by D. Kelly
I want so badly to laugh but that would be such an asshole thing to do. “With absolute pleasure.”
She rolls her eyes at me and I do finally laugh. But then I take her arms and hold them above her head, inching myself closer and pinching her nipple as I lean in.
“Ohh, you’re so not playing fair!” she exclaims as I lower my mouth to hers.
“Maybe not, but if you let me kiss you I’ll stop.”
She lifts her head and her lips meet mine. She hesitates before opening to me but when she does, I pour all of my pent up sexual energy into this kiss. After releasing her arms, she reaches around my neck and pulls me closer, so close our teeth clash a time or two. Her hands aggressively pull my hair as she grinds against me. Our chemistry is off the charts. I wish I could make love to her now but I want to wait for it to be special. Instead, I slow down our kiss and gently pull away from her. She’s flushed but radiant and smiling. I raise an eyebrow at her and she knows I’m waiting for her to say something.
“Fine. It wasn’t that bad,” she concedes.
“Would you do it again?” I ask her as I draw circles on her thigh.
“Yes,” she replies, breathless.
“Good, because you tasting yourself on my tongue is one of the hottest things ever.”
This time she laughs as I help her up, grabbing her clothes along the way, and lead her to the bathroom to clean up.
“Take your time cleaning up. Anything you need should be in the cabinet. Towels, washcloths, body wash, even extra toothbrushes. Meet me in the kitchen when you’re done and we’ll eat.”
“Okay, thanks.”
I run upstairs and wash my face and brush my teeth really quick. I’m sure she’ll appreciate the gesture. When I’m done, I go into the kitchen and take the food out of the oven. I put it in on warm when I went to pick her up. It’s probably a good thing, too, or it would definitely be cold by now. I’ve got everything set and am pulling the salad out of the refrigerator when she walks in.
“Are you hungry” I ask her as I pull out a chair for her.
“Starving. You worked up my appetite,” she replies shyly.
“Would you like water or wine? Or something else?”
“Water would be great, thanks.”
She’s fidgeting with her napkin. Something’s up. After I hand her the water, I place a kiss on the top of her head and take a seat. She still looks uncomfortable. Maybe it’s the food.
“Do you not like lasagna? I thought it was your favorite?” Shit. Did I get that simple detail wrong?
“No, it’s fine. I love lasagna.” She sighs and sets her napkin down. “I’m just wondering, do you think it’s too soon for us to be making declarations of love?”
“Maybe? I know I disappeared but it’s not like I’m a stranger, Misty. We hung out for months before everything happened last time.”
“I know we did, but…”
“But then I disappeared,” I reply with a sigh.
“Yes,” she answers, nodding her head.
“Well, you’re just going to have to trust me and if you don’t, then we should just stop this now.”
Her eyes widen in horror. “Is that what you want? To stop?” she asks fearfully.
I get up from my chair and squat down in front of her, taking her hands in mine. “No, that’s not what I want. I think that for the past two months there hasn’t been a day that has gone by where we haven’t talked at least once and texted a few dozen times a day.”
“Yes, that’s true,” she replies.
“And in that time, even if we weren’t technically dating, I know that neither of us were dating other people.”
“Also true,” she says, brightening a bit.
“We’ve gotten to know each other all over again, but this time my heart isn’t pushing you away, Misty, it’s letting you in. I’m not sure what happened with you these past few years, but I hope you will soon trust me enough to tell me. I’ve spent all this time being cut off from my emotions and screwing random girls. That’s not what I want anymore. That’s not the life I want to have.”
“It’s not?” she asks, confused, but she’s nodding her head as if she agrees. She’s so cute.
“No, baby, it’s not,” I tell her with a sense of renewed urgency.
“What kind of life do you want, Mike?” she asks hesitantly, squaring her shoulders as if she’s afraid of the answer.
“The kind that has you in it. I’m not saying we go run and get married by any means. But what I am saying is I love you and I’m finally able to admit that to you and to myself. I’m not running scared anymore. Time is just an arbitrary thing. We can date for six months or fifty years but I’m still going to love you for as long as you want me to. I’m done messing around. I want love and happiness and a family.”
Sooner rather than later, but I don’t tell her that because she’s already freaking out. A single tear escapes from her eye and I brush it away.
“You want a family?” she asks and I nod. “With me?” she squeaks out and I smile.
“Most definitely with you.”
She nods her head up and down rapidly. “Okay.” And with just that word my heart is pounding, but not out of fear—out of happiness.
“Misty, we are going to have to put the secrets on the table soon. I can’t have you freaking out on me all the time. I’m not going anywhere but the only way for you to really accept that is for you to tell me the thing you’re afraid will have me running for the hills.”
“I know. I get that now. It will be soon. I can’t tell you when, but I promise to do it soon.”
“Fair enough,” I tell her as I rise to my feet. “Let’s eat.”
Today, Kate and I are going graduation shopping together. I’ve got no clue what to get Jess for a gift and even less of a clue as to what to get Kate. I’m hoping I’ll figure out what to get her while we shop for Jess and Connor. It’s really a strange thing for me to not automatically know what to get Kate for a special occasion. It’s never been a problem before and I’ve only got until the party tomorrow night to figure it out.
Daniel is completely on edge today because he’s nervous about his gift to her. I’ll admit I’m enjoying seeing him stress way more than I should. If he wouldn’t have wasted the past two months dwelling on things he can’t change, he wouldn’t be in this situation. We all knew he would eventually forgive her; they’re too perfect together for him not to. Hawaii will be good for them and they’ll come home happier than ever. If their trip is anything like ours was to the Bahamas, maybe they’ll even come home expecting a sibling for Lucas.
And Lila Hope.
As I pull into the driveway, Kate runs out of her house and waves frantically for me to follow her to Vanessa’s.
Something’s wrong.
I jump out of my truck and rush in seconds behind her. Kate is kneeling in front of Vanessa on the stairs and Lucas is asleep in his swing. Kate glances at me and the terrified look in her eyes tells me all I need to know. I’ve got my phone in my hand and am dialing before she even yells, “Call 911, now!”
Vanessa is pale and clutching her chest, gasping for air. She tries to stand and falls right back down.
Does she have asthma?
“911. What’s your emergency?” the operator asks in a crisp tone.
“We need an ambulance at…” Shit, I don’t even know the address here. Kate yells it out and I repeat it, “1532 Avon Glenn Lane.” My heart is racing and my palms are so sweaty I almost drop my phone.
“Sir, an ambulance is on its way. Can you tell me what is wrong?”
I need to answer her but all I can focus on is Kate.
“Vanessa, I know it’s hard but try and slow your breathing. You can do it. I know you can. Come on, Vanessa. You can do this, sweetie. Do it for Lucas and Chad. We love you and Lucas and Chad love you. Keep breathing, Vanessa, just keep breathing”
Vanessa sort of shakes her head but she can’t even talk just sort of chokes out words. �
�Can’t…breathe…hurts so…bad… help me.”
“Sir, can you hear me?” the operator repeats in my ear.
“Chest pain, short of breath. She needs help. Please hurry.”
Kate is doing her best to comfort Vanessa but it’s not working. This isn’t a panic attack. I don’t know what the hell it is but her lips are turning purple, or is that blue?
Please God, not again.
Chad’s at school and Daniel is at work. Shit. Daniel. I quickly text him
‘Emergency. Come to Vanessa’s now. Lucas is fine.’
The last thing I want is for him to worry about Lucas. My phone rings almost immediately but there’s too much going on right now for me to even think about answering it.
Vanessa tries to stand up again, but this time her eyes roll up in the back of her head and she does fall. I throw my phone and catch her right before she hits her head, just as the paramedics rush through the door. Kate is officially freaking out and I know this is taking her back to the day Lila died because I’m right back there with her, too. This cannot happen twice in one lifetime. Vanessa has to be okay. Kate keeps hold of Vanessa’s hand and just repeats over and over again how much she is loved and how she needs to fight. I’m fighting back tears because never in a million years did I think we’d ever go through this again. Once was one time too many.
The paramedics gently remove Vanessa from my arms and move her onto the gurney.
“What happened?” the first one asks as the second one looks for a pulse.
“She has a pulse but it’s tachy. Get an I.V. started and push fluids now.”
Kate answers them while they are hooking her up to all the portable monitors. “I’m not sure. She called me and said she was dizzy again and was having a hard time breathing. I’m her friend and the baby’s aunt so I ran right over. By the time I got here, she was clutching her chest in agony and couldn’t catch her breath. It was too painful for her to even breathe.”
“Does she have a history of asthma, heart disease, hypertension, panic attacks, drug use? Anything that could have brought on this episode?” the paramedic asks gently but efficiently.
“Oh my god, yes. Oh no, she has a history of pre-eclampsia. She’s two months postpartum via C-section.”
The paramedics exchange a glance and Kate finally loses it. I’m completely lost but Kate must understand what’s going on.
“Push heparin now. We don’t have any time to waste.”
And in that instant before the syringe even hits her I.V., Vanessa loses her heartbeat. And just like Lila, the firefighters who are now on scene push Vanessa out as the paramedics try to resuscitate her.
Kate is crying uncontrollably now and all the chaos wakes up Lucas. His screaming rivals Kates and I don’t know what to do. Daniel won’t be here for at least twenty more minutes and somebody needs to be at the hospital with Vanessa now. As if in a trance, Kate stops sobbing out loud, instead just letting the silent tears stream down her cheeks. Then she takes Lucas out of his swing and clutches him to her. She looks detached and I’m worried.
“Kate, why don’t you let me take Lucas?”
She shakes her head no and begins to mutter, “It had to be an embolism, she had all the signs. Why didn’t we see it? I knew what to look for, Chad knew what to look for, the doctors knew what to look for. Why didn’t we know, Mike? Why didn’t we know?” she cries out desperately.
“Calm down, Kate. She’s going to be okay. She’s in the best hands right now. Do you have a car seat in your car yet?”
She shakes her head no and I see Vanessa’s keys on the table. Taking her car is so wrong but we don’t have any other choice.
After grabbing her keys and Lucas’s diaper bag, I throw a couple of bottles in from the refrigerator. Kate understands what we’re doing and walks out to the garage and secures Lucas in his seat. She’s moving like a zombie, just like when we were kids. She’s not screaming like she was then but somehow this is scaring me more. Before backing out, I call Daniel. This is one call I don’t want to make. He answers immediately and I throw my phone on speaker and drive.
“What’s going on, Mike? Why didn’t you answer when I called?” He sounds stressed.
“Daniel, listen to me,” I tell him, trying to be as calm as possible even though my hands are barely able to keep a grip on the steering wheel because I’m so freaked out. “Vanessa collapsed and they’re taking her over to the hospital by ambulance.”
“Collapsed? What do you mean she collapsed? Is she okay?” He’s frantic and I can’t say I blame him.
“Kate and I have Lucas and are on our way there now. Meet us there as fast as you can without killing yourself.”
“You didn’t answer my question, Mike. Is she okay?” I don’t want to answer this question but as it turns out, I don’t have to because Kate answers for me.
“It’s bad, Daniel” she says, sobbing again. “Please hurry.” Kate buries her face in her hands and continues to sob.
“I’m about ten minutes away. I’ll meet you in the ER.” His voice went from frantic to sad. He knows if Kate’s sobbing it’s really bad.
“See you there,” I tell him, my tone now matching his.
We are the first ones to arrive at the ER. Kate is again clutching Lucas closely to her, kissing him on the head, and reassuring him everything is going to be fine. There’s no way Lucas knows what’s going on but he’s content and it seems to make Kate feel better to be with him. After checking in with the triage desk, we’re told to have a seat and someone will update us when they know something. That’s a good sign; she must be okay or else they would have said something.
“Do you know how to reach Chad?” We have to find him somehow but Kate just shakes her head.
“I do and I already called him. He’s on his way,” Daniel says from behind me.
He’s out of breath and looks horrible. The tragic look on his face when he sees how Kate’s holding on to Lucas is heartbreaking. He knows how she lost her mom and this scene is all too reminiscent of that fateful day.
Daniel takes a seat on the table directly across from Kate and places his hands on her knees. When she looks up at him, her tears begin to fall harder and she reluctantly passes Lucas to his dad. Daniel looks relieved to get Lucas in his arms and sad to take him away all at the same time. I honestly think Lucas was the only thing holding Kate together. The doors open and Chad rushes in. He sees us immediately, and if I thought Daniel looked bad, he looks ten thousand times worse.
“What happened? She was fine when I left this morning, just a little tired,” he says while he runs his hands through his hair and paces in a circle.
Kate looks up at him and sniffs. “I think…it was an embolism.”
The color drains from Chad’s face and he sits, or rather almost falls, onto the table next to Daniel.
“But she’s eight weeks out, the risk for that decreases significantly after six weeks. She was doing so much better.”
He’s now crying, too, and I can tell he’s trying to make sense of this in his head. Since no one has come out yet, I need to tell them that she coded and I really don’t want to. Kate wraps her arm around mine and nods at me, as if sensing my indecision.
“There’s something you guys should know…” Both of their gazes are now locked onto mine. This might be the worst thing I’ve ever had to do. “Vanessa coded. They were performing CPR as they were loading her into the ambulance. I’m so sorry.”
The light in Chad’s eyes immediately disappears. Since he’s a med student, I don’t think that means this outcome is going to be a positive one. I pretty much already knew that, but his expression all but confirms it. Poor Daniel is absolutely shell shocked; I’m not even sure if he’s processing what I just said. The doctor who delivered Lucas comes out with another doctor who I assume is the ER doctor. They are walking toward us and neither of them looks encouraging.
“You’re Vanessa Ryan’s family?” the ER doctor asks and we all nod in unison. “I�
�m Dr. Bradly and I believe you all already know Dr. Curtis.”
Again, we all nod. There’s no one else in the waiting room and it’s so quiet you can hear a pin drop as we wait for them to talk.
“Unfortunately, Ms. Ryan passed away in the ambulance on the way to the hospital. The paramedics did all they could to revive her but were unsuccessful.”
Kate’s sobs get louder and her grip on my arm increases tenfold. Chad slumps to the floor from the table and Daniel stumbles to a chair for support.
“We performed a panel of tests in the ER, including a d-Dimer blood test which was extremely elevated as well as an echocardiogram which confirmed that Ms. Ryan had a massive PE, or in layman’s terms, a pulmonary embolism.” By this point we’re all crying as Vanessa’s doctor speaks. “I’m so very sorry for your loss. Ms. Ryan was a kind soul and we were taking extra precautions to try and avoid this exact situation. Sometimes, even with the extra precautions, things like this still happen. A pulmonary embolism death is rare this far after delivery but not uncommon with her medical history. Again, I’m truly sorry for your loss and if you have any questions that may come to you later, please don’t hesitate to call my office.”
I thought this guy was a massive dick when Vanessa had Lucas but now, seeing the sorrow in his eyes, I realize he was just protecting his patient.
“Someone from administration will be over shortly with her personal belongings and information on how to proceed from here,” the ER doctor advises us and Chad stands as he begins to walk away.
“Wait, can I…can I please see her? I’d like to say goodbye.”
My heart drops; I can’t imagine how he must be feeling right now. That would be like me losing Kate. I lived without her for almost four years and it was an internal hell. I couldn’t imagine losing her forever.
Kate pulls her knees to her chest and begins to talk to herself almost in a chant.
“Not Lucas, too. Oh God, no, please not Lucas, too. He can’t lose his mom. It’s too much. He can’t be like me. Please, God, fix this. Don’t let him be like me. Motherless children are so very sad. Please no, just no, not Lucas, too.”
