He hoped his delay wouldn’t hurt her, but just as when she had a bad experience or reaction to their play and they needed to discuss what happened, he needed to do the same. Determined to assess what had occurred, he took her over to the bed, where he helped her out of her corset and then took off his own coat, shoes, and necktie. The rest he left in place in order to temper his ever-present desire for his wife.
Once they were settled on the bed with her in his arms, he asked her to fill in the blanks from their conversation on the back lawn. She told him what had happened, and he knew immediately what the cause was. The damnable flashiness of such a display annoyed him, but Hawksbury clearly did not realize it might set him off. Nor could he have predicted it before it happened.
As Theo told him everything that occurred, he winced and absorbed the memory of not saving the women and children. Of not being able to retrieve help fast enough to stop the massacre. It was like having it happen all over again. He reached up and wiped the sweat beading on his brow with a trembling hand. Taking a deep breath, he tried to settle in and come to terms with both the reality of his flashback occurring in such a public way and the fact that his mental state was a battle not yet won.
“Stone, how have you been coping with the hallucinations until now?” Theo’s question prodded him.
“I sleep in small stretches, a few hours at a time, to avoid the nightmares. Sometimes I drink until I pass out to ensure I do not dream, or at the very least I do not remember.” He drew a deep breath. Here was the part he had neglected to tell her. “And I went to The Market to dominate women. It helps me remember the sense of control that I lost. Somehow, it has helped keep the demons at bay.”
“Until I came along and kept you away.” His wife sounded so dejected and sad.
“Not true.” He hugged her close. “You have helped me keep the demons at bay, and with you in my bed every night, I have far fewer nightmares. You have been a steadying presence in my life, which is why I am all the more disappointed by what occurred tonight.”
“I imagine the sounds of the fireworks and the bright lights in the sky touched a bit too close to those of battle, which one could expect would give most former soldiers issues. But add to the mix whatever horror you experienced in India, and it stands to reason that you would have a nasty reaction.” She held him tighter and refused to let him leave, even when he tugged a bit.
“I should tell you what occurred in India. It will help you understand and cope should something like this happen again.” He drew a breath and dug deep for the fortitude to tell her what had happened. “You know of the Sepoy Mutiny a few years ago?”
“Of course, we all heard of the atrocities that occurred.” Her matter-of-fact statement made it a little easier for him to continue.
“Well, I was located at Cawnpore with my cantonment. When the mutiny arose, things went badly very quickly. The East India Company was not prepared to deal with the kind of insurrection they faced. In some locations, we were simply too small in number to face off against what had once been our own troops. At Cawnpore, when the garrison was under siege, things were bad, but General Wheeler believed a peaceful departure could be arranged through a surrender.”
Theo shuddered but made an encouraging noise, so he continued his tale.
“Things were going along. We were moving everyone out and to the Ganges river bank to be loaded on boats and taken to Allahabad. But something went wrong. A few boats were set ablaze, and then someone began firing. I was in the general’s boat already, toward the middle of the river, when shots were fired. We could neither help nor escape. We floated and watched all our men be cut down.” He drew a deep breath and absorbed the warmth and solace from his wife in his arms.
His shirt had grown damp where his wife pressed against him. Her quiet sharing of his pain eased his own burden a bit, and made it possible for him to continue. “As we floated, all I could hear were the screams of the women and the cries of the children as their men were cut down before their eyes. Later, some of the men and I fought off various rebel attacks on the boat and eventually got separated. We ran from the rebels after that and even swam for hours along the river until we were attacked one last time. In the end, only five of us were found by the Rajput matchlock men.”
Theo rose and then knelt before him. “My God, Stone. No wonder you have nightmares. It must have been awful.”
“It was. And for a while, I wondered why I survived. But then the letter came recalling me home, and it seemed I had been spared in order to ensure our family’s succession.” And to find you.
She took his face between her palms. “I am certain there is more in store for you than merely standing stud.”
“You are always so optimistic.” He offered her a wry smile.
“Do not dismiss me, Stone. You were lucky to survive. All that you must consider is how best to spend this extra time granted you.”
Bitterness welled within him and burst forth on a half laugh. “Yes, well, since I’ve spent much of it debauching women and now have tainted a woman such as yourself with my—”
“Stop it this instant, Stone. You are a victim, but you are so much more than that. You merely have to see yourself as others do.” She hesitated, and then pressed on. “As I do.”
He set her aside and rose from the bed to stride across the room. He pressed his hands to either side of one window, letting the wood bite into his palms. He couldn’t understand, now that she knew the truth, why she hadn’t pushed him away. “How, after tonight, can you see me as anything other than a broken man?”
“How can one strong enough to tame me, to make me wish to be a better woman, be considered broken?” She clambered from the bed and darted across the room to press herself against his back. “How could half a man have survived all that you have and lived to tell of his experience? How could he find a way to continue to contribute to society, to gather other strong men of excellent character, and give them an example to live by?”
Stone groaned and turned around to embrace her once again, reveling in the feel of her curves against his own harder form. “I do not know what I did to deserve a woman such as you.”
“Well, I do have my own drawbacks, but I like to believe it all balances out, more so now with your steadying influence.”
Stone looked down, and their gazes met while her lips trembled as she attempted to smile.
“Take me to bed, Master.”
“Not tonight, Theo. Perhaps I can simply hold you?” Exhaustion, mental and physical, pulled at him.
“Whatever you need. I am here to support you.”
And with her last declaration, hope blossomed in his heart. Because if any woman could look past his deficiencies, it would be this one.
Chapter 26
Refreshed after a good night’s sleep with his wife in his arms, Stone had breakfast and then requested a buggy and carriage be brought around so he could go for a morning drive. As he waited, he decided to invite his wife to accompany him. Most of the houseguests were still abed, and no entertainments were scheduled until the afternoon.
One foot on the stairs, he heard an all too familiar voice call his name. When he turned and found Lady MacGregor, a Scottish widow with whom he had spent a great deal of time just before he left for India, his heart lodged in his throat.
“Stonemere.” She waved him over to the salon doorway she partially occupied. “I thought that was you, my lord.”
He wanted to sigh and pinch the bridge of his nose. This was a disaster of epic proportions. His former lover and his wife under the same roof? And the lover was the aggressive, territorial sort. Not a good situation. “Lady MacGregor, I am surprised to see you.”
“Yes, well. I had a bit of a megrim last night, so Lady Hawksbury had her chit fill in for me at dinner. She claimed it would be good practice for the lass.”
Stone wanted to laugh at the absurdity of her obvious avoidance of him until she could get him alone. Clearly, she intended to see if there
was any possibility of picking up where they had left off before he’d left for India, a lowly lieutenant in the army. “Well, I am glad to see you feeling better. Unless, of course, you are still feeling poorly and are planning to leave early?”
Her green MacGregor eyes sparkled with laughter. “Not with such enticements as yourself and Lord Brougham still in residence.” She leaned into him, plastering her breasts against his chest as she snaked her arms around his neck. Then she planted her lips on his as she tried to tease him into a deeper kiss.
Cursing himself a fool for not expecting such a move by her, he pulled his lips from hers. “Let me be very clear, Mary. I am not available for your games. My wife is with me, and even were she not, I honor my vows to her as seriously as I honored my commission in the army and the good name of my family.”
He reached up and untangled her arms from his neck, just as a swish of skirts alerted him they were not alone. Damn and blast. He turned and caught a glimpse of his wife’s blonde hair and dark blue riding habit as she turned the corner to the side of the house where the stables were located. “Your little ruse changes nothing. I am not interested in your wares.” He ground the words past clenched teeth as his anger seethed beneath his calm exterior.
Lady Mary MacGregor gasped at his blatant insult, hauled her arm back, and attempted to slap him. But, he caught her arm before she could land the blow.
“Do not presume that because you are a woman, I shall take no action. You just insulted my wife with your unwanted advances as well as upset her beyond bearing. I suggest you make yourself scarce, if not entirely absent, and I shall consider overlooking this mark on our otherwise previously congenial acquaintance.” Fury licked at his soul like flames from the deepest pits of hell. He was as angry at her for being presumptuous, as he was at himself for not being more cautious when she appeared so suddenly.
Determined to chase down his wife and set things straight, he darted down the hall where she had only recently been. Outside the house, he saw her tearing down the driveway in the buggy he had requested only a short while ago. Frustrated at the delay, he stormed over to the stable and demanded a horse. He consoled himself with the knowledge that he would have the advantage of speed on horseback.
* * *
Theo raced away from the intimate scene between her husband and the red-haired hussy of a woman she had never seen before. Shocked at what she had come downstairs to find, she’d stood there and watched them speak, though she could not hear a single word. But there was little she needed to hear after watching the woman press against her husband, arms comfortably twined around his neck, while she kissed him as though she’d known him intimately.
Devastated after their intense night together, Theo was certain a gaping hole could be found where her heart once resided. Tears blurring her vision, she gave the horse his head and hoped the wind would carry her tears and pain on the breeze and off to sea, or somewhere equally distant.
She’d barely crossed the Hawksbury property line when she heard the thunder of hooves behind her. To her surprise, her husband had managed to pull himself from the wanton woman and come after her. Well, she would not make this an easy conquest, because she knew as surely as he would catch her that it was too late for her heart to escape unscathed. To her horror, she realized she loved the very man who had carelessly claimed her heart and then tossed it away like so much refuse.
Flying over the bumpy road, one could only go so fast without risking both the horse’s neck and her own. But she pushed the limits, her anger superseding her better judgment. Anger, hurt, and doubt all swirled in her gut like bad champagne. She waffled between wanting to vomit and wanting to turn back around and horsewhip her husband into a bloody pulp. How could she have allowed him to fool her? To gain her trust? Another glance back over her shoulder showed Stone gaining on her. When she turned back to her front, she spied the large pit in the road at the last moment.
Tears forgotten , she got the horse safely around the hole through sheer luck and determination, but she couldn’t get one of the buggy wheels past it. As the wheel caught, she heard a loud snapping sound, like a tree limb breaking in a storm. Then the buggy listed as the horse broke free from the traces, leaving her to try to scramble from the wreckage before it went over. To her horror, her skirts twisted around her ankles, caught on something in the damaged conveyance. Stone drew closer as she looked over to him, and she felt one last stab of pain to her heart. Then he was gone from her vision as she tumbled into the road and everything went black.
* * *
Stone watched in horror as Theo’s buggy wheel caught in the pothole. For a moment, he thought she might make it, but then he heard the loud snapping and knew her axle must have given way. With a curse, he spurred his horse for more speed, and once again found himself staring as a woman under his care suffered. The feeling of helplessness rankled as deeply now as the first time in Cawnpore, and he cursed loudly. With his heart tumbled beneath the heap of carriage that sat in the road, he grew crazed to reach her.
A moment later, he flew off his mount at a run and knelt in the dirt beside his precious wife. The woman he loved. Dear God, he was such a fool. Why could he not have told her before this moment? Now she lay unmoving, a gash in her forehead bleeding and her breathing shallow while he came to terms with his blasted feelings.
Her horse was long gone as he scooped her up and carried her to his mount. There he scrambled up and headed back to the Grange. Torn between a full gallop to arrive more quickly and a sedate trot to arrive more safely, he settled somewhere between. Each time he looked down at her still features, fear ripped through his guts and twisted them into knots. What if he missed the chance to tell her he loved her?
As he hit the main part of the grounds, he spotted a gardener with a horse and cart. Stopping, he called the man over. “Sir, I need to take your horse and cart. My wife has had an accident up the road.”
“Yes, my lord. I saw her tear out of here earlier. I was worried then at her speed.” The gardener helped him lay her on the bed of weeds, which, while not ideal, was better than him carrying her on horseback.
“Take my mount and ride ahead to warn the house and have someone call a doctor. I shall bring her up to the house in the cart.” Stone took command as he always did, clear and decisive in his thinking despite the emotional trauma pushing at the edges of his calm.
“You can’t drive a cart, my lord. It’s unseemly.” The weathered gardener looked surprised, but Stone had no time for it.
“It is not the first time I’ve driven a cart. Now go. My wife needs the doctor more than I need not to be seen in a cart.” Stone couldn’t have cared less that he had to drive a cart and mule to get her up to the house safely. Whatever it took to make things right with her, he was willing to do. Anything, if he just had the chance.
The gardener nodded, and despite his seemingly advanced age, swung up into the saddle and took off toward the house as fast as the horse would fly. Stone, meanwhile, set off after him at a much slower pace with his wife safely ensconced in the wagon. By the time he pulled up to the front of the house, the entire house party had gathered, with Lady Hawksbury heading up her house staff. Before he’d even dismounted, the formidable woman had Theo loaded onto a stretcher and on her way upstairs. He made to follow his wife, but the firm hand of his hostess pressed against his chest. “Forgive me, my lord, but you’ve done what you can. This is women’s work until the physician arrives. Let us care for your lady wife and get her settled. Then we will call for you to visit her.”
Unable to speak past the lump in his throat, he simply nodded. And then all the women were gone, leaving the men to mill about aimlessly. Cooper stepped up beside him. “She’s made of stern stuff, ’Chilles.” The comfort of his best friend falling into his old nickname told him both how unnerving the situation was, and how much his friend cared not only for him, but for his wife.
“Indeed, she is, Coop. Indeed, she is.” He refused to think back on the sce
ne he’d witnessed. It was too much to bear as he waited.
“Gentlemen, perhaps we should retire to the library to wait with Lord Stonemere for word of his wife?” Cooper offered the suggestion, and the group happily grasped on to the notion.
“I shall see that the horse is found and the buggy collected.” Lord Hawksbury turned to head to his stable.
“You’d best take a wagon to collect the buggy. You will find it beyond repair, I fear. Of course, I shall be happy to replace the equipage,” Stone offered as Cooper urged him toward the house.
“Never mind the buggy. Your wife’s continued good health is far more important, Stonemere. Besides, after your earlier assistance, I certainly owe you a good turn.” The man trotted off to his stable as the rest of the men filed into the house.
Stone entered the library and looked at each available seat. He found the idea of sitting violated every one of his natural inclinations to take action. To do something. So he settled for pacing before the fireplace and jamming his fingers through his hair as he waited for word of his wife. Time stretched and slowed, passing like molasses through a strainer. Each man looked at him, pity in their eyes, or shared worry and understanding of the difficulty he endured.
Guilt gnawed at his gut. If only he had walked away from Lady MacGregor as soon as he’d spied the woman. Or if he’d been quicker to chase his wife, perhaps he could have caught her and explained before she hied off. But then he also knew either of those options had little chance of changing the outcome. So he was left to pace, worry, and regret while he waited for word of his wife.
His Hand-Me-Down Countess: The Lustful Lords, Book 1 Page 21
