But this time, I just wanted my boyfriend. I wanted his thick, powerful shaft deep inside of me. I wanted him to throw me down on my hands and knees, to take me like he did at Eric’s party.
But no, something was wrong. Every few seconds, I glanced down at my breasts. Milk had already soaked through my top. The driver glanced at me using the rearview mirror. I didn't react. I pretended that this was all normal until we got to my apartment. I threw him some money, and I rushed outside, making my way back to my front door.
By the time I locked my door again, I immediately went over to the bell. At the last possible second, I refrained from picking it up. Instead, my hand flew down, only to halt an inch away from the leather and metal.
Instead, I took a breath, and I forced myself to relax.
"You want to put it on, don't you?" I lifted my head, only then noticing my ex boyfriend sitting there on my couch. He got up, sliding his hand into his pocket.
Eric seemed different, somehow more confident. He sauntered over to me. He tilted his head to the side, watching me, studying me.
"No, of course not. It's a stupid cowbell," I told him.
"And yet, you know that if you put it on, you would feel so much better. Tell me I'm wrong."
Parting my lips, I glared at him. I had to respond, to tell him that he was being dumb. And yet, I couldn't quite push the words out. Instead, my gaze drifted back down to the bell. He was right. I didn't want to put it on. I wanted to lock the collar around my neck and to feel the cool metal against my chest.
Stricken, I couldn't think. I couldn't speak. Instead, I froze.
"If you want me to leave, just say so."
Again, I couldn't respond. Why couldn't I?
"Or," he said, letting his voice trail off, "you could be a good little cow and put a collar on right now. If you do, I promise you that it will jingle. You'll get to feel so wonderful. You will enjoy yourself."
Finally, I managed to stammer out a question. "What, what are you doing to me? What, what is going on?"
I attempted to take a step back, but my feet refused to move, almost as though they had been cemented in place. Uselessly, I tugged on my legs, but my knees refused to bend.
At the same time, Eric strolled up to me. "Go ahead. Put it on. Don't worry, I won't tell anyone."
Cursing him, I reached down, and I picked up the collar. The bell jangled ever so slightly, yet those dulcet notes sent a thrill running through me. Quivering with desire, I looked at it, studying it. I almost expected to see electrodes for something high-tech. Instead, it was just a simple cowbell. Clearly sized for a human, it would fit me.
Fit me? What the heck was I thinking about? I was never, ever going to put this on. At least, that was what I told myself.
"You know, you could just tell me to leave. If you kick me out right now, I will go. I won't give you any trouble at all," Eric said.
Why couldn't I get out those words? Why couldn't I kick him out?
Instead, my attention remained fixated on the bell dangling from the collar in my hands. Then, my arms seemed to move on their own. I started to raise the collar.
"No," he said, touching me on my wrist. "If you're going to put that on, you should be naked first."
It made sense.
Blinking rapidly, I tried to reboot my brain. Obviously, something was wrong, but I didn't know how to correct it. Normally, I could be so calculating with the people around me. Whether I was dealing with women or men, I knew how to get what I desired.
That always meant studying people, learning about their personalities, their trigger points. But this? This was entirely different.
Almost moving on instinct, I set the collar back down. Then I pulled off my top.
I was standing there, naked from the waist up in front of my ex-boyfriend. He nodded, clearly approving. "You know, they are already getting bigger," he said to me.
"Screw you," I answered, not that this insult did anything to strike at his ego. If anything, my lame attempt at a rebuttal only made him snicker.
Not only did I need to be topless, I also had to remove my shoes, my socks, and my shorts. I pulled off those garments, one at a time. Soon, I was naked, and I immediately reached for the cowbell.
I wrapped the leather collar around my neck, buckling it on.
"You like that, don't you? It feels good, doesn't it?" He walked right up to me, and he ran his fingers along the curve of my cheek. Then he put his hand to the back of my head, just above the collar. He pulled me forward, and he kissed me hard. He ravished my mouth, taking what he wanted.
For the first time, I found myself truly attracted to this man.
Eric wasn't behaving like a nice guy. He wasn't being the wimp who would let me do whatever I wanted. And yet, I was naked. I shrugged him off and stepped back. The fury finally started to pound through my skin, making me tighten my fingers into fists.
"What the hell is going on?" I demanded.
"You're horny, and you want me to use you. That's what going on," he said, cutting the distance between us. He grabbed me again, kissing me. I wanted to bite at him, to shove him back, something, anything to make this stop. I needed an explanation.
"No, this isn't right."
Eric held onto the back of my neck, and he pulled, dragging me toward the bedroom. With every step, I could hear the cowbell ring. Every note seemed like another reminder of the fact that I didn't understand what was going on. I didn't understand how to stop this.
Seconds later, he threw me down onto my mattress.
"Eric, you need to tell me what's happening."
"I'm going to train you. I'm going to make sure you learn how to behave yourself."
Eric watched me. At the same time, I decided that I couldn't take this anymore. Yes, I should have worked to take the collar off. I should have focused on getting out of that room. If only I could grab my phone or my clothes, then I could maybe make sense of this whole situation.
Instead, a different instinct took a hold of me. I reached down for my pussy. I wanted to stroke my opening, to caress myself until I could calm. I needed to feel my clitoris, to rub my fingers over my wet crevice.
He barked out one command. "Stop."
All of a sudden, my hand froze.
"This doesn't make any sense."
Eric ignored me. "If you want to pleasure yourself, you're going to have to ask for the privilege. You’re going to have to beg for it."
My jaw fell open. No way. I would never do something as degrading as that!
And yet, I still couldn't move my hand. My fingers remained poised, ready, but I still couldn't move.
"Go ahead. I know you can do it," he told me. "You were always such a manipulative brat. You always thought you could get away with anything. You thought you could break my heart. "
Under normal circumstances, I could have manipulated this boy into doing whatever I wanted. I could have told him that I was sorry. Maybe I could have even cried a little bit, to be really convincing.
Instead, I dropped down onto my hands and knees. When I spoke, my voice was muffled by the sheets and pillows all around me. "Please, please take me!"
"You want me to fuck you, is that it? Do you want me to fuck you like you’re some dirty animal?”
Right there, I should have told him no. I should have been able to shove my way off of that bed and to slam my palms into his chest. I should have ordered him out of my apartment.
Somehow, I couldn't do any of those things. Instead, I answered with a whimper.
"Say it."
"Yes," I answered. By this point, my pussy ached for attention.
I tried to reach up between my legs, but my ex-boyfriend commanded me to stop. "No. You aren't allowed to touch yourself," he told me. Just the sound of his voice was enough to force me to stop.
I didn't understand it. I couldn't comprehend what was happening to me.
"Do you really want me to use you?"
"Yes," I growled at him again. My voice be
came husky with frustration. My eyes were watering, and I kept yearning to move my fingertips along my crevice. I just needed to touch myself for a few seconds. That's all I had to do to get the relief I so desperately craved, but my body still wouldn't respond.
"No. I want you to say it all. Tell me you’re a dirty girl. Tell me you're a filthy barnyard animal."
I inhaled, ready to tell him to go straight to hell. Somehow, I couldn't. Instead, when I started speaking, entirely different words began to jump from my mouth. They were still muffled by the pillows and sheets, but Eric could understand me well enough. "Please, take me. Please, fuck me. Eric, I've never been this horny! I want you to use me! I want you to use me like I'm some barnyard slut! Fuck me! Fuck me hard!”
I clinched my eyes shut, and I did my best to ignore those words coming out of my mouth. They may be sound filthy, like I couldn't control myself. At that moment, I really couldn't. I would have done anything to feel his dick thrust into me.
"Moo for me.”
I blinked, uncomprehending.
"You heard me," Eric said.
I never should have obeyed, but everything seemed so different. Everything was distorted. I couldn't think clearly, so I inhaled, filling my lungs, and then I let out just one sound, "Mooo!”
"Good," he said. "Now tell me that you've been a bad girl."
"I've been a bad girl!" I cried out without any hesitation. I didn’t pause. I didn't even wait for a second.
"That's right. And what should happen to a bad girl like you? Should you be punished?"
This time, Eric didn't prompt a response, but I already knew what he wished to hear. Nostrils flaring, I gave him what he wanted. I didn't feel like I had any other choice.
"Yes! I should be punished! I've been a bad girl!"
"No, you've been a cow, a greedy, bratty cow.”
I needed to answer, to defend myself. I never would have allowed any man to treat me like this, but his hand flew down, smacking into my ass. He struck hard, making sure that sharp sting reverberated through my body.
Panting, I buried my face down against the sheets. He kept at it, smacking my ass. He jumped his palm from one spot to the next. There was no way for me to defend myself. Even when I clenched my muscles, that only made it worse. Tension only sharpened those bursts of agony.
He smacked me five, ten, fifteen times. Pretty soon, I lost count.
It was only a spanking. It shouldn’t have done anything to me. And yet as each blow landed, I flinched, I panted, I gasped, and I clutched my eyes shut, still somehow desperate for his cock.
How could it be that the stinging flashed through my body while I simultaneously yearned for his body? What did that mean? What did that make me?
"Do it again. Make that sound, cow."
I didn't need to ask what he meant. Moaning again, this time I did it. This time I didn’t sound like a person. "Mooooooooo!” Elongated, slow, and long, the pitch of my voice stretched out as I obeyed.
"This is something you need to understand. I'm not interested in keeping you as a girlfriend anymore. You had your chance, and you blew it."
"What do you want?" I questioned. Honestly, I couldn't have explained whether or not I needed this information to formulate an escape or simply to satisfy him so he would touch me.
Although I had never been addicted to any substance, I had to assume that this was true dependency. With every second, I kept breathing, desperate for him to finger me or fuck me. For a second, I thought back to Tony's convertible, when I was willing to grind on him, when I was willing to hump his leg like some bitch in heat.
"This isn't even about what I want. This is about the reality of your situation," he told me, grabbing my ass. He squeezed hard, pinching. Another gasp escaped my lips, only this time he came up behind me, positioning himself.
Did I just hear a zipper? What's he going to do? Was he going to finally take me?
My body tensed up with anticipation, with unadulterated hope. I kept quiet, silently urging him to do it. Never before had I been so eager, so hopeful.
"The reality of your situation is this. You are wearing that cow bell, and you're not going to be able to take it off. The longer you wear it, the more you are going to change. Little by little, you're going to forget what it means to be a person. You're going to forget what it means to be a haughty bitch who can manipulate the guys around her. Do you know what you're going to become?"
"What?"
"You're going to become a cow," he said. "Every day, I'm going to milk you and fuck you. Every day, I'm going to make sure that you remember exactly how it felt to be a girl. I'm never going to let you forget everything you've lost."
He smacked my ass one more time, right before he pushed forward, thrusting into my pussy.
I cried out again with that mix of pain and pleasure. Hot ecstasy overwhelmed me as the pleasure flashed along my skin. It seemed to reverberate from the tips of my toes all the way up to my scalp. I could practically feel it in my breasts, and my palms, everywhere.
He fucked me hard. He pounded forward, thrusting deeper and deeper. He showed me what a real man could do. Back when we were dating, Eric had always been so kind, so considerate. He always put me first.
But now, I didn't need anyone to go down on me. I didn't need anything but the solidity of his rod. He pummeled me, pumping me, taking me.
Arousal quickly turned to ecstasy. I came within the span of two or three seconds. Another climax followed after another ten seconds. Gasping and panting, I didn't know how much more of this I could take, but I couldn't move either. I felt frozen, down on my hands and knees.
And as he pumped me, forcing my body forward and back, that stupid bell kept ringing, jangling.
Eric used me harder and harder. I could feel the sway of his body, the force of his momentum. I knew that I was his.
Only one thing kept me sane while he used me. The explicit thought didn't even need to enter my head. Deep down, I knew that I would be able to control him. We had dated, after all. I understood his buttons. I knew what he wanted me to say. Given enough time, I would show him that I really felt bad for cheating on him. He would selectively edit his memories, deciding to forgive me because it would feel so much better. He would learn to love me again, and maybe I would get back with him.
Or maybe I would cheat on him again.
Those plans formulated deep within my subconscious, almost like an instinct. This was what I needed to do. This is what I was born for.
Just then, I came for the fourth time—and I didn't think I could take anymore. Fortunately for me, his cock started to pulsate. Eric growled again, smacking my ass. He pumped me, working me as he savored his own orgasm.
With a primal grunt, he pulled out.
I dropped down onto my side, gasping. It took all my strength to roll over onto my back, to look up at him.
He no longer looked like the wimpy "social entrepreneur". Instead, he was now a real man crouched above me. His cock was still stiff. He tilted his head to the side. "I remember you used to be a very good cock sucker. Begin, for old time’s sake," he said.
At first, I was so exhausted after this ordeal that I didn't think I could do it. Even if I wanted to be compliant for this man, I didn't believe my body had the capability.
Despite my misgivings, my muscles started to move. I pushed myself back up, and I crawled toward him. I stared at his cock, glistening with my excitement and his come. I opened my mouth, and I started sucking, cleaning him off.
"Yes, you're going to make a very good cow," Eric told me, making this sound like an irrevocable fate.
As I finished sucking him clean, Eric stroked my hair. He was watching me, studying me. Maybe he was remembering how much he loved me. Or maybe he was debating whether or not he would want to have sex again.
For my part, I started to calculate what was going to happen next. Now that my arousal had been satisfied, I felt somehow wrong. Perhaps it was simple exhaustion, but I couldn't explain what
was different about me. It was some kind of itch, some kind of pressure deep within my body. I didn't know how to name or even explain this impulse, but I needed a different sort of release now.
"I know what's wrong with you," Eric said, guessing my thoughts.
"What?" I asked, doing my best to be docile. Men always loved it when I looked up at them with big, pleading eyes, making it seem like I was just some hapless female, a girl who needed to be protected.
Eric wasn't falling for it, not this time. He chuckled, patting me on the head. "I'll tell you, but first, go to the bathroom and braid your hair into pigtails."
I narrowed my eyes at him. He just chuckled again, enjoying the look of disdain on my face. After all, I had very few limits when it came to my boyfriends. But styling my hair was definitely one of them. Sure, I had no problem putting it up or letting it flow down the length of my back in order to entice the right guy. But Eric knew full well that I despised pigtails.
Still, he said this they'll hang from around my neck, so I decided to play along. I pushed myself off of the bed, and I went back toward the bathroom. I stepped in front of the mirror after turning on the light, and I started braid my hair.
I moved automatically, without really thinking. And frankly, I didn't do a great job, but that didn't really matter.
"Okay, what's wrong with me?" I asked.
There was Eric. He had pulled his pants back up. He looked so put-together in his collared shirt and slacks. Frankly, he could've walked into any office on the planet and fit in. And me? I was naked.
"Stop," he said as I was just about to cross the threshold back into my bedroom.
I froze again. "You really can't help yourself, can you? You have to obey everything I say." He shook his head, bemused.
"That's not true," I said, more from an unwillingness to accept what he told me.
"Sure it is. I can make you do whatever I want. Like right now, get down on your hands and knees and crawl here." He pointed down to the spot at his feet.
At first, I sneered with disdain. I just put my hair in pigtails for him, so there was no way I would start crawling, especially because he hadn’t given me anything yet.
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