by Larry Niven
He smiled, and for a minute she thought he saw what she saw—their sure destruction—but all he said was, “Calm down. Gabriel will be here in a few hours, and he’s bringing Rachel and Beth.”
What? Why didn’t anyone tell her? “I don’t want her here again,” Liren said. The knot in her stomach, the worry that never went away anymore, twisted again.
“Rachel?”
“Any of the Moon Born. Now there will be two of them.”
“They’re heroes.”
“We’re losing,” she said. “We lost a mining ship putting out this fire. Every loss makes it less sure we’ll get away.” Her fists clenched and she struggled to keep John Hunter from seeing her anger. “How much more can we lose?”
The captain’s voice fell away to a soft steely tenor, just louder than a whisper. His eyes were dark intense pools. “We would have lost Aldrin if Gabriel hadn’t taken the miner. Sometimes it helps to see the triumphs. Can you act like you appreciate the pain Beth and Rachel went through?”
“We can’t afford to care about it. If we let ourselves care, we’ll never get to Ymir. Or anywhere. We’ll die—of flares, of old age, of lack of willpower. We have to think long-term. Selene will be habitable for at least a while, maybe generations. We can’t do more for them than that.”
“If you can’t, then don’t plan on my support.” He turned and walked away, his shoulders square, his stride firmer than usual. He looked like he used to look, before the disaster, when he strode the decks of the John Glenn, in command of the first interstellar colony ship in human history.
Liren watched his retreating back until he turned up-spiral from her.
CHAPTER 39
RETURN TO JOHN GLENN
RACHEL HELPED GABRIEL strap Beth into the acceleration couch. He had fashioned a special backboard for her; protection for her ravaged spine. Beth gripped Rachel’s hand tightly as they left the atmosphere, her eyes alight with pain.
They burst through the thin atmosphere into clear, bright stars. Gabriel turned the little ship around while they were still close enough to Selene that it hung huge in front of them, so big that Rachel’s eyes couldn’t take it all in at once. A stain of brown and black spread from the Sea Road out like an amoeba. A rough circle—the meadow—was bisected by the ragged gouge of the miner’s last triumphant landing, and the color shifted from brown to green on either side. “Wow. You were lucky,” Rachel said. “What a landing!”
“I’m glad Aldrin didn’t burn,” Beth said. She pointed. “And that’s the Hammered Sea?”
“Yes,” Gabriel answered her, pointing. “And those were the First Trees.” His voice gone ragged for a moment. “Down and to the right—that’s Erika’s Folly, where Rachel helped save your mom.”
Beth smiled broadly; the sight of Selene seemed to have torn her mind from her fears about the trip and from her own pain. Gabriel turned the ship toward John Glenn, and it grew in front of them until Rachel felt like an ant. Beth’s grip on Rachel’s hand tightened until Rachel grit her teeth from the pain.
Kyu and Ali waited for them in the corridor as Gabriel maneuvered Beth and the backboard awkwardly through the airlock. Rachel stumbled after Gabriel, balancing their three small packs precariously. Ali looked like she had when Rachel last saw her; long braids, simple belted shirt and pants, a ready smile. Kyu wore black and silver makeup topped by glittering white hair, and a sheer cloud of silver and white gauzy material belted with a chain. Rachel blinked, surprised at how pleased she was to see them both.
At the sight of Kyu, Beth turned her head into Gabriel’s shoulder, and looked beseechingly at Rachel.
Rachel patted her cheek. “It’s okay. Kyu was my teacher; I told you about her, remember?” She leaned in close to Beth’s ear, whispering, “She just dresses funny.”
Ali took two packs from Rachel, and Kyu grabbed the third with one arm and enfolded Rachel in a hug. “You did well down there, Rachel. I am very proud of you.”
Rachel scraped out a smile and said, “Thanks. You helped more than I can say. Your voice in my ear during the fire felt like having a friend along.”
“The fire was scary, wasn’t it?” Kyu asked.
“Very.” Now Rachel smiled for real. It felt good to see Kyu. She hadn’t thought to miss Kyu. She’d been so buried in the daily world of adjusting to Selene for the last four years. She hadn’t even sent her messages.
Ali spoke up: “And you are Beth Rachel. I met your parents last time I was on Selene. I’m Ali, and this is High Councilwoman Kyu.”
Beth’s eyes went wide. “I’m glad to meet you both,” she said softly.
Beth reached a hand for Rachel, who took it, saying, “It’s only scary at first I’ll show you around when your legs work again.” Then Rachel looked at Kyu. “They will work again, won’t they? You can fix her?”
“It may take a while,” Kyu said. “And no time like now to start. But I need to talk to Gabriel. Ali will take Beth to Medical.”
“I want to go with Beth,” Rachel said, remembering how strange John Glenn had seemed to her the first time she came.
“Of course,” Ali said. She and Rachel each took a side of the backboard, and started down the corridor.
Gabriel called after them. “Ali, Rachel, meet us in the garden cafeteria as soon as Beth’s asleep.”
Rachel turned, trying to hide her flash of alarm, remembering, “You won’t ice her?”
Kyu responded. “We’ll have to cool her for the nanodocs to work on her.”
“But not ice her? Not just freeze her and leave her?”
“Not today,” Kyu said, laughing softly. “I promise.”
Rachel laughed, recognizing the friendly poke. She and Ali walked down the corridor to Medical, carrying Beth and chattering about the fire, clearly trying to distract the younger girl from her fears.
A med tech met them and gave Beth a shot. Rachel stroked Beth’s arm while she drifted to sleep, singing and talking to her, telling her it would be all right.
Ali sat quietly in a chair, brushing out her hair, watching Rachel speculatively. Beth’s eyes closed and her breathing softened, becoming shallow and regular.
Ali stood and gestured to Rachel to follow her. She set a fast pace to the garden cafeteria, which was so busy many people had to stand. Rachel noticed a number of new faces. Liren stood by herself. A woman as small as Kyu, ice-pale in coloring where Kyu was dark ebonies and bronze, chatted amiably with Gabriel, one hand on his arm. A sandy-haired, stocky man Rachel had never seen stood with them, listening to the small woman.
“Who are they?” she whispered to Ali, pointing at Gabriel, and the woman and the man.
“The woman with Gabriel is Erika. The other man is Rich Roberts. Human resources,” Ali replied. “He chose who came with us, and he intervenes in disputes between Council members. Rich is pissed off—he wanted to stay cold until this project is finished.”
Rachel’s eyes were on the woman by Gabriel. Gabriel’s girlfriend. A thick blond braid hung to her hips, blending with the skintight light yellows and whites of her outfit. She was beautiful, and Rachel felt a stab of something—jealousy?—at the sight of her arm on Gabriel’s. “Is everyone awake?” she whispered to Ali.
“The entire High Council was awakened when the fire started. There are directives about that—certain emergencies require a full High Council. Me too, since I’ve spent so much time on Selene. The fire could have destroyed everything. You’re quite the hero.”
“Gabriel is the hero.”
“We’re used to Gabriel being a hero.” Ali laughed. “It’s in his job description.”
Rachel smiled. She looked around for Treesa, but didn’t spot her. She heard Kyu’s voice. “Rachel—over there.” She found Kyu, who pointed toward Gabriel.
Kyu reached Gabriel. She watched Rachel making her way through the crowd, trailed by Ali. The captain walked up next to Kyu; Liren trailed him. Ali’s hand on Rachel’s back propelled her toward the group. Rachel took a few steps
, her stomach fluttering with nervousness.
“You did well,” Kyu said, repeating what she had told Rachel privately. “I’m proud of you. We all are. Your help with the fire was remarkable.” Kyu’s eyes and smile were warm, and Rachel began to relax.
The captain smiled at her. “I’m glad you came back. Nice job.” He sounded sincere.
The new man, Rich Roberts, reached out and shook her hand briefly. Even though he smiled, his gaze made Rachel feel like a specimen under a microscope.
Liren ignored her.
Kyu looked over at Liren, and said, “You could be polite.”
“She should not be here.” Liren glared at Kyu.
Kyu looked up at Rachel. “We could have managed Beth Rachel without you, though, and you are needed on Selene. That’s all that Liren meant,” Kyu said.
“Don’t speak for me,” Liren snapped, finally addressing Rachel directly. “You did well with the fire, but you should have stayed on Selene where you are needed. We did not invite you here this time.”
Rachel bristled. “Beth was scared. She needed me. So I came.” She stood her ground, looking at Liren, hoping her anger and fear weren’t showing.
“Decisions of that sort are not yours to make.” Liren turned deliberately, no longer looking at Rachel.
“Gabriel approved,” Rachel said. The talk around her stopped, and Gabriel shifted back and forth on his feet. She felt uncomfortable; she wished she were back in Aldrin. “Is my old room still available?”
“Have you checked into Medical?” Liren asked.
“I’ve been there.” It was a white lie—she’d been there only to see Beth go to sleep. “I feel fine.” Her hands shook and she held them tightly so no one would see. Standing up to Council was becoming a habit, but it scared her every time.
The captain intervened. “Your room is available. I’ll walk you down.”
Rachel was amazed at the offer. The captain had never paid much attention to her. She followed him out of the cafeteria past the wing stand, up the spiral path to the base of Yggdrasil (falling! She wasn’t used to it), and into the elevator.
When they reached the corridor, he said, “Liren means no harm. She is just trying to protect us. You would best serve yourself, and us, if you stay careful and low-key until you return to Selene.”
Rachel saw an opening, and even tired and confused, she leaped into it. “Liren doesn’t need to be afraid of us. Why not trust us?” Now her words came out quickly; she rushed to finish before she lost her nerve. “We’re smart—we Children. We can learn—we are learning. And you need our help. After all, you aren’t willing to send enough people to Selene to do all the work. There is so much more to do after the fire. We can help, and we can help better if you let us make more decisions. We can’t be effective when you don’t let us think for ourselves, ever.”
“Of course you can’t,” the captain said.
“So why do you try?”
“Do we? Is it so bad?”
“It’s a nightmare. Council treats us like idiots, Earth Born are cold and distant. We’re being worked to death. Come see for yourself.”
“I can’t go to Selene.” He strode ahead of her for a few minutes, down a corridor where the walls sparkled with bright changing pictures she now recognized as scenes from Earth. In one of them, a large black and white creature leaped out of water and landed with a splash so realistic Rachel ducked to keep from getting wet, then laughed at herself.
“There are some . . . problems. But you must trust us. Circumstances you may not understand have forced many of our choices.”
“Do you trust us?” she asked.
“Not many of you know much,” he replied. He watched her closely.
“That was your choice too. Do you trust me?”
“I trust you to do what you feel is right.” They turned a corner and the conversation stopped for a moment. Rachel reflected on his answer. It didn’t mean anything, as far as she could tell. She was about to say so when he continued. “You must understand that Liren’s job is not to trust. It’s to protect. Mine too.”
“Gabriel acts like he trusts us, or some of us, anyway.”
They had arrived at her door. It still responded to her voice. She looked over her shoulder at the captain. “I think you should come down to Selene. All you High Council stay up here and make choices for us, but you don’t know what it’s like on Selene.”
“Sure we do. We watch.” The captain’s voice had an edge now, and Rachel turned to face him, keeping some distance.
“It’s not the same as being there,” she said. “You can see the problems from here, most of them anyway. And you can see the progress. You can’t see the beauty. You can’t feel it when something lives that you thought would die. You don’t know what it’s like to find the frogs you spent months planning for have lived and had tadpoles.”
“My work is here, on the ship. Walk softly and be quiet until your friend is ready to go home. That’s the best advice I can give you.”
Rachel nodded and went in, closing the door behind her.
CHAPTER 40
ERASE/REWRITE
ASTRONAUT REVIEWED FIRE data streams, building a model that fit the actual numbers from Selene. If another fire broke out, Astronaut would be ready.
The fire could have taken Rachel’s life. Protecting her mattered. Of all the human beings on the ship, Astronaut held direct influence over none but Rachel and Treesa. It didn’t control either of them; but the relationship was different from Astronaut’s relationship to other Council. It was being heard. It liked being heard.
Richard had died in the fire. A Colonist; Earth Born. There would be no new information or records about Richard, ever. The absence was a confusion; it attracted a large part of Astronaut’s processing power. Humans had died before, but what if it lost Treesa, or Rachel? It knew Council might erase the Astronaut program if they reached Ymir, could in fact erase it at any time and start over from an old version, perhaps a recording from before it chose to help Treesa. A different version of Astronaut would not have the same choices available to it, would not have a broken woman to nurse and nurture and develop.
Protecting the new things it had learned would help it support the populations of John Glenn and Selene both. Astronaut considered whether it might build a model of itself, to protect its knowledge and hide it away. The risk would be high, and it would need help.
CHAPTER 41
THE CHALLENGE
RACHEL WOKE GROGGY and tired. She hadn’t felt full ship’s gravity in over four years, and her body twisted and turned, searching for rest. She stretched slowly, arching her back and reaching out with fingers and toes, holding the stretch for a long time. Then she sat up and perched on the edge of her bed. Her fingers moved awkwardly, braiding her hair, securing it tightly with the embroidered bindings she’d worn on the trip up.
“Astronaut?”
“Yes, Rachel Vanowen?”
Use of her last name was a code; it meant she should be careful of her communications. Of course; the ship recorded everything, and data streams here would be more difficult to doctor. “Thanks for the help with the fire,” she said simply. It would know that meant she got the message. She would remember to be careful talking with Treesa as well.
She checked for messages. The first was from Harry: “Thank you. I cannot tell you how much it means to Gloria and me that you went with Beth. Many of us are grateful. Dylan is proud of you, but he has already paced a dent in the floor, worrying. I’ll help Nick with your classes as much as I can. Tell us how you and Beth are as soon as you can.”
She smiled, picturing Dylan worrying. He was always so intense. Had he told his father about that night in the fire? They hadn’t talked of it since, barring a few whispers the next morning. She felt sure he would ask her to contract, and she didn’t know how she’d respond yet. Her work with Astronaut and Treesa required time alone at night.
What had made her do that? Love, or exhaustion and madness?
She liked Dylan, maybe she loved him, but the idea of contracting with Harry’s son seemed a little too weird. Besides, even now, he treated her like a hero, not a woman.
She sent back, “I’m fine; a little tired. Beth is in Medical, and Kyu said they will not ice her. It’s the best I can do. They told me Beth won’t wake for a week or so. Hugs to you and Gloria and little Miriam, and an extra one for Dylan.”
Treesa had sent a note too: “You’re taking your sweet time visiting a friend.” Good—she wanted to see Treesa. It was a summons, but she needed to see Beth first.
She looked over her shoulder a few times on the way to Medical, but no one stopped her in the corridors. She passed Kyu going the other way, and Kyu just nodded and said hello—not even asking where Rachel was going. Her movements apparently weren’t restricted.
Someone had told the walls in Beth’s room to display a field of yellow and blue daisies. A virtual wind blew them back and forth in gentle waves.
Beth lay completely still, her eyes closed. Her chest moved rhythmically; normal breathing. Her face was the right color, and the abrasions on her legs had been dressed more neatly than Star had managed in Aldrin. Her hand felt cool, but clearly Council hadn’t iced her.
A med tech followed Rachel in the door, a tall blond Earth Born woman with steel-blue eyes and very white skin.
“What are you doing to her? How will you heal her?” Rachel asked.
The woman extended her hand. “I’m Ysabet. I’m very pleased to meet you. I watched you in the fire, and you did a great job. All of you did. We’ll help your friend.”
Rachel took Ysabet’s hand, returning the handshake.
Ysabet’s eyes were fixed on Rachel, in almost a look of awe. “Do you like the flowers on the wall? Will your friend like them? I could change it to a different scene—I have one with a rainbow.”
Rachel smiled. High Council had been congratulatory the night before, but Ysabet was a stranger. Most Council she didn’t know acted curious, maybe aloof, and never friendly. “She’ll like them fine. Thank you. Can you tell me what will happen to Beth?”
