“I feel all alone.” Her lip trembled. “But the worst part…the worst part is I couldn’t protect you boys from James. I failed you and Jason.
I’m so sorry, Leo.”
His mother cried, and Leo looked away, fighting his own tears.
Her strength overwhelmed him. He was out for six weeks, and she was out for a lifetime. The car accident was her life ctomy.
She sniffed. “James became another person after my accident.
He wasn’t always like this, Leo. It’s like something died in him that night. He had a role in what happened, but I didn’t know the guilt would stay with him so long.”
“What? What do you mean Dad had a role in your accident?” Her eyes widened. “No, no…I said that wrong. What I meant is your father thinks he should’ve stopped me from driving that night.” Leo stared at her for a long time. Finally he lowered his gaze and tried to take a few bites. “You’re not eating much,” he said with his mouth full.
“Well, I’m not a swimmer.”
“I’m not either.”
“You’ll always be a swimmer, Leo. It’s in your blood.” His fork rattled to the plate as he leaned back on the sofa. “I’m not very hungry.”
“I guess now’s as good a time as any to tell you this.” His mother swallowed. “I…I called Brett Turner when you were in the hospital.”
“The Florida State coach?” Leo sat up, his listlessness suddenly gone.
“Yes. He gave the fifty-percent scholarship to another swimmer.” Leo sank back into the sofa.
“But if you choose FSU over the Academy, we’ll make it work.
I doubt I can get loans in my name at this point, but you can take out student loans, and I’ll help you pay them back. You don’t have to go to the Academy.”
Leo’s stomach tightened. “How will you help me pay back the loans, Mom?”
“I don’t know. I’ll think of something.” He sat for a few moments. “I’m sort of freaked out. I don’t even know if I can make it through school tomorrow, much less think about college.”
“Then take some time to think about it, Leo. You don’t have to figure it out right now. Speaking of school, do you have homework?”
“So much I don’t even know where to start.” He closed his eyes.
“Well, what’s your favorite class? You can start with that.”
“I used to like calculus and chemistry, but now I’m so far behind I’m kind of lost. Maybe government? That’s my easiest one anyway.”
“Since when do you like the easy classes? You’re always up for a challenge.”
“I guess I’m tired of challenges…Mom? I’m not doing so great this semester. I’ll…I’ll be in big trouble when Dad finds out. I might get a B in a couple of classes.”
“Then get a B, Leo,” she responded immediately. “Get a C. Fail a class. I don’t care.”
He gaped at her.
“You pile way too much pressure on yourself, and your parents certainly don’t need to add to it. So what if you get a B? I’ll still love you, and your father will too, even though he’s totally clueless about showing it.”
“So you don’t care if I’m not top five anymore?”
“I thought it was silly you got so wrapped up in class rank. It’s about learning, not GPA. We’ll just celebrate one top five in this house instead of two.” His mother frowned. “And where is she? Audrey should definitely be home by now.”
“Get back in the car, Audrey!”
Audrey felt Eric grope for her arm from the driver’s seat. She ignored him and whooped, feeling the wind whipping her hair behind her.
Only when the breeze made her eyes water did she finally bring her head back inside. Her cheeks burned from the wind, and she giggled at her naughtiness. Audrey fumbled for the radio but Eric fought her off. “I have to concentrate!” He smacked her hand.
“Humph.” She crossed her arms. “You’re a total party pooper, Erica.”
“And you are obnoxious, Audrey!” When he pulled up in the Roses’ driveway, the raucous evening faded to silence. Eric turned to her, his anger seeming to turn to affection as he gazed into her eyes.
Audrey had the bizarre sense he was about to kiss her. “You should realllly try this some time,” she said. “Bein’ drunk is the bessst.” Eric looked down. “I’m afraid if I started drinking, I’d never stop.
I don’t want to be like my dad…Aren’t you worried?” Eric asked after a moment. “Isn’t your dad an alcoholic too?” Audrey felt her throat tighten. “I don’t want to talk about him.” She glanced at the brightly lit interior of her house. “Do you think I’m in trouble?”
“Why would you be in trouble? Isn’t your mom out of town?”
“Yeah, but Leo’s mom’s staying in my houssse. Leo is too, whenever he gets out of the hospital.”
Eric suddenly slouched in his seat, his eyes darting around. “I gotta get out of here. I’m not getting blamed for you being sloshed.”
“Maybe I can stay at your house tonight?” Eric shook his head. “No, you have to go inside. Mrs. Scott’s probably having a freakout right now, wondering where you are.” He reached across and opened her door, then shoved her out onto the driveway. Jason had heaved her out that way once too. What was with boys pushing her out of their cars?
As his tires screeched away, Audrey took a deep breath and shuffled toward the door. She just wanted to go to bed. Stepping inside, Audrey heard Mrs. Scott’s voice.
“I think I hear her, Jase. Hold on. Audrey?”
“Yesss, I’m here.”
“Thank God. You can call off the search, Jason. She’s home.” Audrey wanted to shield her eyes from the sunny yellow kitchen.
Mrs. Scott hung up the phone to glare at her. “Where’ve you been?”
“I was at Alex’s.” She looked over and froze when she discovered Leo on the sofa. Rather than angry, she felt merely curious. Her head tilted to the side. “They discharged you?”
“Audrey!”
Mrs. Scott’s urgent tone drew her attention.
“It’s almost eleven! I expected you home at six.”
“Whaz the big deal? I come home whenever I want when my mom’s outta town.”
Mrs. Scott’s eyes narrowed. “Are you drunk?”
“No.” Audrey began to retreat.
“Stay right there, young lady.”
Audrey heard Leo gasp and fought the urge to turn and run upstairs.
“What’s the big deal?” Mrs. Scott hollered. “The big deal’s that you’re underage, and you’re drunk! Plus, you didn’t call, and I’ve been worried sick! I was about to file a missing person’s report with the police.”
“The police?” Her voice shook. “I’m s-s-s-sorry.” Her nose burned.
“I juss had a little vodka. I did-ent think about calling.”
“You clearly weren’t thinking at all! You didn’t drive in your condition, did you?”
Audrey felt the prick of tears. “No…Eric drove me.” Mrs. Scott sighed. “I’m disappointed in you, Audrey. I expect more mature behavior from such an accomplished young lady.” Leo interrupted Audrey’s sob. “Mom, it’s not her fault.” He’d gathered himself off the couch and seemed to be assessing how best to hop over to her.
“Sit down, Leo,” Mrs. Scott ordered. “You just got out of the hospital, for heaven’s sake. This is between Audrey and me, and there will be consequences.”
“You’re not my mother!”
The words were out of her mouth before she knew it, and Audrey blinked up at Mrs. Scott, not sure what to expect in return.
Leo’s mother exhaled. “You’re right. I’m not. I’ll call your mother tomorrow to discuss this situation. Right now I want you to go to your room and stay there till you leave for school. No talking to Leo, no TV, no phone. After school, come directly home, and we’ll discuss this. Do you understand?”
Audrey sniffed. “Yes.” She turned and headed to the stairs.
“Audrey! I need to talk to you.”
“That will have to wait,” his mother said.
Leo sighed. “Yes, ma’am.”
A few hours later, Audrey made sure the house was silent before she tiptoed downstairs. She filled a glass at the kitchen sink, trying to moisten her cotton mouth.
“Is that you, Audrey Absolut?” whispered a voice in the dark.
Creeping into the family room, she found Leo’s eyes in the moonlight.
“Or is it Absolut Audrey, like the ad?” he added.
She wanted to rush into his arms, but held back, remembering his cruel words. “So what’d you need to tell me?”
“Lo siento. Soy un idiota.”
“Yes, you are.” She inched closer.
“I said that awful thing about your dad…and after talking to him, I want to take it back. Will you please forgive me?” Audrey charged forward and climbed into Leo’s arms. He smoothed his hand in circles on her back, and she melted into him.
Her head on his shoulder, she whispered, “Sometimes I worry my dad really is guilty.”
“Don’t say that. He needs you to stand by him.”
“How was it? What’d he say to you?”
“It wasn’t as bad as I thought it’d be, but I had to promise not to knock you up again.” She pulled back from their hug to see him grin. “He performed a sexectomy.”
“Oh God, Leo. I’m sorry you had to go through that.” His smile faded. “Well, I’m sorry my mom was so mean to you.”
“She hates me now.”
“No, she doesn’t. She’s just mad. And it could have been worse. The worst part of my father’s punishments was missing all that swimming.”
“Leo? Your dad won’t come here, like he did that one night?”
“I don’t know.” He drew her head back to his shoulder and ran his fingers through her hair. “Just think. In seven months, we could’ve been parents.”
“That’s too wild to even consider.” She sniffed. “I’m sorry I lost the baby.”
“Shhh.” He stroked her back. “It wasn’t the right time for us. But it’ll be different in the future, okay?” Her eyelids drooped. “Audrey Absolut.” She snorted, then shook her head. “I think Audrey Scott sounds much better.” Leo squeezed her tighter. “That’d make me the happiest guy on earth. But are you sure you want that angry woman upstairs to be your mother-in-law?”
46. You’re Not Alone
The mattress sunk down next to her, and Audrey heard Mrs. Scott’s voice. “Time to wake up.” She felt Leo’s mother tuck a strand of her hair behind her ear.
She groaned and rolled away.
“Your hair’s so pretty, spilling over the pillow like that.” Mrs. Scott sighed. “With two sons, I never got to buy dresses or tie up long hair in bows.”
“And then Leo goes and shaves his head for swimming,” Audrey murmured. When she heard his mother chuckle, she forced one eye open and felt a pounding headache set in. “What time is it?”
“Six.” Mrs. Scott smoothed a hand over her hair. “How’d you sleep?”
“Not great.”
“You look like one of the plebes I used to teach: tired and washed out.”
Audrey groaned as she sat up. “Am I in trouble?” Mrs. Scott frowned. “Yes. I’ll speak to your mother later.” Audrey turned away, blushing furiously.
“So thankfully you didn’t drive home last night. Where’d you leave your car?”
“Um, Alex’s house?” Audrey massaged one temple.
“That’s what I figured. I wanted to wake you early so you had enough time to retrieve it before school.” Audrey still felt fuzzy. “What do you mean, retrieve it?”
“You’ll walk to Alex’s house, drive your car home, then give me the keys.”
“You’re taking my car keys?”
“Yes.”
“How will I get to school? How will I get home from swim practice?”
“Jason’s taking Leo to school — maybe you can catch a ride. And I don’t think swim practice is a good idea today.” Audrey felt her lip tremble.
“I know how important swimming is to you. But I’m concerned about you getting drunk, Audrey. I just want time to sort this out with you after school, after I get a chance to speak to your mother.” Sniffing, Audrey nodded.
Mrs. Scott tilted her head. “So, you spoke to Leo last night?” Tears began welling up. “I’m sorry. I just needed to talk to him. He said something awful, and it really hurt my feelings…”
“I should’ve known better than to try to keep you two apart.” Mrs. Scott scooped Audrey into a hug.
Surprised, Audrey cried harder. It felt so good, so comforting, to lean into her shoulder. She hadn’t realized how much she’d missed her parents.
“There, there,” Mrs. Scott murmured, patting her back. “You’ve had some really tough times, honey. Is that why you got drunk?
Because you were upset about something Leo said?” Audrey pulled back and gave a slight nod.
“That concerns me,” Mrs. Scott said. “If you’re upset, drinking’s not a good idea. I want you to talk to your friends, or your parents, or even me when you’re upset.”
“I usually talk to Leo, but I didn’t think he’d speak to me after he was such a jerk…”
“Do you know how much he loves you?” Leo’s mom’s crystal blue eyes were just as intense as his. “He told me you’re the best thing that ever happened to him.”
“He did?”
“He did. Now, I’m going to help him get ready for school, and I want you to go get your car.”
“Okay.”
Audrey yanked on clothes and trudged the two miles to Alex’s house, her head throbbing more with each step.
When she pulled her purple car into the driveway, Audrey pressed a longing kiss onto the dashboard. Her father had made a point to buy a car in school colors. She had a feeling she wouldn’t be driving her baby again anytime soon.
Another vehicle pulled up behind her. Audrey held her breath as she watched Jason and Cameron step out. She hadn’t seen Cameron since her father’s court martial.
Taking a deep breath, Audrey pushed open her car door and turned to face them.
“Hey, Audrey,” Jason said. “I’m picking up Leo, but if you need to leave before us I’ll move my car.”
“That’s okay. I won’t be driving.” She bit her lip. “Your mom’s taking away my keys.”
“Whoa.” Jason stifled a laugh.
“Audrey?” Cameron smiled and stepped closer.
She was startled as Cameron embraced her.
“I’m sorry for everything you’ve gone through,” she whispered.
Audrey felt tears coming yet again. Did Cameron know about the miscarriage? How could Bill Walsh’s daughter want to hug Denny Rose’s daughter?
Cameron pulled away, and Audrey stood frozen in place. She couldn’t even cry, she was so confused.
“We’ll give you a ride to school too,” Jason said, ending the awkward silence. “C’mon, let’s go get the cripple.” Audrey allowed herself to be guided by Jason’s hold on her shoulder. Once inside, she climbed the stairs to collect her backpack.
Jason assisted his hopping brother to the car and placed Audrey’s backpack next to the collapsible wheelchair in the trunk. Audrey joined Leo in the back seat.
“I figured I’d give Cam a ride too. She’s student teaching today,” Jason explained. He glanced at the backseat via the rear-view mirror.
“So you were out late last night, huh, Audrey?” She blushed, and Leo answered for her. “That’s Audrey Absolut to you, Jase.”
“You’ll never let me forget this.”
“Audrey Absolut — it’s got a certain ring to it.” Jason smiled. They stopped at a red light. “You’re a drinker?” She sighed. “That’s only the second time I’ve had alcohol in my life.”
Leo’s eyebrows arched. “When was the first time?”
“My recruiting trip to Northwestern. It was fun…We should drink together sometime.”
Ja
son cleared his throat. “I just celebrated my fifty-seventh day of sobriety.”
“That’s great, Jase,” Leo said.
“But I’m still an alcoholic.”
“What’s your point?” Leo asked.
“My point’s that you might want to think twice about getting wasted together. I thought I was just drinking with friends, blowing off steam, having fun, until suddenly it wasn’t fun anymore. It was an addiction.”
Audrey’s eye-roll halted when she met Jason’s gaze in the rear-view mirror. “I know you guys won’t listen to me,” he said. “I know you think I’m a party pooper, but isn’t your dad an alcoholic, Audrey?” She said nothing, so Jason forged on. “Well, alcoholism runs in families. It’s just something to think about.” Audrey looked out the window, watching strip malls and palm trees pass as the city began stirring in the morning sunshine. She studied Cameron’s profile, her long brown hair carefully brushed and perfectly in place. She hadn’t said one word during the car ride.
“You must hate my family,” Audrey murmured.
“What?” Leo and Jason asked in unison.
Cameron turned to look at her. “I don’t. I don’t hate your family, because I don’t…I don’t think your father’s guilty.”
“You don’t?” Audrey asked, incredulous. “Why not?” Cameron looked at Jason, who nodded as he pulled the car into the school parking lot. She took a deep breath and unbuckled her seatbelt, turning to face the backseat. “Can I tell you guys something and you promise to keep it secret?”
Audrey nodded.
“Your dad helped me out of a really bad spot once, Audrey. He was enormously kind to me. My dad found out about it, and that made them even better friends. I know your dad could never have hurt my dad.”
Audrey absorbed this information. “He did something nice for you? I didn’t realize you knew each other.”
“Your dad was at meets a lot when I was the swim team manager,” Cameron said. “But you’re right. I didn’t know your dad very well.
I was desperate one night, and I turned to him for help. You see, I was…I was pregnant.”
Audrey was speechless.
“I was the father,” Jason said, turning to look at Leo. “And I’d just left town without a way for Cam to get in touch with me.” Cameron seemed very focused on trying not to cry.
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