by D. Kelly
There’s wistfulness in his tone and it makes me happy and sad at the same time. We’re building our new friendship and this is exactly the kind of conversation I would have with Connor, but I think somewhere inside we’re both longing to go back into our comfort zone with each other.
“While I appreciate the sentiment, and don’t doubt that the two of us could set a room on fire with our passion, we both know we’re past that. But that doesn’t mean I don’t want to hear about you setting a room on fire with someone else. So tell me, lover boy, what’s going on with Misty? Anything I should know about?”
The boyish smile that spreads across his face lets me know he’s not at all upset about me blowing him off. Relief washes over me and I feel my muscles relax. I wasn’t even aware of how tense I was.
“Things with Misty are good. I’ve seen her a few times and we talk at least once a day but text often.”
“Are you going to ask her out?”
“We’re working up to it. She’s got a lot going on in her life, more than I think she’s even telling me, but I’m trying to be patient. I realized something, though…” There’s a sadness to his tone now and he fiddles with a straw wrapper.
“What is it, Mike? You can tell me anything, you know that. Let me help you.”
“It’s just…well…ugh, this shouldn’t be this hard. I finally admitted to myself and to her that the reason why I pushed her away was because she evoked feelings in me that I’d only ever had with you.”
Immediately, tears fall from my eyes.
“Kate…oh, Kate, I’m so sorry. We’re not there yet, and you and Daniel…god I’m such an idiot.” He kicks his chair and my gaze finds his and holds it.
“Stop it, Mike, they’re combination tears?”
His face scrunches up and I know he’s as perplexed as I feel. “Okay… not happy and not sad, but combination…go on.”
Laughing through my tears, I explain, “I’m so happy for you that you’re at the point where you’re moving on and you’ve admitted it to yourself. That’s huge, Mike. I’m so proud of you.”
“But?”
“But at the same time, I’m a little bit sad about it. It’s a natural progression of how things are going to be between us. I guess now I understand how you felt about Daniel and me. We’re growing up, Mike.”
“Are you ready to go?” There’s an edge to his tone. I hope I haven’t made him angry. Nodding, I grab my purse and coat while he settles up the bill. Once we’re outside and waiting for the valet, he pulls me into his warm embrace.
“We’re growing up, Katie Grace, but not apart. Never. Promise me I won’t lose you again. You’re my best friend and I need you in my life.”
He’s scared. That’s something I completely understand.
“Never again, Mike. I promise. No matter where life takes us you’ll always be my best friend. Just don’t tell Connor. It might bruise his ego.”
Mike snorts and pulls me closer. “What about Marc? Can I tell him?”
I look at him with a raised eyebrow just as the truck pulls up. After we get inside and pull away, I finally answer him. “You never asked me to choose, Mike. In all those years you never once asked me to choose. I love Marc. He is very important to me, but you are more important. Always. Maybe I should have told you that before, but I’m telling you now. He might be my soul keeper but you are my soul mate.”
I swear I see tears pooling in his eyes but it’s dark and it’s hard to tell.
“I thought Daniel was your soul mate?”
I reach across, placing my hand on his. “Daniel is my soul mate for love but you’re my soul mate for life. Every important life experience I’ve had has been with you. First loves, first kiss, first person we made love to, first heartbreak, creating life and losing it, losing our parents, and most importantly first friends. God gave me you for life and he gave me Daniel for love.”
“Isn’t that…isn’t that harsh or wrong somehow?” His voice is pained and his grip on my hand tightens.
“I don’t think so. There is so much Daniel and I will experience in that love, including friendship, and our own firsts, if we ever get there. But it will never take away from us. And since the two of you are best friends, I really hope it will never even be a question. We’ll figure it out as we go along. Just know that you are so important to me. We might not be an us anymore, but I haven’t felt this complete as a person in years. Not since you left.”
He raises my hand to his mouth and kisses it gently. “Me either, Kate, me either.”
It was a pretty quiet ride home after that. After Mike walked me to the door, he went next door to check on Daniel and Lucas and I went to sleep with mixed emotions and a broken heart.
Vanessa came home a few days later on Sunday. April and I decorated the front of the house again so she could have the full experience. She was ecstatic and crying, but who could blame her? She finally got to really feel like a mom for the first time. Daniel brought Lucas out to wait for her and my heart began to race when he came over and stood next to me. We’ve talked a little bit the past few days. I’ve watched Lucas two more times for him and have fallen even more in love with him than I ever thought possible. I’m so lucky to be a part of his life. The nightly text messages are the best. Every night Daniel texts me a picture of Lucas with the same ‘I love you’ comment. So every night I reply back the same, that I love them both. Daniel has to be coming around, right? I mean, he wouldn’t keep doing it if he didn’t want to hear I still loved him, too. At least, I hope he wouldn’t. Our conversations have been pretty superficial but at least we’re having them.
I wonder if he realizes how sexy he looks as he holds Lucas. He’s a very devoted father, but I knew he would be. It’s a natural instinct for him; he makes it look as easy as breathing.
God I miss him.
He’s right next to me but I feel a million miles away from his love.
Once Vanessa was out of the car, in between her squeals of happiness, she was sobbing as Daniel placed Lucas in her arms. Chad observed carefully as she smothered him in kisses, snuggling him close, and breathing in his scent. I can’t blame her; he really does smell good. Lucas smells like baby and Daniel all mixed up in one.
April hugged her and welcomed them home but had to leave to go have lunch with her sisters. While she was here, we talked about the bridal shower, bachelorette party, and dress fittings. It’s going to be a busy couple of months for us all. Daniel told Chad and Vanessa he would be in shortly and let them have a little family bonding time right away.
“So I heard you rode a bull and that Mike is probably sterile now. I think I would have paid good money to see that.” Daniel grins as he leans back against Chad’s car.
“Paid good money to see me ride a bull or Mike get sterilized by said bull?”
“Both,” he replies, immediately laughing. “But then I’d probably be jealous of that bull.” His husky tone lights me on fire.
“Why? Because he got the pleasure of hitting Mike? Or because I rode him bareback?” I ask in my sexy tone, looking him straight in the eyes.
He lets out a deep breath and inches really close to me. If I thought my heart was racing before it’s nothing compared to the marathon it’s running right now.
He bends down and whispers in my ear, “Both.” It’s just one word, but as his breath caresses my ear and his scent invades my nostrils, I feel myself getting turned on.
As he backs away, I feel his loss but I’m hopeful something will change. This is the most forward he’s been with me since before I slept with Marc.
“Well, I should probably go in and show them where everything is and let them know Lucas’s routine.”
Do you guys have a schedule planned out yet?” I do really want to know, but I’m also fishing so I know when I might be able to see him.
“Not yet. I figure I’ll give them time to adjust, but I’ll definitely come by at least once a day to see him. I’m kind of attached to putting him to bed,
so hopefully Vanessa will let me come by for bedtime. Then it won’t affect work, either.” He looks heartbroken, but I guess I would be, too, if it were me.
I reach out and give his hand a quick squeeze. “It will all work out, Daniel. Vanessa wants you to be a part of his life. You guys will get this co-parenting thing down soon enough.”
Instinctively, he bends down and kisses my forehead. It doesn’t mean anything, I know it doesn’t, but God it feels so good.
“Well, I should go. I’ll see you later, Daniel.”
“Bye, Kate,” he answers as he walks into the house.
It’s been three weeks since Vanessa came home and Lucas is a month old today. It seems like Daniel, Vanessa, and Chad are flowing seamlessly into a routine. Daniel comes by every night to put Lucas to bed and on the weekends, Chad and Vanessa go to his house and let Daniel stay here with Lucas. Vanessa just feels more comfortable that way, and for now, while Daniel is at Connor’s, it really makes the most sense.
Lucas is napping and I’m watching him while Vanessa is at her checkup. I’m so glad she went; she has been so run down and so tired. I snap a picture of Lucas and send it to Daniel, hoping it will lighten up his day a bit.
Things between us have been okay…not good and not bad. Thankfully, we haven’t had any more blow ups, but we haven’t really had any actual conversations since Vanessa came home. We mostly just greet each other in passing, but he’s still sending me nightly text messages, so that has to be a positive thing.
With finals coming up in two weeks, things are intense at school. Jess, Connor, and I have been living and breathing in our study groups. The Houstons are throwing us a graduation party and they’ve even invited my dad and Claire. It will be interesting to say the least. Vanessa has decided that will be Lucas’s first big outing, but I think she’s more excited at getting Daniel and I in the same location for an extended period of time.
Vanessa comes in quietly, knowing Lucas naps around this time, and smiles when she sees him in his swing. It’s a weary smile and I have a feeling her appointment didn’t go as well as she was hoping it would. She plops down next to me on the couch and sighs loudly.
“What happened? You look awfully glum.”
“He ran some labs to check my iron levels, gave me a list of signs and symptoms to watch out for, and increased my blood pressure meds because my pressure is still high.” A few tears fall and she quickly wipes them away. After moving my books out of the way, I scoot over and pull her into a hug.
“I just don’t know why it has to be this hard! Why can’t I just be fine and enjoy my baby without constantly being tired? Chad wants kids of our own, and so do I, but I don’t know if I ever want to feel like this again.”
“It’s going to be okay. You’re just having a hard time right now. Your hormones are all over the place, you don’t feel good, you’re tired from being up with a baby, and your blood pressure is out of whack. Give it some time, sweetie. Soon you’ll be an old pro at it all and wonder why you ever doubted having another baby,” I tell her gently as I stroke her hair. My heart hurts for her.
“You’re right. And pre-eclampsia doesn’t happen with every pregnancy. I just have to watch for the signs. I’m sorry I’m dumping everything on you. I know how stressed you are right now.”
“Please. I’d rather talk you off a ledge than study any day.”
She laughs and pulls away. “So how are things going with you and Daniel?”
“Same. The occasional greeting and a nightly text. At this point, I think he just feels obligated for some reason. It’s been weeks and I’m starting to feel like it’s a lost cause.”
Her eyes widen and her mouth drops. “You’re not giving up on him, are you?” she asks in an alarmed tone.
I let out a sigh and pull my knees to my chest. “No, I’m not giving up, but there is a guy in my study group who has asked me out a few times and I’m running out of excuses to give him and myself as to why I can’t.”
She picks up some banana chips and snacks on them with a thoughtful expression on her face. “So why don’t you tell Daniel that? Maybe if he sees someone else is interested, it will make him finally fight.”
I shake my head. “No, it will just make him push me further away and that’s the last thing I want.”
“Well I love Daniel but he’s being an idiot. I don’t know, Kate, maybe you should go out with him. See if there are any sparks or if he interests you at all. You said you weren’t going to pine over Daniel like you did Mike. Maybe now is the time to put up or shut up. Is he cute?”
“Yes, he’s very cute. He’s a really nice guy, too, but he’s just not Daniel. But then again, no one ever will be.”
There’s a knock at the back door. It’s open because it’s a beautiful day out and Daniel is waiting to be asked in.
Shit, I wonder how much of that he just heard.
“Come in,” Vanessa calls out to him, flashing me an evil smirk, and I’ve suddenly got a bad feeling about telling her about Ryan.
“Hey. What are you guys up to?”
I take the opportunity to interrupt before Vanessa tells him. “Nothing. Just talking. It’s early for you to be here.”
“Yeah, I have dinner plans tonight so I can’t be here to put Lucas to bed. I thought I’d pop by and see him when he wakes up from his nap.”
He has plans?
Who is so important he’s going to miss putting Lucas to bed?
Does he have a date?
I think I’m going to be sick.
His eyes meet mine but I quickly divert my gaze elsewhere.
“Sorry if I interrupted anything,” he says sheepishly.
“Nope,” Vanessa tells him, popping the p. “Just trying to convince Kate to go out on a date with this guy who’s been pursuing her.”
And there it is, but right now I don’t even care. Daniel tenses up but his back is to us as he picks up a now awake Lucas from his swing.
“Well, I’ll just go change him and let you get back to it.” He never looks back at me, just stalks up the stairs.
Vanessa giggles and I shoot her daggers. “Oh come on, Kate, you have to admit that was funny. He won’t admit his feelings for you so instead he’d rather sulk.”
Shaking my head, I begin to gather my books. “It wasn’t funny. He seemed angry.”
“You know he was vague about his dinner plans because he wanted you to think he was dating someone else. Otherwise, he would have come right out and said he had a business dinner. Which, by the way, I know he does because he mentioned it offhandedly a few days ago.”
Mike was right; she is a lot like Jess.
“I know you have good intentions and you’re just trying to get us back together, but even if he was trying to make me jealous, the last thing he needs to hear is that someone else is asking me out.”
As I gather my books, Vanessa stands and pulls me into a hug. “Kate, that’s the only thing he needs to hear. Maybe a good dose of reality will make him get his ass in gear. You’re a gorgeous, smart, and desirable woman and you love him. He needs to recognize that for what it is and act on it. Otherwise, why shouldn’t you date someone else?”
My eyes cloud with tears and I try to rapidly blink them away. “Because my heart belongs to him. He owns it. And even if I move on, it will never beat the same.”
“Kate…”
“It’s okay, Vanessa, don’t worry about it. I’ve got to go, but give Lucas a big kiss from me, okay?”
“Of course,” she replies sadly as I rush from the house.
The air was too thick in there but it’s not much better out here. I’m on the verge of a panic attack and I just need to breathe and I know the perfect place. After unlocking my car, I throw my books in the backseat and head to the beach.
Mike
“We haven’t done this in forever,” Connor says with a mouth full of pancakes.
“Maybe that’s because you always talk with your mouth fucking full,” Jake replies in disgust
.
“Damn, I don’t think it will matter how old we get, these two will always fight like little kids.”
“So says the only one in the group with a kid. How’s Lucas doing, anyway?” Jake asks Daniel with a genuine interest. He’s completely ready to have a family but April isn’t giving in just quite yet.
Daniel answers Jake with a cheesy smile but I can’t blame him; he’s proud of his kid.
“Lucas is good. He turned two months old yesterday. It’s crazy that much time has passed already.”
“No, what’s crazy is that you’re still not talking to Kate, just sending her those nightly pictures of Lucas. You’re killing her, you know?” I’m pissed at him over this and he’s well aware I make my feelings known daily.
“What are you going to do, anyway? Now that finals are over and graduation is in two days, that guy Ryan from our study group is pursuing her harder than ever. She’s running out of excuses not to date him, and no offense, but I don’t see why she shouldn’t move on at this point. Mike and Misty are seeing each other often and you aren’t giving Kate any reason to say no anymore, Daniel.”
Jake and I both lean back and cross our arms at almost the exact same time. We’re enjoying watching Connor lay into Daniel. I know Kate isn’t going to go out with Ryan—she’s told me so. But she has started hanging out with Marc again and I see that as Daniel’s bigger threat. Even though there’s no way I’m telling him that; he can find out on his own.
“I’m going to the graduation party. What else do you want from me?”
“For you to man the fuck up and get your goddamned woman back,” Jake growls at him then takes in our questioning glances “What? It’s about time someone tells him the damn truth in words he can understand. Let me make it clear in case it wasn’t before. You love Kate and Kate loves you. She doesn’t want Mike.” He quickly interjects, “Sorry, dude. And she doesn’t want Marc. But if you’re too much of a pussy not to admit how you feel by now, then she should date this other dude.”
“Ryan,” Connor kindly offers his name.
“Yeah, Ryan, instead of waiting for you to stop being such a twat. If you would’ve played football like you fall in love you would have never made it past freshman year. Man the fuck up.”
