too confused and upset by the fall out that initially I didn’t know what to do. I then began moving around the flat, picking up things which were mine and dumping them all on one sofa. As I got into a rhythm, I quickened my pace and within an hour, I not only had my bags packed but I had also loaded them into the car. I locked up the flat and ran down the steps to my car. Inside, I shivered a little from the cold. I turned on the engine and cranked up the heat. Pulling my phone from my pocket, I searched my contacts and dialled my sister, Laurie.
‘Ally?’ she answered.
‘Hey,’ I murmured into the phone.
‘Are you alright, sweetie?’ she asked.
Laurie, being five years older, had always been motherly towards me. She was my closest friend and always there for me whenever I needed her, despite her busy life. ‘I, uh…no…not really…’ I began.
‘Honey, what’s the matter?’
‘Well…I need a place to stay tonight. Can I drive down to yours?’ I asked hopefully.
‘Of course! Oh wow! I haven’t seen you in months! The kids will be so excited!’ she told me happily. ‘Mind you, they’ll be in bed by the time you get here I should think.’
‘I’ll leave now…it’ll take me a few hours to get to yours. Is that okay?’
‘Of course it’s okay, Ally. I’ll be here waiting for you,’ she promised.
‘Thanks, Laurie.’
‘See you in a few hours.’
‘Bye,’ I said and hung up. With the phone call made, I drove off into the night with my destination in mind.
I drove out of the city and onto the motorway. An hour was spent driving on endless straight stretches while my mind wandered back to Sarah and the conversation we had shared. The trouble was that I knew she was right. We weren’t well matched. I had been unhappy for some time and been unwilling to admit it. She had been right in all she had said and as I thought more rationally, realised she did deserve more…and so did I.
Sarah hadn’t been the easiest of partners to live with and it had very much been her flat we had lived at and her friends we had socialised with. I had been living in her neck of the woods for a long time now and as I veered of the motorway and headed down more familiar roads, I realised how much I missed my old home.
My sister, Laurie, had stayed in our home town when she had bought her house. She lived in a quiet cul-de-sac in a seaside town which I had always thought of as home. She had married a kind man and gone on to have two wonderful children; Zachary and Katie. I loved them dearly and they loved me too. When I visited, which had used to be often, they had adored me. I wondered if they would even remember me seeing as it had been at least three months since we had seen each other last. With little ones, I knew they forgot easily. I didn’t want to be an absent Auntie.
I turned off at the crossroads and followed the signs for Bournemouth. It felt so good to be nearly home and to be going to see family members. I realised I needed to see them badly, especially Laurie.
Five more minutes and I pulled up into the driveway of their beautiful home. Laurie’s husband Daniel worked as an engineer for a division of aerospace and had done well for himself and his family. Together with Laurie’s income from being a nurse, they had managed to buy a wonderful house near to the sea.
I grabbed my bag which had the most important things I needed in and locked up the car. The door was open before I even reached it.
‘Ally!’ my sister exclaimed and pulled me into a bone crunching hug.
‘Hey Laurie…I missed you,’ I mumbled into her shoulder as I held her close.
‘I missed you too,’ she told me and kissed my cheek lovingly. ‘Come on, inside you come!’ she ordered and hustled me into the warmth of her home.
‘Thanks.’
‘Come into the kitchen…we’ll put the kettle on.’
I followed Laurie through to the kitchen and delicious aromas scented the air. ‘Wow! It smells good in here!’ I told her.
‘Oh does it? We had good old stew for dinner. I’ll heat you a bowlful. I bet you haven’t eaten have you?’
‘I uh…’ I frowned, trying to consider when I had last actually had anything to eat.
‘When did you last eat, Ally?’ she asked in a motherly tone.
I looked up at her. ‘Honestly, I don’t know…it’s not deliberate…I’ve had a pretty bad day…year maybe would be more accurate.’
‘Well, let’s get you fed and watered and then you can tell me all about it. I’ve sent Daniel off to his office to get on with his latest project so we can catch up tonight.’
‘Oh you didn’t have to do that!’
‘I wanted to…and tomorrow we won’t have the chance,’ she told me.
‘How come?’ I wondered.
‘Because the kids are over the moon that you’re coming to stay. I told them before bed and they were literally bouncing off the walls. We’ll have to do something nice with them while you’re here.’
I smiled. ‘That sounds nice.’
‘It will be,’ she told me as she moved around the kitchen, warming me up a plate of homemade dinner.
I smiled at the picture she made. Domesticated bliss at its best, I thought to myself.
‘What?’ she said turning, placing one hand on her hip.
‘Just you…you’re as gorgeous as ever,’ I told her.
Laurie grinned at me, ‘Course I am…it’s in the genes!’
I smiled.
‘You’re looking pretty stunning, if it wasn’t for how skinny you’ve become! Honestly Ally, you’ll waste
away!’
‘I didn’t mean for it to happen. I’ve just been so busy lately,’ I confided. ‘I think I’ve just forgotten to eat.’
‘Well start remembering. I’m feeding you up while you’re here.’
‘Yes ma’am!’ I grinned and then sighed in appreciation as she placed a plate in front of me. Beef stew with thick luscious gravy, potatoes and fresh vegetables was a sight to behold. I picked up the utensils and began eating immediately, engrossed in the pleasure of a good meal. I ate like I was famished, savouring every last morsel and then sitting back feeling bloated by the time I was done.
‘That was amazing!’ I told her.
‘It was nothing special…just some home-made food.’
‘That’s what makes it so special,’ I replied.
‘Okay…well what do you think of this for an idea…let’s go get settled in the spare room. We’ll cosy up in bed like we did when we were kids and then talk all night. You can tell me what’s going on with you.’
‘Sounds like a plan,’ I said with a soft smile, ‘although I might not manage all night. I’m absolutely cream-crackered.’ I told her.
‘Me too actually; so more like chat for a bit and then sleep!’
I nodded, ‘Better!’
‘Come on then. I’ve got your bag.’
I followed Laurie up the softly carpeted stairs and we padded down the corridor to the spare room. We were quiet as the children were already asleep and we didn’t want to disturb them.
When we reached the spare room, Laurie left me to get ready for bed while she did the same. I went in the en-suite bathroom and took a quick shower. I washed my hair, brushed my teeth and dressed in pyjamas before heading out to the bedroom. Laurie was already sat on one side of the bed dressed in her own pyjamas.
‘Minions?’ I grinned.
‘Zachary insisted,’ Laurie smiled.
‘Is he still as gorgeous as ever?’ I asked.
‘More so…becoming more precocious every day.’
I smiled, ‘you wouldn’t have it any other way.’
‘I know. You wait till you see Katie. She’s talking so much more now and her confidence astounds me. She’s so excited to see her Auntie Ally!’
‘Well, I can’t wait to see them,’ I replied. ‘You did so well, Laurie. Your family…your husband…your home…your job…it’s all so lovely, so comfortable. I’m glad you have all of this.’
She nodded slowly and searched my eyes for more information. ‘Are you sad you didn’t follow a more traditional path then?’
I glanced down, ‘if that would ever have been possible, then yes…I guess so…but I can’t be something I’m not.’
‘Of course you can’t. This was never going to be your story, Ally.’
‘No…I guess being gay makes my story slightly skewed from the word go…’
‘Not necessarily. You could have still made the choices I did Ally.’
‘I suppose so…I think in some ways I’ve made things harder on myself.’
‘In what way?’ she asked, frowning at me, looking concerned.
‘I just wish…I wish I had figured it out a bit sooner…that my head had been clearer at a younger age.’
‘About being gay?’ she questioned.
‘Well yeah, but not only that…about my path in life…about what I wanted to do in a career…I was pushed too strongly in one direction and it has taken me away from things I would have been happier doing.’
‘Mum thought she was helping when she encouraged you to go into teaching.’
I nodded and looked down at my hands in my lap, ‘I know…I know…her best intentions were at heart.’
Silence fell for a long moment.
‘I miss her, Laurie.’
Laurie met my eyes. ‘I miss her too, Ally…every day…’
‘Do you think she watches over us?’ I almost whispered.
‘Of course she does,’ she said, taking my hands with hers. ‘Ally look at me…’
I looked up and met her soulful eyes.
‘What brought you here tonight?’
My gaze wavered, dropped, and I began to cry.
Chapter 2
A chance to talk
‘Oh Ally, what’s happened? Is this about Sarah?’ Laurie asked.
I nodded as I cried.
‘What happened?’ she said gently.
‘She’s broken up with me,’ I told her sadly.
‘She has?’
I nodded and lifted my gaze. I was surprised to see that she didn’t look all that stunned. ‘You’re not surprised?’
‘I…’
‘Be honest,’ I implored.
‘Okay…well, I guess I never thought she was the one for you…you know, the one you would end up with.’
‘Really?’ I exclaimed.
‘Yes. I didn’t think you matched perfectly.’
I frowned at her, wiping my tears away. ‘Why not?’
‘You haven’t seemed that happy lately,’ she told me.
‘That hasn’t been to do with Sarah. It’s more to do with work,’ I stated.
‘Be that as it may, I don’t know…if I’m totally honest, I didn’t like her that much. She had a joyless quality to her.’
I considered her words for a long moment as I trusted my sister’s judgement implicitly. ‘I can see where you’re coming from…’ I said slowly. ‘Why didn’t you say anything when I was with her?’
‘Because I didn’t want to tell you what to do.’
‘I need your advice though, Laurie. Especially as we don’t have Mum around anymore.’
‘Okay…well, I’ll make sure I’m there for you a bit more in the future.’
‘Thanks.’
‘So, what were her reasons?’ Laurie asked.
I sighed heavily. ‘She basically said she wasn’t happy with me and that I had to move out.’
‘Oh…I suppose on the bright side, at least she hadn’t met someone else.’
I shrugged, ‘I don’t think she would have said anything if she had.’
‘Really?’
‘We haven’t been communicating very well lately.’
‘Why?’
I looked down. ‘Work has been pretty rubbish. I’ve been quite tied up in everything that’s going on there.’
‘So you haven’t really been talking much?’
I shook my head. ‘And she’s right…she said she deserves better and as I was driving here…well, I think I do too…and not just with a partner, Laurie. I’m miserable…in work and home life. I need to do something about it. I know she was the one that broke off the relationship but I think it might be the push I needed to sort my life out…’
‘I think you might be right. There’s a silver lining in all these situations and if you weren’t happy, then yes, you must make changes. What’s going on with work?’
I fiddled with my rings and turned them around on my fingers. ‘I don’t like it anymore.’
‘Did you ever?’ Laurie murmured.
‘Well, yeah…I know. But the thing is, I seem to be finding things even harder lately. We have this new head and she’s been making my life a misery. Nothing I do is good enough and the expectations seem to be constantly changing. I have an especially hard class this year and I just…I don’t think I can do it anymore,’ I admitted.
‘I thought this contract was up by summer?’
I looked up, ‘Well, she won’t give me a straight answer. I’ve asked a couple of times and all I get told is that there is a chance it could become permanent.’
‘But you don’t want that?’
‘No…I don’t think I do.’
‘Then hand your notice in,’ she said, stating it as if it were the easiest thing in the world.
‘And then what? How do I live? How do I make ends meet?’
Laurie considered this for a moment, ‘I could suggest no end of ideas, Ally but I won’t. What I will do is say that you should be figuring this out. If you’re not happy, make the c
hanges. It'll be hard, it could make life even worse for a while but ultimately…I think you need to be happy and do anything that would facilitate that.’
I nodded slowly. ‘I don’t know how to do anything else!’
‘Well…that’s not entirely true…’ Laurie began, but then put her hand to her mouth. ‘No, I’m saying nothing…you figure this one out, Ally. Your decision, not mine, not anybody in the family. It has to be you who figures out how to be happy.’
I nodded, understanding her point. ‘You’re a good sister,’ I told her.
Laurie smiled. ‘The best.’
‘I love you,’ I told her.
‘And I love you…I think you need some rest now. Will you be alright?’ she asked.
I nodded. ‘I’m exhausted. I think I’ll sleep well.’
‘Well I’m just down the hall if you need anything during the night. Prepare to be woken early by the way…Zachary is itching to see you!’
I grinned. ‘I can’t wait.’
Laurie kissed me lightly on the cheek. ‘Sleep well honey. Don’t think for tonight, just rest. We can chat more tomorrow.’
I nodded, ‘Thanks Laurie.’
‘Night sweetie.’
‘Night,’ I replied softly. I watched her leave and shut the door quietly. I then shuffled down into the warm duvet and turned off the light. I closed my eyes and was asleep within minutes.
I was woken with a crash and wallop as my six year old nephew landed on the bed next to me. Laurie had been right. He did provide an early start.
‘Ally!’ he all but yelled.
‘Here’s my favourite six year old!’ I grinned and pulled him into a bear hug.
‘I missed you!’ he said into my shoulder and wriggled about with the frantic energy that only a six year old can muster.
‘I missed you too, Zachy!’
‘Tickle me!’ he yelled, loudly this time, his overexcitement evident.
‘Sh! You’ll wake the whole house!’ I whispered as I rolled him off me.
‘It’s okay! Katie’s awake anyway.’
‘Is she? Where is she?’ I asked sitting up.
‘She’s playing frozen. I hate frozen! It’s for girls!’ he told me solemnly.
‘Oh really? You don’t like girl games?’
