He exhaled. “Well, my running’s definitely improved, but my swimming sucks. You know how training has to be sport-specific to be effective.”
“I know all about sport-specific training. Nancy believes in a lot of that. I remember telling my dad there’s no way college practice would be tougher than Matt’s workouts. Boy, was I wrong.”
“How is your dad?”
Audrey sniffed. “He’s in solitary, actually. Just when I thought things couldn’t get worse. My mom hasn’t been able to find out why yet, either. He probably broke some stupid rule.” The familiar guilt tickled Leo’s heart. In his last email exchange with Jason they’d agreed not to say anything about the letter for fear of getting Audrey’s hopes up. They still had no evidence to implicate Lt.
Keaton. There was no way for Leo to get close to his company officer since every minute of the day was scheduled for him, and Jason and Cameron had no idea how to investigate her involvement. They’d scoured Cam’s house but hadn’t found anything else about the affair.
“I’m sorry, Audrey,” Leo said.
“Let’s talk about something else. How’s therapy going?”
“That sounds like a really fun topic.”
“I order you to tell me about your therapy, Mr. Scott.”
“Yes, ma’am.” He sighed. “Dr. Hansen wants me to tel her about the beatings.”
“You have to talk about it?”
“When I’m ready. She said it’d help me to tel my story.” His voice wavered, and he knew he sounded like an ill-tempered child. “But I don’t wanna think about it.”
“Do you trust her, Leo?”
“Yeah, she’s a really cool lady. But I still hate being forced to go to her.” Ina was highly skilled at extracting secrets, and he continued to worry he’d let his suspicions about the lieutenant slip out. Leo rubbed his cheek, touching the small groove left by her ring.
She had to be guilty as hell. Leo felt a stirring in his gut, a craving to expose her. He wondered what had happened after Nevington reported her. Las Vegas hadn’t let him forget she’d been bagged with weekend restriction for her role in the mess. He owed her.
“I don’t have much more time.” He paused. “Are you still hot?
Wait…of course you are.”
She giggled.
“I have an idea to help you cool down.”
“You do?”
“Sí. Quítate la ropa.”
“I can’t take off my clothes. Tatiana could walk in any minute!”
“Oh, c’mon. She sees you in the shower all the time after practice.” He harrumphed. “Lucky ho.”
“Okay, hold on.” The phone went silent. When she returned, she announced, “I’m wearing my pink bra and underwear.” Leo closed his eyes, letting his imagination go wild. “Good.” He lowered his voice to barely above a whisper and glanced around the empty room, glad Benito was in the study lounge. “I want you to run your fingers through that gorgeous long hair, slowly, and tell me what it feels like.”
“Soft,” she replied.
“Now let your hand trail down your face,” he urged. “Slowly…sensuously…trace the outline of your lips…let your fingers explore the tip of your tongue…now kiss the tips of your fingers…feel the moisture on your lips…”
Audrey moaned. “If this is supposed to cool me down, it’s not working.”
“Yeah, it’s getting kind of hot in here too.” He smirked. “Ready to keep going?”
“Oh, yes.”
He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “Slide your hand down that long, exquisite neck…your fingertips barely brushing over your hot skin…that touch in all the right places…your wet fingers landing on the curve of your breast…massaging — ”
“Mr. Scott!” Whiskey yelled in Leo’s ear.
Leo scrambled up, dropping the phone to the desk with a thud.
“Are you having phone sex in the dorm?” Sour hollered.
Leo felt a blush begin on his neck and spread upward, heating his face as he stood at attention. “Yes, sir?” Sour gave him a hard look and shook his head. “Jesus Christ.
End your call, plebe.”
“Yes, sir.” Leo picked up the phone as Sour walked away.
He cringed. “Did you hear that?”
Peals of Audrey’s fabulous laughter met his ear. “You just got yelled at for having phone sex! That was so awesome!” Leo narrowed his eyes. “I’m glad my mortification brings you such joy, Audrey.”
She continued to giggle, gradually coaxing a low chuckle from him as well when he noticed Mr. Sour had left the room.
“I really do have to go, though,” he added.
Audrey let out one of those long, satisfying sighs that follow a good laugh. “I’ll see you pronto, Leo.” He smiled. “No puedo esperar. Till Thanksgiving, mi amor.” After ending the call, Leo strolled down the passageway to return the phone to its owner, an energized bounce to his step. If Benito had enjoyed learning Leo wasn’t perfect before, he’d love the story of how Leo got busted having phone sex.
How freaking imperfect. And he didn’t even care.
65. Case Notes
Leo chewed the inside of his mouth as he stared at Dr. Ina. They were once again at an impasse.
She’d been teaching him grounding skills to manage his flashbacks. Everything from deep breaths, which Leo had recognized from the way Coach Matt had taught him to calm down behind the blocks before races, to stranger approaches. Leo thought it was silly to repeat stuff like “Today is November fifth. I’m an adult. I’m safe. My dad isn’t here” — particularly because that last statement was somewhat in doubt. CS was due back from the Gulf sometime in the next few days. As much as he hated to admit it, Leo did not feel safe.
Now that Ina had shored up his coping strategies, she urged him to dive in and revisit his childhood. But he’d remained firmly on the diving board, refusing to plunge into the swirling maelstrom of memories below.
However, today he finally relented. He chose the memory carefully. It was a time he hadn’t personally been beaten, so he thought it would be easier to remember.
Ina sat back, her face neutral. “Just take your time. It’s fine to take breaks.”
“Yes, ma’am.” Leo took a breath and willed himself to relax as he began to remember. “I was eleven, and Jase was, um, sixteen, I think. Mom was still in the hospital.”
“How long had she been in the hospital?”
“Four months? Maybe five?”
Ina nodded.
Leo sat on his hands. “I came home from practice, and Dad was waiting for me. He was really mad.”
“How’d you know he was mad?”
“His eyes. They, uh, they change colors. And they were almost purple. I know it sounds strange — you have to see them. Anyway, he was yelling at Jason. Well, my dad doesn’t yell, really, but I could tell he was mad just from his voice. It gets, like, intimidating. There’s an edge to it, you know?”
Leo paused. Suddenly he was right there walking through his front door again, stumbling onto CS interrogating Jason in the study.
The hairs on the back of his neck bristled, and his stomach twisted, both then and now.
“What was your father mad about?” Ina asked.
“He got home from work, and the front door was unlocked. He’d already yelled at me once that week for forgetting to lock it — there’d been some break-ins in our neighborhood. I was the last to leave that morning, and, like an idiot, I forgot to lock the door.”
“Eleven-year-olds do stuff like that all the time,” said Ina. “Heck, I’m an adult, and I’ve forgotten to lock the door.”
“Yeah, but you don’t live with CS.”
“You’re right.”
Leo took a deep breath. “He asked me if I left the door unlocked, and of course I had to admit it. Then his eyes…” Leo shifted. “His eyes got darker, and…” He tried to slow his breathing. “He, he reached for his belt. I knew I’d get it.” He looked down. “CS told Jase to get
out. But Jase, he didn’t leave. He wouldn’t leave.” Leo looked ahead, seeing it all unfold. “Jase said, ‘Hit me instead.
I should’ve reminded Leo to lock the door. Please, sir. Hit me.’ I tried to stop him, but my dad wouldn’t listen.” He could hear Jason’s voice pleading over and over in his head, and he covered his ears to drown out the words.
“Your father beat your brother instead of you.”
“Yes, ma’am. Right in front of me. CS m-m-made m-m-me stay and watch.”
“Leo, I want you to look around and tell me what you see. What’s on my desk?”
He blinked several times and saw cluttered piles of papers, surrounded by family photos. “It’s kind of hard to see your desk, ma’am. It’s kind of a mess.”
“Yes, my desk is a disaster zone.” She chuckled. “I don’t suppose that’d fly in your father’s house, huh?”
“No, ma’am.” Leo’s smile faded. “CS…he gave it to Jase really bad. And I didn’t do one damn thing. I just stood there and watched it all happen.”
He was surprised he wasn’t crying. He’d certainly cried enough that day as he watched his father beat his brother, mocking him the whole time.
“Your brother wanted to protect you.”
“It wasn’t Jase’s fault! I’m the one who left the door unlocked, not him. I’m the one who should’ve been whipped.”
“Neither of you should’ve been beaten!” Leo shook his head. “I’ll never be able to repay Jase. I’ll never be able to make it up to him.”
“But Jason chose that himself. You didn’t ask him to step in.” She sighed. “It probably made him feel better. It’s simply awful to stand by helplessly and watch your little brother get hurt.” Leo paused. He’d never thought of it that way before. “It wasn’t right.”
“No, it wasn’t right. It wasn’t right of your father to hit either of you. And it certainly wasn’t right for him to force you to watch him hurt Jason. That alone is enough trauma to produce years of flashbacks…I’m starting to see where your overblown guilt complex comes from.”
“My guilt complex?”
“You seem to feel overly responsible for the events around you.
I bet you’ve tried to make it up to Jason, and I bet he knows how indebted you feel to him. I wouldn’t be surprised if you’ve taken on blame for other things that aren’t your responsibility.”
Leo thought of how he’d told Mrs. Boyd he’d written Audrey’s note in chemistry class. Had that been a whole year ago?
“So am I hopeless or what?” he asked. “You must talk to all your shrink friends about what a nutcase I am.”
“Actually your flashbacks aren’t as frequent or intense as they are with some,” Ina said. “And no, you’re not a nutcase. You’re a kind, thoughtful young man trying to recover from some hurtful events in your past. You’re doing a wonderful job.” Ten minutes later, Leo shut the office door behind him with a soft click. Closing his eyes, he tried to collect himself. He always felt bewildered and exhausted after a session with Dr. Ina. He couldn’t believe he’d shared that with her. Yet she hadn’t looked disgusted.
She hadn’t called him weak. He took a deep breath. He always tried to put his emotions behind him before he got to swim practice, but he was often quite distracted when he hit the water. Coach had even commented on his poor performance on Mondays.
Finally he felt steady enough to move, but he gasped as he saw what seemed to be Lt. Keaton in the waiting room as he passed. He peeked back around the corner and confirmed that it was indeed his company officer with her head buried in a magazine.
What was she doing there?
Hearing the steady approach of crutches down the hallway, Leo ducked inside a coat closet. As he closed the door he heard Dr. Ina’s smooth voice.
“Are you ready, Lieutenant?”
He could barely make out the clipped response. “Yes, ma’am.” Dr. Ina crutched back down the hall, and Leo stood frozen in the darkness with a wool coat itching his face. Lt. Keaton saw Dr. Ina too? He rubbed his cheek for several moments, lost in thought.
Suddenly he flinched and everything was clear. He knew exactly what he needed to do.
Leo was grateful his uniform was black. It was almost midnight, way past lights out, and he scurried down the desolate passageways of Mother B. He prayed no one would stop him.
This was an incredible risk, but now that he’d finally figured out a way to help Audrey, he had to do it. Her father’s wrongful imprisonment had gone on way too long.
Leo approached the counseling offices and held his breath as he tried the door. According to his calculations, the cleaning crew should be inside, and he assumed they’d leave the doors unlocked while they worked. He exhaled as the doorknob turned easily in his hand.
He waited in the shadows as the whistling janitor ventured into an interior office, then returned to dump the contents of a garbage can into the larger trash bin in the hal way. As the janitor disappeared into each office, Leo inched down the hall toward Dr. Ina’s. His heart hammered, but once the janitor exited Ina’s office and headed to the next one, Leo slipped inside.
He crouched low behind her desk and was pleased to find he could see well enough with just the passageway lighting. His terror over getting caught nearly consumed him, but he used a few of Dr. Ina’s grounding techniques to regain control. Leo dug around the surface of her desk, thinking of the day she’d had him look away as she did exactly the same thing. Eventually his hand found its way behind her computer monitor, and he grinned as he clasped a ring with two keys.
Easing one of the keys into the lock on the desk, Leo’s heart sang as the drawer full of client charts slid out toward him. Everything had been so easy — almost too easy, and he stopped for a second to listen. He heard nothing but a faint whistling down the hallway, so he resumed his work and looked down at the alphabetically ordered charts.
He’d broken all kinds of regulations already, but he was about to breach therapist-client confidentiality, and after that there’d be no going back. He paused, his hand hovering over the charts. Audrey’s big, mournful eyes filled his head. She hadn’t been the carefree, joyful girl he’d met three years ago since her father’s arrest, and she’d never be that person again as long as the injustice remained.
“Forgive me, Dr. Ina,” he whispered.
Leo rifled through the charts, scarcely registering the names he passed until his fingers rested on Keaton, Darnell. He withdrew the thin chart and licked his lip as he opened the file.
After today’s date, Dr. Ina had scrawled a note. Her neat handwriting filled the page on the right side of the chart. Leo lifted the page and underneath was a note from late October, which lay atop several more pages of notes and an intake report at the bottom of the stack. The left side of the chart contained some paperwork related to informed consent and HIPAA, which Leo promptly ignored. Turning his attention back to the case note with today’s date, he began to read: 5 November, third session: Several minutes of silence between us to begin. DK finally admitted she barely slept at all this week and is desperate because it’s hurting her work performance. She believes her insomnia was a factor in the assault of the plebe in mid-October. I referred her to Dr. Adams for anxiety meds, but also encouraged her to discuss her worries in therapy. DK asked if she could trust me, and I reviewed the parameters of confidentiality again. She’s afraid of her current CO finding out about a reprimand from her previous CO. Told her if this past situation wasn’t affecting her current fitness for duty, I wouldn’t have to report it. DK then told me her former CO discovered an affair she’d had with a married coworker (which she mentioned in our second session).
Leo paused. CS was Lt. Keaton’s CO. CS knew about the affair between Lt. Keaton and Lt. Commander Walsh? He continued reading:
DK said her CO threatened to court martial them for fraternization, but then she stopped talking, appearing to dissociate once again. She wept for several minutes, then refused to continue the session. She rel
uctantly agreed to schedule for next week, when I hope we can get to the bottom of this trauma.
Leo flipped the page to read the case note for the second session, almost ripping it out of the chart:
29 October, second session: DK continues to seem guarded and angry about her mandated counseling. She did report the deep breathing was helpful, but wouldn’t answer questions about what prompted her to use it.
She appeared to dissociate during session, staring blankly in space for several moments and tensing in fear. Eventually she admitted today was particularly difficult because it was the anniversary of the first night she made love with her former boyfriend. She said he was the kindest person she’d ever met and
“the love of (her) life.” He reportedly doted on her and promised he’d leave his wife once his daughter finished college. They kept their relationship hidden because he was her superior officer and married. DK reported feeling immense guilt about the relationship.
The affair now seems to be over, but she wouldn’t go into further detail.
Leo scanned the intake report, noting the lieutenant’s presenting symptoms of insomnia, nightmares, being easily startled, increased alcohol consumption, and feelings of irritation and numbness. Dr. Ina had given her a preliminary diagnosis of post-traumatic stress disorder, though she’d noted the precipitating trauma remained a mystery as the client refused to discuss it. Leo tensed as he read: When asked about her romantic life, DK shut down completely, and I’m wondering if her past trauma was related to this area. “Men are snakes,” she said. When pressed further, DK added that in her experience men abused their power, and she was determined not to do the same. Her assault of a plebe on 21 October represented, to her, a complete abuse of power and loss of control. She expressed deep remorse.
Leo suddenly closed the chart, the papers slapping together with finality. He sat back with a thud on the floor behind Dr. Ina’s desk, his jaw slack.
Working methodically, he returned the chart to the drawer. His mind reviewed the evidence — the letter Jase and Cam had found, Lt. Keaton’s remorse for striking him, her mysterious trauma after CS discovered her affair, and her general opinion of men in power.
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