“By who?”
“Women.”
“That’s not true.”
“I have it on good authority. And you should have seen the looks I got at the game Friday. If I went out on a date with you, those looks would morph into turned heads and whispers. Before you know it, they would be accusing me of sleeping with you so that Cody could get more playing time.”
“Whoa. That escalated.”
“You know it’s true.”
His sigh said I was right. “When does Cody graduate?”
“Too soon.”
He thought for a moment. “It’s dinner. We could keep that under wraps.”
“You want to have a clandestine outing?” I cringed. Did I really just use that word?
“Maybe eventually, but I know how you feel about illicit interactions without legal binding documentation.”
Did he just say that maybe he wanted to . . . you know? Moving on. “Are you mocking me?”
“Not at all. I just want to have dinner with you.”
“And where would we go?”
“This is progress. I wanted to take you to this great hole-in-the-wall place in Chicago. They have amazing food and a live jazz band, but we’ll save that for when you’re comfortable being seen in public with me.”
“You are getting way ahead of yourself, there. Dinner is a one-time thing.”
“Frequently, dinners lead to more dinners, and other things.”
I wasn’t going to ask what those other things were. I was pretty sure I knew. “We could have an awful time together. Then we would always be uncomfortable around each other.”
“I don’t see that happening.”
Based on our conversations, I didn’t either but . . . “Reed, I’m a mess, trying to put my life back together right now. And what would people think? I baby—”
“Please don’t say it,” he interrupted.
I rubbed my forehead. “I’m sorry.”
“You have nothing to apologize for. And Sam, I think you have it more together than you give yourself credit for.”
“I feel like I’m fumbling through life right now.”
“Perfect. On the field, I hate fumbles, but off the field, I’m your guy. We can fumble together.”
“You’re not going to take no for an answer, are you?”
“I’m only asking for a chance. Go out with me once, and if you like it, we can do it again. And maybe again after that.”
My bedroom felt like it was spinning. My breathing shallowed. However, in the midst of my mild panic attack, I pictured Reed with Cody at my parents’ house earlier tonight. They had high-fived their way through the first half of the Bears game, laughing and joking as they went. During some of the commercial breaks, they went out and tossed the football. I wanted to know what they were talking about in the backyard, but I knew if I interrupted, Cody would have clammed up. But Cody smiled and laughed, so that’s all that mattered to me.
Reed made me smile and laugh, too. It was only one dinner.
“Okay,” I breathed out, “but no one can know. I won’t do that to Cody right now.”
“You have my word. Now, what’s your address?”
Chapter Twenty-Four
I had a date for Saturday. In five days. One-hundred-and-twenty-plus hours away.
That didn’t seem far enough away.
I wasn’t even sure it was going to happen. How was I going to explain my absence to Cody Saturday night without lying? Keeping it on the down-low was one thing, but I refused to lie, especially to my son. He already had one parent that was good at that. I didn’t even know where we would go. Reed said he had a plan and would let me know. Was I even ready to date again?
I went to my people while I got ready for the day Monday morning.
How do you know when you’re ready to date again? Asking for a friend, I posted on my Facebook page. That’s where most people responded, it seemed, and quickly too. I had forty comments in the time it took me to put on my makeup. The comments were all over the place.
Tell your friend that the fact she’s asking this question may mean she’s ready.
Was that true? But I wasn’t sure that pertained to me since I was asked out and already accepted before I posed this question.
Girl, just stay away. Stay away.
That was probably good advice.
Tell your friend to date for money this time. Love is highly overrated.
This was not a bad thought.
Do you have anyone in mind? I have an older brother.
No way was I being set up with or dating anyone I met online.
Have you thought about what you want and don’t want in a mate? Are you excited about it? Are you over your ex?
Those were good questions to ask myself.
I knew I didn’t want a cheater, but who did? What else did I want? I wanted the little things that had been missing from my marriage for a long time. Kisses when parting and greeting each other. A hand to hold. Someone who not only listened to me, but actively wanted to know how my day was. I wanted someone to go on bike rides and pick apples with. What I wouldn’t give to cuddle on the couch with someone and watch an old movie and eat popcorn. I wanted someone who would love Cody and put us first in his life.
Was I excited about dating? Not necessarily. But was I excited about going out with Reed? If I was honest, the answer was yes. I enjoyed being with him and I was flattered he liked me, even if it was weird. And I had a sneaking suspicion that we would have fun.
Was I over Neil? I didn’t want him anymore, at least not who he had become. I hadn’t in a long time. His injury severed that connection. But the wound had not healed. He had left his mark. And there were still times I ached for the man I’d married almost eighteen years ago. Did that mean I wasn’t ready?
I grabbed my phone off the charger to throw in my bag before going out to make Cody breakfast. I had two texts.
The first one was from Avery. Are you really thinking about dating?
Yes. I was honest.
Next up was Reed. Tell your friend to get ready. She’s going to have a great time this weekend.
Do you follow me on Facebook? I had no idea who was and wasn’t. I gave up looking at the notifications after the first couple of thousand people.
Of course. I need to know what type of legal documentation I may require in the future. And I’ve always wanted a good protein ball recipe.
Now you’re lying.
Only about the protein balls.
I need to finish getting ready. Have a good day.
You too. I’ll call you tonight, just let me know when you’re available to talk.
Why are you calling?
I like talking to you. And how else will I know how your day was?
Oh.
Is that okay?
I thought for a moment. Yes.
I look forward to it.
Me too, I thought.
~*~
I arrived at the office with Avery’s favorite orange scones from a bakery we frequented, and purple gift bag full of paper hearts I had cut out last night while I couldn’t sleep. My mind was preoccupied. With mostly Reed. Did this make me a cougar? Not thinking about it.
This was a tough week for our family, especially James and Avery’s family. Tomorrow it would be two years since our beautiful Hannah had been taken from us. I knew Avery and James would go to her grave tomorrow. I think they went more than we knew. I made the hearts so Avery could spread them on her grave. She had the prettiest little headstone made of white marble, inscribed in gold. It fit Hannah, golden and pure.
I set the bag of hearts and the scones on her desk without a word. I could tell by her blurry eyes and rosy cheeks she was doing her best to hold it together. And I knew she would know what the hearts were for. She had been unnecessarily apologetic about only wanting James and their boys with her tomorrow at the grave. We all understood.
Avery gave me a weak smile.
I tried to return it wit
h a reassuring one, but I knew nothing could take away the ache her mother heart felt.
In her show of bravery, she grabbed my hand before I could walk away. “I want to show you something.” She let go of my hand and clicked on a few folders. Up popped a gorgeous banner.
I knelt next to her chair to get an up-close look. I touched the screen and ran my hand over the title, The Sidelined Wife, done in a bold, curvy font. A lighted football field subtly played in the background. She added a subtitle that read, Getting Back in the Game.
“It’s gorgeous. You’re so talented.”
“You really love it?”
“So much.” I ran my fingers across the screen again.
“Let’s put it up on your site. And the new photo. I know Delanie sent it to you.”
I had been avoiding that. I liked the blank space where my photo was supposed to go. “How about the banner only?”
“No deal. You look beautiful.”
“You’re a liar, but fine.”
She rolled her eyes at me before logging into my various sites and uploading the banner in different sizes for the different platforms. “Now send me the picture. I’ll upload it for you.”
I obeyed and pulled out my phone. Within seconds it was in her inbox. And before I knew it, my face was plastered on my Facebook page, blog, Instagram, and Twitter. I felt more self-conscious than ever.
“So,” Avery was still clicking on things, “are you really thinking about dating again?”
I stood up and rubbed my neck. “I’m thinking about it. I mean, that’s natural, right?”
“I think it’s a great idea. You know, our neighbor, Gary, is single. He’s attractive; nice, too. I think you met him last year at our Halloween party.”
Avery loved Halloween and threw a Halloween bash every year for adults only.
“Maybe. I can’t place him.” I was married last year, so it’s not like single men were on my radar. Neil hadn’t come to the party with me. He said he was researching a case he was working on with the police department, which wasn’t unusual, but they had become more frequent. I was so naïve.
“Do you want me to set you up?”
I tensed. “No. No.”
She laughed at me. “Do you have someone in mind?”
Thankfully, the office phone rang and she had to answer it. I didn’t want to lie to her, but I couldn’t tell her about Reed. I would have dinner with him once, and someday we would laugh about how silly it had been. And maybe in ten years I would tell my family, and they could all laugh too.
I rushed to my office and shut the door as if I could hide from my own thoughts. Wouldn’t that be nice if I could?
Chapter Twenty-Five
“There’s something different about you, love.” Gelaire eyed me from across the table.
We were near her home, grabbing lunch at a cozy little café that made the best grilled cheese and vegetable sandwiches before I took her to the market. It was Wednesday, a day later than normal. Tuesday I’d stayed in the office since Avery was out all day celebrating the life of her daughter and mourning her death. I’d shed my share of tears, too.
For a second, I thought about the conversation I’d had last night with Reed about Hannah. He was a great listener. He laughed with me at the silly and sweet things Hannah did, like painting James’s toe nails. That little girl had her daddy wrapped around her finger. Neil would have just zoned out after a while. He acted as though after Hannah’s funeral was over, I should have been over it. But he had never put in a lot of effort to be a good uncle. Which was unfortunate, because I loved being an aunt. And Hannah, being my only niece, held a special place in my heart.
I tucked some of my curls behind my ear and responded to Gelaire’s comment. “I’m trying out this new styling spray for my hair that’s supposed to add sheen and keep away the frizz.”
She grinned. “Your hair looks lovely as always, but that’s not what I was referring to.”
I took a sip of my ice water. “I’m wearing makeup again.”
“It’s more than physical. You seem . . . happy.”
“I’m getting there, depending on the moment.”
“Are you seeing someone?”
I set my glass down. Heat flooded my cheeks. “Why would you jump to that conclusion?”
Gelaire’s green eyes sparkled with a hint a mischief. “My son,” she was still saying his name with some derision, “mentioned you left him a message about replacing him. I told him I would gladly help you.”
She always knew how to get me to smile. “I appreciate that, but I made that call in anger. It wasn’t my finest moment.”
“He deserved it. You have him worried, you know.”
“What about?”
“That he’ll soon be a distant memory.”
“Honestly, I wish that could happen, but Cody will connect us forever.” I shrugged. “Well, maybe.”
Her eyes narrowed. “What do you mean?”
I felt like I was tattling. “Neil still hasn’t seen Cody. It’s been weeks now. They haven’t even talked.”
Outrage filled her features. Red blotches of anger popped up on her cheeks while her fists balled. “I will be having words with my son. Again.”
“You don’t need to do that.”
“I most certainly do. I didn’t raise him to be this kind of man. His father most certainly didn’t.” She took some deep breaths to try and calm herself. “How’s Cody handling it?”
“Not well. He’s keeping it bottled up inside. He says he hates his dad, but it’s only because he loves him so much.” Tears stung my eyes.
Gelaire reached for my hand. “I will right this. Why don’t you bring Cody over to spend the weekend with me? He needs to know that the Higgins side loves him.”
I wasn’t sure how Cody would feel about that. He loved his grandma, but she wasn’t into the kind of things Cody was. And the naked statue in her foyer, while funny to him, kind of freaked him out. But it would free me up for Saturday night. Though I wouldn’t put Cody up like some sacrificial lamb so I could go out with his coach.
“Please?” Gelaire begged when I didn’t answer right away.
“I’ll talk to Cody, but promise you won’t spring Neil on him without asking Cody first, if that’s your plan.”
She squeezed my hand. “I give you my word. I only want my grandson to know he means the world to me. Maybe I can take him to a Cubs game or something.”
“You hate baseball.”
“Cody loves it, so I’ll love it.”
Knowing her, she would get the box seats where they would be waited on hand and foot. “He would love that.”
“Then it’s settled. Do you think he would like box seats?”
What did I tell you? “Who wouldn’t?”
“Would you like to come too, love?”
“Uh, I think it would be good if only the two of you went.” That was true. Really, it was.
“I think you’re right. We will have a grand time.”
The fact that she said grand made that questionable. Cody wasn’t used to grand times.
~*~
Saturday I found myself driving a reluctant Cody into the city. He was tired from the late night at the away game and getting up early to serve pancakes at the fundraiser this morning. It didn’t help that he was cranky with me for setting up the visit with his grandma, and he hadn’t gotten any playing time last night. The game was a nail biter, and the Panthers only won by a field goal. Neil was a no-show again. That made Cody going to see Gelaire even more important. He needed those family connections, whether he saw the value in them or not. Someday he would be grateful. I hoped.
“You have to be at least a little excited about the game tonight.” I glanced at my son slouched in the passenger seat. I wasn’t brave enough to let him drive in downtown Chicago yet. Not sure I ever would be.
He stared out the window and shrugged.
“Come on, box seats. And you know Grandma will want to buy you a new j
ersey and probably anything they’re selling there.”
“I’m missing a party at Rory’s tonight.”
More reasons for me to be happy he was going to be at his grandma’s. “There will be other parties. And if you want you can have her over to watch a movie or something next weekend.” You better believe I would be out there the entire time.
“Maybe.”
“Cody, this is a good thing.”
“Her house smells weird and she listens to old music.”
“It smells like lavender, which is nice. And if you ask, she would probably turn off the music or let you choose. She loves and misses you.”
“Is Dad going to be there?” I heard both the hope and resentment in his voice.
“I don’t know. How would you feel if he was?”
His only answer was to shrug and throw in his earbuds.
I reached over and patted his leg and shouted, “I love you.”
I saw a hint of a smile.
The rest of our drive was quiet. It gave me too much time to worry about my date. I hadn’t gone to the pancake breakfast this morning because I feared people would be able to tell by the look on my face that I had a date with the coach.
And, last night at the game, something weird happened. A few of the other moms crowded around me like we were back in high school. They linked arms with me and everything. To top it off, they still had perky cheerleader voices. And get this. Their names were Kerry, Karen, and Katrina. It was very Stepford-wife-ish. They invited me to their book club and asked if maybe I could post about it on my blog and Facebook page. They said it could be, like, a “thing” I do. Then they went on to give me false flattery about how funny I was and how they loved my posts. I felt like they wanted to assimilate me. More like use me. It was nicer than the mean moms who’d slighted me last week. Last night they made sure to give me those fake who-do-you-think-you-are smiles.
I didn’t even recognize my life anymore. I used to be one of those moms that played in the background. I helped out whenever I could, but I was never in charge of anything. I had friends, but never a large circle. My closest friends were always family, especially Avery.
The Sidelined Wife Page 14
