Fifteen minutes later, Leo jogged. His legs felt weighted with lead, but memories of their kiss kept him going the first two miles.
He allowed his mind to wander, feeling sweat stick his tank top to his skin, and found himself contemplating college. As far as the Navy knew, Leo was set to report for Plebe Summer at the end of June, just two months away. In turn he considered the mountain of debt he’d accrue if he attended FSU. He still hadn’t made a decision.
As his breath quickened, Leo realized he was passing his neighbor’s house. Just then his pink stucco home came into view, which brought him to a halt. He hadn’t planned a particular running route, but it made sense that his feet took him on the familiar journey from school to home.
He bit his lip and surveyed his house, wondering if his father was inside. Their next appointment with the social worker lieutenant was supposed to be tomorrow. Had CS followed any of her instructions?
His throat tightened. He wanted to run from the house, the scene of shameful beatings and disappointment, but part of him felt drawn in. His father’s brokenness called to him like a siren.
What if CS committed suicide and Leo could’ve done something to stop it? What if he was the only person who could help his father?
Could he live with himself if he didn’t?
Guilt overtook Leo as he realized his life would be much easier without CS in it. Yet he couldn’t deny the nagging impulse to run to the house and check on him. Gripping his head with both hands, he agonized over what to do.
I should turn around and run back to Audrey’s house. He could do it. He’d be crazy to approach his abusive father and willingly put himself in danger. But his body wouldn’t turn around. Leo rested his sweaty hands on his hips and stared at his front door. Then be began to move again. He knew what he had to do.
His hand started knocking before he really intended to do so, but there was no response. What was taking so long? Had CS actually gone somewhere? Leo’s hands trembled as he contemplated knocking again.
When at last his father opened the front door, Leo kept close watch on his expression. He saw what he thought was a glimpse of relief perforate his father’s gloom, and for a moment he actually smiled. Leo knew he’d done the right thing.
His father looked worse than last week, if that was possible. He had dark circles under his eyes and his beard was even fuzzier and wild, his clothes grimier than before.
Leo swallowed. “I was just in the neighborhood, um, on a run.” He felt like an idiot, trying to find words that wouldn’t incite his father’s anger. “Dad? Would you help me? Would you help me get back into shape?”
CS looked confused, and Leo smirked.
“Nothing increases my fitness like Commander Scott’s boot camp.” His father’s voice sounded strangely uncertain. “You want me to help you?”
“Yes, sir, um, maybe you could come with me on my run? You know, kind of like set the pace for me?” His father’s lips parted, and for a stunned moment Leo thought he might cry.
“I’ll go change,” he murmured and bolted upstairs, leaving Leo standing in the open doorway.
He stepped inside and shuffled through pizza boxes and old newspapers. The house was a disaster.
Leo heard bathroom pipes whine from upstairs as he entered the kitchen. Glancing at the piles of dirty dishes strewn about, he pulled a large plastic garbage bag from under the sink and shoveled in newspapers, soda cans, and food wrappers. He’d placed three full, tied-up bags next to the door by the time his father descended the stairs.
CS appeared completely transformed: all signs of facial hair vanished, his hair once again closely cropped, and his clean white T-shirt and dark blue shorts hugging his frame without one wrinkle.
Leo stood taller at the return of his military father, feeling the hairs on the back of his neck bristle.
CS’s face darkened when he saw the bags, and Leo froze. Had he made a mistake?
“You didn’t have to do that,” his father said. “That’s my mess to clean up, not yours.”
“Yes, sir.” Leo searched anxiously for the right words. “I was just standing around so I thought I’d make myself useful.” He held his breath.
CS closed his eyes for a moment. “Let me start over. Thank you for cleaning up my mess, Leo.” Their eyes met for a moment before CS attempted another smile, seeming to work facial muscles that had gone unused for weeks. “How about that run?”
Leo nodded and practically sprinted for the front door. They ventured into the approaching dusk, easing into a comfortable cadence.
Expecting his father to struggle, Leo was surprised by his smooth stride, which urged him toward a respectable pace.
“This is great!” said CS as they headed toward the glow of the setting sun. “I sure love to run.”
Leo couldn’t even muster a response as the miles accumulated in the pool and on the street caught up to him. CS inched ahead for a while, then abruptly his energy seemed to crash as well. “We’re both…faltering,” CS said. “We’ll finish with a sprint back home.” That’s a good half-mile away. Leo cringed. He didn’t think he had it in him. But he’d asked the master of fitness to help him, and this is what he got. What would his father do if he failed?
CS lengthened his stride, and Leo had no choice but to follow at a blistering pace. He could hear the harsh sounds of their labored breathing as he pushed himself to the absolute limit. He matched his father stride for stride, including a muscle-burning kick as they approached the driveway. Leo stumbled into the yard as the run finally completed.
Hand on hips, sweat dripping off his chin, Leo panted and watched his father do the same. Gradually his heart rate slowed, and he began to feel human again. He looked over to find his father stretching, and when their eyes met he grinned. After that short breather, CS looked like he could run another five miles.
“Think you can get fit in time for Plebe Summer?” he asked.
Leo took a deep breath. “I haven’t decided on the Academy yet, sir.” He watched his father’s reaction.
Eyes flashing with anger, CS said nothing. “I guess that’s your decision,” he finally offered.
Leo’s eyebrows flew up.
“But I think you’d make a big mistake turning down this opportunity.”
“Why do you want me to go there so bad?” Leo asked, suddenly feeling bold.
CS snorted. “Why are you trying so hard to get back into shape?
It’s because you want this. You want to challenge yourself — you want to see what you’re made of. I know this because you’re just like me — well, sort of like me. You got the best parts of me: my fire and my drive. I’ve never seen somebody strive for excellence like you do. I’ve never seen somebody with so much to prove, and the Academy’s the place to prove yourself. You can test yourself there like nowhere else.”
Leo felt trapped by his father’s unwavering gaze.
“I survived the Academy, but you could flourish there. I was a total ass who made all kinds of enemies, but you make people like you. I don’t know how you do it. You must’ve inherited your mother’s kindness and sense of justice. I don’t know. You fight for people, and it’d be natural for you to fight for our country too.” CS cleared his throat. “You’re a stronger person than me, Leo.
You’d be perfect for the Navy, and the Navy would be perfect for you.
Don’t let my mistakes screw up your future.” Leo finally managed to break their gaze. His father’s words had blown him away. He’d always wanted to please his dad, just make him proud for once, yet he’d always fallen short. Now CS was telling him he was the stronger one?
“You better head back to the Roses’,” CS grunted. “You don’t want to worry your mother. I’ll see you tomorrow in that stupid lieutenant’s office.”
“Yes, sir.”
Overwhelmed, he willed his feet to start moving again. Had his visit saved his father? Perhaps they were saving each other.
49. Mission Statement
&nbs
p; Audrey skipped up to Leo in a post-practice outfit that mirrored his: a tank top and shorts. “No more studying!” she announced.
“Just two days of class left — can you believe it’s almost June? I’m actually up for joining you on your run today.” A bolt of panic shot through Leo. She hadn’t wanted to run with him since the surgeon had cleared him over a month ago, and today would be a horrible day for her to start. “Um, I don’t think so. I’m going at a fast pace today.”
“Oh. Maybe we can both run on the track,” Audrey said, unde-terred. “That way if I can’t keep up, you won’t be miles ahead.”
“No!”
Her eyes widened.
“I mean, I-I did a track workout yesterday, and I wanted to run the trail in the woods today.” He checked his watch. “I gotta go.” He pivoted and never looked back, though he could feel her watching him go. He was nearly out the door when he realized he’d forgotten their post-workout kiss. But there was no turning back now.
Leo double-timed it once he was out of the building and came to stand at attention before Commanding Sadist on the spongy track.
“We’re practicing frustration tolerance today,” his father announced.
“Yes, sir.”
The beginning of their biweekly Academy-preparation sessions typically involved Leo questioning why in the world he’d asked his father to help him, but the end was surprisingly exhilarating. Leo knew his father was right. He loved the thrill of testing himself, and CS was quite skilled at pushing him to the brink of physical and mental exhaustion.
Today he felt a little off his game, still worried about blowing off Audrey. And if his mother and brother found out he’d been meeting with his father, they’d go ballistic. His family had been worried enough when they’d heard Captain Payson had lifted his suspension, but once CS completed the mandated counseling, he’d had no choice.
Technically this freed CS to see his family as well, but so far he hadn’t visited the Rose house. This secret training was their only contact.
CS’s voice was smooth and soft. “No matter what a superior throws your way, you’re to show no emotion. Once you reveal even a tiny crack in your armor, your CO will go in for the kill. I want a look of ice no matter what I say. Understood?”
“Yes, sir.” Leo arranged his face in what he imagined was a blank look.
“Good. Tell me the mission statement of the Naval Academy.”
“Sir, the mission is to develop midshipmen morally — ”
“Stop,” CS said. “You paused too long. Drop and give me fifty.”
“Aye, sir.” Leo dropped to the track.
He’d barely finished five pushups before CS said, “Ten, hut!” Leo hopped up and CS hissed in his ear. “Is there some sort of delay between hearing my orders and acting on them, Midshipman Scott?”
“No, sir.”
“You dicking the dog just added ten more. Drop and give me sixty.” Leo fought to stay cool as he returned to the track.
CS again halted him and ordered him back up, chastising him for reacting too slowly and adding more pushups to the total. They played this little game until Leo had racked up one hundred pushups, which his father finally allowed him to complete without interruption.
Leo dragged himself back to standing, breathing heavily.
“Do you believe you were reacting too slowly, Midshipman Scott?” Leo wasn’t sure how to respond. “No, sir.”
“Correct. Excellent, Leo.” He nodded. “I was intentionally trying to throw you off, but you didn’t take the bait.” He shifted back into drill sergeant mode. “Now, tell me the mission statement of the Academy.”
He stil panted. “Sir, the mission is to develop midshipmen morally, mentally, and physically and, um, and to imbue them with the highest ideals of duty, honor, and loyalty — ”
“What the hell?” CS stabbed his finger into Leo’s chest. “I want you to know this inside and out. None of this hesitation crap wil fly.” Then his father shoved him, and Leo stumbled backward, catching his fall by planting his hands behind him on the track. He winced and dragged himself back up.
“Let’s try this again,” CS barked. “Tell me the mission statement, word for word.”
Leo began, but CS interrupted his stammer, ordering him to complete fifty pushups.
As Leo struggled to ignore the searing pain in his right wrist, his father leaned down by his ear. “That’s the freaking worst pushup I’ve ever seen! Get your body weight evenly distributed to the right.
Ten, hut!”
Leo returned to standing.
“Are you trying to piss me off?”
“No, sir.” Leo felt the familiar tingle of terror climb up his throat.
Any element of playfulness within the challenge evaporated when his father’s eyes turned violet.
“What’s wrong with you? How do you explain those lousy pushups?”
“No excuse, sir.”
“Bull. You tell me what’s going on.”
Leo could barely breathe. He’d thought they’d come a long way these last six weeks, but now Leo knew he’d get hit no matter what he said. Once again he opted for honesty. “My wrist hurts. I apologize for my weakness, sir.”
“Aw, the baby’s wrist hurts?” CS turned away, hands on hips, and seemed to force some deep breaths. His voice had calmed a bit when he wheeled back around. “How’d you injure your wrist?”
“When I fell back, sir, I must have aggravated my wrist sprain.”
“You sprained your wrist? When was that?” His father’s fury now seemed to melt into curiosity.
Leo hesitated. “In March, sir. It was after we went to the restaurant…”
CS looked down. “It was me. I did that to you.”
“It — it wasn’t as bad as my ankle, sir, and — ”
“You sprained your ankle too?”
“Y-Y-Yes, sir, but they both healed just fine…It sucked being in a wheelchair but it helped — ”
“You were in a wheelchair?” CS looked horrified.
“I, uh, couldn’t use crutches because of my wrist, sir…” His father looked off in the distance. “I put you in a wheelchair.
I put my son in a wheelchair.”
Leo paused, unsure of what would happen next.
Abruptly CS pivoted and ran, disappearing toward the parking lot.
Leo stood, cradling his wrist and staggered by his father’s response.
Left to complete the workout on his own, he chewed his lip as he jogged around the track.
When Leo returned to the Roses’, he found three accusing sets of eyes waiting for him.
“Audrey, please wait in your room while Jason and I talk to Leo,” his mother said.
Audrey nodded and brushed past Leo, avoiding his questioning gaze.
Sensing he was in trouble, Leo instinctively stood at attention in the kitchen. His mother patted his arm. “Hey, relax. You’re not a sailor yet. Have a seat.”
When she grasped his hand to guide him to a chair, he yelped.
She gasped and let go. “Did James hurt you again?” As he sat at the kitchen table, Leo’s eyes darted back and forth from his mother to his brother. “No, why would you say that?”
“Leo, the jig is up,” she said, shaking her head. “Audrey told us she saw you and your father together at the track.” Leo closed his eyes.
“What’d he threaten you with to get you there?” Jason demanded.
“He didn’t threaten me. I — I asked him to meet me.”
“What?” Jason thundered. “What were you thinking?”
“I asked him to help me get ready for the Academy,” Leo explained.
His mother seemed on the verge of tears. “He’s helping you get ready? What, by beating you unconscious? Will you be ready for the Academy when you have a broken arm?” Her voice rose shrilly. “Will that help prepare you, Leo?”
Leo shook his head. “He is helping me. I fell on my wrist tonight, but it wasn’t Dad’s fault. I’ll be fine, ma’am.
”
“I can’t believe how stupid you are,” Jason said.
“In ten days, when you turn eighteen, I can’t stop you from seeing him, Leo. Though why you’d take that risk is incomprehensible to me. But until then, I forbid it.”
“Why are you so mad, Mom?” Leo’s stomach twisted in knots.
“I didn’t do anything wrong! I just spent time with my own dad!”
“In a normal family, it’d be fine to see your father. But we all know this family’s far from normal.” She studied him. “I’m guessing this wasn’t the first time you met up with him.” Why did she have to ask that? “No, ma’am.”
“How long has this been going on?”
“Since April.”
“And you say you didn’t do anything wrong?” she yelled. “You’ve kept this secret from us for over a month! You knew it was wrong, young man.”
Leo looked away. “Yes, ma’am.”
“For the next ten days I want you in this house unless you’re at school or swim practice,” she said quietly. “If you need to go for a run, Jason can accompany you.”
“What about graduation parties?” Leo asked, gripping the table with his good hand.
“You can go only if you stay with Audrey the entire time.”
“Great, so now Audrey’s my freaking chaperone?” She looked too angry to answer. She closed her eyes. “Go to your room,” she finally hissed. “I’ll call you when dinner’s ready.” Leo balled his hands into fists. “Yes, ma’am.” A few minutes later, he heard a light knock on his bedroom door.
“Go away, Audrey!”
At first he felt satisfied as her soft footsteps faded down the hall, but almost immediately a deep longing swept over him. He wanted to hold her in his arms and forgive her for revealing his secret. But how could she go behind his back like that? Didn’t she trust him?
Why hadn’t she even talked to him? He felt betrayed all over again.
He fell back on the bed, hugging a pillow, and his mind swirled with thoughts and images from the day. He simply hated having his parents upset with him. When his dad was mad, he usually felt pure fear. But his mom’s anger was a different experience. He just felt horrible for letting her down.
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