by Zoey Draven
Erin cried out, only dimly aware that Jaxor steadied her when she was on the verge of toppling over. Her thighs trembled, her belly clenched, light burst in her vision, and it continued to build and build until there was nothing left of her.
When it was finally over, she slumped forward into him, breathing hard against his slick chest.
His fingers left her—leaving her achingly empty—and his other hand came to her hair, stroking his fingers through it. He was gentle as he soothed her, a deep, relaxing purr starting up in his chest, rumbling underneath her cheek.
She could hear the way his heart thundered in his chest. She saw the mark of Oxandri, centimeters from her eyes.
That was the last thing she saw before she closed her eyes.
And her last thought before the world disappeared was: I better be careful or I will want him forever.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Jaxor pressed his forehead against the stone of the facev. His horns scratched the surface, but he savored that grating sound. Next to him was the pulley back up to his base. Three polli that had fallen victim to his traps were slung over his shoulder. He hoped that his rixella enjoyed them more than she had the kekevir. Polli had a milder flavor, tasteless to Luxirians, but perhaps better suited for his human female’s tastes.
He needed that moment to himself, knowing he would return to his base, knowing that the moment he caught sight of her, caught her scent, and the small, secretive smile that she’d begun to wear around him—he would be lost. He wanted nothing more than to be lost in her.
Jaxor growled, gouging his horns further into the stone, the discomfort helping him focus.
In two spans, Tavar was expecting him to deliver Erin. And Crystal. Jaxor wouldn’t even attempt to track down Crystal. If she was Cruxan’s fated mate, the hard-headed male would never let her go. The journey would be pointless.
As for Erin…
Ever since waking that morning to find her in his arms, sleeping peacefully, Jaxor had felt gutted. Ripped in half.
He remembered the night before, the intermingling of desire and guilt, watching her lips around his cock, feeling heat rise in his varx. He remembered afterwards when she sought her own pleasure, when she wanted his cock instead, and he wouldn’t give in.
“Vrax,” he whispered, his cock already straining at the mere thought of mating her. His Instinct made his chest rise, his spine straighten. Already, he felt his muscles begin to expand, as if readying for it.
But Jaxor knew that once that final bond was made, the promises he’d made ten rotations ago to himself would be forfeit. Any possibility of giving her up would be gone.
Jaxor never wanted to give her up. But duty and responsibility and a potential future for Luxiria was hanging in the balance. He couldn’t forget that.
With one last, steadying breath, he pushed away from the wall and boarded the circular platform of the pulley. The muscles in his arms flexed and shifted as he quickly pulled himself up, his pace quickening when he was nearer to the top.
Only a short moment more and Jaxor was able to secure the metal rope and pull himself from the hole.
Relief and warmth infused in his chest when he caught sight of Erin. She was standing near the raised crop beds, pouring water over the blossoming leaves. Soon, they would bear more tubers, which she seemed to like.
A part of Jaxor sobered, knowing that when they were ready for harvest, his world might look different. It might never be the same again, depending on which decision he made.
“Rixella,” he murmured, dropping the polli by the fire pit. It was an unusually warm morning, so he hadn’t started it. The air felt humid and sticky and he wondered if there would be another storm soon.
“Good morning,” she said, watching as he approached her. His chest ached when that smile—one he knew was only for him—spread across her features. “I didn’t hear you leave earlier.”
He looked at the raised bed for the crops, something he’d built early on, and saw the black soil was fragrant and shining. A sudden image of her sharing life with him right there, of her watering the crops every morning while he went out to check the traps and walk the perimeter, made his fists clench with want. A simple life. But it would be everything he dreamed of, as long as she was there.
“You were tired,” he told her, reaching forward to wrap his hand around the back of her neck, pulling her into him, leaning down to touch his forehead against hers—when only recently, he’d had his forehead pressed to stone.
It was a Luxirian embrace. The Luxirian equivalent of a human kiss, perhaps. Affection and warmth built inside him, making his heart speed, making him want too many things.
Panic built with it, but he tried to keep it controlled.
“This is nice,” she whispered. His eyes had been closed but when he opened them, he saw her watching him, so near that he saw every strand of color in her eyes. There was a strange vulnerability in her gaze, one that he felt too, but she didn’t pull away from him.
Jaxor pulled away first. He released her neck, stepping back. Avoiding her eyes, he said, “I brought polli. I think you will like them better than the kekevir.”
“Oh,” she said. Her eyes didn’t go to the polli, however—she kept her gaze on him. “Do you need help preparing them?”
“Nix,” he said, turning to go back to the fire pit, knowing she could handle the crops on her own.
He drew in a small breath and began prepping the polli. He heard Erin hesitate for a moment, the back of his neck prickling as she did, but then he heard the slide of the metal bucket as she went back to the waterfall to refill it.
After she was finished, she came to sit next to him at the fire pit. For the first time, he noticed that she was wearing a new tunic, one she’d probably found in his storage chests, and a pair of his fur-lined pants, though they hung off her and she’d tied rope around her waist to secure them.
Jaxor felt even guiltier when he saw the clothes. Shame burned in his belly, anger quickly rising with it. He should’ve known to provide her with better clothes. Just because he was used to the cold, used to the elements, it didn’t mean that she was. She deserved rich, luxurious furs, smooth silks, tunics that didn’t scratch at her delicate skin.
It was on the tip of his tongue to inform her that he’d travel to the outposts soon, that he would bring back material for her if he couldn’t find anything that would fit her properly.
Then he bit his tongue, his jaw clenching, because he couldn’t make further promises to her that he didn’t know he could keep.
“Are you okay, Jaxor?” she asked quietly, watching as he finished butchering the feathered polli.
“Tev.”
“You seem…quiet,” she observed. Then her lips quirked a little. “Well, more quiet than usual.”
Jaxor grunted, wiping his hands on a rag. He tried to think of something to say, an excuse, but couldn’t think of a good enough one.
He wasn’t good at this. Vaxa’an had always been better with females. Vaxa’an would probably know exactly what to say at that moment. But, after Sarcalla, Jaxor had very little experience that went beyond mating with females. He’d never felt that inexperience more acutely than he did at that moment.
“Does it have something to do with what happened last night?” she asked quietly, her gaze dropping down to the polli, though he was under the impression that it was only so she wouldn’t have to look at him directly.
“Last night?” he repeated, frowning.
Her face was a little red but she didn’t say anything further.
Now Jaxor was confused. Did she think his quietness meant that he hadn’t liked what had happened last night? Did she believe that she’d done something wrong?
“Nix, rixella,” he said, his brows drawing together. “Why would you think that?”
“You’re hard to read sometimes,” she confessed softly. “I worried that maybe I was pressuring you into something last night. That maybe that was why you left early th
is morning. That it made you…”
Bewildered, Jaxor could only stare as her words churned up the memory of last night.
Vrax, he thought, his fists clenching. Two of his claws were dulled so they didn’t prick into his flesh, as he was used to.
He was really fucking this up.
His Instinct demanded that he soothe his female, that he calm her fears. And Jaxor tried to do just that, giving in to it for once. He drew her close, ignoring her surprised expression.
“Last night was…” he trailed off, shaking his head. “I liked what we did. Loved it.”
Her breath hitched at that. Finally, her eyes rose to him. Her expression was shy and hopeful and it made him want to kiss her until she never second-guessed herself again. “You did?”
“Of course,” he growled.
“But…” she trailed off. “But you didn’t want to have sex last night?”
He couldn’t help the purring sound that rose unexpectedly at her words. The sound of his Instinct’s need.
He licked his lips, wondering how best to answer.
“We only recently began this between us,” he finally said when his silence grew too long. “I thought that, perhaps, we should take more time.”
“You want more time?” she asked. There wasn’t judgment in her voice, only curiosity.
Vrax, nix, he did not want more time, he thought. If he threw caution to the wind and decided once and for all to keep her for himself, she would be on her hands and knees, taking him at that very moment. He would get her heavy with his seed just to make sure their bond was unbreakable. Just the vision of that made his head swim in desire.
Offspring? he questioned. Jaxor had never considered that he would sire them at all. But now…there was possibility. Possibility that made hidden wants enter the forefront of his mind.
“Nix,” he said, his treacherous mouth disconnected from his mind. He cursed himself silently after that, especially when he saw the way her brows quirked.
“I don’t need more time,” she said quietly. His chest heaved, panic and desire and dread and elation making him unsteady, even sitting down.
“Nix?” he rasped.
“I think,” she started, “that sex is important in a relationship, isn’t it? To explore it.”
His heart pounded hard at relationship. His claws curled tighter.
His voice came out rougher than he’d intended when he asked, “And if you have an opportunity to return back to your home planet? What then?”
She frowned, hesitation entering her gaze. “What do you mean?”
Perhaps she didn’t understand the finality of this, he realized. He wondered if humans mated and bonded the same way that Luxirians did. Because his Instinct, their connection, their bond decreed by the Fates? It would never go away. Even in death, it would always be there. Which was why so many fated Luxirian partners followed their mates into death, into the next life.
It was what his own sire had done, after all, turning his back on his duties as Prime Leader, leaving them to Vaxa’an. In the blink of an eye, his sire had made that decision. He’d followed their mother into the blackworld moments after she traveled on, as if he couldn’t bear to live without her for mere seconds.
“If we consummate the bond, rixella, then there is no going back,” he told her, his voice dark with the memory of his parents. Of their love for one another.
She understood. He could see the realization in her eyes and it brought him momentary relief. Maybe if she understood the magnitude of it, she wouldn’t want to jump beneath the furs with him so willingly.
“I know,” she murmured, dashing that hope.
He blinked, looking at her in surprise. “And you would so willingly give up your home, your family, for that?”
She bit her lip. “I don’t know yet. It’s an impossible question.”
“Until you know the answer,” he said, swallowing, “we cannot go through with this.”
“Everything is so new,” she said, flushing again. He’d never seen her blush so much in their time together. She brought her hands to her face, pressing the coolness of her hands to her cheeks. “But last night…if you had asked me that same question, I might have even said yes, just to get you to…”
Jaxor sobered. So, the Instinct did affect her?
“You felt the pull?” he asked.
She nodded. Then she lifted her gaze and admitted, “I felt like I would never be whole if you weren’t inside me. That’s crazy, isn’t it? I think I would’ve done anything you asked of me. It frightens me sometimes, thinking about what this is.”
Jaxor swallowed, the sound loud between them.
“It frightens me too, rixella,” he said, his chest aching, wanting to comfort her in the best way he could.
Unfortunately, the only way he could think to comfort her was with lies. And he’d already told her so many.
Chapter Twenty-Six
“Do you want to go to the hot springs tonight?” Jaxor asked as they ate their dinner that night. A very quiet dinner at that.
Erin bit her lip. The polli had been slow-roasting on the spit for most of the day. And it was delicious. It tasted like buttery chicken, but with the flakiness of white fish. Jaxor told her he preferred the gamey, tough meat of the kekevir, but the polli just might be her favorite meal on Luxiria so far, even counting the obiraxi fruit.
Even though dinner was delicious, there was distracting tension between herself and Jaxor that was difficult to ignore, that had been building throughout the day after their conversation about sex and the fated bond between them. Erin was sorry for it, not for the conversation, but for the feelings of unease that had sprung up because of it. She’d felt like she’d just gotten used to being close to him. To touching him when she wanted, to kissing him when she wanted, to teasing him when she wanted.
Now, they were back to being quiet, only this time, there was always the threat of them looking at each other and just deciding to rip each other’s clothes off for the hell of it.
Erin had been on edge all day. Yesterday, she’d had three mind-blowing orgasms. Today, she’d had none, only the memory of them. Her sex felt sensitive, primed, like it was beginning to expect relief regularly.
Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Jaxor studying her. He was still waiting for a reply to his question and just thinking about the hot springs, remembering what had happened there between them, was enough for her to shake her head.
“I don’t think that’s the best idea right now,” she answered him. He was close, so close that their thighs were only an inch apart. Erin swore she felt little tingles across her skin there, as if her body sensed how near he was, as if searching for him.
Madness.
She saw his jaw clench at her answer, but he nodded. “Will you be all right to bathe in the falls?”
She’d mentioned she was going to wash after they had dinner and before they went to bed for the night.
“I can heat water for you here if it will be too cold,” he added.
She gave him a small smile and shook her head. “The falls will be fine. Thank you, though.”
She wasn’t particularly looking forward to an icy bath. She’d give anything to go back to the hot springs, but not with Jaxor there, not with him close. Even then, her chest ached to touch him…but she knew she shouldn’t.
Erin had been thinking about their conversation almost all day. Every spare moment, since she didn’t have that much to do around the base. She’d tidied what she could, cleaned where she could. In the afternoon, she’d asked for sewing material to alter the pants she’d stolen from him. He’d given it to her without question and that was what she did for the remainder of the day. It was a work in progress, but at least it would keep her hands busy for a couple days.
They’d avoided one another, tip-toed around each other, all while sneaking hungry glances and practically eye-fucking one another from across the base.
There was a frustrating maelstrom of emotions swi
rling inside her, so knotted and tangled that she didn’t even want to try unraveling them.
Remembering the way he’d glanced at her throughout the day, the heat in his eyes, made her squeeze her thighs together, but she could only hope he didn’t notice and returned to her meal.
After another moment, she heard his rough growl. When Erin turned her head to look at him, he raked a hand through his hair, pulling a little at the shortened ends.
“This is not working,” he rasped, almost to himself.
Erin’s treacherous little heart sped.
He sighed, as if resigned. “You need release. I have been scenting it all day. Let me just—”
“No,” she said, pulling her knees tighter together.
“Why not?” he asked, frustrated too. “I can make you come so easily. Then you will not be so on edge.”
If we consummate the bond, rixella, then there is no going back, he’d told her just that morning. His voice had been…matter-of-fact. Final. Grim. He believed with one-hundred-percent certainty that if they mated, then that was it. She was his. He was hers.
Not only that, but she remembered the crazed need last night. Knowing that she wanted him that much, so much that she was considering staying on Luxiria for him, was frightening enough.
If they had sex, which they would if they continued what they’d been doing, it would be the end. At least, it would be the end of her old life, and Erin wasn’t about to give that up so readily.
Her appetite was lost because she was hungry for something else entirely. Something only Jaxor could give her.
“In some ways,” he said, “it is already too late. We have begun feeding the bond and already it grows hungry.”
Erin stiffened at his words, avoiding his eyes, staring into the fire instead. She’d been thinking much the same thing.
That it was already too late.
“Can I ask you something?” she whispered, though she didn’t think she wanted to know the answer.
