“They act like I’ve just been sentenced to prison,” Bill said to Jenny in the cab on the way home. Tom was the only one who had made an effort, and Jenny had noticed that he watched her closely at every opportunity, as though trying to figure out who she was, and why his brother loved her. And they had all mentioned several times during lunch the fact that she and Bill hadn’t had children and asked if it was because of her work. Clearly, they thought she was to blame, as they did for his abandoning his law career and joining the church. She fielded all their questions lightly, saying that they had wanted to wait to start a family until Bill graduated, but Bill noticed that she looked crestfallen every time the subject came up. Their failure to have a child so far was the only real sadness in their life. She had discussed it with her mother recently, who sympathized and said that she and Jenny’s father had never been able to have a second child, although they had tried and lost several after Jenny was born. They had wondered if it had something to do with Jack’s work, since Jenny had been conceived easily when he was in the army and not working in the mines. But they never knew for sure.
They dropped Helene off at the train station on the way home, so she could go back to Philadelphia, and she congratulated her son-in-law again and told him how proud of him she was. And then Jenny and Bill went home and collapsed on the couch with a look of relief. Azaya called Jenny almost the moment they sat down. One of her clients was panicking over a fabric that had gotten lost on the way from France, another wanted to know if she could go to Milan with him the following week, and she’d had at least a dozen calls with questions that needed immediate responses. Twenty minutes later she was back on the couch with Bill, where he sat staring into space, and then he turned to look at her with saddened eyes. It had been an extremely difficult two hours, for an event that should have been meaningful and fun.
“For all their pretensions about good breeding and impeccable pedigrees, I think my family are the rudest people I’ve ever met. I’m sorry, Jenny, I won’t subject you to them again. And your poor mother.” Bill was the only person at the table who had spoken to her at all. The others had acted like she didn’t exist.
“They’re still angry you married me,” Jenny said matter-of-factly. It didn’t surprise her anymore.
“I would have died of boredom if I’d married Julie or Georgina. Even my brothers look bored to death with them.” Jenny had noticed several times that both women had an edge to their voices whenever they spoke to their husbands. She had the distinct feeling that all was not well in their worlds, particularly Tom’s. Julie had snapped at him and made nasty comments in his direction several times. Bill and Jenny, on the other hand, had held hands through most of the lunch. They both needed the support, especially in light of the hostility directed at them almost nonstop. Jenny had barely eaten, it was so stressful, and Bill had had a Bloody Mary and several glasses of wine, which he never did at lunch. But it had been the only way to get through it. He realized now more than ever that Jenny was his family. His parents and brothers no longer were. Their relationship had deteriorated so badly, over their objections to his marriage and his new career path, that there was just no bond between them now. When he was with them, it felt like six against one. They were no longer his allies and showed no compassion for him or Jenny. He was sorry she had made the effort to invite them to lunch.
Jenny went to make some business calls then, and Bill opened the mail. He frowned as he opened the last letter, read it a second time, and then sighed as he folded it, put it back in the envelope, and went to slip it into his desk with the other one from the same source. He didn’t mention either letter to Jenny when she came back to the living room an hour later. She said that Azaya was coming over in a few minutes with some fabric samples she had to look over for a client, and with mail. She could see that Bill was troubled and assumed that it was from their unpleasant time spent with his family.
Azaya arrived half an hour later, and Bill said he was going for a walk. It gave Jenny time to work, and as soon as he left the apartment, Azaya turned to her with concern.
“How was it? Were they all right?” She knew that Jenny’s relationship with Bill’s family was strained, and how nervous she had been about the lunch.
“It was awful,” Jenny said honestly, putting off their work for a few minutes. “They’re so nasty to him, they ignored my mother completely, and they hate me. It’s so hard on him. They’re so unbelievably rude. And so mean to him because of me. You’d think that after all this time they’d give it up. I guess they never will.” She was sad about it but put it out of her mind while they did their work. She chose the fabrics to suggest to the client, signed several letters, and looked over some files, and an hour later Azaya left. She was perfectly capable of handling their clients while Jenny took a day off, which was rare for her. Bill got home half an hour later and found her in the kitchen. He was seriously depressed.
“I’m sorry I invited them,” she apologized, and he pulled her into his arms. But he was upset about something else.
“I honestly don’t care. I don’t want to see them again, not for a while anyway. We have better things to do. They’re petty people with small lives, trapped in a little box. They can’t stand the fact that I walked out of that box, with you. And I’m so glad I did.” He smiled at her.
He had made a decision on his walk. He had never kept secrets from her, but he had for the past three months. It wouldn’t change anything to tell her, but she had a right to know the truth. He gently took his arms from around her, opened the drawer in his desk, and removed the two letters. “I’ve been wanting to tell you about these. I didn’t have the guts, and I didn’t want to worry you. I got a letter in March offering me a church in Wyoming as full pastor, and I turned it down. I wouldn’t do that to you, Jenny. I know how important it is for you to be in New York. So you don’t need to be afraid. We’re not going anywhere. But I’d like you to look at their original letter. I just got another one today. They haven’t found a minister yet, and they’re begging me to come. It’s everything I want, except it’s twenty-one hundred miles from where we want to be. Other than that, it’s perfect. At least somebody wanted me, even if I turned it down. They got my résumé from that service I signed up for. I told the agency I wanted to stay in New York, but I guess they sent some of them around the country. This church in Wyoming responded immediately.” He looked flattered as he handed both letters to her. Jenny read them, appearing nervous, and she gazed at him with frightened eyes after she read them both.
“Are you considering this church?” She was visibly panicked. They both knew it would mean giving up her career. She couldn’t move to Wyoming and consult in New York, given her demanding clients, and her work was very hands-on. The only two churches that had wanted him so far had been in Kentucky and Wyoming.
“I told you, I turned them down. We’re not moving to Wyoming. But they’re nice letters, and they sound like good people. I just wanted you to see it. I haven’t dared show you the first letter until now.” And the second letter sounded even more desperate than the first one. They had offered him more money and reminded him that the pastorship came with a house. “I felt wrong not telling you about it, Jen. At least it was an option.” He didn’t want her to think he was a total loser, and had no offers at all, or wasn’t trying. He truly was trying to find a church and a job.
“I’d have to give up work if you took it,” she said, and he could see that she was close to tears as he put an arm around her to reassure her.
“I won’t do that to you, Jenny.”
“But you need a church. What if you can’t find one?” There were tears in her eyes.
“I will. It may take a while to locate one around here. I can do the chaplaincy work till then. It’s something to do.”
“But that’s not what you want,” she said miserably. It had never occurred to her while he was studying that he wouldn’t find a church. They had had no idea how scarce available churches were, o
r how far away. She didn’t want to hold him back, but she wasn’t ready to give up her career and move to a place like Wyoming, and she knew she never would be. Bill knew it too.
“It has to bless us both. Not just me,” he said calmly. “It sounds great, though. All we have to do is find something like it around here.”
“What if we don’t?” Her eyes were huge in her face.
“We will,” he said, trying to exhibit an optimism he no longer felt. He had written hundreds of letters with copies of his résumé in the past six months, and this was by far the best offer he’d had. But it was one he couldn’t take. He didn’t look angry about it, just sad and disappointed, which made her heart ache for him.
He put the letters away then, and they had a quiet dinner that night. It had been an important day for him, and a hard one at the lunch. And now Jenny felt as though the offer of the pastorship in Wyoming was hanging over their heads. And she knew it was important to him, or he wouldn’t have shown her the letters. She was quiet that night, as she thought about it, and lay in bed next to him wide awake, in the dark.
“I can hear you worrying,” he said gently as he put an arm around her. “Don’t. I’m not going to drag you to Wyoming. I wouldn’t ask that of you.” She wanted to say “Thank God,” but she only nodded as tears slid down her cheeks.
“I’m scared you won’t find anything else,” she admitted. She felt as though her whole work life was on the line, and it meant so much to her. Not as much as he did, but she had been building her career for the past fourteen years, since she started Parsons at eighteen. It would be a lot to give up, if it ever came to that. She couldn’t even imagine it.
“We just have to be patient.” Like the baby, which hadn’t happened either, and she was worried about that too. She wondered if he’d be willing to adopt. Until then, they had assumed they’d have their own. But she was beginning to doubt it, since it hadn’t happened in two years. She hoped it wouldn’t take him as long to find a church, but it might.
“I’m sorry, Bill,” she said sadly, thinking as much about the baby as the job.
“I knew when I married you how important your career is to you. You didn’t hide it from me. It’s not a surprise. I love what you do. I’m proud of you, Jenny. I don’t want something that works for me, at your expense. That wouldn’t be right.” She nodded and snuggled up closer to him. And then very gently, he began making love to her, and their sadness and fears turned to passion. They forgot everything in each other’s arms, and afterward they lay breathless, having been swept away by a tidal wave of love and emotion. She had seen stars while they made love.
He lay holding her, smiling at her, and he didn’t want to say it, but if all it took was love to make a baby, he was sure they had made one that night. And she was thinking exactly the same thing as she kissed him and fell asleep.
Chapter 4
Bill started doing his chaplaincy work at the hospitals and the jail two weeks later. It was challenging and interesting, and he even visited patients in a locked psychiatric ward. All his training in psychology served him well. He spent time talking to all the patients on his list, and although he was only filling in, people began asking for him, and the chaplaincy service increased his days from three to five. And he even enjoyed the work he did at the jail. The women inmates were there for a variety of crimes, including murder, and they found him easy to talk to. He came home exhilarated and with a lot to tell Jenny every night. Neither of them mentioned the church in Wyoming again.
Bill was busy all through June and July, and so was Jenny. On the first of August, the fall Fashion Week was still seven weeks away, but things were heating up, and some of her younger designer clients needed a lot of help. Bill noticed that she was coming home exhausted every night, from running around in the heat. They had been invited away for several weekends, but she had to work. And he used the time to send out more letters with his résumé. So far nothing had turned up. They were both relieved when they were invited to the Hamptons by one of her more important clients. It would be good to get out of the city.
They talked on the way out, crawling through the weekend traffic leaving New York on Friday, and then Jenny fell asleep in the front seat. She had had a long week. They wanted to go to Maine in August, or Martha’s Vineyard, but Jenny wasn’t sure she could get away. This was the start of a busy time for her, which would become frantic all through September. With one collection following another, it was hard for her to leave her clients at any time of the year. And Bill was anxious to spend some vacation time with her. He was thinking about it when she woke up an hour later, and they were only halfway there.
“Sorry I fell asleep.” She smiled at him. But she felt better and less tired.
“You need it. You’re exhausted. You’ve been running around like a maniac all week.” She didn’t usually get tired, she had boundless energy, but everyone was tired in the crushing heat, even Jenny. He could hardly wait to get to the beach and swim and relax and enjoy the weekend. And he liked their host. When Bill started to say something to her about it, he noticed that she was distracted. She took out her datebook and glanced through it, calculated something, and then looked at him in amazement.
“Oh my God … I just realized something … I’ve been so busy for the past few weeks, I didn’t notice …” She was smiling at him mysteriously, and he had no idea what she was talking about, as they finally picked up speed.
“Didn’t notice what? Please don’t tell me you forgot ten more appointments and two new clients and you have to work this weekend,” he teased her, but he wasn’t far off the mark. She had been working seven days a week for months.
“I think I might be pregnant,” she said softly, as though she were afraid to say it, and he glanced at her sharply, and then turned his eyes back to the road.
“Are you serious?” He was as excited as she was and a little shocked.
“I think it happened the night you graduated. I’m late. Really, really late. Like four weeks late. I forgot all about it.” And as she said it, he felt a shiver run down his spine. Suddenly he was as sure as she was. He remembered their sudden passion, after the hideous lunch with his parents, and talking about the church he had turned down in Wyoming. He remembered thinking that she might have gotten pregnant that night, and then he had forgotten about it too. He reached over and touched her cheek gently with his hand, and she turned to look at him with eyes full of hope.
“I’ll check it out on Monday,” she said in barely more than a whisper, and then she put her arms around him and kissed him. But there was no other reason either of them could think of for her being late. That never happened to her. It was going to be a long weekend, waiting to find out on Monday, but suddenly they were both sure. It had finally happened, after two years. They tried not to get too excited, but by the time they got to the Hamptons, it was all they could talk about or think of. If she was really pregnant, their dream had come true.
They spent a wonderful weekend with her client, and enjoyed the people he had invited for dinner. He gave two beautiful dinner parties, and they had a room with an ocean view. Bill and Jenny took long walks on the beach and swam in the ocean, and on Sunday night they went back to the city, relaxed and tanned and in great spirits. She could hardly wait to call her doctor in the morning. Bill was up before she was and brought her a cup of tea. They didn’t dare talk about a baby until they knew, but it was on their minds.
She stopped and had a blood test on the way to the office. They had to wait a day for the results. And she tried to concentrate on her work, which was nearly impossible. Even Azaya noticed something different about her, after the weekend. Nelson Wu was working with them too, helping them get ready for the shows. They were a good team.
“You’re in a great mood. Did something happen?” Jenny avoided her eyes, afraid that something would show. She didn’t want to say anything yet, and jinx it.
“We had a terrific time,” she said blithely. She worked till n
ine o’clock that night, and Bill was home when she got there, relaxing and watching TV, after spending the day counseling inmates at the jail. He had dinner waiting for her, and they went to bed early. She called the doctor from home the minute their office opened the next day. And she almost screamed when the nurse told her she couldn’t give her the results until the doctor came in. Nurses were not allowed to give test results over the phone.
They called her back at nine-thirty, and Jenny held her breath, waiting for the results, and then her doctor came on the line and told her the good news. She was pregnant. They had finally done it. Bill was in the shower when she walked into the bathroom and stood smiling at him with tears rolling down her cheeks. He stuck his head out of the shower, saw the look on her face, and gave a whoop of glee. He stepped out, took her in his arms, and kissed her, and she was soaking wet as soon as he did, but neither of them cared. It had been worth the wait. Bill stood there holding her and kissing her, and telling her how much he loved her. As much as she loved him. And the baby they had wanted so badly and waited so long for was on the way. Their life was complete.
Chapter 5
Jenny was seven weeks pregnant the first time she saw the doctor at the beginning of August, and Bill went to the appointment with her. The baby was due in early March, and everything seemed to be in order, although the doctor said she was a little on the thin side. He wanted her to gain a few pounds, and Bill told him that she worked too hard, and came home late every night. Jenny pointed out that Fashion Week was coming up and she couldn’t let her clients down. They were moving into high gear and pulling her in a million directions with their needs and demands, collections to complete and runway shows to plan.
“I’m not going to stop working just because I’m pregnant,” she said quietly. She was hoping to work right till the end, and the doctor didn’t see why she shouldn’t, as long as she was reasonable about it.
Until the End of Time: A Novel Page 5
